From Abused to Hot Wife

I am just needing some help. I am a 38 year old woman that was raised in a very quiet family. There was NO discussion ever that I remember of sex or sexual affection displayed in the home. After college, I dated a guy and became pregnant. We then got married to have a family.

I never felt comfortable about the sex in the marriage. I may just have not understood men.  He was physically and emotionally abusive to me, not to mention had numerous affairs. I never told a single person what he would do to me, how he would beat me up, and the other women that would come to my house and humiliate me, because this was never a topic in my home as a child.

I later finally divorced him, and it took years for him to quit calling me and my child. I never asked for a dime in child support; I just wanted him gone.

Several years later, my parents passed away and I ran into an old friend. I had dated this man previously, and he had never married or had children.

I always liked this man’s company. He just has that ability to make you feel like a million dollars everyday. We had not dated long, and we lived 400 miles away from each other. But we weren’t getting any younger, so he asked me if I wanted to stop this long distance relationship and just get married. He told me he had always waited for me.

I was in total shock. He could have had anybody he wanted! I didn’t believe him at first; I asked him at least 100 times if he was serious about getting married. His reply was yes.

I knew he would be an excellent dad for my child, but I was still worried about the bedroom part because my ex-husband told me every day I was pitiful.

We got married and, to be honest, the sex at first was nothing for me at all. But we had a lot of long talks about sex, and I finally told  him about my first marriage. I  told him I was sorry about the bedroom performance, that I was really uncomfortable about it.

He said, “We’ll just have to work together and get you through this.”

We took some counseling together (that I really didn’t want) and read some books. With patience from my man and  honesty between us about our likes and  dislikes, a year and a half after the marriage, I can say I finally got my sexual relationship in order.

I have never been around a man that I actually craved so much in my life. I hope this is normal; he has done everything for me in the bedroom that put me in another world. It is hard for me to see him just walk around the house or talk to him on the phone without crave him physically. Is this normal? I can honestly say that my first husband never made me have an orgasm; it was just like a rabbit.

But now I wonder if I have gone over board because I am a mother and I sometimes can’t help my behavior and the noises that I make at what he does for me in the bedroom. Talk about stress reliever! I have an orgasm almost every time we have sex, and he makes sure of that; no more Mr. Rabbit. Is this normal for a woman to act and feel this way? I really don’t want to discuss my sex life with friends, and my mom, my dearest friend, has passed away. I know I can’t mention this to my father. My question is am I normal?

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2 replies
  1. elvis123 says:

    YES!!! Yes it is normal! And as a person who has been abused (from my father) I can totally understand where you are coming from. God has worked wonders in your life and blessed you with a man who loves you. Don’t doubt him or his love or your feelings towards him, they are completely normal, healthy and good for you!

  2. LlK says:

    Thank you so much for writing this. I have been where you were. I can so relate to what you wrote. In some ways it made me feel not as "crazy." I never understood why I had the feelings and thoughts that I have had. It's helping me to be able to put those thoughts and feelings in the place they need to be, which is in God's hands and behind me. I can't tell you how inspirational your story has been to me and my husband and how it is helping us work through my "baggage." Praying for you with a sympathetic and empathetic heart.

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