Sex in View of Others?
I have a question about sex with my spouse in view of other Christian couples, and I’d like some input from the MH community.
Like some on MH, one of our kinks is having sex and being naked outdoors and in public/semi-public places. The convictions we hold do not prohibit us from either exposing ourselves or having sex in an area where it technically would be possible for someone to catch us, but we are not looking for people to catch us. Similarly, we are also comfortable with being nude or topless with others when that is the expectation, such as at a topless or nude beach. We would not want to offend anyone by being naked or topless in a location where it would not be accepted such as a normal beach, but around consenting couples, we are okay with it.
We are trying to figure out how far this can go. One of our fantasies is to have sex or at least have sensual contact or oral sex in front of others doing the same, maybe in a hot tub with another couple where we are both having sex with our respective spouses in the same area. We have not lived out this fantasy yet, but we would be very open to it with the right couple, particularly ones who love God and are walking with him and also love sex and their bodies and would be interested in the same type of thing.
The thing we get confused about is the idea that if we are okay with going to a nude or topless beach together, then technically our criteria of “consensual participation in the norm” would allow us to explore the fantasy of sex in front of others. But our hyper-conservative childhoods have not served us with healthy views of sex, and so we have yet to go to this length. But we would love to be able to explore this.
Does anyone have any experience or opinions that can help us?
Note: If you hold a different conviction about going to a topless or nude beach, it is not my intention to tempt anyone. I also am not looking for anyone to bash us for our conviction. We are more than happy to consider respectful opinions that help us evaluate our exploration of sex in a God-honoring way, and if you have opinions that differ from ours, we understand. I ask that if you do not approve of our choices, though, and only want to express your disagreement with us, that you hold that opinion for the sake of allowing others to comment on the specific question we have asked.
[From MH: for the record, “bashing” comments aren’t approved on MH. Mentorship in a loving tone, even if in disagreement, has much more potential for influence.]
This has become my favorite fantasy. Like you, this is not about an orgy or anything of that sort, but an arousal at expressing my sexual love openly with my beautiful wife in front of others happily doing the same. I suppose part of it is a little prideful in that her fit body and shaved pussy are so amazing and I feel an urge to display, but also I know that others would be stunned to know how eagerly she sucks my cock and loves for me to devour her pussy. With that said, it probably will always remain that, just a fantasy, as while it may seem pure in that our sex is only with each other, it could be too close to the flame of temptation, which God clearly warns us about. So, the thought of us and two other couples naked in a hot tub, and the wives rising to the edge and spreading their legs open for their husband's to lick, and then the reciprocity, will have to stay there.
Thanks for your thoughtful reply.
LovingCoupleTN – When it comes to public nudity, we are very different from you. We see our nudity as a private enjoyment part of our marriage. We have never been to a nude beach nor changed clothes in mixed company. We are not condemning those who have a different attitude toward nudity – just describing where we are coming from.
In our opinion, having sex in front of others carries a special danger that we would encourage you to ask yourself these questions.
Will having someone else watching you (or you watching them) distract you from your spouse?
Would it feel like you are having them in your marriage bed?
When it is over, would you feel like you had violated Heb. 13:4 "Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous."?
Thanks Frankie for your considerate reply. I have some of those same questions and we are asking ourselves those. Until we reach a place where we can answer those earnestly, then we are withholding from the act I mentioned. We have not ruled it out, but have not reached a strong conviction for or against yet.
Great question. I can certainly relate to the desire to make love in front of an audience, so to speak. I also think it is possible to have sex in the same room as another couple without it being sinful (for example there's a story on here about two sisters and their respective husbands in Vegas, you'll have to look it up). But generally speaking, from a pastoral perspective, I would discourage you from intentionally pursuing this with another couple. First, remember that Jesus said, "anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." If you're having sex with your spouse while looking lustfully at the other couple, you'd be violating Christ's command. And, of course, there's the risk that it escalates into physically sinning with the other couple, via partner swapping or orgy. I'd encourage you to be cautious and prayerful about it. God bless!
https://marriageheat.com/2020/01/19/is-four-better-than-two/
Awesome fantasy I'd love to experience as well. My wife experienced this before we where together but she did not enjoy (sex at that time) so she's not open to it. She developed some inhibitions, but is now overcoming them and opening up, however she is still not into fantasizing much. Although she has a great body for 50+ she is not into topless or nudity. However, when I bring it up in foreplay and role play a bit she sure gets wet especially about others watching her.
I'd love to start with softcore watching others and copying, but she's not ready for porn. I'd love to share a hotel room with another couple or share out hot tub and see what fun happens.
Any advice appreciated.
If you are comfortable enough in your relationship with each other, and God, to each their own.
Although married sex is not naughty or a sin, there IS something that FEELS naughty about sex outside or touching each other in a car etc. We have done those a few times and barely missed getting caught. (See my story “A Christmas Wish Cum True”.)
That being said, we would never deliberately have sex in front of another couple. At least I think we wouldn’t. I don’t know if that would be a sin but it feels inappropriate to us.
As far as going topless at say a European beach or nude at a nude spa etc… I don’t see think that is inappropriate. Of course many family oriented nudist clubs forbid public sexual contact.
There are resorts that allow public sex or have rooms for group sex, but those are swinger resorts and swinging is absolutely immoral. But of course you were not referring to swinging.
Home nudism seems perfectly acceptable and we’ve hung around with just my wife & I in the nude when it was just us. When we became empty nesters a friend at church called it “the clothing optional stage.” We also feel that occasional nudity around the kids when we were raising them was actually psychologically healthy. My Child Psych professor at the Christian university my wife & I attended said that.
I’m interested to read other MH members view on your question.
I appreciate your thoughts!
We have been caught and observed while having sex of different kinds & positions, both outdoors and indoors. We have also been seen & watched naked outdoors. The same goes for us seeing others. (I wrote a couple of stories of such here.)
Of all those times, we never planned any. We do find thinking and talking about it afterward to be very arousing, but we still have no plans of doing anything like that on purpose. We both think that's a good plan!
Just having sex outdoors, with the chance, even the slightest chance, adds enough excitement for both of us.
My second husband loved being seen nude and during sex. But even more, he enjoyed me being seen nude and or having sex. At first, I was very resistant. But when watching others at the same time, I did get excited that I was sexy enough for them to look.
Nothing sinful about nudity, watching or being watched.
What a great question for all of us that enjoy the MH community! Here we are sharing our most intimate sexual experiences with others. In one respect we are opening some of our sexual activities to the "view" of others. I believe sexual intimacy with our spouse is sacred and exclusive, but not necessarily secret. I have sometimes had thoughts of mentoring some friends of ours in sexual matters. They are newly married, but both had been married before with poor sexual experiences. I imagined both of us couples naked and having sessions of "instruction" with frank observations, questions, and practice. Of course, this line of thinking was arousing to me, and I would love to see it happen. I have had thoughts of doing an "educational" video of my wife and I making love to show how 70-year-olds still love to have sex. My wife, on the other hand, would think it appalling. Therefore… It ain't happening! I am alright with that.
All that being said, I think it would be great that consenting couples (exclusive to each other!) would share sexual times together in appropriate settings.
TRUTH–Nothing hidden!
I love that idea! thanks for chiming in!
I dont have an answer to this, other then we have the same thoughts, but no action on them. Ive always had a bit of an exhibishionist side in me, but its not expressed much, for one fear, and also shame, I guess because my husband isnt into it like me, so that fun side of me cant seem to rile him up for that as hes too uptight and guarded about it. But the idea of sex in vicinity of another couple who are doing the same is something that sounds hot to us also.
Thanks Veronica! we think about it often, but haven't yet pursued it. I pray god gives us unity and clarity, and the same for you also!
I get you, Veronica. My wife Patty is exceptionally free and confident about revealing her body to certain others while I’m watching. She is an exhibitionist when in the mood, but her main motivation is turning each other on as a primer for upcoming sex. She says “when I feel sexy I am more sexy and aggressive.” And when she savors the attention from others she feels good.
For me, it’s like I have an out-of-body experience when she flirts and I catch others enjoying her from afar. Later, say after a party, I will let her know who was checking her out, often while I’m slowly eating her pussy.
As a former swinger, I can certainly understand this question. In fact, I think a lot of us wonder "how far this can go" with a lot of our freedoms. I like that your concern for the expectations of others guides when and where you are nude, and you clearly wish to be considerate in all sexual situations as well. That, to me, fits well with Biblical guidance to avoid anything that would cause your brother to stumble. Just as you wouldn't eat sacrificial meat in front of someone whose conscience would be hurt by it, you wouldn't want to engage with your wife in the hot tub with a couple who thought sex should be kept completely private.
There are some for whom seeing another couple engaged in sexual activity of some kind would be cause for stumbling. They may believe that it wouldn't, but then it happens, and they find that they are not just excited by but longing for one of the other participants or for more interaction between the couples. I believe this is the "lust" Jesus warned against in Matthew 5:28: wanting to have what belongs to another and cannot rightfully be ours.
For others, it's just exciting to see sex happening, and there's no desire to move toward further interaction. I can't identify with that set, but I don't doubt that there are folks who have different impulses than mine. I believe there are some with the innocence to desire nothing but consensual observation of monogamous pleasure. It sounds like (and I hope) that's you two.
The problem is that one can have the best of intentions and strongest of convictions that it will be one way only to discover that it's the other—either for them, their spouse, or the other couple. That is probably why society has drawn such a wide circle in trying to prevent temptation. And don't we pray, "Lead us not into temptation"?
So I guess the question to ask ourselves is this: Is the /Lord/ leading me to share sexual situations with these friends? Will we be mutually blessed by the free expression of our pleasure with our own spouses, or will we give occasion for stumbling? I am sure that if you become close enough friends with a couple that you would feel comfortable having sex in front of each other, you'd have the opportunity to discuss the potential pitfalls and how to address them if they occur. And by the time you are intimate enough for that conversation, you might care too much about their friendship to risk it.
But if not, then I would caution clear boundaries and an awareness of "creep". Just as we can justify open sexual encounters by our convictions about consensual nudity, we can then justify sharing caresses, kisses, then "just" oral swapping… Do you see what I mean? I can understand the argument that these aren't "technically" forbidden, so if done lovingly and respectfully, should be okay, too. But then why wouldn't consensual full-swap be okay? Can you "rightfully" have what is offered for your enjoyment by the one whose right it is? (This is how Christian swinging exists.) The better question might be: Is this what is best for all involved? Not "can" we but "should" we.
Also, in any sexual situation, attachments form—they should form because sex is meant to be enjoyed within the security of a committed relationship. And those bonds can be stumbling blocks if your marital relationship begins to have problems. (Of course, strong feelings can crop up in non-sexual relationships, too.)
I know that we want to push all the boundaries and make sure we aren't missing out on some fantastic experience that could have been ours. And this probably falls flat coming from someone who has enjoyed some of them, but for me at least, the risks aren't worth the pleasure. Do I still fantasize about sex in front of and even with other couples? Sure! But I have no intention of going down that path again. It just isn't worth the risk.
I really appreciate this. you share many thoughts that I will continue to ponder.
Have you written about your swapping experiences. I must admit we were tempted and discussed trying. Both very turned on by the idea. With no chance of conception we saw no true sin. Possibly limiting it to play and not having intercourse. My husband would have loved seeing others touch/kiss my breasts and I saw no harm in being stimulated in that way. But maybe it is for the best we never let it go further.
While I appreciate a good fantasy in marriage, I have to think back to Adam & Eve and the two trees and to King David and Bathsheba. Eve could have turned away, and called out for or consulted Adam. David could have turned away from the vision he saw before him. We are flesh. The Bible states we should flee the lusts of the flesh. Why? Because God made us good, not perfect, so we would need Him. If I were in the same hot tub with a couple and all four of us were doing something, with my high sex drive—you can lose your mind temporarily—in the heat of everything I'd very much want to share with that couple things that were meant only for my wife. I'm not currently married, but I know God had someone for me. I urge you to give your urges to God. He will increase your desires for each other so that you will be satisfied. Don't forge,t Eve and Adam were living in God's glory when they were beguiled and sinned. God made the two to be visually, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually one. Our eye-gate can lead to Heaven or Hell. Have no confidence in the flesh. Be reverent toward each other because wherever you go, God is in between. 🙂 Love, David ( my real name. Lol)
This is a great discussion, and would love to chat more about it over on SOTB if you're on there.
My wife and I this year have become very comfortable with social nudity in places where it's expected/accepted, like you mentioned. Sex in front of others has somewhat been a topic of conversation, and while I don't think we'd go out of our way to plan it ahead of time and make it happen intentionally, it does feel like something I could see happening if the circumstances happened to be right in the moment (that's a big if, and we'd of course always be in agreement).
There is much that can be discussed when talking nudity and various forms of enjoyment therein. Let me just offer tidbits to ponder without laying out a full 3 point sermon. Firstly, our Creator deemed it “very good” for his humans to be completely naked in the garden. Adam & Eve muddied the pure waters by their own actions and foolish meanderings. I think God even asked them to give account as to who said they were naked. Their nakedness goes from very good to something else….in their minds. So, I say that God then dealt with them as THEY made the rules. Have you ever noticed that these really wise humans got fig leaves to cover their nakedness? Did they know that in a few hours the leaves would dry, wither and shrink and they would just be exposed once again?!?! So much for their wisdom concerning nudity.
A few passages exist that guide our journeys in relation to sex, covetousness, sexual immorality and lust. Let us be careful to not put our definitions into the ancient scriptures though. Look into the Greek and Hebrew for exacting understanding; all the while be cautious about general and vague interpretations by numerous pastors on these topics.
People can lust after clothed people, but maybe it is easier to lust after a naked person? I see bikinis that do little to hide what is underneath. The trend now is to wear the spandex type pants by many women. One can be technically clothed but still have much of an exhibition going on. By the way, nothing indicates that Eve covered her boobs. So, what do we make of requiring women to cover their breasts in our society while men are free to go shirtless? Or did Adam cover his nipps with fig leaves also?
Well, my wife and I had several same room sex moments with two different couples. It was awesome! I think the lovemaking act is one of the most incredible things I could ever view. And, I must say that the audibles were amazingly erotic! Whether touchy/feely, oral or full-on intercourse, it was all very exciting and awesome to behold! I would share my journeys but MH only allows serendipitous moments. While we never had itineraries, we did hang out with the understanding that getting naked and having sex in each other’s presence might just happen. But we were friends first… we played putt-putt, went to the beach, hit a local bar that had live bands, the other gal and I played RockBand while my wife and the other guy sat on the couch. At any time, anyone could put on the brakes and bow out. No harm/no foul. We enjoyed our clothed fellowship as well as our nude fellowship. Both of the ladies from the other couples we knew were super hot, but I never lusted after them. Very sexual. Very sensual but not mine. Their exhibition was awesome!
All that said, desiring what is not yours and jealousy can easily be a HUGE problem. Seeing other folks kibbles&bits lends itself for a more troublesome moment than does ankle length dresses and full wool pants with a sport jacket.
I would do it again with folks equally mature and committed. Red flags: Immaturity. Less-than-solid-and-committed marriages. Jealousy. (If the other woman moans loudly and you (the husband) show serious approval, your woman might get jealous… or if your wife gasps at the very large and thick cock of the other husband; how would you feel?) I am and was grounded and mature enough to navigate those shark infested waters—Are you?
I do whish that MarriageHeat would allow your stories, both scenarios sound so beautiful, sensual and wholesome in a way, I would love to read them.
Wow, theres a lot here and i really appreciate all of it. I too have experienced lusting after a woman who is fully clothed. It's not the amount of clothing that tempts me primarily. In fact, de-stigmatizing the dirtiness of sex has been helpful for me. some of the most godly people we know love to fuck and whenever they talk about their sex life, it makes me want to fuck my wife even more and makes me love her more! I have not been tempted to want to have sex with them just because they have a hot sex life.
Thanks agian!
Would love to read your experiences with other couples. Nothing wrong with nudity. Sex in the presence of others and their involvement is more complicated.
I believe we need to understand the Bible in the context of the times. We need to realize the rules about sex were directly related to conception and raising of children. Just like incest was once supported and then forbidden, so we must realize sex that has no chance of conception falls under different rules. Back when people started having sex at puberty and did not live past the age that conception was possible, we needed different rules.
In a world where oral, anal, pegging are acceptable practices, I can't see sex as a holy act. Just adults having fun. And the rules need to be modified.
I think each couple is unique. Some know they can’t handle the excitement. I would have no problem having sex in the same room as another couple while keeping it completely monogamous. I’m getting horny just thinking about watching three other people have a great orgasm!
I share the same thoughts as you….It would be something exciting but yet sacred when two committed couple are in the same room, same energy….
Each time we got together with our friends, whenever someone expressed their pleasure audibly that was like fuel to everyone’s fire. You could always expect the other couple taking a time out and watching intently if there was heated action and/or extra special audible expressions!
I too believe that MH should be a bit more loose about the exhibitionism in front of other couples, as in the case of Jim and myself, we have found ourselves in a position of playful flirting, groping and feeling up each other within earshot and eyesight of close monogamous married friends and everyone involved loves it! We are simply a “hot married couple” who inspire our friends and enjoy seeing others the same way.
We often get so horny at say an outdoor pool party, for example – and when everyone gets horny checking out everyone, the evening bedtime is in hyperdrive.
My intention with this post was not to spark anything as to what MH should and should not allow. but i do relate to your opinion. We have flirted and groped each other in front of others, and my wife has even flashed me in front of other too. due to the angle of her body position, the other couple was unable to see her boobs. I do appreciate your perspective!
My vote clearly is to loosen the rules for watching and being watched. Not sinful by any stretch of the imagination. Speaking of imagination, I know what I will be imagining tonight.
You have sparked our love life with your fantasy.
I see nothing wrong with being topless on the beach or pool party. I have done both.
Also, nothing wrong with watching others have sex or having them watch you. Providing you stay with your own spouses. Can make sex more intense.
I appreciate this post.. and all of the responses. My wife and I often talk about this, and the rightness (or wrongness) of it. I often wonder about pushing limits of freedom and if we are bending scripture to fit our earthly desires, or if we are letting Christian culture stifle our freedom more than scripture requires. Only you (and the Lord) know what's best for you and your marriage.
We've even been approached about doing it. I'd love to discuss how we've navigated that but not so sure I can on such a public forum.
Probably a little late to the party. If you are wanting to explore being seen while having sex, there are may avenues to follow that may allow this to happen without risking being arrested for indecent exposure. If you go to a Couples Only resort, not necessarily a swingers destination, and become intimate on your balcony or with the curtains open where other couples may walk by and see, that would fulfill one side, or conversely, you may see someone else. If two couples are sharing a room while on a trip, I am not going to avoid intimacy because they are present. That could make it more challenging: see how hard and many times we can pleasure each other without getting busted. If another couple was getting frisky in the room with us, it may very well ignite that spark to have our own fun. People tend to forget that many couples/families shared houses with multiple generations (nuclear family). I don't believe that no one was having sex when they might possibly get caught. If that was the case, how did so many families have so many children? It was the Puritanical movement and Victorian era that began to stigmatize and encourage more "discrete" clothing. If you think about it, that way of thinking is not very different than how strict Islamist believe women should be covered. If two couples are enjoying time together and it leads to intimacy with their own partners, who is it to say that is wrong? I don't believe in the time of Christ, that all those shepherds tending to their flocks with their wives and family by their side really cared if they were seen by co-workers, family or anyone else when the God-given desire of physical love struck them.
Having sex in front of others wasn't really on our bucket list but we do enjoy adult only nude resorts and beaches. That being said, we did go to a resort in Mexico that is known for pushing the boundaries when couples have sex in front of others. This particular resort doesn't exist anymore but has two sister resorts south of Cancun. This happened about 8 years ago and I was looking for some out in the open sex with my wife who is very hot with great boobs and a beautiful ass. She tends to be reserved but in the right atmosphere can curl my toes with her sexual energy.
This particular resort had a rooftop pool with a bar. But, the most engaging feature are the futon beds that surround the pool on slightly elevated level.
We got there before most of the others had finished dinner, so we had our pick of the futons. I got us a couple of drinks and we settled into our surroundings. That consisted of several couples already engaged in oral play which got my cock hard almost immediately. My wife was taking it all in and since we were nude, I reached over and ran my finger into her pussy. She responded with a moan and aske if "we were going to fuck like those two in front of all these people". I said yes we are and with that she grabbed my cock and started giving me an amazing blowjob. It was all I could do to not fill her mouth with cum because the atmosphere was total sexual electricity. Now mindful of our Christian values, we have never or would never entertain straying out side our marital covenant, but this public sex we were having just increased the sexual appetite for both of us. We knew people were watching and with every different position my wife got hotter and hotter. So we threw caution to the wind and as I was licking her pussy and she was enjoying the precum from my cock, more people started paying attention to us. This only elevated our desire for each other and she became more vocal as she asked me to eat her pussy as she sucked on my cock. Her low moans turned into "stick that cock in me and let me feel the warmth of your cum, followed by "I want it hard and fast". It wasn't long before she got what she wanted and then as I was licking my cum from her pussy, she had the most intense orgasm I have ever seen her have, as she looked at me and said "that is the best fuck I have ever had".
After we were finished we talked about the experience and being watched by other people. We both agreed that it was a great experience and we would do it again under the right circumstances but never stray from our marital vows. So, I guess I'm saying, under the right circumstances I didn't find it in conflict with my Christian values and principles.
I loved your comment and micro-story. I agree with your perspective and would love to experience something similar.
This is related. So thought I'd provide its link.
The Freedom to Masturbate
July 16, 2023/55 Comments/in Discussion Questions, Mutual Masturbation/by SilverGold
https://marriageheat.com/2023/07/16/the-freedom-to-masturbate/