I saw you standing there

The air sat on my skin, thick and heavy with tension. I wanted you to go: that gnawing in my stomach. Get out! Don't you dare go!...please go: no don't. I knew everything you said was true. I couldn't admit it; not to you. Not to the one that believed in me. I had cheated. That was no surprise, though. Was it? Not really. Maybe to you: you believed me. You held on to me. I don't know why. This kind of life, this world, surely is not what you had in mind. Pride only goes so far. Weeping, hearing as your words tumble from your lips. Balls of fire that burn in the pits of the soul: I fell deaf.

I wanted to be wanted. She wanted me. Emotion - love - that umbrella of bliss and torture; that is somehow so beautiful; leaves the flesh wanting. When the fresh breath of love was exhaled; life settled in. All those hours spent: oh, what a beautiful bond; but it's not that of lovers - not really. Months and years spanned time that my body never felt your touch. Your eye never stopping to gaze at my lips: your hand never brushing my bottom. The way it felt to have someone relish my body; to want me; to look into my eyes and want me. I shouldn't have fallen weak. I did.

My body unresponsive to you so many times. I know that was hurtful. Why did you not desire my body, until someone else had touched it? You said you did; but you didn't; and you still don't - as years have gone by; yet again.

2.22 avg. rating (46% score) - 18 votes
4 replies
  1. SouthernGent says:

    I am sensing great pain, shame, anguish - desire to be loved and wanted. I hope you can work through it. I would suggest a book to read called Worthy Of Her Trust by Arterburn and Martinkus....

  2. Eva says:

    This Is really beautiful and really heartbreaking all at once. It leaves me with so many unanswered questions. Thanks for sharing and I hope you both find healing.

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