Stimulation for Lubrication: How to Love my Menopausal Wife
Hello, Everyone!
I have been reading your stories for nigh on a decade, and now I come in need of veteran wisdom.
By the grace of God, my wife beat a vicious form of leukemia, but the treatment threw her straight into menopause. Now, making love is a frightening prospect for her because her body is so slow to lubricate and synthetic lubes cause a burning sensation. Coconut oil is pleasant, but she still hurts a lot afterwards. I would love stories of success and failure both to help me think through the hormonal and physical challenges to our coming together.
Earnestly,
Christmas
It might be a question for a qualified professional, I have read that women's vaginal walls can become thinner with age and doubtless there are things that need to be changed up because of this. Not an expert here. As far as different lubes go though: there are brands like Sliquid and Slippery Stuff which are specifically formulated for women who have trouble with the ingredients in big-brand lubes. It might be worth looking into…
Coconut oil has worked well for us. Maybe if you do extended foreplay before intercourse that would help.
Also, my post menopausal wife does HRT or hormone replacement therapy and that has helped her vagina stay more ready for sexual penetration … but me or by a G spot vibe.
I agree, extra time spent in foreplay can help a lot, as we've recently discovered..having a few manually induced orgasms are a great warmup. We have tried a large assortment of brands & types of sex lubes over the years..I used to order 2 or 3 different ones at a time , to try. ( Thanks, Amazon) Water-based lubes work well ( Some ? Most ?) The ones we've used require adding lube during activities, as they are soaked in the skin, or start drying out when exposed to air. Hybrid lubes are supposedly an improvement, and a few of those we tried were, but recently started using a silicone based lube (an EROS brand) I bought long ago, put on a shelf, & forgot about until I recently found it. A little goes a long way..we used a small amount & it doesn't absorb into the skin and it doesn't wash off with body fluids..a bonus. is it's extremely slippery.
Downside ? It may be more expensive than water based lubes, & can damage some toys, those made with silicone.
Best wishes in finding a product that works for you.
Praise God for helping your wife beat such a tough enemy! I'm glad she's still with you and that you're working on maintaining intimacy after such a struggle!
I'll second Faith-Manages' idea for trying alternatives lubes to see if they help. Although if coconut oil is working well, it sounds like that's at least one good option to fall back on! It may be your best option overall, since it will probably be healthier than any synthetic lubricant, even the less problematic ones.
Consider seeing some health professionals about her pain during/after sex. That shouldn't be happening. It may be common after the ordeal her body went through with leukemia and what sounds like a pretty aggressive and taxing treatment. But common doesn't mean normal. I don't know what can be done for this kind of issue, but I do know that there are effective treatments available for all kinds of conditions that mainstream medicine won't tell you about, simply because they're usually specialized in one school of treatment and don't keep up with all the alternatives that are being discovered or developed. Maybe try looking for a doctor of natural, functional or integrative medicine with a focus on women's health. That could be a good place to start.
I pray for the best in her journey of recovery, and for the sexual intimacy you two are rebuilding!
It's so nice to hear other people, especially men, promoting functional medicine. I'm going that way as much as I can because of all the scary and deceitful stuff I've heard about mainstream medicine and Big Pharma. I'm working with a doctor who does Restorative Reproductive Health for women, and it's so informative. I'd also advise a D.O. They have all the knowledge of regular doctors but they delve to the root issues in the spine, nerves, and tissue.
Go to a bioidentical hormone replacement doctor.
My wife sailed thru menopause. Sex was better afterwards! But she had cancer and lost her ovaries. Then she had symptoms as you describe. Thanks to hormone replacement, she is having the best, messiest sex of her life.
Congratulations of beating the Leukemia. Prayers work.
As we have become older, it takes my wife a long longer to get her juices flowing. Some of the time, the foreplay takes longer than the making love part.
We are both seeing a doctor who is helping us with bioidentical hormone replacement therapy. It's working for us.
The lube that works best for us is Uberlube, we have bottles stashed throughout the house, barn and camper.
We are in our 70s. My Anne finds KY Slide works well for her/us. She actually asks for less than more.
I can relate totally, I'm having the same problems, hope you the best, I'm lost also