Looking for Advice
Gutentag.
A while back, if you all may remember, I created a post seeking advice on whether or not I should marry. I mentioned thinking that marriage would tie me down and that I wouldn’t be able to do anything I wanted to do after I married, like scuba diving or climbing mountains.
First, I would like to thank you all for the advice. Much of it was insightful and full of wisdom, which is precisely what I was looking for.
I’ve certainly grown over the three years since I wrote the post. I’m now pursuing medicine, learning German, and hard at work studying over this long Coronavirus hiatus. I ended up doing all the things I said I wanted to do. I got my scuba diving license, taught myself how to play the piano (Mostly thanks to Scott Joplin’s music), and went mountain climbing with my dad at Zion National Park in Utah. The more and more I did these things, the more and more your advice connected to me. I began thinking to myself, “It would be nice if I had a wife to share these experiences with.”
This brings me to my new dilemma.
I am a very intense-looking man, or at least, so I’ve been told. I’ve been told that I have a terminal case of RBF (Resting B***h Face) and constantly look angry. I’m 6’4, working out, carry myself well, don’t really talk that much, and am an introvert. Coupling these factors together makes me very unapproachable to most of the young girls I know.
Now that I’ve entered college, it’s also become much harder to find a girl that I can click with. They don’t like me because I don’t drink or want to go to parties, and I don’t respect them because they partake in those activities. Even the church girls I don’t really get along with. I don’t respect a lot of them for their phoniness. One day they’re praising Jesus in the church, and the next they’re drinking themselves to death at Chad and friend’s frat party (No offense to men named Chad. The name Chad is often used as slang in the young generations right now). I can’t seem to get along with those groups of girls.
I know there are great women out there. But I really could use some help finding them!
Do you have any advice on where to seek out respectable girls and how I can “fix” my angry-looking appearance?
Any advice would be appreciated.
MarriageHeat.com 2018
Hi Iduno
Saw your post years back.
It's quite unfortunate that some women would rather not choose a good Christian man.
I am a good Christian woman and I am available.
Marriage isn’t for everyone. I have had two but that is my limit I won’t marry again. I say this because I don’t see any desire to marry in your comments. Nor anything you would like about being married.
My suggestion is if you want children, a family and you find the right woman get married. You talk about what you don’t like about the girls you have met but nothing about what you would like her to be. There are tons of great people out there so when someone can’t find someone, they are either looking in the wrong places or they are looking for some ideal person that does not exist. Sounds like you might be judging women before you know them.
If it’s just sex, I don’t think that is a reason to marry.
Look at Kanye, he’s mastered owning rbf ?. I suffer from rbf as well :(, and there are ways to angle your face to look more friendly. For instance, when you’re talking to someone look up at them, that makes your eyes more open. You can replace your frown with a small smile (I do this) , spend time in the mirror practicing how to smile, and if all else fails own your rbf :). Hope this helps!
Plastic surgery could help the face! ? Sorry, I have a bad sense of humor somedays. Just keep smiling and thinking happy thoughts, exude joy if you can, learn how to talk to others. It should help
Reading your story described the feeling I had toward people in general. I judged them, looked down on them because of the immoral things they did. I went to church as a boy, got saved, and did the things that I was taught. Two years ago, my wife and I attended a FREEDOM small group at church; WOW, IT CHANGED OUR LIVES!!! The first thing we learned was how to live out of the Tree of Life, not the tree of knowledge of good and evil. For the first 54 years of my life, I was in a dungeon chained to a wall, my prayers bouncing off the ceiling!!! The best way for me to describe how FREEDOM changed our lives is to say it like this: life before FREEDOM and LIFE AFTER FREEDOM!!! I'M NEVER GOING BACK TO THE DUNGEON !!! There are churches across the country that have FREEDOM small groups, just find one near you. And they have some of the meetings online.
Guten Tag. Wie geht's? Getting married and staying married is something you have to work at, like learning medicine or learning German. YOU HAVE TO STICK WITH IT. I've been married 40 years and just started learning German myself.
(Heiraten und heiraten ist etwas, an dem man arbeiten muss, wie Medizin lernen oder Deutsch lernen. Sie müssen dabei bleiben. Ich bin seit 40 Jahren verheiratet und habe gerade angefangen, selbst Deutsch zu lernen.)
You might look into body language and see how to make yourself appear more approachable. Don’t be quick to judge others without spending the time to get to know them. Look around for women who are also doing the things you like to do. And be friendly.
I can't help you on the RBF but as for finding a good Christian woman, I can name 5 off the bat that I'm personally close to who don't get drunk, go to parties, etc. so we definitely exist. However, we tend to stick together. If you find one, you'll find 2-5 more that are probably friends with her.
It's likely you're looking in the wrong places. I don't respect that behaviour either, and I definitely relate with the fact that there are a lot "Christian phoniness". For me it's the fact that a majority of guys say that they're Christians yet they're expecting sex outside of marriage. That for me has made dating extremely difficult because I feel uncomfortable dating someone who's compromised in that area when I have not (but that's a whole separate discussion).
When I was at uni, a lot of us would hang out in similar areas. At uni you'd mainly find me at Christian union, the library studying (that's where my parents met at uni) or at another society/uni event that didn't have drinking/partying as it's main focus. There are plenty in Churches too that have respectable Christian girls, so if you're not finding them at your current Church, maybe try visiting a few others. There are more women in Church than men by default, which has made going to Church just to find a spouse unappealing to me (I already have enough female friends). But these are most likely your best bets when it comes to finding someone.
PS – As you can see it goes both ways. I'd be interested to know where guys like you tend to hang out as I can't seem to find them anywhere to the point where I'd almost have to classify you as an endangered species!
I was thinking about what you said about RBF. One thing I know about women, is that most of them will end up being attracted to a man who is very much like her father/father figure. If her father has RBF, then she WILL notice you. Now, where to find a girl like that??? Sorry, can't help with that one.