Greetings MH community, just wanted to be open & honest also to give you an update on my situation I mentioned back in December about my story the last couple of years & my fight for my marriage & facing a divorce I don’t want. Would love it if you all could help me by praying for me.
Almost 3weeks ago the truth finally came out. My wife had been cheating on me for over a year in a lesbian relationship also she has bought a house with this other woman & is now engaged. And we aren’t even divorced yet. I feel humiliated, betrayed, angry, hurt deeply more than anything I’ve ever experienced.
It’s been a daze the last 3weeks, I’m surviving right now. Auto pilot you could say. Not talking much, not eating much, not sleeping much, have been wide awake most nights because of bad dreams & hurt. I feel thin like butter spread over too much bread.
I’ve really chosen to keep my heart close to Father God. I know he’s the only one that can help me heal & grieve & move forward truly without bitterness, unforgiveness & resentment creeping in. It’s been a battle in my mind & body. Anxiety attacks from the weight I feel are on me & then dealing with my sexuality I’ve fallen to pornography a few times I admit 🙁 I desire so much to be close & to be seen, touched, wanted, taken care of spiritually, emotionally & physically. My spirit longs for oneness to be truly open & transparent & vulnerable. My wife & I holding nothing back. I really miss that part of marriage.
I’m doing well to manage my head space in spite of this tragedy. I’m writing in my journal, I’m keeping up with counseling weekly, I’m not giving up on studying my degree, I’m beginning to become healthier in my body & mind, I want to become the best I can be.
But I’m struggling too, as I said I’m horny all the time, I crave intimacy & oneness & I know that right now I’m not able to engage in that but I can focus in on my relationship with Christ, having self-control & moving towards my purpose on this earth & the word of God has helped me so much through this time of pain helping me to have hope in my mess even though I didn’t get the outcome I was praying & believing God for but to have hope that God still has a bright future for me even if my wife never reconciled to God or me.
But I still struggle with things as we all do. So yeah if you could help me by praying for me to help guard my heart & my mind & for strength to deal with everything I’m facing currently. That would be really appreciated & amazing. I don’t want to fall back into a habit of viewing porn, it’s a counterfeit intimacy & I want the real thing in time if God wills it again. I want to value & respect women & see them as unique, wonderfully made creations of God that have so much more to offer this world & people in it other than just their looks or sexuality or what they could do to a man in bed & I don’t want to think straight away when I see a beautiful female things like I want to be inside her or I wonder if she likes to suck cock, or anything else that’s just a sexual thought. I don’t want to support an industry that destroys marriages & aids human sex trafficking everytime porn is viewed. I want to have a healthy revelation of intimacy & be free from that prison of falling into habitual sin again. So yeah if you could all stand with me for those things in prayer. That’d bless me I know it.
Thanks again everyone for reading this.
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