I have thought about writing this for some time. But in the aftermath of the miscarriage of our second child, the timing never felt right.
The miscarriage put an unforeseen strain on my relationship with my husband, Tre. While I hate to admit it, our marriage almost came to a heartbreaking end. Not because of anything Tre did or didn’t do. He was always very loving and comforting, even though I could tell he was hurting as much as I was.
I fell into depression. I blamed myself for the miscarriage, even though I knew I wasn’t at fault. Was there something more I could have done to prevent it? Did I do something that may have caused it? These questions haunted me, and my faith weakened.
One night Tre was working, and our daughter Callie was spending the night with his parents. I spent the night crying and drowning my pain with alcohol. By the time Tre got home, I had passed out on the sofa.
I woke the next morning in our bed, nude and severely hung-over. Slipping on a robe, I made my way to the bathroom and threw up. Tre rushed in to check on me and ran a cold wash rag over my face.
He told me about finding me on the sofa. He said he got me up and carried me to bed. Though he’d tried to get me to take a shower with his help, I wasn’t very cooperative. He then undressed me because my clothes smelled like booze and put me to bed. The reason I was nude, he said, was that he hadn’t wanted to try fighting to dress me.
Once my queasy feeling left, I told Tre that I wanted a shower. He started the water for me and kissed me on the forehead as I slipped off my robe and stepped in.
The warm water felt good as I stood and let it run over me. I began to feel ashamed of my actions and started to cry. It was so unlike me, and I hated it. At that moment, I asked God, “Why?” I sat in the tub as the shower ran and just cried.
When I finally got out of the shower, I dried myself and slipped my robe back on. I walked from our bedroom to the living room and was surprised to see my mom sitting there with Tre.
Tre told me that he was really worried about me and felt that maybe talking with my mom might help. I knew he was right.
I broke down and hugged my mom tight, and she just held me, telling me how much she loved me. We talked for about three hours. Actually, I did most of the talking. She just listened like she always has.
I told her how much I loved Tre and didn’t want to lose him. I also said that I blamed myself and, in some ways, God for my miscarriage. She told me that the pain of grief is a part of healing and that in time it will get better. She also said to me that God understands and loves me regardless of how I may feel during this time. She reiterated how much Tre and Callie loved me and wanted me to feel better. She asked me to pray with her, which I did.
After my mom left, I sat and prayed again. I asked God to forgive me and help me to be stronger in my faith, to be a better person and parent and wife.
I got dressed, put a little makeup on, and walked outside to find Tre. He was out back working on the weed eater. He smiled when he saw me. I walked up to him and hugged him, then gently kissed his lips.
I thanked him for standing beside me during this time. I reassured him that it might take some time, but we can work through this together and that I love him with all my heart. I then apologized if I had in any way neglected him as a wife. I told him that he and Callie are my life.
Tre stood there smiling, and I noticed a tear run down his cheek as he told he loves me and always will. It touched my heart. We kissed then I took his hand and led him back to the house.
We walked hand in hand to our bedroom. We kissed, and I started to unbutton Tre’s shirt, telling him that I wanted him to make love to me.
We eagerly undressed each other and fell into bed. I do not believe I have ever wanted him as much as I did at that moment! I needed him, and from the erection he had, I could tell he needed me. There was no need for foreplay. My pussy was very wet; I wanted him!
He got on top and slowly entered me until he was deep inside me. It felt so good to have my husband inside me that I asked him not to move. I just wanted to enjoy the feeling of his cock filling me up.
He again voiced his love for me as he began to thrust. My body trembled, then went rigid for a moment as an orgasm washed over me. I could feel my juices run out. It was an intense orgasm, and I could hardly catch my breath as I locked my legs around him and squealed.
Tre continued to thrust, eventually bringing me to another orgasm. He groaned as I clawed the back of his shoulders in the throes of it.
As he pounded harder and faster, I held my legs open wide. I cried out as I started to cum a third time! Tre then groaned and pushed deep inside me as he began to cum. I held him tight as his body tensed with the force of his ejaculation.
He lay atop of me, and I whispered that I loved him. He was still pulsing inside me. We lay there like that for several minutes. I thought to myself, “This is wonderful, not just because of my love for him, but also because I can love myself and know that he loves me, too!”
It will take time to heal and one afternoon of great sex won’t do it. But I know that God has a plan for our marriage, and I will try never to question him again. For with God’s grace and the love of my husband and precious daughter, I know we can get through this.
Thank you, my loving Tre, for your continued love and support. Also, thank you for your support of me writing this story. I love you so very much, my love!
Also, I would like to thank my mom. Thank you for all your love and advice throughout my life. You and Daddy mean so much to Tre, Callie and me. I love you more than words can express and owe a debt to you I will never be able to repay.
And God bless you, my MH family!