For the Love of Him and of Myself!

I have thought about writing this for some time. But in the aftermath of the miscarriage of our second child, the timing never felt right.

The miscarriage put an unforeseen strain on my relationship with my husband, Tre. While I hate to admit it, our marriage almost came to a heartbreaking end. Not because of anything Tre did or didn’t do. He was always very loving and comforting, even though I could tell he was hurting as much as I was.

I fell into depression. I blamed myself for the miscarriage, even though I knew I wasn’t at fault. Was there something more I could have done to prevent it? Did I do something that may have caused it? These questions haunted me, and my faith weakened.

One night Tre was working, and our daughter Callie was spending the night with his parents. I spent the night crying and drowning my pain with alcohol. By the time Tre got home, I had passed out on the sofa.

I woke the next morning in our bed, nude and severely hung-over. Slipping on a robe, I made my way to the bathroom and threw up. Tre rushed in to check on me and ran a cold wash rag over my face.

He told me about finding me on the sofa. He said he got me up and carried me to bed. Though he’d tried to get me to take a shower with his help, I wasn’t very cooperative. He then undressed me because my clothes smelled like booze and put me to bed. The reason I was nude, he said, was that he hadn’t wanted to try fighting to dress me.

Once my queasy feeling left, I told Tre that I wanted a shower. He started the water for me and kissed me on the forehead as I slipped off my robe and stepped in.

The warm water felt good as I stood and let it run over me. I began to feel ashamed of my actions and started to cry. It was so unlike me, and I hated it. At that moment, I asked God, “Why?” I sat in the tub as the shower ran and just cried.

When I finally got out of the shower, I dried myself and slipped my robe back on. I walked from our bedroom to the living room and was surprised to see my mom sitting there with Tre.

Tre told me that he was really worried about me and felt that maybe talking with my mom might help. I knew he was right.

I broke down and hugged my mom tight, and she just held me, telling me how much she loved me. We talked for about three hours. Actually, I did most of the talking. She just listened like she always has.

I told her how much I loved Tre and didn’t want to lose him. I also said that I blamed myself and, in some ways, God for my miscarriage. She told me that the pain of grief is a part of healing and that in time it will get better. She also said to me that God understands and loves me regardless of how I may feel during this time. She reiterated how much Tre and Callie loved me and wanted me to feel better. She asked me to pray with her, which I did.

After my mom left, I sat and prayed again. I asked God to forgive me and help me to be stronger in my faith, to be a better person and parent and wife.

I got dressed, put a little makeup on, and walked outside to find Tre. He was out back working on the weed eater. He smiled when he saw me. I walked up to him and hugged him, then gently kissed his lips.

I thanked him for standing beside me during this time. I reassured him that it might take some time, but we can work through this together and that I love him with all my heart. I then apologized if I had in any way neglected him as a wife. I told him that he and Callie are my life.

Tre stood there smiling, and I noticed a tear run down his cheek as he told he loves me and always will. It touched my heart. We kissed then I took his hand and led him back to the house.

We walked hand in hand to our bedroom. We kissed, and I started to unbutton Tre’s shirt, telling him that I wanted him to make love to me.

We eagerly undressed each other and fell into bed. I do not believe I have ever wanted him as much as I did at that moment! I needed him, and from the erection he had, I could tell he needed me. There was no need for foreplay. My pussy was very wet; I wanted him!

He got on top and slowly entered me until he was deep inside me. It felt so good to have my husband inside me that I asked him not to move. I just wanted to enjoy the feeling of his cock filling me up.

He again voiced his love for me as he began to thrust. My body trembled, then went rigid for a moment as an orgasm washed over me. I could feel my juices run out. It was an intense orgasm, and I could hardly catch my breath as I locked my legs around him and squealed.

Tre continued to thrust, eventually bringing me to another orgasm. He groaned as I clawed the back of his shoulders in the throes of it.

As he pounded harder and faster, I held my legs open wide. I cried out as I started to cum a third time! Tre then groaned and pushed deep inside me as he began to cum. I held him tight as his body tensed with the force of his ejaculation.

He lay atop of me, and I whispered that I loved him. He was still pulsing inside me. We lay there like that for several minutes. I thought to myself, “This is wonderful, not just because of my love for him, but also because I can love myself and know that he loves me, too!”

It will take time to heal and one afternoon of great sex won’t do it. But I know that God has a plan for our marriage, and I will try never to question him again. For with God’s grace and the love of my husband and precious daughter, I know we can get through this.

Thank you, my loving Tre, for your continued love and support. Also, thank you for your support of me writing this story. I love you so very much, my love!

Also, I would like to thank my mom. Thank you for all your love and advice throughout my life. You and Daddy mean so much to Tre, Callie and me. I love you more than words can express and owe a debt to you I will never be able to repay.

And God bless you, my MH family!

Alicia

4.67 avg. rating (92% score) - 30 votes
20 replies
  1. FantasticSex says:

    The pain in grief is intensified by isolation. Sex with a loving spouse provides the oxytocin that helps us feel bonded and can fight against the lie that no one is there for us.

    Bravo to your husband and mom for being compassionate and understanding. Bravo to you for your strength and bravery as you fight the temptation to give up. Bravo to God for the powerful aide of sex, the bonding effects of oxytocin, the mood elevating impact of orgasm, and for his grace, love, and forgiveness he offers us through other people.

  2. hornyGG says:

    Alicia, you are a beautiful young woman and a wonderful mother to Callie. Your dad and I love you so very much, as do Trey and Callie.
    Your faith in God is a powerful thing that can get you through the darkest of times. I know I have told this to you many times, but just know it is the truth.
    This was a touching story and I praise you for having the strength and courage to write it.
    God bless you and I love you always.

    Mom

  3. PacMan says:

    Just like a picture is worth 1000 words, sometimes one night of hot sex is like 1000 conversations. The primal uniting and intensity of passionate sex communicates on another level. You are right, it’s not a magic pill… but thank God for hot sex! Sometimes it’s the only thing that can start to put the universe in alignment. 😉

    • Alicia G. M. says:

      Thank you PacMan! Your so right about how " passionate sex " can definitely communicate on a whole other level. We are still healing, but still very much in love. God bless!

  4. ArtRutherford says:

    Thank you for your story. We lost a child (five months old) back in 1984. Although it was not a miscarriage, I know how you feel. Is there something I could or couldn't have done? Should or shouldn't have done? These and many other questions flood my mind.

    But, because of that we now have two beautiful grown children and they are both married with kids.

    And, I love it when my wife orgasm's with me inside her.

    Praise the Lord for His wisdom and love and grace in all of this.

    • Alicia G. M. says:

      Thank you so much for your support and so sorry. It has been hard but we are taking it day by day and continue to heal. The pain is great, but God's love is greater.
      God bless you and yours.

  5. Lovinghusband says:

    Alicia, I came to MH around the same time as your mom and dad. I'm so glad to know them through MH – and frankly think of them as my friends and certainly my brother and sister in the Lord. I want you to know that I've been encouraged by them many times. I have taken particular interest to when they have talked about coming through various trials because I care about them, too. I mention this to you because your trials also matter to me – and I've prayed for you and Tre on many occasions. I"m not your uncle – but maybe your MH uncle. 🙂

    I so rejoice with you all for where God has brought you. I praise Him for His faithfulness. I'm so glad that you have come to an even stronger trust in Him. That is so awesome. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that many of us care about you guys and are rejoicing with you. God bless you. LH

    • Alicia G. M. says:

      Thank you so much LH ! I am honored and blessed to have you as my MH Uncle. Your faith is a true inspiration and I know mom and dad think highly of you. God bless you sir.

  6. CMLove says:

    Thank you so much for sharing, sweet sister. As many have already stated, we feel like you and Tre are family here and are so thankful to be able to praise the Lord with you for His faithfulness, His care, and His comfort.
    And, in His infinite kindness and wisdom, He also gives us the gift of sex with our "earthly dearest" (as C. S. Lewis defines his spouse) to help the healing.
    You and your stories really bless me and I'm so glad to call you a friend.

  7. Dean316 says:

    Dear Alicia,

    This was a very heartwarming and thought provoking post. I haven't been on the site for a long time and i am single however i was pretty moved by this. Firstly, i am sorry to hear about your miscarriage and the strain it put on you and your family. Secondly, it can be easy amongst your emotions to put the blame on God and i don't understand myself why things like this happen under him if he is all loving but its important to have trust in him as he is our father and we are his children. Also, using alcohol or anything similar when your feeling down never helps anyone or yourself.

    On the other hand, its pleasing to hear that your family (who i admire a lot from their stories and interactions on the site with other users, they seem like fantastic people) and your husband Tre are there for you and you made love with Tre. Love, support and faith are the best things to have in life.

    God bless you and your family,
    Dean.

  8. Harper Shelby Thornton says:

    My precious little angel, I'm so sorry I wasn't on here to comment sooner, I was in Melbourne for the past week & 1/2 with my husband and granddaughter.

    I'm so sorry for what you went through. Like I said before I know what's it's like to lose a child, and it doesn't matter if the child is in the womb or grown up. It still hurts tremendously, and I understand that pain. My beautiful, sweet Alicia, I hurt for you, but I'm also inspired because you and Trey got through this and thank God for bring you through this! As a mother of a deceased child, I can tell you that in the future, you will have your "down days", and it's good to know this, so you can prepare. But it's just a day, my dear. I have those myself, but I know that I will see my daughter again in Heaven. And thank God for your mom, she was amazing!

    God love every one of you, my dear <3

    • Alicia G. M. says:

      Thank you so much Mrs. Harper! Glad to have you back. Can't wait to read another story from you. You are still one of my most favorite authors.
      Trey and I are doing good, just taking it day by day. I do have some really tough days, but face each one with a stronger faith in the Lord and love of my family.
      MH has been a really good outlet for me ,both physically and emotionally. Reading my Bible gives me the strength and courage to face whatever comes my way. Hope all is going well for you and hope ya'll enjoyed your trip. Bet it was awesome!
      LH stated that in a way he felt kinda like my MH Uncle. I believe you are my " MH Aunt ", if you don't mind me saying. Mom and dad think really high of you as well. I have probably told you this before, but your stories were highly recommended by my mom when I first joined MH. God bless you "MH Aunt Harper " and thank you again. ❤❤❤

    • Harper Shelby Thornton says:

      Aww, sweetie I am so flattered, thank you, and i thank your parents too, and I'm so flattered that your mom, who's probably the most famous writer on here, recommended me! <3 Yes Melbourne was amazing, the food, omigosh! We were in Canberra, Sydney and Melbourne respectively, but Sydney was the only place we had internet access, that's why I couldn't communicate with anyone in Canberra & Melbourne.

      Anyway, my hubby & I are happy to help with anything, we don't have all the answers of course, but I want you to feel like you can ask me anything. And it's great you're reading the Bible I'm proud of you. God bless you my sweet MH niece <3 I have a story coming next month. Hope you enjoy it! <3 And you're more than welcome 😉

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