We All Want Solution

Hello MHers:

INTRODUCTION

I’m new to MH as a member, though I’ve been here for awhile as a reader. Thanks for allowing me to join.

In recent weeks a couple of discussions were posted by QuestioningThings1 & sweetsugarspice. My heart goes out to people like this. I am sorry for the problems you are going through, at the hands of other Christians, no less. It’s not just these stories, but countless people have other stories of trials & troubles.

I’m with you. As many people are. I am crying with you, & laughing with you, if that ever applies. Your confession, venting, and honesty are so appreciated.

I have a lot of thoughts, and sex is a loaded, complicated subject. But my experience is that people complicate things, not God. That complication comes from me, as well as other people. I am not an expert, and I don’t begin to say I know how you feel. How could I? Your life is you. However, I do care. As you know, Jesus does, too.

I would like to offer how I came through a tough time. I won’t give details. But if you read through this long reply to all the different stories of heartache & hurt, maybe my thoughts could help as they helped me.

THE STORY

Something happened in my life I never would’ve imagined. I was devastated & at a crossroad. How could this happen if I was a Christian? I questioned my next step. Continue being me or change. I noticed my life led up to this problem, regardless of other people in the problem with me. My Christianity had failed me. I had failed my God.

I decided, instead of just getting by and continuing as the Christian I was, I was going to change. Instead of shying away from God, and just being comfortable as me, I doubled down on Him. I dove deeper. Amidst all the hurt, I had to find rest in God. I got tired of carrying unnecessary burdens.

THE THOUGHTS

Please, bear with me. This is long. I also warn that you may wonder where I am going with things, but hopefully it will make sense. Some subjects may seem off topic, I assure you, they are not. Also, my estimation of what I have been through is my take. How I have worked things out. I am not God, but only wish to point to Him. Any advice is for the reader to estimate for themself. Between you and God. But I do aim to help. It changed me twenty-eight years ago. These are my thoughts now and what I see for solution, still for me today, and so many hurting people.

Before there was sex, there was God. We humans were formed before there was sex. Before sex, we had a relationship with God. This relationship is the Alpha and Omega of me. Meaning, if there is no sex in my life (I know, huge gasp, right) I will be fine. Practically speaking, we all know about the high drive low drive dilemma. But, the picture of Christ is one of power, not panic, to address this fallen world, my sin, and theirs. Jesus showed a path of meekness that goes to the cross, determined before He was ever born.

I am a reader of MH, and understand the need for positive sex lives in the church. I do not judge, nor condemn. However, we should know our place of power, in every situation. Even a no sex life, problem marriage, or any other trouble we see ourselves in. I have found God to be my beginning & end. Not sex, not [fill in the blank]. Am I frustrated when I don’t get sex? Sure, the longer it goes the more frustrated I can get. Should we have sex? Yes, if you can, have marriage sex. But, we should know when it is time to hold or fold. As Jesus did, and be able to go through it without sinning. Jesus didn’t want to go to the cross, but did not panic. He went in power. My point is we Christians should be chasing after God, not sex.

Sometimes the sex positive scene sounds a bit sex only. God speaks to balance things for His kids. Sometimes pro-sex cannot/will not happen. Pro-sex Christians don’t much address that. It seems there’s either a site that is about dead bedrooms, or a site about marriage sex. The Bible is balanced. The world says divorce the low drive spouse. God doesn’t. Christians entertain the worlds perspective quite a bit. And that leads to what happened to me and others. Quite possibly everyone, hurt in church. I’m not talking about even being married and wanting a divorce. I’m just saying, I’ve seen it. The tired. Depressed. Crying. We don’t seem to be getting any help. These are things God wants to cure. But many Christians court hopelessness.

Without God we can do nothing. We can’t sin or do righteousness. And we can’t figure this whole sex thing out. I found the disease of sin is much more than I ever dreamed. Believing I was walking with Jesus, I ended up in a bad place. I was confused, hurt, and tired. But, the only place I knew was sound, was God. So, instead of continuing to dabble, I dug deeper. Instead of dipping my feet in, I drown in Him.

If ever we are going to find solution we have to start with God. I went through all the church motions & I knew I was saved, but something went wrong. My life ended up where I was facing a sin as a solution. I have grown up in a handful of different church denominations, my parents took me to church all the time, I ate it all up, & I loved it! Then there was me, outside the church. It was almost as if Jesus & porn were planted in my heart the same day. I had an affinity for both. I processed it all through my youth & into my marriage. Then, I woke up one day & realized I caused a problem.

I had to change. My gatekeeping, my desires, my church going, my ignorance of it all, and sex led to my problem.

BAPTISM AS AN EXAMPLE

Let me explain, by using baptism (not the big problem, but a lesson learned in my journey) as it outlines my cure best, and I estimate speaks to many issue.

Through several churches I realized the church (as a whole) has different answers to the same question. Church division maybe the single biggest cause of much of our problems we face. It’s not just baptism, but any topic. Ask ten different churches how and why (or if) they baptize and you get 10 different answers. Then it even gets more confused when you start talking to individual people. Not unlike the topic of sex. When my problem dead-ended my life, I quit with the confusion. I quit me. The church, the people aspect, became secondary. God became primary. My take on Him got me into this problem, so I started eliminating me and took Him, at His Word. Alpha and Omega.

My walk had to be His Word, not mine. Not my parents, not my preachers, not youth programs, not love interests. No one. I kept going to church, but people had to match God’s word before I listened to them, as any kind of help on my journey. People are to support the already spoken word of God. That’s where I started.

I left all human church at the door and picked up my Bible and started walking just with God. I figured, if God was guiding me, if anything I left behind was Him I’d pick it up when He brought me to it. Somethings I never picked it up again. Somethings I did. I stuck to the scripture. I didn’t have an agenda except to find out who God was and find out who I was. His word alone. Confusion started to fall away, quickly, and even more over time.

The biggest point is, that I did not try and address my big problem. I tried and it failed. The cure was to leave my big problem aside. I knew God had a desire for it and I did, too. So, I just prayed and believed God’s will would be done there, and I left it alone. The cure was seeking to be right with God BEFORE anything else. I found He wants me devoted to Him and be His obedient disciple in ALL circumstances. Whether I was having sex or not, was married or not, divorced or not, or any other dilemma I found myself in.

He gave me a spirit of love, power, and self-control to be, and exist, at all times, in all issues, and choices. I was to be a confident believer in Christ whether my prayers got answered to my liking or not. My house was meant to stand through the floods, winds, & storms. Jesus slept during the storm. I was on a mission to join Him.I had to be very patient and mean it when wanting God to lead. He may not get around to our need until He addresses a lot of other things, getting to it.

The baptism confusion helped me at my cross roads. I’d been baptized and it was my belief/choice to do so. But a few churches later, baptism wasn’t really a thing. Until it came back many years later. To anyone going through problems I say make sure, by God’s word, that you are secure in Christ, first before deciding what the fix is. Living together, not married, having sex is not secure. Thinking God is ok with your bisexuality is not secure. Being wishy-washy about baptism and leaving your fate to saved sinners, like me, is not secure. Be willing to get to the bottom with God. This is where I dug my grave.

I found God teaches about things  in the Bible, directly. Then, if not directly, He give enough to teach on things indirectly, too. Like, there is more to the Romans Road conversion. It’s funny how Romans chapter 6 gets left out of that. In my estimation, God’s word tells us there are 7 points to conversion God means us to understand, and these are continually stewarded for all our life, on earth. All biblical, 1. Grace 2. Belief 3. Faith 4. Repentance 5. Immersion (baptism of the believer) 6. Confessing Jesus as Lord  7. Endure to the end.

None of these will ever make you feel different, except from a possible temporary high, at first. But, conversion isn’t about a feeling or experiencing a phenomenon. God’s word saves, not how passionate we feel about something (even sex). It is about believing God at His word, regardless of whether you feel saved or not. He is the final say. He declares it and it is. It has nothing to do with our feelings. God’s Word Saves. Jesus died in that belief, and God raised Him from the grave alive, anew, King Jesus. Believe the Word, believe the reward.

That carries through all of life’s ups and downs. All bouts with faith and doubt. Take God at His word and believe. Sex is big. Approaching it, defining it, concluding on it by our own thoughts and beliefs can cause big problems. Like me, you may have to throw out all of what people told you and just start with God. I found a lot of peace in that. Burden was left behind.

This is where I suggest we all start. But, this is not just about starting on the right foot, or just about conversion. If that is where you must start, then start there. It is also about the long hard road that leads to life. Satan, basically has 2 weapons to get us to believe him, instead of God. One, Lies, and two, accusing. Satan is very skilled at his invisible craft of deception and destruction. God’s word proves true, and that is our weapon and ammunition. Sin within will want to believe Satan. But it is only God’s word that will speak truth. The truth. What I mean is, we have to know God’s word. Study, ponder, meditate on it.

A big part of my strategy was to pick up the Bible and never put it down. Not literally, but I try to read three chapters a day. I read scripture, basically, Monday through Friday. Weekends, holidays, and vacations get me out of my routine, but I still try then, too. I pray before every time I read scripture. This is the road. I do it cause my life depends on it. I can honestly say my life changed over these decades because of this. Today can bring God’s change just as much as 20 years can. I try and spread Bible and prayer through my day, like meals. But it is sometimes easier to read and pray all at one time. Especially on days off.

Make it a spiritual coffee break or meal with Jesus. Just wanting to hear what He has to say. About anything. My job allows me to wear ear plugs and I go throughout my day without too much people interaction. I use that time to preach and ponder in my head. It’s how I meditate. I preach through a “sermon” with God in my head. That is where I have thought out a lot of confusion. Just taking scripture seriously and not imposing myself on God. I wanted to solve me, with Him.

ACCUSATIONS, LIES, FALSE THOUGHTS, AND DOUBTS

Another thing I developed was a conversation with Satan’s accusations and lies. Not that I was seeing Satan, but that I just don’t leave my statements of self talk, doubt, or lies to just stay and hang there in my mind. Just saying no to them wasn’t enough. Just shooing them away was only temporary. I had to work the equation out to get to God’s answer being what stuck with me. Most important, I had to work out my own timidity to not only apply and believe truth to the lie, but also know that, in Jesus, I have authority. The lies and accusing answer to Jesus, and me as the gatekeeper. I believe this is crucial.

So many times we get wrong thoughts in our head and we just bat them away hoping that’s enough. But, it’s not. Fear or preoccupation allows them to still hang around with no real answer to them. They speak, but I was not actually shutting them down. They linger and come back. Taking thoughts captive entails working God’s word into it to change our mind from believing a lie to believing and walking in confidence of truth. This takes time. Somethings can stick more than others. Somethings come back, too. And somethings just take time to get it all worked out. Knowing God’s word also applies to those times of doubt. It gives us strength to hold on to truth when you are at your weakest, and ready to give up.

Along the journey you will doubt. You will be disappointed in yourself. You’ll think God is disappointed in you. You may even question your salvation. This is where it matters most. God’s word is sound. He does not scare. He does not run. And Satan’s lies and accusations do not apply to God. God’s word has promises and declarations in it that says as long as you want Him, He wants you. Our sin is not a source of hatred for God. Nothing separates us from the love of God, and we are able to overcome and conquer!

GOD IS STEADFAST, HIS WORD IS TRUE

So, if we are having a bad day, we can live through it knowing Jesus sympathizes and knows our pain. Salvation is still intact and can never be severed as long as that is what we want. God knows your heart and is more than willing to give you Himself. More than we ever know. A doubt, a moment of weakness, a sin? God knows whether you are Pharaoh or Moses when you stumble. It is Satan’s lie and accusations that wreak havoc on us. Believe God, at His Word, and that goes away.

Once you are working on your relationship security, you will move into all kinds of scriptural topics, church issues, and even your own questions on worldly or human issues. Take your time. Let God build the house as He wants. Don’t rush it. My style is to read Genesis through Revelation. Then just keep doing that over and over. This has helped, tremendously. You read how you need to, but read and never quit. With a heart to please God, because people (including yourself) led to your train wreck, if you are really desiring cutting through the confusion, tired of beating your head up against a wall, and really see God as the only thing to hold on to you will start to become His answer to your problem.

I stopped being confused and started walking on a sure foundation. In my heart, instead of drowning, I was walking on water. But it took a stronger willingness to forsake sinners who need Jesus and have no middleman between God and I. This is not a pain free way, but it is a lie free way. People will still be people. Differences will still exist. God addresses that in the Bible, too.

EVENTUALLY, SEX

Eventually, God will address sex. Sex is not just about the orgasm. Sex is more than one person can handle, all by themselves. With all I’ve said up to here, I came to God as His Word proved true. Nothing else mattered. I got into sections I read in the Bible and dissected them. Is what I think correct? Is what preachers said correct? Are the replies on MH correct? I let the scripture grow & magnify on that subject. Did David sin by just seeing Bathsheba? Was the naked body a sin of Adam & Eve? I LET THE TEXT TELL ME. God is not a God of confusion. People are confused. We want things to be certain ways, but we did not create ourselves. God did. He is our manual.

Scripture is able to be thought through. Like savoring your favorite food or drink, we can savor God’s Word. He gives us a mind to turn it over and around, in our mind. Creation, human experience, and other church members can support and help, too. Is masturbation a sin? I came to a working conclusion that it is not. Orgasm & arousal came with my body. As I learned what my legs did, or tastebuds are, or my need for toenails, I need to learn about my sex system. Knowing your body is not a sin.

God addresses bodily fluids in Mosaic Law. God killed Onan for not having a child with the sister-in-law. Onan was not jacking off. Humans have no problem peeing, breeding animals, or saying God allows sex, yet God never really requires other people to teach any of those things to us. I need to know about my sex system. Does my dick get hard? Do I feel sensations? Do I orgasm? Does my clit feel good when I rub it? There is nothing wrong with me finding out if, or how, my body works.

I had to be ok with relearning what church taught me. God has boundaries to His freedom. Not being an offense, not causing people to sin, bearing with the younger, or weaker, in the faith all exist in God’s Word. Just as we see God allowed multiple wives, He also warns of it. God allowed family to marry, but God does not allow rape. God gives liberty but we must be careful what we share and allow in our personal faith because not all Christians believe the same. He will condition you. He molds and makes you. All your sex beliefs, and theirs, will find the proper place in your heart. If you want God to be the only one who speaks on it.

Can God use people? Yes, they are in the Bible, too. But, God says we must love Him first and foremost. In comparison, if it comes to it, we forsake people. Leave, hate, even family if they are against God’s will. People are to support Jesus, not be Jesus. I have no problem sitting in church or reading a book. I just don’t give people the authority I once did. People are just like me. They sin. I sin. I just can’t do the confusion anymore. God never did.

That means I see people different. I used to see people like heroes. I wanted to impress and be a part of their lives, so bad. Then they hurt me. Betrayed me. Yet, I learned from scripture how to deal with them. Even if I didn’t want to. They were no longer the love of my life. Only God is. God had to come first, when I wanted sex to be there. I thought I knew what was proper, but it led to my fall.

MY CONCLUSION

I’ve since picked up the pieces of my major problem twenty-eight years ago. But only with God have I learned where my desires are supposed to be. Elephants don’t stay in the room too long, with God’s Word. Sex and people are in their correct place, in my heart, because I took the years to address them with God. I am not perfect and this is a daily path I tread. I will sin. So will others. But my path is clear and full of truth that sets free.

I hope this helps. We church people teach youth to be a certain type of Christian.  Sometimes, we don’t know any better than to listen. A lot of Christian behavior and teaching can be wrong, divisive, or correct. Forgive them. You are not perfect. They tried. They failed. Things we all do. Though, I can’t help but think that church does help a lot.

As we all know, Christians don’t do sex well. They teach to avoid sin, and they go silent on everything else. The answer is not porn. Porn is an industry of fornication & prostitution. Porn teaches evil as good and good as evil. Anything that does not come from faith is sin. Yet God only allowed divorce because of our hard hearts. And, if God allowed multiple wives, why just create Adam & Eve? If Abraham & Sarah were brother & sister, why Lev 18 & 20?

The answer is God, at His Word. Lust is not temptation. Temptation is not sin. Acknowledging, appreciating, and arousal are not sin when seen through God’s Word. Lust is sin. Going to do sin, is sin. Greed to gain outside of God’s will is sin. Coveting is lust. Planning to do evil to obtain is sin. Then, the act of the sin is sin. All the stuff before lust is done under self control, power, & love. Don’t be like the world and force your belief and faith on anyone. Do it with God and care for others more than yourself.

Thanks for your time. Sorry, about the length. Love you.