“Don’t you ever think about sex with other people?”
“No way could I ever wait. You need to test drive first.”
“It’s such a shame you waited. How do you know what real sex is like if you’ve only had sex with one person?”
“Sexual compatibility is important. Waiting until marriage leads to divorce and is dumb. You need to have sex first before marriage to see if you’re the right fit.”
“You married to have sex. Sex is an important part of a relationship. No way should you wait for marriage for sex.”
My husband and I waited fully until after our wedding to experience every aspect of marriage, one being intercourse. We don’t hide that we abstained. But we don’t judge others because every one of us is different and has fallen to sin. However, we know what it’s like to be judged for waiting. At church, we talk about waiting to help others, and we’re open with our journey. We know how hard it is in a broken world as Christians.
Many people try to shame us for waiting; this was a foreign concept to me at first. I fully trusted God with selecting my husband. I knew he was out there but didn’t know where or who. Little did I know that God had chosen the man who would be with me forever. I
t was a weird feeling. The little boy I grew up with at church would be my chosen one by God. I remember the feelings and thought, “Wow, I never felt like this before.” My husband felt the same way. When we started courting, it was clear we were meant to be.
I didn’t expect God to choose my husband at the time, but He did. I remember talking with my husband about our future during our courtship. We thought we would court for some time, but God clearly wanted us to be together. So why wait when you’ve found the one? The message was clear.
As Christians, we both knew what God wanted from us. That’s why we stayed true to our beliefs when we got engaged. It didn’t make waiting easier, but being patient is key; it makes everything worth it. We both knew what was to come. We love each other and God and chose to wait for the benefits of marriage with lots of prayer.
Our wedding day was beautiful. The wedding night was our first time together with only us in the room, and it was awkward at first. Everything we’d do now was legal in the eyes of God, but I won’t lie and say we were good at it.
It was a new experience to see each other fully nude and my first time seeing an erect penis. We didn’t know just how our bodies would fit. My body reacted to his, and for the first time, I got really wet between my legs. My heart beat fast and his matched it. We giggled and laughed at trying to find my hole. It was hard!
I’d never had this feeling before in my life; it was the first time I ever desired a man deeply. I wanted my husband inside me, ached to feel his penis enter me. Our hearts raced; we were both so nervous. Finally, we found my hole, and I felt him slowly enter me, my walls stretching around him. It’s a feeling I can’t describe fully. Then he thrust slowly, and my entire body washed away in pleasure. I’d never experienced this before, ever! I didn’t want it to stop; I wanted more and more.
Then came that moment—it was something I’ll never forget, such a sweet memory. My husband ejaculated inside me for the very first time.
“‘Wow, that was so amazing that we did that together,” I said. Then I felt semen dribbling out of me and didn’t know what to do. I thought it would soak up inside me, but it was coming out.
“What do I do?” I laughed. It leaked out, and I couldn’t stop it. Nobody tells you about clean-up—or the soreness! I was a bit tender between my legs because I’d never used those muscles. Then there’s the smell, the sweat, the exhaustion after you’re done. We experienced these together as first-timers, and it was precious.
The next time was similar. So was the next. One position over and over again. We got more comfortable as time passed and started discovering what we liked and didn’t like and how to position our bodies together. We learned what turns each other on and about orgasms, oral, fingering, and playing with each other and ourselves. I had my first orgasm with my husband.
If we’d videotaped our first time and compared it to now, it’s improved. It’s different. We’ve grown so much since our first time.
Sexual compatibility isn’t about how much sex you can have with a bunch of people. It’s about learning together and pleasing each other within marriage. I’ve never thought about what sex would be like with another man, and my husband has never thought about what sex would be like with another woman. God made us compatible.
I remember the first time we couldn’t have sex due to my husband’s surgery. I waited, and he did too until the doctors cleared him to have sex again. That break gave us much more appreciation for each other. I’m grateful that only we share this special gift. We don’t know what bad sex is. Every single time our bodies press together is a gift of love and pleasure.
So please don’t feel ashamed or believe that you must test drive people to feel sexual compatibility. God chooses our spouse. Sex is a learning process to go through together, and you will not get it right the first time. You please your spouse, and they please you; you find out what they like and don’t like by experimenting.
For instance, I love fingering. It drives me crazy. I love it when my husband pounds me and the look on his face when he reaches his end. I love having my breasts touched and sucked. My husband loves it when I suck him off and wrap my legs around him. We both love teasing and dirty talk. We figured it out and learned together. We’re still learning; we’re not pros, lol.
I remember when I orgasmed for the first time. It just happened. My husband found my spot, and bam! It happened. I was in tears; I didn’t know that could happen. I recently learned about Kegels, and it drives my husband crazy when I do them during sex. I’m grateful we can learn these things together.
We have nothing to compare each other to, but we’re not missing out on anything. We’re compatible because God chose us to be together, and we’re learning. Sex is about balance and figuring things out, not having as much sex as possible with different people to test drive. People aren’t cars; they’re people. God is amazing to create something so special that we can enjoy with our spouses, and it’s fun to learn together.
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