I wish I had an erotic tale to tell, but rather, this is a few different things.
First, a great big thanks to everyone here for all the great content and also for the emotional support you’ve shown me!
I told how my wife passed away in September of ’18 after a 17-year battle with ovarian cancer. I was surprised that my libido seemed to step up shortly after, and I’d been having trouble reconciling a Catholic upbringing with the need to masturbate to relieve this sexual tension. You all offered great advice and understanding, and I couldn’t be more grateful.
I miss my wife every day, and there’s still some survivor guilt, that I didn’t ‘bring her home’! In addition to this is some guilt that I feel when I see an attractive woman.
I see dating sites, and commercials about them, but I don’t want to go in that direction until at least a year has passed. I know there’s still a bunch of ‘firsts’ to deal with, and I feel it wouldn’t be fair to a prospective partner, as well as to my wife’s memory to ‘be back out there’ so soon! But the isolation, and missing the physical, intimate contact of a woman is ‘taxing’.
I still feel selfish when I get the urge to masturbate. And if I get the ‘urge’ 2 days in a row, I often feel guilty. (That upbringing won’t let go!) Thanks to MH, I’ve managed to stay away from porn, though the temptation is there. And when I do masturbate, it’s just the feeling I focus on. I don’t fantasize about anyone.
Since I don’t foresee a relationship in the near future, I guess the big M is my way through this missing intimacy. I do remember encounters with my wife a lot of times, and that’s always good for me.
Didn’t mean to ramble, but I guess I’m asking if anyone out there has some ideas about getting past these guilt phases.
So thank you all once again for being there!
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