Song of Songs 1:5-6 and Marriage Heat Services Poll
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Song of Songs Bible Study
Song of Songs 1:5-6 – Look not upon me, because I am black because the sun hath looked upon me: my mother’s children were angry with me; they made me the keeper of the vineyards; but mine own vineyard have I not kept.
Metaphors and Interpretation
“Look not upon me because I am black:”
She teases him, saying, “Don’t stare at my beautiful black skin.” (See beyond my black skin.) The NIV translates it as, “Do not stare at me because I am dark.”
“Because the sun hath looked upon me:”
She attributes her beauty to the sun. The sun might symbolize external factors or influences that have shaped her, making her the beautiful person she is today. It could also represent trials that have fortified her spirit.
“My mother’s children were angry with me; they made me the keeper of the vineyards; but my own vineyard have I not kept:”
Mother’s children: This refers to her siblings or those close to her family. Everyone carries scars from childhood. Both the sun (external influences) and these trials contribute to one’s growth and beauty.
Keeper of the vineyards: Symbolically, this could represent the responsibilities and pressures placed on the bride, which might encompass societal expectations or familial duties. We all face various challenges and adversities, many from our younger years. Marriage offers a space to heal and discuss these wounds. All our experiences, good and bad, shape our identities.
Sacred Text – Ephesians 4:25: Therefore, putting away falsehood, speak truth each one with his neighbor. For we are members of one another. Read Numbers 12.
Heat Conversations:
- How have external factors or influences, symbolized by ‘the sun,’ impacted your self-perception and self-esteem in our relationship, and how can we support each other through such challenges?
- Can you share a time when you felt burdened by responsibilities or societal expectations, like the bride’s role as ‘keeper of the vineyards,’ and how it affected your emotional well-being and our relationship?
- Can we create a safe space within our relationship to discuss and heal from the wounds and hurts we may have experienced, whether from family or other sources? How did these experience make up the beautiful people we are?
Again you have some wonderful points of discussion HR. I think that certain parts of the world value fair skin quite a lot more than others, but even if you go to Regency-era England: Jane Austen mentions it several times in her books that being "sunburned" (having a tan) was considered ruinous to one's complexion. It seems to me that this passage in Song of Songs is a woman who is being overly self-critical of her appearance, and all I can think in response is that a woman's beauty is not dependent on whatever flaws she thinks she has, if I'm married to her then I'll think she's beautiful, Period.
Regarding your poll, I guess I would like to know something: are you a part of the MH team? I don't necessarily know how things work or if you're polling people voluntarily, what the purpose ultimately is. Honestly I think that all your options sound wonderful but with the number of votes I don't know if the site has the reach to make any of those work. If it did have that kind of community invested here, I think you would need quite a few more mods, who probably already have their hands full.
As I'm single and that seems to be all I can think about (I mean between Christmas and Valentine's Day there are just too many reminders), I just appreciate that you put in the option of a Christian Matchmaker, because I feel included! I've read a lot of the back stories and discussion here over the last year or two and something that I really value here is the anonymity, because I'm aware how contentious some of the topics are here, but also because I think it's a protective environment for young single women. I don't necessarily know how I'd react to a Christian women being this sexually open/free in real life, except that I am definitely drawn to that for better or worse.
And as much as I might sometimes feel like I would just love to get some of the single ladies here out on a date or two and talk openly with them, I think there's a lot wisdom in those counseling for not starting out a relationship knowing too much about each other on that particular level. I think that the site format here (which doesn't allow things like DMs), while sometimes frustrating, is one that I can at least try to respect, because ultimately I didn't come here for that. But to be able to say someday that I met my wife on marriageheat.com, I don't NOT like that idea; at least I'd know we'd have coinciding values in a rather important area.
Still, that has kind of stirred something in my heart. So I guess my deeper question is: what does Christian Matchmaking look like? What factors determine compatibility, and how can I learn more about that? What areas are important and constitute true compatibility? What are the Principles which govern these decisions? I suppose that since my parents' divorce I've had a lot of questions about this which kept me a bit paralyzed when it came to relationships.
It seems that no one is happy with the skin color God gave them. White people want to be dark. People where the polulation is predominently people of color want to be white 🙄.
"I don't necessarily know how I'd react to a Christian woman being this sexually open/free in real life, except that I am definitely drawn to that for better or worse." Being OPEN in our discussion with others about our sexuality that is within Biblical boundaries, I don't see how that could be a bad thing. FREEDOM within marriage, I'm not seeing how that could be bad either. Some stuff discussed here is not sinful but not my thing, but I would probably do it if my wife asked. If neither of you are interested, no problem. (I (husband) am the one pushing the envelope in our marriage. That is typically the case.)
Some of the fantasies written about here cross adultery-of-the-heart Biblical lines in my opinion. But I appreciate the powers-that-be here for allowing posts that are controversial and dissenting comments. When you get married, you don't have to do everything your spouse wants.
ILM I think I might clarify that I mean "single Christian woman." I think it's more some of the comments I've read here counseling that knowing too much sexually about a woman when you start dating: I think I'd agree that it's something to be wary about. It's an extra dynamic in the relationship that is perhaps risky. Then again it would be hard to have a relationship with someone for months (or years?) only to find out that you two are not on the same page sexually and that it's going to be a dealbreaker.
As an aside I will say though as far as the matchmaker thing goes…there's something incredibly appealing about letting GOD arrange your marriage, because who would know you better and will have your best interests in mind? I have been reading books trying to get different perspectives on how involved God usually is in helping people find spouses…
Faith-Manages: You said "I think there's a lot wisdom in those counseling for not starting out a relationship knowing too much about each other on that particular level."
I would be wierd for a girl to be open about her masturbatory habits on a first date. But before too long, you will want to find out, as you say, if your sexual values match. Start with general things — views on premaital sex for example, then discuss things that would reveal if she has a positive attitude about sex. For example "I read this commentary on Song of Solomin on this Christian sexuality site MarriageHeat. I never realized how erotic and sex-positive the Bible can be! Have you read anything on the eroticism in Songs?"
If she looks like she might be a keeper, I recommend discussing the specifics sooner or later. Detailed sexual discussion is arousing and can lead to temptation. But by then you are going to want her badly, sex talk or not. As the relationship progresses, you will want her even more. Any temptation that may come from discussion of details will be easier to manage when early in the relationship than a month before the wedding.
My future wife and I had very detailed discussions about sex pretty early in the friendship, before any discussion about marriage. She wasn't embarrased to discuss it. We were both curious, and discussed EVERYTHING. How big our parts are, pubic hair, periods, bra sizes, erections & ejaculation…. It was amazing to have a gal pal that I could ask anything about sex. This was in the '70s, before forums such as MH. While this discussion was a turn-on, we were not yet at the point where we would be tempted to have sex.
We later fell in love, and got engaged. There was more sex talk, our expectations for the honeymoon, a visit to the gynechologist, getting her diaphragm, and trying it on. This was about a week before the wedding. She went to the bedroom alone to install it, and came back announcing she was wearing it. This was the most turned on I had ever been! Here we were, alone in our future home, with a bedroom ready to go. WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR?! I told her how turned on I was and showed her the bulge in my pants. That's as far as it went, thankfully.
"As an aside I will say though as far as the matchmaker thing goes…there's something incredibly appealing about letting GOD arrange your marriage, because who would know you better and will have your best interests in mind?" I agree. But God works thru PEOPLE. As the Bible says, there is safety in the counsel of many. Who's to say that God isn't going to use the matchmaker as an agent to help Him choose the right girl for you?
Suppose you are young looking for a good career and job. Sure, you trust God to lead you to the right job. But you don't sit at home waiting for someone to call or that you meet someone at random, get to talking, and he offers you a job. No. You explore the many fields of employment to see what interests you and what you have apptitude for. Then you go to school for years to prepare yourself. When you graduate, you spend hours putting together a resume that presents you in the best possible light. You don't create a account on just one job search website, post your resume, and sit back and wait to contact you. Long story short, you put a LOT of effort into finding the perfect Job. Again, this is not to discount God in any way. He ultimately leads you to the right job. But he has given you a body and mind and other people, and expects you to utilize these gifts. God really does help those who help themselves.
Finding a spouse is no different. It is more important than your career, and diserves more effort than merely waiting on God to do the work that you are capable of doing.
ILM I really appreciate your perspective, definitely some good advice in there and a couple things I hadn't considered before. I guess that I would love to talk to a girl about sexual matters but it doesn't happen often without weirding the girl out. I guess this site makes for good practice.
I checkmarked:
Christian Matchmaker — am married and hope to stay that way, so hoping I never need that service. But there are a lot of single people here. It would be good for them to have a way to meet. And yeah, charge for it. It will let potential matches know they are serious about it.
Intimacy mentor
Online workshops
Other — a companion discussion forum using bulletin board software such as PHPBBS or YAFNET. Similar in format to The Marriage Bed.
I doubt I would utilize any of the services mentioned, but they sound like fantastic resources for those that have a need for such. Great ideas.
I don't need anything from MH other than hot stories.
Seems like "HR" is trying to drive business toward his online educational website.
If that interests people, just have those resources available via the "recommended resources" page.