Confession of a Former Swinger

(MH is publishing this communication as a story with permission from Nikki)

I was into the swinging lifestyle. I loved it and hated it. I was a true party girl until a couple of years ago. I made love to women or men. Both had certain pleasurable possibilities. I have always liked the look of men. I like the look of my body and any woman's body. Even now.

I hated it too. I started comparing experiences. I was longing for more pleasure, but getting more lonely. I remember one night, boosted by plenty of wine, I was drilled by four men and made love to women too. I lost count of the orgasms. I had never been so lonely. I had a crush on one of the men and one of the ladies. I wanted to be known by someone.

One day shortly after that, I met a guy who was a Christian. We talked. We went out on a date. I wanted to screw him after our first date. I hinted. I would have introduced him to the lifestyle if he wanted that. He did not bite at all. I knew he believed in monogamy. I felt judged, but I liked him. I was dating him and still into the lifestyle at that time. He did not know. He would only kiss me and lightly pet as we were dating. He had no idea of my sexual journey.

I knew it was coming. He wanted to get more serious. We did. I stopped all sexual swinging. I was in an exclusive relationship. Wow. I loved it. He loved me for me. I was truly falling in love. I set up a doctor's appointment to make sure I did not get infected with something in my swinging days. Miraculously, I had avoided all the nasty sexually transmitted diseases. I did get treated for one minor thing, though.

I met my soul mate. I started going to his church. I heard my value before God. I heard about the role of sexuality. I found MH too and started masturbating to these stories for sexual release. OK. Yes, I am horny often. But I was sexually detoxing from the lifestyle and pornography.

I was not perfect in this process. I kissed a girl while dancing one night with some of my friends. I liked it. But I truly began to see that I wanted one man. I wanted no comparisons. I wanted to be the MH wife to one man. I wanted us to grow old together with me a hot monogamy woman. "Look out, future husband," was my self-talk.

My boyfriend proposed to me. I said "no" in tears. He asked why. I told him about the lifestyle I practiced for many years. I confessed everything! I also said I did not get any long-term diseases hoping he might forgive me. He asked me what I wanted sexually now. I told him I wanted him only. He asked me if one man with a smaller penis would be enough. I said yes. He asked me again if I wanted to marry him. I cried.

"Yes, I do!" I said.

We got married last summer. Marriage is great. MH has been helpful therapy. I am becoming a confident MH wife. My husband agrees with the MH guidelines. We read stories together too.  Monogamy masturbation is great. I have been forgiven for all my past by the grace of God. I needed that! When I think about my swinging days, I do have some nostalgia, but I do not miss the performance, comparison, jealousy, and disease culture. Also, I do not miss the abuse thing that often goes on.

We Christians should talk about swinging in a non-judgmental way. It was clearly harmful even if intensely pleasurable at times along with the emotional roller cooster. One more thing. My husband embraces the fact that I did enjoy swinging without holding that over my head. He even likes it when I share some of my adventures with him. He gets hard as a rock. But that is now in our world of fantasy. I am so relieved! We are monogamous. The monogamy team is awesome. The monogamy team offers more. If the Christian monogamy world enthusiastically shared the essence of hot monogamy without shame, marriage sex would change the world.

4.24 avg. rating (84% score) - 38 votes
7 replies
  1. Harper Shelby Thornton says:

    Praise the Lord for delivering you from that sinful lifestyle and into Biblical sexuality! God bless you, and may He keep you safe, dear girl!

  2. PacMan says:

    This is beautiful. We are all on a sexual journey, and hearing your story is wonderful, and hot! It's amazing that you and your husband have worked this out with honesty and openness. I love the fact that you have both discarded any shame. Without glorifying the past mistakes, I would love to hear more stories of how you use fantasy and even nostalgia within the confines of your monogamous marriage.

  3. pkpervert says:

    Nikki, I also would like for you to write more stories about combining nostalgia and fantasy!

    He even likes it when I share some of my adventures with him. He gets hard as a
    rock. But that is now in our world of fantasy. I am so relieved! We are monogamous.

  4. Amazonian says:

    Nikki, thanks for sharing your story. Your journey is a real one and is a beautiful example of redemption. I would love to know how you're doing now, a year later.

    I know many people fantasize about threesomes, swinging and such but few consider the damage and heartache as a result. It seems so appealing and tempting and fun but the pain is immense.

    I'm praying you are continuing to receive God's healing and restoration and that the desires for swinging will be completely gone!

  5. TexasCouple says:

    I think there's a number of great things about posting these. Every single person in here has a story to some extent. While real life to the person writing it, it enters into the person's brain as fantasy, allowing them for a brief moment to relive it without having to do it.

    If I had to guess, there were more than one or two moments over the course of your swinging lifestyle that felt incredibly freeing. At that same time, that freedom comes with a cost that eventually caught up with you, emotionally and physically.

    We have a tendency to tax ourselves based upon our sexual thoughts or sexual past, rather than remember the good feelings which came out of a bad past. Whether we'd like to think it or not, there is a lot of human connection that comes from swinging. In the moment, there's a lot of relaxtion of the mind and the orgasmic release produces massive floods of dopamine and oxytocin into the body. For a woman to share an orgasm with someone, her amygdala has to completely shut off, putting her in a stress free relaxed state, if just for a moment. Being that relaxed is worth remembering in and of itself.

    Did you cross the line and use sex in a way in which it wasn't intended. Yeah, sure. But you weren't a practicing Christian at the time. You held yourself to a different moral standard.

    Fantasizing about one's past actually gives you the opportunity to relive it in a more positive way, with a better result than how it actually happened. No one, typically, masturbates to a fantasy or recalls a past event in a way that turns out poorly. It always turns out in a way that produces the best possible orgasm.

    Hot monogamy is the physical act of sharing sexual activity with only one other person. We bring our our good and bad past into every other area of our daily life, to expect it not to enter the bedroom is foolish. Find a way to make those memories positive and orgasmic for the two of you.

  6. SecondMarge says:

    I appreciate your honesty. Most people, myself included, hide those kind of desires. During my first marriage I had a close female friend and while it didn’t go as far as your experiences I certainly questioned myself. My husband and I discussed a threesome with her during our love making and if I’m honest it increased the heat level for both of us. I think it’s great that you don’t pretend you didn’t enjoy it, were drinking or coerced. That you still have those desires. It makes it easier to feel normal when those thoughts creep into our minds.

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