How to Avoid the Sexless Marriage Trap in your Life?
Sexless Marriage Trap
Why do couples find themselves in the sexless marriage trap in their relationships? The sexless marriage trap is a situation they did not foresee that happened to them where their marriage sex occurrences are getting rare.
Tammy predicted something special about young Christian women who are getting married today. Tammy made this prediction in the comment section of the post, Sex Closet at the Christmas Party.
You next generation of young Christian women are going to change the world with your pure passion and sexy teachable spirit. I see a future where the hottest wives will be the Christian ones!
Will this prediction come true? A joke given at many Christian marriage receptions is that now that you are getting married the fun is going to stop, and the husband better get used to his new lack of freedom. People laugh. All this negativism. There is theme promoted by some that the sexless marriage trap is to be expected.
Most married couples do not marry with the intention to have a sexless marriage trap in their future. You marry deeply in love, and you assume that sex will follow. Most Chrisitan couples are not that intentional about how to keep married heat alive.
Unfortunately, many married couples whether they are Christian or not report and complain about sexless marriages. The Huffington Post published an article called, “Sex Issues Couples Complain About In Marriage Therapy.”
Here is the List:
1. Neither partner will make time for sex.
2. Fetishes are laughed off or totally entirely disregarded.
3. There’s a breakdown in intimacy after an affair.
4. The marital bed becomes the family bed.
5. The dog is in the bedroom all the time.
6. Less effort is put into looking sexy.
7. Couples aren’t upfront about their sexual preferences.
8. Sexual signals are misinterpreted.
9. Exhaustion or busy schedules get in the way.
10. Sex becomes perfunctory or too by the book.
The Bible is sex positive. God wants young or older married couples to enjoy the gift of sex in all its fullness.
1 Corinthians. 7:5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
This Huffington Post article was written for the general audience, but it has a lot of wisdom for Christian couples. Avoid the sexless marriage trap by prayerfully understanding the bad habits create it.
I have thought long and hard about this topic. It can be so easy to lose what’s good about us during any major life change. The list here is good, even great for average couples in relatively good heath. This post is probably for a small percentage of couples. But for those like me, who’s sexless marrage came about because of deeper issues, I feel there are somethings that need to be said.
In our case, because of my psychological problems and my husbands physical problems, we’ve had years of sex issues. He is wonderful and hard working. He is also a generous and kind lover. Though, when his nerve issues flare up, it severely reduces the sex menu let’s say. We were raised in a church that taught against masterbation and any type of oral sex even in marrage. So when things became difficult it took a great deal of soul searching. After years of prayer and reading everything we could get our hands on (cause that’s what we do) we came to some very clear conclusions.
First, It became clear to me that god’s Grace was far more extensive than I had ever imagined.
Second, that sometimes people who may want the best for us may still not be right, or understand our situation.
Third, that each of our situations are unique and complicated. It is good to tell people what has worked for us. But, without walking in their shoes there is no way to know for sure what is best for them. Only God knows that.
There are some very important basic truths taught in the scriptures, but there is often a great deal of advice preached right along side it. Often that is good advice, but it isn’t always what’s best for everyone of us. Sorting that out can be very difficult. I seek guidance from God whenever I find things that don’t seem to match up with either my beliefs or my situation. My husband read, “Christ taught 30 percent principles and 70 percent application”. Sometimes the same principle apples differently because the situation is different. Finding our own path, with God by our side, is so importaint. Learning to trust him, and giving myself over to his will has led my down many paths I wouldn’t have thought were right. Those paths are often the ones that have brought me the greatest happiness. Over coming the deep shame I felt around sexuality has been hard and painful. I am so blessed because I walked that path with God. I was able to have his support and guidance. This journey has deepened my faith and trust in him. So many people take a road to overcoming shame in ways that cause them to lose their faith or transgress the laws of God. They may have overcome the shame, but at what cost? I have heard so many stories about people who sacrifice their marriages or their chastity in the persuit of overcoming shame. Then teach it as the only way, so of course, it must be right. I do not feel that way. More that that, I feel blessed that though all my struggles, my sweet man has stood beside me, loved me. I can not see another path leading to such great happiness. I can also see how being choosy, waiting for a man God personally approved for me, has made all the difference. He is perfect for me. I could have never known how perfect, but God did.
There are many reasons for sexless times in our marriages. Some can be avoided, others not. walking with God, letting him lead, has been the surest way for me to find happiness either way. I believe strongly that the pledge I made to my husband to be a faithful loving companion is the most importaint commitment I have made in this life. I do not intend to allow anything to undermine it, with or without sex.
P.S. There is a comment near the end of the article “Words of Wisdom to Young Women – Penis Size” about health and sex by John no. I would encourage anyone having health issues to read it. I found him and his wife truly inspiring.
I agree – From day 1 of our marriage, my husband have applied 1 Corinthians. 7:5 to our sex lives, and have never defrauded one the other, as the Bible says, of sex. If one of us asked, the other always said yes.
And when the kids came along, we never allowed them into our bed. We were very strict about bed time which is how we were able to keep our marriage sexy, and they knew that “lights out” indeed meant stay in bed.
This is my advice for number 4 – if the kids keep getting up, always put them back in their own beds no matter how long it takes, it might be hard at first but soon they’re going to get the message that they have to stay in their own bed. Persistence pays off. Bless
I have a friend in a men’s group at church whose wife has decided that they will never again have sex. You wouldn’t know it by looking at them – happy, affectionate, kind to one another. He is in pain though.
Mark Gungor has suggested that the sex starved spouse move out until the issue is addressed. He is very confrontational.
Interesting – I made a comment almost exactly a year ago on this thread. I'm still in this trap today but we're trying to navigate our way out of it, including a little bit today at Christmas; and I'm trying to inspire others to do the same via the sex-positive movement. I know so many others are in similar situations or at the very least, are having it a lot less than they should or desire to. I pray about these situations daily.