Looking for Guidance
Hello, friends!
I feel desperate. My husband and I have been married for two years, and the bedroom is dead.
We currently are only intimate about once every other week, if that. When we are intimate, it’s very brief with very little excitement. My husband says he’s attracted to me, but it just doesn’t feel like it most days.
We are both in our twenties with no health issues, and there are no testosterone issues; this has been checked. I don’t believe he masturbates at all, and I’ve never had a concern of him going outside the marriage.
We are in counseling, have been in counseling, and this has not helped this area at all. I’ve tried talking with my husband what feels like a million times. It seems there’s just an ongoing promise that it’s going to get better, and it doesn’t. This has been going on a lot of our marriage.
We don’t have really any other issues, but I am struggling so bad. I feel like a weirdo wife with a high desire and am repeatedly rejected or just seen as a roommate.
I’m struggling and have even fallen into masturbation as some sort of relief. He has only ever known about this once and was disgusted. I feel like an animal, and I don’t know what to do.
I’m at a loss as to how to pray. I have prayed the entire time that our sex life could be reignited. It doesn’t appear that is going to happen. I’ve resorted to trying to pray to just have my libido completely taken away but that has not worked either. I at one point was on two medications that typically decrease sex drive, and still had the same issues. I just don’t know what to do.
Any and all advice is appreciated.
Just my two cents.
Was it always like this, or did it dwindle away? If is just his libido is this low then it is more of a medical issue. If it's that he wants sex just not with you, then a) there is a reasonable chance he doesn't know why, or b) he feels like it's pointless or counterproductive to talk to you about it, c) If he finds masturbation disgusting there is a pretty good chance he feels disgusted with himself over his desires and fantasies.
I am thinking C has something to do with it. I was brought up that masturbation and fantasizing were sin sin sin and that you were disgusting if you did it. Now lo and behold I realize everyone does it
Yeah I was brought up that way too. I took me coming to the end of my rope and a miracle to set me straight.
I’ve tried to bring up any fantasies or desires and it seems like he doesn’t have any. Medically, we have yet to find anything wrong with any bloodwork.
It sounds like you have tried counseling so that isn’t it… I personally think he could be looking at porn and masturbating but I don’t know him. I just know when I was doing that every day I wasn’t interested in sex with my wife much and sometimes when we would have sex I couldn’t cum. How was your sex life when you first got married? You indicated that it might have been really good. Is there something that happened to him in regards to some sort of abuse as a child? I was sexually abused and it has created a lot of trauma for me. Was he taught that sex was a dirty thing? I was and struggle with my sexuality being an ok thing. My wife also very rarely wants sex. I am always the one to initiate. I know she isn’t “opposed” to it but she is always thinking about what else needs to be done. She will drive the kids to school and then basically say “ok hop on” in an attempt to give me release. She cums too it isn’t some great sex like I want. We will do it at least 1-2 times a week but it is for me not for her. I long for the days when she was more sexual. She refuses to wear lingerie or sexy undies (or none at all). Some of it is my fault because I have in the past used porn and masturbation and I hurt her. I would explore some of those things though. Past trauma, current porn/masturbation and his religious teachings about sex.
In the entire time we’ve ever been together, I’ve only known him to watch porn or masturbate less than 10 times. I’ve previously looked at his internet and unless he’s hiding it very well and lying, I truly don’t think he’s doing that. He also denies any abuse.
I’m sorry you’re having this trouble. I’m afraid I’m not going to be able to offer you any advice, but maybe I can give you a little comfort by saying that you are not alone.
I’m a guy, but my struggles are similar to yours. Mine have gone on for much longer and are much worse. Like you, I have no idea what to do with my libido. I think I’ve had all the struggles. I was praying just yesterday and telling the Lord that I just don’t know what to do with it.
I’m sorry. I’m really very sorry. I will pray for you. You are not alone.
About 80% or so of men want sex more than the wife. But, there is that 20% of women with higher desire. I have known two couples over the years where the wife had a very high drive and husband was low drive.
If he didn't find it sexy that you masturbated, wanted to watch or join in, he may just be very low desire. Not typical of a male his age. If counseling didn't help much or only helped for a week or two, he is just probably low desire.
At your age, I would ask myself how important is a good, fullfilling and shared sex life. If it is important to you, I might get out now and not waste years of hoping it will get better. It won't. My wife is so low desire, it has made sex life very difficult.
I think the first parts you mentioned were helpful information, but I must strongly disagree with that last paragraph. I'm sorry for the difficulties that desire differences have caused in your marriage, and I don't want this to be an overly harsh criticism toward you. But I want to make it abundantly clear that it is not right to suggest even the consideration of divorce in the poster's situation. The Bible lays out extremely limited circumstances where the tragedy of divorce is a sad but acceptable course of action. With the information we currently have about the poster's situation, it does not even come close to meeting any of those limited criteria.
Besides, marriage commitments are for life. I understand that things may get tough, and more than that, they may get deeply and personally hurtful. But marriage vows are written and spoken with the hard times in mind. They include "for better or worse, in sickness and health, til death do us part," and typically do not include "unless you hurt me, then forget it, I'm leaving." This means married couples have promised "I'm going to stick with you and work this out, even though it's hard and it hurts, no matter what."
For Christians and for spouses, there is a twofold duty to love even when it is difficult, and that CERTAINLY does not allow for abandoning vows and proving to be liars. Those who are married should fight tooth and nail to preserve and improve their marriages, til death do us part, not fighting against one another, but FOR one another, even if the other doesn't seem interested in fighting! Easier said than done? Yes, of course. But it still must be done. That's what was promised, after all.
Hi,
Sorry to hear about this, but thanks for sharing and being vulnerable here, as that seems to be an area of difficulty with your husband. Perhaps it is even the root issue? I don't know, just thinking out loud, since you asked.
I also don't know what advice I can give you as a once widowed, now married 60-something man who knows all about dry spells through experience. But here are some thoughts. For one, having grown up long before instant communication and information (smart phones, email, etc., etc.) I have experienced the limitation of both solicited and unsolicited advice, regarding sex and other areas, both in person and online. That doesn't mean it's all worthless, and I myself know of several good Christian sex sites in addition to this one, and have been able to glean some info that helped ease the sting of clinical sexlessness (defined as less than once per month, or ten times a year or less – heck, what wouldn't I have given at times for *that much*!)
One of the sites I mention is coordinated by a married 40/early-50ish woman who sometimes deals with what are called high drive women married to low drive men. It does happen, is all I know for sure.
Again, not trying to imply anything. Just thinking.
During last night's Bible study the teacher mentioned this being a very lonely and complicated culture, and my wife and I were talking during our 'pillow talk' time about being careful not to let that negativity creep into our home – and our marriage, and also affect our intimate times.
May I ask, is that the case here? It's okay to say so. It's also okay to say, "no, I don't see that", if you don't think so. I have no way of knowing; all I'm doing is suggesting areas to look into.
But if the answer is even "maybe so…", then I would suggest bringing it up with your husband, and in counseling, and (if necessary) switching to a different counselor who may be more helpful.
I know this won't solve anything overnight, but I hope it does offer some comfort and hope in your marriage, and all that it could and can be!
All the best.
I've never been married so take this for what it's worth because I'm hardly an expert in anything BUT masturbation…
But echoing what GatorBait said, I see great problems with his attitude toward masturbation considering statistics say that 95% of teenage boys masturbate and the other 5% are liars. It's possible he's one of the rare exceptions that just abhors all kind of sexual expression which would make me wonder how he grew up and what his parents' attitudes toward sex were. Then again when you say that you've "fallen" into masturbation that kind of sets my flags off as well! And it would appear that this was NOT an issue you ever discussed before you got married but I wonder if either of you have quite the right attitude here.
I pray a lot over my future wife but one area is that she masturbates regularly and has a healthy attitude toward sex, which you seem to be developing yourself! And right now the idea of a woman chasing me around the house begging for sex sounds like a dream come true but the reality is that if disparities in libido are that wide it becomes very problematic no matter which side you're on. And while it's true that MOST men are are higher libido and initiate sex, I've read before that it's not always the case–you both are finding that out right now first-hand. You're not a freak! This website has a wonderful recommended reading section, I'm learning lots.
But when you say that "I’m struggling and have even fallen into masturbation as some sort of relief," well OF COURSE you did. You just got married a couple years ago and were expecting to have all this sex on a regular basis and he's denying you, WHAT DID HE EXPECT? I just want to encourage you that you're not doing anything wrong at all. I do think you two have a lot of work ahead of you regarding your attitudes towards masturbation and sex in general and I'm happy that you're both in counseling, but if you don't see progress being made, perhaps it's time to switch counselors? Or see a specialist, like a sex therapist?
We actually had very in depth conversations both together and also with our pastor regarding sex, masturbation, expectations, etc. It just seems that since being married, it’s all very different now. We’ve also tried switching counselors and unfortunately have not made progress in this area, but did in other areas. Our part of the country appears to have extremely limited resources with sex therapy.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Being a single virgin, I can't give any experience-based advice, but everything brought up by the others here in the comments I would agree with. Definitely see a sex therapist…both of you. And find out your husband's past. I found out a few months ago that my mom has something in her past which has led to her and my dad having a basically sexless marriage, so they are preparing to go into counseling and therapy. It explains all the things that have our a wall between my parents. This is a different situation, but it might have similar roots. I'll be praying you receive wisdom and peace from the Lord. Oh, and do NOT feel guilty about masturbating. I dealt with that and it only harmed me. I'm free from it now and glory in my sexuality while keeping myself pure for marriage. If your husband has a problem with it, there's more to his past and beliefs and it must be addressed.
there is a possibility that he could be addicted to porn and masturbating in secret, so he has no sex drive left to give you. that is a faint possibility. So ask him directly if he has a porn problem, and/or whether he ever masturbate in secret ? Then at least you can know, and if so he would have to get into recovery and as a couple it can take time to heal from the damage of porn use. this is difficult i know and I am sorry, it could also really be a medical biological problem, but most sex issues seem to be psychological/behavioural/spiritual – the brain is the biggest sex organ, it has been often said.
Hello, I have asked him several times at several points over the last few years if he was watching porn or masturbating to which he completely denies. I have never seen anything on his phone regarding any of it.
I want to first commend you for seeking help and trying to find effective solutions to bring you and your husband back closer together sexually. Good for you for putting in that work, because not everyone does when they're faced with problems like this!
I have no professional credentials, but I do have a problem-solving brain and I've read a lot about issues like this, so hopefully I can offer something useful! Some of this has been covered by other commenters already, so if anything is repeated, it's because they're worthwhile things to focus on!
First, please understand and believe that you're not weird for having a higher drive than your husband. It's not stereotypical, but it IS normal, and is the case for a substantial number of couples. Your sex drive is a normal and good part of how God made you, and having your sex drive taken away is not the solution to this problem. I've heard that prayer/wish before from higher-drive spouses, but it's not the right way! I know it hurts to feel rejected. But let that hurt push you to keep fighting for change. Keep praying the first way you mentioned! Pray for your sex life to be reignited, and that you two would have thriving intimacy and pleasure again! But also pray for more: pray for patience to endure this struggle, grace to love your husband well through it, and wisdom to understand and solve this issue. And pray that God would use this struggle to draw you into closer relationship not only with your husband, but with God himself too!
You mentioned your current frequency is about once every other week. That's not good, as you well know since you're looking for ways to improve that, but it's also far from a worst-case scenario. So be grateful there's something still active! It's much easier to rekindle a fire that has burned down to embers than one that has burned out completely.
You mention you've been to counseling, but it hasn't seemed to help. This may seem like a pedantic question, but it's important: has the counseling been focused on other relationship/personal issues, or focused on the sex drive difference specifically? Simply "going to counseling" isn't enough. Working on one area of the relationship can sometimes have good side effects in other areas, but this sex drive difference may not improve from counseling unless there's a specific focus on it.
You say you've talked about this issue with your husband many times. It would help to know what those conversations are like. Do you just say "we don't have sex enough," he says he'll try to work on it, and that's it? If so, that's a start, but the problem-solving conversation between you two needs to go deeper. If you haven't already, tell your husband how this all makes you feel and see what he thinks. He may not realize how it affects you, even if you think you make it obvious. Even if he's extraordinarily perceptive and insightful, he needs clear explanations (in words) to help him understand what you're thinking and how you're feeling, otherwise his understanding will be anywhere from a little off to completely wrong. No human being can understand another's true thoughts with certainty unless there's clear communication in words. I'm sure you've heard that communication is key in marriage, and this is the kind of communication that is most needed!
In addition to clearly communicating how you feel, you also need to compassionately ask and understand why he doesn't feel up for sex most days. Once you've established sympathy and unity, then you can work alongside him to find specific solutions to whatever problems he's facing on his side of the equation. Vague hopes or promises of "trying harder" aren't going to result in improvements. There need to be concrete action steps that are acceptable to both of you. It sounds like you don't have many other issues in your relationship, which is great, so hopefully that means you have the quality of relationship that will enable you to have these deeper conversations and develop solutions together to more effectively address the issue.
As you dig into why this could be happening, consider the past. You've only been married 2 years, and it sounds this has been going on for much of your marriage, but not all of it. Was there a time where your sex life was in a state you were satisfied with? Did anything change, or did it just slowly dwindle? You mentioned when you do have sex it's very brief. Maybe he's subconsciously shying away from sex because he's anxious about premature ejaculation issues? Or maybe he simply finishes quickly because there is so long between encounters.
You said he was "disgusted" when he found out you masturbated. This is by no means conclusive, but to me, that indicates a very high likelihood that he's dealing with sexual repression issues, from religious or other sources. If other common causes of sexual dysfunction have been conclusively ruled out (health issues, addiction/porn issues, sexual abuse in his childhood, etc.), then a mindset of sexual repression from childhood or religious teachings is a very likely cause. The solution to that particular issue would be a combination of self-driven learning on his part, and a new counseling/coaching focus on sex-positivity, retraining his mindset to help him accept that sex is good, and created by God to be fully embraced and freely enjoyed within marriage. It might be a long journey, but it's certainly possible if you're both unified on wanting to overcome that issue.
I wouldn't count sexual repression as the main cause for certain, though, especially not without more information. The cause could still possibly be as simple as an overly-busy or overly-stressful work schedule. If he's under a lot of stress or frequently tired, that can put a damper on his drive.
We might be able to help you narrow down causes if you can reply with some answers to questions like these! Again, most of us aren't professional counselors, but we might be able to help you think through problems, see things from a fresh perspective, and point you toward some valuable information and action steps!
Praying for your patience to endure, wisdom to solve this, and for passion and intimacy to return to your relationship!
Patient Passion has very good advice in my opinion.
Masturbation isn't the problem. As a guy, I frequently masturbate. It's good for health reasons and sex. In fact, I let the wife in on it. I take a shower with the door open. She runs upstairs, hears the breaking of the water, slides the curtain to the side and asks, what are you doing? Of course my reply, nothing. She see my woody. Then yanks, and seats it in the back of her throat. Stops. Then says, finish. I stroke. Finish. She smiles. Perhaps, go pantyless. Lie wherever and start masturbating. Let him watch.
Unfortunately I’m just very jealous of your situation because none of that would result in anything. He does not seem to even notice if I’m naked and would not think twice if I told him I wasn’t wearing panties. There is no excitement there..
I wonder if your husband is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. Something like 1 in 6 men are. Some men who went through that have very low libido. But we men don’t talk about it. The “Me Too” movement doesn’t focus much on male victims/survivors.
My wife n I both were sexually abused as children but we both had extensive counseling before n after our marriage. That has helped a lot. We also have done couple’s sex therapy with a very good team of therapists. They are a married couple. That was ten years ago n we wish we had seen them years earlier.
Some abuse victims can have a higher sex drive. For that or maybe just genetics – I have a higher libido than my wife. In spite of her abuse she has what is probably a somewhat more “normal” libido. But that still was definitely a “desire discrepancy.
Finding the right therapist really helped. So did educating ourselves on sexual relationship issues. We definitely had to find the right therapists. That made a huge difference. There were some therapists that didn’t help much – including a therapist who was a divorced woman who was asexual. We found different therapists.
Of course I have no idea if your husband was sexually abused as a child. If he was he needs a therapist who knows how to help him resolve the issues that stem from it.
We found that setting up a sex schedule really helped us. We negotiated it and stick to it unless there are extenuating circumstances like illness. Over the last ten years we have changed the schedule to slightly less frequently & that has worked out too. We both DO have major health challenges.
I would echo that you do need to pray for God’s guidance. We think the Lord led us to the right therapists over the years. (Even the therapists who didn’t work out were still helpful in some ways.)
Lastly, does your husband treat you kindly? Kindness is so important in marriage. I was in a rough marriage for five years where much of the time I was verbally abused by my then wife. Quite honestly, I should have left the marriage sooner. No one should feel obligated to stay in an abusive relationship. I was committed to the institution of marriage because of my faith but staying in a relationship so long where both myself and my children were neglected and emotionally abused was a mistake.
God bless you in your challenges. We will pray for you.
Thank you. We have a great marriage except with this. I dealt with childhood abuse but he did not. We had also previously tried the scheduling which then led to more disappointment because I’d be excited for the day we would finally be scheduled and then he wouldn’t want to and it didn’t happen. So then leading to more disappointment.
For starters, you and your husband need to read this: https://marriageheat.com/2024/06/02/masturbation-as-sexual-purity/
And follow the links.
I pray after you have read them, you see that as a Christina women, you very much should be a woman of masturbation.
Both of you have a problem with that that needs to be corrected.
Secondly, there is something your husband is hiding from you. Can't fix it if he won't admit something is broken.
Thirdly, sexually as husband he should be doing two things when he is not interested in sex.
– firstly, encourage you to be a woman of masturbation – if you follow the above links, you will see that is biblical.
– secondly, even if he does not want to fuck you, he can still hold you, touch you, kiss you, fondle your breasts and use his hand or an mouth to bring you to orgasm.
Thank you for the advice. My husband is unfortunately not interested in any sexual touch outside of when we do actually have sex. I have tried to see if he would pleasure me or even sexually touch me on off days but he does not wish to do so. Even kisses are more of just “pecks”.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. Especially so young.
I have been married to an amazing guy who is my best friend and the one who makes me laugh for over ten years now. We are both in our second marriage, and enjoy just being and doing things together. However, our sex life is virtually nonexistent most months.
He has never been interested in sex much. Even on our honeymoon, he was good with just the one time and there was very little kissing or making out ahead of time. It was mainly just a get in and get out thing for him.
Until he married me, he said he never worried about pleasing his partner (he had many before he got saved) and was a selfish person.
He is still pretty selfish and doesn’t seem to care to want sex unless I initiate it. Most of the time he’s just too tired he says.
My first husband and I were married for ten years, and we had sex at least five times a week. It was great. However he was verbally and emotionally abusive and ended up cheating on me and left me with small kids to raise.
I count my blessings for my husband now, but it does suck that he is never interested in sex. I’ve been through all the emotions on this- rejection, suspicion, hurt, grief, and finally acceptance.
It is what it is. So, I enjoy my alone time when he’s not home and then enjoy his cuddles when he is home- because truly that’s all he ever cares to do is cuddle.
I guess you have to count your blessings if you both get along well. But if you’re not willing to live like this the rest of your life, you’re going to want to reevaluate will you stay if he doesn’t change. Cause honey, barring a miracle, he’s not going to change.
Hopefully, it gets better for you. Hugs.
This is a very healthy perspective. Most of us aren’t in a perfect situation and you have to play the hand you’ve been dealt. Kudos on finding your path to joy… even if it involves a vibrator. Hehe. gmail open
I second PatientPassion's thoughts/advice. I would sum it up by stating:
Be Curious. Look for second-level thinking about the entire dynamic. Notice his behavior. Do you catch him glancing at other "curves" at the beach or at a restaurant or (I hate to say it) how the men are dressed? Take the opportunity to begin hugging him from the back. Lay your head/hand on his chest or wrap your arms around him/hug him and while doing so, notice his pulse (when he's along and you walk in on him, if you wake up and notice he's also awake, etc). Is his heart racing? Why?
The terrible side of me would even experiment with his response to the following (I'm sometimes a kick the door down kind of male): I would get lathered up, freshly shaved, exceedingly wet while masturbating and invite him into the room to discover you while orgasming or just prior to orgasming. If he is "disgusted", why? Does he think your action is any worse than his behavior in accordance with 1Cor 7:1-9? You have the worst of vs 9 … you're married but still having to "… burn with passion" without relief.
I’ve never noticed him glancing before but also just hope for the best. With the scenario, he would unfortunately not care if I was freshly showered, shaved, and ready to go. I’m just afraid that the masturbation would make him angry again and he’d just sleep in another room.
First, let us make something abundantly clear. You are not an animal or weirdo simply because you have a high sexual desire and masturbate.
What is your husband's occupation? Speaking from personal experience, stress can affect the libido.
Does he exercise? Studies have shown that a regular exercise regimen can boost one's sex drive. This applies to both men and women.
You said his testosterone was checked. However, he may have other issues he may not know about or is for some reason afraid or ashamed to talk about. Type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and depression can all affect the libido. Perhaps a full physical is in order.
Something else you can try, which my wife and I do, is have a make out session every night. Before retiring for the night, spend at least 30 minutes engaged in deep passionate kissing. This does not mean we have sex every night, but this passionate kissing causes the natural release of dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin in the body, chemicals that stimulate feelings of affection and attachment.
"We are in counseling, have been in counseling, and this has not helped this area at all. I’ve tried talking with my husband what feels like a million times. It seems there’s just an ongoing promise that it’s going to get better, and it doesn’t."
It seems your husband may be holding back something from both you and your counselors. His expressed abhorance of masturbation may indicate issues stemming from childhood of which he is still ashamed, especially if he himself may be secretly engaging in it.
I pray God helps you find your answers and bring you and your husband together again.
Based on your follow-up responses, I still see many lines of questioning you can pursue to find answers. Some are questions for you to think about, and some are for you to ask him or counselors. I'd like to hear your answers too, if you can give them, as they could help us give you better ideas for how to approach this. If your answer is "I don't know," that's a place you could dig for more information!
Questions you could still pursue:
Has it been like this your whole marriage? Of the 2 years you've been married, how long has this low-drive behavior been going on? Just a couple of months, or almost the whole marriage?
Did he display any excitement or desire early in the marriage? Or before you two married, during dating and engagement?
Does he show any excitement or passion about other things in life? If not, he may be struggling with depression.
It sounds like you had fairly in-depth pre-marital discussions with the pastor about sexual matters. Were you both there together in those discussions? How did his attitude toward sex seem? Uncomfortable? Excited?
I hope that in those discussions, the pastor presented the biblical view that sex is a good thing, and should be a part of marriage that is enjoyed regularly and freely. Did/does your husband believe that? If he struggles to embrace that belief, he could have deeply-ingrained mindsets he was taught in childhood (explicitly or implicitly) that make him feel like sex is dirty, and should be avoided, even if he would say otherwise. These subconscious beliefs can be nasty, and sometimes hard to identify.
Is your husband under a lot of stress that you know of? At work, or in his family, or in some social group?
Possibly the best thing you could do is ask him (kindly, sympathetically, non-confrontationally) if he has any insight as to why he rarely wants sex. He's the only one who knows his own thoughts, and he could have some understanding of what's going on. To get him to open up, you'll need to be extremely open, accepting, non-judgmental, kind, and gentle, because if he does know something and he just hasn't told you, it's likely going to be a very, very vulnerable thing to share, and he needs to feel emotionally safe with you in order to share it. There's also the possibility that he legitimately doesn't know why he has a low drive, and that's an acceptable answer too, as long as he's not just running from the problem and ignoring it.
I pray again for your patience and wisdom to endure and solve this issue!
I want to offer a different angle.
It seems to me that perhaps your husband is AFRAID to have sex.
Given all of the angles that others have already offered, let me offer a different one.
A lot of people (sadly) have been taught that sex is ONLY for reproduction. Given that both of you were taught (wrongly) that masturbation is a sin, perhaps your husband feels guilty about the idea of having sex with you if there is no plan to make a baby. Thus, he avoids sex because of the guilt that was placed upon him at some young age (likely by his parents).
As Christians, we believe that the Holy Bible contains all the answers to life's problems. But, if someone was raised in a church that didn't discuss sex, then HOW would one know where to even begin to find the answer to this problem? And yet, the answer is in there.
It is called "The Song of Solomon". The problem with reading it is that it uses very allegorical language. Thus, it says things such as, "He sprinkled me with henna," instead saying, "He shot his cum all over my tits." But, it means the same thing.
There is a resource that can help. Search online for the Ancient Future Scriptural Online Church. Scroll down the blog page until you find a post titled "The Book of WOW". That post interprets several key verses in the Song of Solomon into modern, everyday language.
Perhaps you can mention to your husband that you "stumbled onto" that blog post. Then, suggest that the two of you read it together. Hopefully, it will spark some discussions — and some better sex for both of you.