MH Poll and Song of Songs 1:2
Loading ...It turns out that the name Marriage Heat is very connected to Song of Songs. Song of Songs 1:2 sets up the book, talking about erotic marriage love as “burning love.” Before you study this passage, answer the following Marriage Heat Poll.
Song of Songs 1:2
Temporary Note: Pam and I are back from our Mediterranean cruise. We had an “ouh là là” time. I will post polls and a verse-by-verse study of the book of Song of Songs. (See Songs of Songs 1:1 – Click Here)
Song of Songs 1:2: Beloved Speaking: “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine.”
Metaphors and Interpretation
Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: This line embodies a direct and passionate desire for physical intimacy and connection. Kissing, a universal sign of love and affection, is a metaphor for a deeper emotional and spiritual connection between lovers.
“Your love is better than wine.” The term “love” stems from the root “dod,” which means “to boil.” This root appears 32 times in the Song of Songs, primarily denoting erotic love, lover, or beloved. In this poetic book, the “Lover” is the giver of erotic attention, while the “Beloved” is its receiver. The Song of Songs celebrates the erotic love between a husband and wife.
Such fervent love is to be not only celebrated but also discussed, enjoyed, nurtured, and cherished. The term “dod” is versatile. It’s translated to mean “love”, the one who is loved (beloved), the one who loves (lover), and those sharing love (lovers). Notably, the word marks the beginning and end of the Song of Songs, appearing in 1:2 and 8:14, as well as multiple verses.
The imagery of boiling or simmering can metaphorically refer to strong emotions or passions stirred up within a person. Just as a pot of water begins to move and bubble when heated, emotions like love can be seen as a powerful force that “heats up” within someone, leading to strong feelings and actions.
Interestingly, the Beloved does not refer to “our love.” She speaks explicitly of “your love,” valuing his deep affection and desire for her. She doesn’t merely acknowledge his feelings but actively craves them, likening them to the allure of fine wine. Embracing her femininity, especially about his masculinity, she understands she was crafted especially for her lover. Within this dynamic, she is the Beloved, and he is the Lover. She remains wholly confident and at ease in her femininity.
Sacred Text – 1 Corinthians 7:8-9: But I say to the unmarried and to widows, it is good for them if they remain even as I am. But if they don’t have self-control (the calling or gift of celibacy), let them marry, for it’s better to marry than to burn.
Heat Conversations:
- Marriage Heat: The book begins by directing our attention to erotic love, describing it as a “boiling love” designed by God for marriage. Do you feel content with the heat in your marriage? To what extent are you willing to “turn up the heat?” What are the obstacles you face in surrendering to love?
- Desire for Connection: The beloved openly expresses her desire to become the object of his physical intimacy. How important is open communication about your desires?
- Joy and Pleasure: The comparison to wine suggests that their erotic love brings unparalleled joy and pleasure. How do you feel when you hear this?
- Better to Marry than to Burn: The Apostle Paul affirms that erotic love is normal and natural and that marriage is the place to explore that ‘heat.’ Have you ever reflected on how God has hardwired humans for erotic love?
It seems to me that communication in general is harder than I ever thought, even in my own family! And reading an increasing number of books on relationships in the last few years it seems male/female relationships are particularly hard. But if you're not talking or too uncomfortable to talk about certain subjects (sex being one of them), I don't know anything will ever improve. And heck I'm still single so if I'm having trouble with this now, it behooves me to learn everything I can about communicating in relationships.
I went through Song of Solomon not too long ago so I'm at least familiar with it. I still don't necessarily see what everyone else does in it, but I'm willing to accept you guys' interpretation as valid. As far as your discussion topics go:
My mother was someone that was very sexually inhibited and extremely judgemental on top of it. It probably messed me up a lot in ways that I'm still discovering and I don't know that my personal convictions aren't just a reaction against my own upbringing. There seems to be this thing in the Church as a whole where Godliness & Righteousness are synonymous with being sexually inhibited. And how to find a woman who is Godly and still sexual & adventurous…it seems to be a rare thing! I really pray that the woman God has in store for me will be well-matched sexually and that we can both enter into marriage with our eyes open.
I think that anyone that's likely to be reading/posting here would agree with me, but then does that make us right and them wrong? It's like it's an echo chamber and we're feeding off each other but I don't know where to go to really examine my beliefs without having them automatically contradicted by some heavy-handed condemnation. In my private counseling/inner healing/deliverance we've been going through generational curses and just the list of things that are listed that they consider sins or curses: BDSM, masturbation, D&D, the list goes on and on. I don't know that I'm ready to argue them all so then I just go along with the prayers. And I do have this fear, like what if I'm wrong and all these things actually ARE sins? I don't know if I'm ready to confront that yet but discussing that with people who automatically believe them, does make me tread carefully.
I DO believe that God gave me my desire and that it's not unnatural. I think He created us with desires & longings, and having those go unfulfilled for so long has been extremely hard for me (I'm mid-30s right now). Heck you mentioned I Corinthians 7 but if you look at verses 1-2: "Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: it is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband." But there's something about believing the Bible literally and believing a TRANSLATION of the Bible literally that really interests me. For instance I quoted that passage using NKJV but if you used something like The Message it really gives a different feel.
So where does Waiting on the Lord end? Of course most people would say "When He says so." Which sounds great, until you've been single for your entire dating life and you're getting that advice from people who married a heck of a lot younger than you ever will. And it's not like I feel like this all the time, just when I'm feeling frustrated and am thinking about it too much. But as far as the "better to marry than to burn," I've heard a lot of advice that it's better to wait than to rush into marriage with someone that you're not well-matched to, and it seems like a lot of guys out there regret their marriages these days. I don't know what the solution is but I would much rather learn from the mistakes of others than rush into something I'm not ready for.
Faith-Manages – I have a leadership responsibility in my church. I sure hope I have never communicated to anyone in the congregation that any sexual loving in marriage is wrong. Sex is a delightful part of being in love, and all married couples should take full advantage of God’s gift. But I do believe that sexual focus between unmarried couples is dangerous, and like anything dangerous, it should be managed with care – the least of which is waiting for marriage.
You may have heard this example before, but sex is like a brass section in an orchestra. In its place, it can result in beautiful music. But when it inappropriately dominates a relationship before marriage, the beauty of the music can get lost. The danger of the music getting lost is that couples can lose perspective and make some really bad decisions as is typified by our high divorce rate.
There are those in MH who will disagree with me. But I have been married for 53 years and complying with God’s prohibition against sex outside of marriage has worked for me.
Hi Frankie. I hope you didn't think I was referring to premarital sex. I'm sure it's difficult for women to be up front about being sexual in any way before they get married, because it would probably entice the predators to come out. But it seems that it's not as easy as flipping a switch after one gets married. From what I'm learning. I'm sure it would be for me but I'm a guy, and I'm not sure how easy it is for women who are certainly preyed upon quite a lot more, to go from a chaste state of living to being a wild woman between the sheets with her husband.
I agree and am in that same predicament. Most Christian men haven’t liked me in the past because I’m way too comfortable with talking about sex so they automatically think I’m a sl*t or something. It is definitely been hard to find a Christian guy that isn’t so chaste about sex.
SSS there's being chaste and there's PRETENDING to be chaste. I know being a virgin is supposed to make you much more marriageable, not that it's helped me.
I don't know what kind of guys you hang out with, but a girl talking (and especially joking) about sex isn't a red flag for me, quite the opposite.
I haven’t read the book, but as someone living in a sexless marriage, I can speak to the importance of each of your points. Each spouse must be willing to work through and overcome any obstacles impeding a wonderful sex life. The mental and physical strain of unmet desires is overpowering. The psychological toll is an ever present burden and not a strain I would wish on anybody. The lack of intimacy rips apart the connection between husband and wife, leaving a couple who are, at best, roommates. Everything suffers. Everything.
With the exception of those that have the gift, we are created to be sexual beings. Song of Solomon confirms and rather explicitly encourages this. Paul also encourages husbands and wives not to withhold sex from one another lest we cause the other to fall into temptation. While it’s true that we are each responsible for our own actions, it’s also true that a part of the responsibility rests on the shoulders of the spouse who withholds sex.
Almost no one can answer how a deprived spouse can safely handle his or her unmet sexual needs. Living day to day in a constant state of sexual frustration is mind-numbing. Feelings of arousal are almost always followed by feelings of guilt.
Even when sex happens occasionally, it’s not enough to build or maintain the emotional and “spiritual” connection that God meant to exist between husband and wife. In fact, it only serves to frustrate it. Marriages are meant to exemplify the union between Christ and His church. Sexless marriages don’t do that. They can’t do that.
There is only a cycle: frustration, arousal, guilt – repeat.
Husband or wife, it is always our responsibility to be available sexually. And not just available – we should always sexually pursue our mate.
The purpose of this site is to highlight and encourage great sex between husband and wife. I applaud that mission.
And I also appreciate your efforts – HR – on trying to build and encourage healthy sexual conversation.
While researching the Sexual Intimacy course, we found that wanting to change is often the first conversation. God did create us as sexual beings! I found it fascinating the point in Song of Song 1:2 that the beloved loves the fact that her husband has a higher libido.
I nearly voted Physical and Emotional Health Challenges as one of my two (Past Experiences and Trust Issues were my actual two), and Communication is definitely a factor, particularly communicating about sex. Health challenges were a big factor in my late wife's and my sexless marriage in later years. It's hard to think about sex when your life partner is dying and you're watching the decline, trying to help in any way you can. To say the least.
Ed Wheat's book from the 1980's, "Intended for Pleasure", has a chapter on the Song of Solomon, and that was a massive breakthrough for me, in understanding the book, and my own sex drive and desires – and erotic thoughts. It was one of the earlier books that explained the Song as more than just a metaphor for God being married to His church (it is both – that metaphor, and steamy, erotic poetry). He also discusses the Song in "Love Life". Some of the book is dated, and certainly a reflection of the times, pre- internet and all that, but it was many years ahead of its time. Kinda like MarriageHeat is now. (Thumbs up to this site.)
My wife Pam and I were influenced by Ed Wheat's books, too!
Friends,
A couple points,
The Bible promotes the celebration of intimacy in marriage. Find a different Bible-believing church if they don't. If you're single and craving, like fishing for fish, you have to go to the lake where that kind of fish are. Join the singles groups at church, vet Christian online sites, etc.
My wife and I have had sexless seasons. They have sometimes corresponded to physical health and stress, and other times to one of us being selfish. When humility is rediscovered and the stress is alleviated, we turn up the heat.
Shame has no place in a Christian. We are to live expressing grace to each other. Gently, without shame, talk about sin and seek repentance and reconciliation but always me first when it comes to confessing.
Also, in the sexual balance or in the kitchen, it works best if I feel its my turn to give or put out.
Your bro