To Marry or Not to Marry

Greetings to you all.

I have often pondered whether to write a post like this. Now I have finally worked up the courage actually to do it. Any advice I’ve gotten on this question has always been unhelpful, so I turn to you today to ask advice and to get some things off my chest. Allow me to give you some background before I get into the meat of my questions.

I actively avoided dating in high school as I felt it would be a hindrance to my school work. As an honors student with multiple AP classes under my belt, I’m trying to become an ER doctor. I feel like the girls I know are stuck-up, prissy, superficial, immature brats. They wouldn’t recognize a hard day’s work if it socked them in the face with their daddy’s credit cards.

Perhaps that was a bit harsh and exaggerated, but it is how I feel about that kind of stuff right now.

As I look into marriage, I have heard from MANY men to avoid marriage. And honestly, I can see why. There is the ever-looming threat of divorce for men. It can drain away all their money, cars, houses, and other assets as well as any hope of seeing their kids.

A plethora of men have told me that many women only want men for their wallets. They equate a man’s worth to that of his net worth (NOT SAYING ALL WOMEN ARE LIKE THIS!).

And finally, one objection that I have found within myself is being tied down. I have a lot of big dreams for myself as I become a man. I want to hike the Appalachian Trail. I’d like to see the world and travel. I’d like to play the piano and continue my family’s line of piano players (lots of men in my family were piano players). I want to scuba dive and study God’s creatures of the ocean. All these things I want to do, but I feel like I wouldn’t be able to do that stuff if I marry. I’d have to work my entire life for my wife and not get to do anything I’d like because of what she wants to do. I know it sounds cliche, but it’s how I feel about the matter.

At the same time, I’d love to be married! I’ve read all these stories on this site and have seen the great things that happen when marriages work out. And I’ve heard from many different men in my life describing how wonderful it is to be married. They tell me how they never regretted their decision to say “I do.”

I mean, what man wouldn’t want to come home to a woman who cares about them, wants the best for them, and is their biggest cheerleader? I’d certainly love it!

And of course, there’s sex too. Would not mind sex one bit 😉

To summarize this disorganized clump of a post, ladies and gentlemen, I stand at an impasse. I have one side telling me that marriage is the absolute worst thing to exist and that it will ruin my life. The other side is saying that marriage is the best thing in any man’s life and he’d be a fool not to marry.

So my question is: Should a Christian man even bother getting married or should he stay single?

Thank you for your time.

Best wishes,
A Troubled Teen

2.60 avg. rating (56% score) - 5 votes
15 replies
  1. Harper Shelby Thornton
    Harper Shelby Thornton says:

    I would say yes, because the Bible does say it's not good for a man to be alone in Genesis. The woman is the helpmeet to her husband. There is an exception to be single in service to God as Paul was. That's my theory at least. God bless

  2. Marie Lister
    Marie Lister says:

    I love being married and believe that the right partner is what you are really longing for. The wonderful things you mention on your "bucket list" would be even more wonderful with a partner who has those on her "bucket list." Unfortunately, there are a lot of divorces, but there are many, many long and happy marriages. During our marriage, he has pursued both a Master's Degree and a PhD, while working full-time. The right partner supports your path. My husband just celebrated his 61st birthday on Friday and he gets finer with each passing year. I feel so lucky to have my beloved husband to share this journey of life with. Now that we are done with the heavy lifting (raising children and taking care of elderly relatives, etc.), we have the time to focus on us and our intimacy is the best it has ever been. My suggestion is to meet the right woman whom you want to share your life with and everything will fall into place. We celebrate our 34th anniversary in September.

  3. Txblonde
    Txblonde says:

    I agree with Marie. When the right woman comes along …you’ll know it and you’ll want to share all of these things with her! I married my high school sweetheart and this October will be our 30th anniversary..it hasn’t always been easy, but it’s absolutely been worth it! Be patient, God has a plan for all of us.

  4. CrazyHappyLoved
    CrazyHappyLoved says:

    "I’d have to work my entire life for my wife and not get to do anything I’d like because of what she wants to do."

    It's true that once you marry your priorities change and your responsibilities increase. However, unless you are independently wealthy, you are going to have to work while fulfilling all these dreams alone, too. Why would you be working "for your wife" and not just following your life plan on which the two of you would most likely be in agreement before you even tie the knot? And are you sure that she won't also be working for you? Even I, as a stay-at-home mom, work for my family; we support each other. And we make time to follow our dreams, together as much as possible.

    "I mean, what man wouldn’t want to come home to a woman who cares about them, wants the best for them, and is their biggest cheerleader? I’d certainly love it!"

    Hmmm. I know you are young yet and I don't want to seem matronly, but it seems you have a slightly one-sided view of marriage. When you fall in love (or decide you've found the woman you will love -and it IS a choice, daily) it won't be just so she can uphold you, but because you uphold *each other*. And you remain committed because you choose to love. You work through it. Divorce, like love, is a choice. Before you marry, be sure you are both in agreement that only unfaithfulness would be grounds for it, as Jesus taught. (And even then, it's only one option. My love and I have even worked through that.)

    Will you argue? Sure. Will you each sometimes have to compromise and submit to the feelings and desires of the other? Of course. That's what the Bible defines as a right marital relationship. Until you are focused as much on the good of a woman as she is on yours, you will be right to stay single. But stay celibate, too. And your MH family are here to support you in that endeavor. 😁

  5. JJ
    JJ says:

    Best advice I can offer is to find a woman who’s interests match yours. Next best advice would be to go through-hike the AT now. If there’s any place you might encounter women who enjoy the things you want to do the AT would be a good starting point.
    Is marriage worth it? Absolutely, if you take the time to find the right woman to share your life with and the two of you commit to doing all the work necessary to make it last until death or the Lord returns. Never put riches nor recognition of your work ahead of family.

  6. ArtRutherford
    ArtRutherford says:

    What does God want you to do? (My wife and I have been married 39+ years) Marriage is not for everyone, but most people DO enjoy it. I agree with the others. We are here for you.

  7. AdamRose
    AdamRose says:

    The way you avoid marrying a terrible woman who will divorce you and take half your stuff (if you're lucky) and leave you broken emotionally and financially?
    (A very very real concern amongst every one of my single peers)

    So, question; "should you get married?"

    Answer; "it depends…"

    There's only one solution that works that I know of.
    It's a good rule for life in general but crucial when selecting a life mate.

    Surround yourself with Godly men and women who love you enough to warn you if you're going out with the wrong woman.
    A deceptive person can fool a few people but not everyone.
    Also trust the Leading of the Holy Spirit. In the early days of any dating relationship your feelings and emotions will be all stirred up, clouding your judgement. That's where true friends come in. If you chose a bad egg, they can stop the relationship early before things get out of hand. (But it only works if you listen to wise counsel)

    If you have not yet built a fence of Gody council around yourself? I would warn you against marriage. Strongly!

    Going out and finding a wife on your own and relying solely on your own judgment is like walking into a gun range blindfolded and assuming you will hit the target, first shot. You might hit the bullseye! But more likely someone will end up getting seriously hurt.

    Single ladies!
    This is even more important for you.
    I have seen so many young ladies ignoring wise counsel only to end up in broken homes years later. If everyone is shouting "Stop! Danger Danger! This guy is no good!" Please Please Please stop and listen!

    Us Godly men know who the good guys are and who are the wolves in sheep's clothing. We deal with them daily. Seek out the truth before you except that engagement ring. (Actually do that before you even except the first date)

    Finally gentlemen, just because she is "hot" doesn't mean she is a woman of virtue. After the wedding, when the hormones wear off, you will have to find something deeper that connects you. The physical attraction alone will only carry you a few years into marriage at best.
    She needs to be your sister in Christ first, then friend, then your lover. The foundations must be laid properly to ensure your relationship stands the test of time.

    Sorry for preaching.
    Hope this helps

  8. ShamelessBachelor
    ShamelessBachelor says:

    As a fellow teen, I think you should marry. You may have lived in a place where the majority of women are like that. But God has someone for you. It is a joy for Him to play matchmaker. There is someone out there who will be everything that you wanted and more! Just give your trust to God and he will deliver. Even if you never meet that someone in this life on Earth, I believe that God will surely promise you a soul mate in Heaven. Don’t give up. Trust Him.

  9. Gerald Iverson
    Gerald Iverson says:

    For me, finding a woman who wants to have something much better than the average marriage which is exactly what I wanted. I am now engaged looking forward to my 2nd marriage at 65 years old. We have been engaged for 11 months and don't know when it will happen but we are doing very heavy lifting in our relationship, much more than an average engaged couple. We can talk about virtually everything (and do). This is another key at least with us. Trust, great communication, mutual respect, sacrificing and giving to each other all are important foundations to a successful marriage. MOST importantly, put God right in the middle of it all and pray often together! TAKE YOUR TIME! If you feel you have met maybe the one, don't be in a rush as the more time you take will help reduce the chances of some very rude awakenings after the honeymoon is over. I say go for it when the time is right but build your foundations well. If you aim for the tops of the trees, you might end up hitting the ground but if you shoot for the stars, at least you will clear the trees. Aim high especially when looking for a mate!

  10. Thomas J. Kurtis
    Thomas J. Kurtis says:

    I have been married to the same woman for 41 years; having her at my side has been the key to becoming extremely successful. Before we got married (after finishing our BA's) we agreed that she would work a few years so I could pursue more education, if she could then become a full-time mom. She worked almost 4 years until our first was born, and I had almost finished my second MA and was working. I then finished three more MAs and a PhD and am now in my fifth successful career in multiple fields of work in four countries, having learned 9 languages, while also becoming a widely published author in multiple languages (under a different name, not this pseudonym). For the first 25 years of marriage we rarely spent a night apart, though our jobs now force us to travel alone occasionally. She knows I know she is the key to my success; I helped her to two successful careers after some 20 years as a full-time mom. Rather careful sabbath observance, using Sunday only for church and family, provides the structure of our life. And yes, sex gets even better after 4 decades of practice with the same person.

  11. hornyGG
    hornyGG says:

    Marriage is a beautiful thing. I have absolutely no regrets in marrying my husband Ben. Sure, we have had our share of tough times, but that is life. Marriage is a commitment you continuously have to work at. Together we have been able to work through the tough times and enjoy the many good times we share as man and wife. Don't make the mistake of marrying just for sex! Masturbation is there for you 'til you meet the right one. God bless and stay horny!

    GG

  12. J. G.
    J. G. says:

    As it says in Ecclesiastes, to every time there is a season. The same is true with marriage. Make time for strong relationships with both sexes, true friends, no matter how driven you are to succeed. When you meet a woman with similar values who you find sexy and beautiful, allow yourself to fall in love. Cast out the fears that you have and trust in God. There are few commandments that come directly from the mouth of God, and one is to leave your parents, marry and cleve to each other. To state the obvious, God knows the answer to your question. For me personally, living with a woman is sometimes vexing and irritating, but the intimacy and enjoyment together is the most wonderful part of my very full life. To prepare yourself for a great relationship, I’d work on kindness and patience and the art of forgiving readily and completely. And don’t forget to work on developing a great sense of humor, it is invaluable. Love and laugh often is great advice for every couple.

  13. Marriagebedrocks
    Marriagebedrocks says:

    Marriage was and is meant to be a wonderful blessing to both man and woman. Does it always work out that way in this sin-corrupted world? Sadly, no. But that is not a reason to ditch the whole idea or, worse, to listen to the world's ideas about it and base what you think your experience will be on that of someone else. The sin of comparison is just that, a sin! What God brings forth in your life and in your marriage will be something uniquely "you."

    The key is staying faithful to God and walking in His ways. He will lead and guide you–He promises that! Anyone will tell you that marriage (and great sex!) takes hard work, commitment, and a brutal honesty with each other and with God that some people just don't have the stomach for. But blessed are those who persevere! Your marriage will never be unicorns, lollipops, and fluffy white clouds. It will be an incredible joy one moment and an incredible frustration the next. But are the joys and frustrations worth it? With Jesus, yes they are!!

    I read a great line in a book many years ago, and it's stuck with me ever since: God did not design marriage to make you happy, but to make you holy. That doesn't mean you won't be deliriously happy at times, just that the main point of marriage is to help mold you more into the image of God.

    Been married 26 years, and I would not have it any other way!

  14. HeSaid-SheSaid
    HeSaid-SheSaid says:

    Can you have your cake and eat it too? As a middle aged man who got married at age 20, my advise to young men who want to experience life and explore the world is to go and do it. Maybe spend some time doing some humanitarian work too. Nothing matures a man faster than giving of himself.
    But I also believe the final maturity happens when he gets married, and is bound in the love and care and support of another human being.

    Nothing wrong in waiting to get married. Sometimes when you least expect to find a mate is when it actually happens.
    Of course the choice is up to you.

    One last bit of advise, don't let the material things of this world get too high of a priority in your life. It's just stuff. Sure, it can be fun to do stuff and own things, but relationships with friends and family are far more important. What do you want your tombstone to say, what legacy do you want to leave? "Here lies (your name), he had nice cars, gadgets, went places and other crap, but he died lonely", or "He was a loving man who positively impacted others, he will be fondly remembered ".

  15. A Harun
    A Harun says:

    Thank you for this important & honest question.
    I believe marriage is very important for a Christian if he or she cannot abstain from sex. The only thing you need to do is to ask God for the right wife at the right time and trust me, you are going to love it.
    The Bible tells us that a wife is the flower of the house. A house without a wife is like no house. She is the flower, the perfume, the taste, and beauty of your house.
    Yes, it is true that there are women who want men just because of their money but there are also tooooooo many godly women out there. So God has already prepared one for you. Just ask and search patiently.
    God bless you

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