Masturbation as Sexual Purity? (Plus a Masturbation Purity Poll)
Sarah K wrote this article called a Girls Practical Guide to Sexual Purity. We placed this discussion poll here to check out.
Loading ...
Girls practical guide to sexual purity
This started as an answer to a specific question. As I started writing, I thought a more general story would be useful.
This is about practical help for a single girl working on her sexual purity, (married and guys can make use of this too.)
Before we begin, I want to emphasize not to obsess about your body and sexuality.
We need to be balanced between our spiritual and physical sides. You do need to look after your body, exercise, eat well, and get enough sleep. Also do spend some time with your hands between your legs enjoying your sexual self, but not the whole day, exercise is good for you but you don’t run the whole day, you still need to pray, eat and serve God through charity and good relationships, especially those of your family.
John 4:24 “God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.”
James 1:27 “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”
Proverbs 31:8-9 “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.”
Pray, and study the bible and holy writings.
Firstly, I say pray and ask God for his help in achieving a healthy biblical woman’s sexuality.
https://marriageheat.com/2013/06/28/solomons-bride/
(Also read my comment https://marriageheat.com/2013/06/28/solomons-bride/#comment-60344)
After prayer, masturbation is key to that. Learning to know your body in preparation for giving yourself to your husband is merely one of the benefits and not the primary reason.
1 Cor 6:20, “glorify God in your body”
Romans 12:1, “offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God.”
For animals, sex is about procreation, for humanity, it is much more than that. Matthew 6:6 “But when you pray, go into your inner room”. It can be about pleasure, but for Christians, it should be more than that. (It is not wrong to masturbate for pleasure just because you are horny or to have sex with your husband when you are married).
Masturbation is a gift from God. We must honour him, give thanks and offer back to him, and celebrate the gifts of our body and sexuality. We do that by masturbating ourselves, it is between us and him. Our sexuality is for the intimacy and creating of life with our husband. But it is primarily about God, an image of Him (which like all things is a poor image.) Orgasm is a foretaste of the ecstasy we have when we stand before him, that is why it is in marital sex as the uniting of the two bodies images God and has the potential to create new life. But with masturbation, it is between us and him. It is also beautiful and all beauty comes from God.
(That is not to say beauty can not be abused. The use of masturbation can also be abused, but that is not because masturbation is bad, which it is not, as masturbation at heart is a gift from God and therefore must be good, but because many things can be twisted and abused.
(This above paragraph highlights the importance of masturbation regardless of your state of life. As a Christian you should be regularly masturbating yourself even when you are married or never intend to marry.)
—– —– —–
Health benefits of masturbation
What God has created good, comes with benefits.
(Having so many benefits (not exhaustive) is one of the proofs that masturbation is God’s gift to us. Another proof to keep in mind is that it is beautiful – just ask any good husband – and God alone is the author of all things beautiful.)
https://marriageheat.com/2024/05/24/visual-heat/#comment-62420
- Stress relief: Masturbation is a natural and safe way to relieve stress. It can help you relax by releasing endorphins, which are the body’s natural feel-good hormones.
- Pain relief: Masturbation releases endorphins that can act as natural pain relievers. It may help ease menstrual cramps, headaches, or muscle tension.
- Improved sleep: The endorphins and relaxation associated with masturbation can have a positive effect on sleep quality, promoting overall restfulness.
- Provides a cardio workout as it elevates your heart rate, brings oxygen to tissues throughout the body, and regulates the nervous system. In turn, you’ll build endurance and boost overall energy.
- Mood enhancement: Masturbation can boost your mood and overall sense of well-being. The release of endorphins during orgasm can help alleviate symptoms of anxiety or depression.
- Improved pelvic floor muscle strength: Regular masturbation can strengthen the pelvic floor muscles, which can help prevent urinary incontinence and improve sexual function. And may help women maintain healthy vaginal tissue.
- Hormonal regulation: Masturbation can help regulate hormone levels in the body. It may help balance menstrual cycles, alleviate PMS symptoms, and improve sexual desire.
- Immune system boost: Some studies suggest that masturbation can boost the immune system by increasing the production of antibodies and activating the body’s defense mechanisms.
—– —– —–
Practical advice.
Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, honour God with your body. (1 Cor 6:19-20). Look after your body, eat healthy, exercise, sleep well.
Masturbate yourself often and in varied ways, change position, change clothing. Try keeping your knickers on and making yourself cum in them.
Spend some time thinking of sex (not the whole day, nor when you should be busy at school or work), holy matrimony, and singleness, avoid thoughts of fornication and adultery. Note that Song of Songs/Solomon has no mention of God. Find what turns your mind to sex to achieve sexual arousal. Some suggestions.
- 1. Imagine your fantasy husband/fiance hard and stroking himself, slowly stroking his fist up and down his manhood, thinking of you as his bride. Precum oozing between his fingers as he pulls on himself. Imagine him in various positions, lying in bed, making himself cum on his belly.
- 2. Imagine him sitting at his computer, reading a marriage-heat story you have sent him, his hardness leaking precum into his underwear, wanking himself, in honour of the value you (and he) place on sexual purity. Intentionally making himself ejaculate into his undies. Sitting there admiring his undies, wet with his semen, praying that one day this will be a sign of his sexual purity that he can show you. Between lovemaking, spending the occasion sitting side by side, masturbating yourselves to a story on Marriage-Heat.
- 3. Imagine him wanking in a standing position, perhaps leaning against a wall or doorway, stroking his hardness as he admires horny you as you are.
PS (This is not the ‘lust’, Jesus condemns, see https://marriageheat.com/2017/02/23/lust-new-perspective/ )
Now you have in your mind him masturbating himself in three different positions. Wanking, jerking, jacking, fingering, frigging. It is acceptable to use slang if it helps arouse you, including the ‘f’ work, ‘fuck’, also, cunt, cock, dick, tits, whatever. Just be respectful in language when talking with others. The good things from God, we should be open about, so it is good to talk with others about masturbation, although who you share details a fantasy with should be done with discernment. When talking with others, don’t hide behind euphemisms, as Christians we need to be clear in our language. In such a discussion, say directly that, yes, you like masturbating yourself.
Think about a variety of positions for yourself, changing how you touch yourself, your pussy, clit, breasts, nipples, and other zones you like, vary your touch.
Imagine him watching you, seeing your nipples harden against your blouse, or dress, let him see up your skirt/dress, open your legs, pull it up, let him see the wet spot develop on the crotch of your knickers, let him see your fingers coaxing more wetness into your knickers. Try different clothing, ordinary everyday clothing, your glad rags, Sunday best, pantyhose, and tights. A sheer dress, sheer or semi-sheer knickers, bra, cami, skip the bra if your breasts allow it, get a quarter cup bra, and allow your nipples to stand out under your tops, even in public.
Go back to the fantasy and read again. I want you to note that not once did I write about sexual contact between people, not even oral or manual sex, which like intercourse should be reserved only for in marriage. Because there was no contact with another person, there is no question as to whether such thoughts are appropriate thoughts for singles, (they are. As a fantasy, thinking of marital sex is also okay.)
I have some favourite knickers that I love to make myself cum in, soft thin, unlined ones, wetness shows up well, and pubic hair is visible through the thin material without being sheer. I also make sure I wear others, and pantyhose, and rub myself through skirts and dresses which I push between my legs to get a wet patch on the front of them.
As an exercise go through your underwear draw, masturbate yourself through every pair, (not all at once, one at a time, take a few months to go through the lot.) Pick your favourite three, wear them regularly when you masturbate, rub yourself through them, get them wet, cream them, cum in them. Will they end up stained with your juices? Yes, and that is your goal, so have this in mind when you select them. This will be visible evidence of the value you place on your sexual purity, at home, wear them often. It is also an option to wear them to church, that way, your pussy marked/stained underwear hidden under your skirt is a private sign between you and God of your sexual purity. And one day you could pull up your skirt to show your beloved.
The goal is to get yourself horny in different places, different situations. Masturbate in different positions with different clothing
Ask a holy couple who stand before God as saints to pray for you. Try Saints Anne and Joachim the parents of Mary, the mother of our Lord. Find a mentor, a confidant here on earth so that you can discuss sexual matters and your fantasies. Consider your parents, parents should your first teachers, especially if they gave you this to read. You should be able to have these types of conversations:
https://marriageheat.com/2023/12/24/masturbation-for-single-christians/
Develop your spiritual life and also enjoy your body, (1 Cor 6:20, glorify God in your body.)
Above all, give thanks to God for the gift of your sexuality.
(And enjoy orgasms, they are good for you.)
Praise God, thanks be to God.
Excellent, thank you for using your time for placing it !
I agree 100% with you.
Thank you for writing this up! I too hope and pray for young people to be led here by their parents, or barring that the Holy Spirit. As someone that has been dealing with some of my past issues from childhood recently, I can say that parents have the power to either bless their children with wondrous gifts or do just the opposite. Parents are an imperfect representation of our Heavenly Father, and unfortunately we grow up relating to Him through the examples we're given until we can work through that baggage!
One of the blessings that this site has given me is in books off their reading list, the perspective of posters here, and just the idea of being open with God about masturbation. He's watching anyway, but I didn't realize how much shame my parents had laid upon me that I had to let go of. It's one area of my life that I always kept separate from my faith, and I think the devil wants it that way! So when I read stories where couples pray before/during/after having sex, I no longer think of that as overly legalistic or uptight, but rather as an important Invitation. God is always welcome in my bedroom whatever I happen to be doing in it, and I'm amazed how necessary it was for me to confess that.
I fully understand that "dealing with baggage from our parents" issue. Not that my parents purposely did damage, but just by not talking about it they implied that sex stuff was, at the least, inappropriate. However, the more I learn about their story and pasts, the more I sympathize with and understand them. I think my dad is pretty open, and in a recent conversation I had with him, some talk of masturbation came up and he seemed to insinuate that it's fine. So…big relief there. There's still a lot with my mom. I can't reveal too much, but I think she has more internal issues to deal with than we thought. Things from her past, etc., which have tampered with her views of sex and masturbation. But I'm praying she will receive help from a good therapist. Your comment about inviting God into the bedroom resonated here. I do the same thing! Maybe not very eloquently, but I praise Him for the ability to masturbate and pray over my future husband during many self-care sessions. Then I enjoy hot thoughts and sensations. After cumming, I thank Him for that gift and go on with my day (or night). I agree it's not legalistic anymore; it's more like a given, like Christ and my sexuality are so entwined that of course I should commune with Him about it.
The thing about therapy is that it shouldn't be compulsory, but refusing to ever seek help isn't a good sign. Prayers for your parents, LLL. And if I may say so, you've been one of the primary inspirations behind my opening up to God about my sexuality, thanks to your comments and stories! I really admire your attitude.
I pray you are right.
That young people are guided here by the Holy Spirit, ideally by a wiser person they can talk to.
One of the reasons I wrote this is so that people could share it – let us spread what is good.
Romans 14:16, the more articles that Christians write like this the more things will change for the better! I read one with similar sentiments about 25 years ago that really kept me from a lot of shame & self-condemnation and pray the same for young people today.
First off, thank you to Sarah K for posting this.
I do believe that masturbation is a gift from God. I am a huge proponent of masturbation and it's health benefits as well.
My husband and I both enjoy masturbation, both together and solo. It is a regular staple in our sex life as you can tell by the stories I write.
I love watching him masturbate and he enjoys watching me masturbate.
Masturbation is a healthy and normal part of a person's sexual growth and well-being.
Masturbation has always been important in our marriage. We encourage each other and celebrate the solo and mutual practice of masturbation. Clearly, for both of us we recognize it as a gift from God. As I’ve aged, the health benefits are increasingly important. My Christian urologist encouraged me to masturbate at least two to three times per week for prostate health.
One category that’s missing is Increased Marriage Bed Intimacy. We find that masturbation increases our intimacy. It makes us more vulnerable (in a good way), more comfortable (no inhibitions), and caring (we know how good it feels for each other.) Often, my dear Anne, will ask me to jack off when she senses that I’m horny. She loves to watch me stroke and hear me cum!! When she tells me that she jilled when I was a way on a trip, it immediately makes my cock swell! This increases our marriage intimacy, significantly.
Sorry SG, good point. My list is not an exhaustive one, so thank you SG.
I do ask people to search the internet to find the articles reporting masturbation's benefits and don't just take the word of a few people.
It is lovely to see the comments of couples writing how masturbation in their marriages benefits their marital relationship.
Not to be sorry – sarah k – your list is fabulous. Thankfully more is written and shared about the benefits, joy, and goodness of masturbation. It’s strengthened our marriage and it’s also so fun and feels so good to do – together and alone!!!
Masturbation is great! I think too many people are embarrassed about it. It is natural and a gift. Don't do it so much you take anything away from your spouse, but enjoy it with them. My wife and I learned to do mutual masturbation a few years ago and it has been awesome. She enjoys it as much as I do. I would encourage young couples to learn to do it together. Never hide it from your spouse.
As an unmarried person, it is a way of dealing with sex drive without having sex with some random person.
Everytime I see a grumpy person, I think, 'they need to masturbate more".
Unfortunately, I am one of those people who hides my masturbation from my spouse, because she does not agree with me that it is not a sin. She believes its a sin, as well as our church. I also believed that for the 40 years I struggled to abstain from it. since 15 to now at 56, but now I gave up, and believe it to be a healthy and often necessary outlet for sexual tension. What should I do? I dont want to be secretive to my wife but it seems I have to. I've tried talking to her before, but we both from a very restrictive conservative church background, so even normal discussion about sex is difficult. She only touches herself as part of our lovemaking, and then more to assist me to get her to orgasm. She said she can never masturbate herself, she wants only me to touch her and make her cum. So sex toys are also out for her. I dont want to force her or offend her or put pressure on her. I am myself often divided on the issue, so for long periods I would still try to completely abstain from masturbation, but its hard when our drives differ. She is happy with once a week, and I want to go like every second or third day..
I am in a church which is very strict and focussed on confession of sins to a counselor, so I actually have to confess to a counselor if I have "sinned" by masturbation.. its kind of a hard life to live, but God gives grace to the humble
@TheMonk
I'm no expert on this, especially as an unmarried man, but a few things come to mind from the extensive relationship prep reading I've done. So take my words with a grain of salt, but listen to those I point you to who have experience!
First, you'll have to stop the cycle of "garbage in, garbage out." If you keep sitting under bad teaching, it will only reinforce bad mindsets and perpetuate bad results. This one comment obviously doesn't give the whole context of what your church looks like, but a good rule of thumb is that if a church's focus is on anything else above Christ himself, such as religious procedure and rule-following, it has fallen into legalism and is more of a cult than a church. That's where this anti-biblical sexual repression comes from: people who value rules above the purpose of the rules, which is to point us to Christ. Legalism is a terrible, but unfortunately common corruption of what a healthy church is supposed to be, and it sounds like this church may have fallen victim to it. I don't know if your church is good for you or not, but if it is as restrictive as it sounds, you may need to leave and find a different one, and for a multitude of reasons, not just its effects on your sex life.
If even basic conversations with your wife about sex are difficult, you could probably benefit from some sex-positive marriage counseling. You'd also do well to adopt this approach to dealing with any issue in your relationship: don't just give your wife a resource to read and expect her to "get better." You have to love her unconditionally, work with her where she is, and walk with her every step of her journey. Encourage and challenge her, but don't demand. She has to be truly convinced for herself and want change, or nothing you try will work. As an experiment, when you discuss a tough issue, rather than speaking face to face, maybe try exchanging thoughts in some kind of written form, whether it's hand-written notes or text messages or emails. That may make it easier for her from a psychological standpoint, since some of the discomfort could be alleviated by not having the other person physically present. It may not help, but it's worth a try.
To address the masturbation issue, I would ask her to explain why she believes masturbation is a sin. Make clear that you're not demanding that she change her mind, but that you want to understand her better and understand why she believes what she believes. If she does some very basic study to provide grounds for her misguided belief, she'll quickly find that masturbation is never condemned, nor even addressed in the Bible. God has no problem explicitly listing sexual sins in the Bible, but masturbation—the single most accessible sexual act—is nowhere on that list. It may be unhealthy or unwise at times, but declaring it to be inherently sinful is adding to God's word, which is sin (Deuteronomy 4:2, Proverbs 30:6). So anyone declaring masturbation a sin is far more likely the one in error. When you talk to her about it, use your own words, but make it fit this sort of tone of consideration rather than contention: "Hey honey, I've been studying what the Bible has to say about sex, and what our church teaches about masturbation being wrong just isn't in the Bible. They're using their own words, not God's words. Do you think maybe they got it wrong and it's not actually a sin?"
Of course, that's just one conversation in a long journey of fighting anti-biblical sexual repression, and won't fix everything, even if it goes well. But on that note, there are tons of resources online for helping Christian couples to overcome corrupt and restrictive teachings and embrace their God-given sexuality.
The appropriately-named podcast Sex Chat For Christian Wives is hosted by several Christian wives who have their own sex-positive blogs. I haven't read each and every one of their blogs so I can't totally vouch for all of them, but I listened to some of their podcast episodes in case I needed a resource like that to give my future wife, and they sounded good and healthy. Much less explicit and adventurous than you'd find on MarriageHeat, but that's probably a very good thing as a starting point for a wife who has been trapped by restrictive teachings for decades and is just beginning a journey to the sexual freedom God designed. BareMarriage is also a great blog and podcast for recognizing, debunking and overcoming toxic church teachings on sex, and replacing them with much healthier ones. There's some great biblically-based relationship guidance on a blog called UncoveringIntimacy as well, but the author is also anti-masturbation, which is an unfortunate feature in an otherwise awesome resource.
I pray you're able to find something useful in this, and that God would bless you two with the courage and grace to pursue and break out into the light of truth!
I agree, Ron!
‘Everytime I see a grumpy person, I think, 'they need to masturbate more".
And if I feel grumpy, I’m going to masturbate!
LOL!!!!
My wife had a friend several years ago who said the same thing.
Thank you so much! I agree with all your points, especially the health benefits because I've experienced them firsthand. In fact, I masturbated two nights ago during a bad headache and it went away completely! I LONG for the day when this issue can be normalized and taught in Christian circles. It is a gift! Oh, and this paragraph moved me: "It is also an option to wear them to church, that way, your pussy marked/stained underwear hidden under your skirt is a private sign between you and God of your sexual purity. And one day you could pull up your skirt to show your beloved". I will be doing that someday, Lord willing!
I want to thank you for your spicy story.
https://marriageheat.com/2026/04/16/a-spicy-fantasy/
It is a wonderful example of healthy, wholesome sexual purity in thought and action, and I encourage all who read here to follow the link to see for themselves and be inspired and encouraged.
God bless
Sarah K
sarah k, when you say "beloved", as in "show your beloved", do you mean spouse? Or also seriously dating or engaged partner?
Masturbation is beautiful and I long for the day when it can be normalized and discussed in a healthy way by the masses of the Christian community.
Too many people and couples are too uptight about masturbation. We figured it out very early in our marriage. After about a month of marriage, and having sex almost every day, the company I worked for got a new contact. That meant I’d be leaving town to start it up, and would be away for at least a month, probably more. My new wife said she was going to be awful horny while I was gone, so I told her, well, while I’m away, thing about me eating your pussy, and rub yourself silly. I told her I’d be beating off thinking of her!
That got us talking about masturbation, and we ended up having a ‘show & tell’ on how we did it our first times, and how we do it now!
It became one more thing on our list of things we like to do together!
Sarah k, I’d also like to thank you for working so hard to promote masturbation among Christians.
For most of us who were raised in Christian homes, masturbation was a taboo subject. So, I appreciate what you’re doing to try and make it something to be accepted and enjoyed.
Sarah K…
Awesome post on so many levels! It’s educational, encouraging, affirming and very sexy! Satin Queen and I enjoyed reading it and discussing it together … then we enjoyed a hot Jackin’ and Jillin’ session together! Her favorite part was your description of and encouragement to fantasize about watching your husband masturbate and ejaculate: “1. Imagine your fantasy husband/fiance hard and stroking himself, slowly stroking his fist up and down his manhood, thinking of you as his bride. Precum oozing between his fingers as he pulls on himself. Imagine him in various positions, lying in bed, making himself cum on his belly.” She has watched me do this many times! (although I’m usually cumming into one of my favorite pieces of her silky lingerie) and it’s her favorite thing to visualize when she’s masturbating.
My favorite part was your hot descriptions of how you use your lingerie for various orgasm enhancements:
“Imagine him watching you, seeing your nipples harden against your blouse, or dress, let him see up your skirt/dress, open your legs, pull it up, let him see the wet spot develop on the crotch of your knickers, let him see your fingers coaxing more wetness into your knickers. Try different clothing, ordinary everyday clothing, your glad rags, Sunday best, pantyhose, and tights. A sheer dress, sheer or semi-sheer knickers, bra, cami, skip the bra if your breasts allow it, get a quarter cup bra, and allow your nipples to stand out under your tops, even in public.”….and
“As an exercise go through your underwear draw, masturbate yourself through every pair, (not all at once, one at a time, take a few months to go through the lot.) Pick your favourite three, wear them regularly when you masturbate, rub yourself through them, get them wet, cream them, cum in them.”
These descriptions made me so hard! The great thing is we didn’t have to fantasize or imagine! We just followed your directions … with a slight twist! She laid naked in the bed fingering her wet cunt and clit while she directed me to go through her lingerie drawer picking out my favorite items to cum on. Of course it took quite a lot of “comparison testing” before picking my favorites. I loved how the slippery silky lacy items slid up and down over my hard cock while I jacked and she loved watching me while she jilled! Great orgasms all around and lots of cum stained satin! Yum!
I have to admit that masturbating while wearing different types of clothing, then going out wearing it with the evidence potentially visible is very hot.
Oh! And especially this one:
“I have some favourite knickers that I love to make myself cum in, soft thin, unlined ones, wetness shows up well, and pubic hair is visible through the thin material without being sheer. I also make sure I wear others, and pantyhose, and rub myself through skirts and dresses which I push between my legs to get a wet patch on the front of them.”
The thought of a hot godly Christian wives learning and knowing what turns them on and what turns in Their husbands, enjoying their sexuality for the purpose of pleasing their spouses and bonding with them is so awesome! Plus it’s really fun knowing there are other couples who enjoy various different personal turn-ons and are free to share it with us all! Keep enjoying your favorite knickers, slips and stockings! I love reading about you masturbating in yours while I jack off with some of my favs! Mmmmm!
In a lot of ways I am like The Monk. I am always torn coming on here and reading the stories and if I do masturbate I feel guilty a lot of times. My wife and I do have an agreement though concerning it. If one of us has a headache (we are very prone to them), can’t sleep or if she is on her period it is ok. Otherwise we feel like we should have sex together. She will masturbate herself and I enjoy watching it. We do not go to a church that requires confession like his does. I would never go to a church like that. I did grow up being taught that sex outside of the marriage bed together is sin and that has shaped my beliefs. I struggled with porn for many years and joined a purity group. Honestly it has helped a lot. I still come here because it reminds me of the amazing sex I have with my wife. And it gives me ideas. She is open to that. I would say to The Monk that he should get the hell out of that church and he and his wife should go to an open minded Christian counselor. My wife is more open so I am going to attempt a Christian book on sex that we could read and learn from together.
Hey I'm all for reading books and was curious which one you were going to read??? I'm especially all for couples reading sex books together and hope that it will bring added empathy for both of you!
@patientpassion and jwdmccarty2902 thanks for your comments. insights into my issue, appreciated. this is hard for me, because I can't easily get out of this church as my wife and family is all part of it, but yeah I think the most important thing now is first to get my relationship with Jesus Christ on the right level, and work from there, thanks so much
Sarah K. does an excellent job here laying out good information and pointing out the health and spiritual benefits of masturbation. Her children are very lucky to have her as a mother, with such understanding views on self pleasure.
Totally wonderful article Sarah K. Ty !
Thank you all for your kind, uplifting words.
Thank you for the testimonies on masturbation benefiting your marriages.
Christianity gets a bad rap for being anti-pleasure, anti-masturbation. Such anti-body is Gnostic, not Christian. God made our bodies and said it was good.
A friend sent me a youtube video from "Meglagoof" called "4. Medieval Masturbation". In it she said in the Middle Ages, "women could be celibate like nuns but they were encouraged to please themselves so the did not die from, quote, a suffocating womb".
Earlier she sent me this:
(John Nesteutes (the Faster), was Patriarch of Constantinople 582-595. This is from a penitential usually ascribed to him.)
"In what way, my brother, did you first lose your virginity ? By fornication, lawful wedlock, masturbation ["malakia"], or one of those sins which are against nature ["para phusin"]
The way it is written, the first three are not against nature, including masturbation. In effect, he is saying masturbation is natural – this is the oldest that we have found to date. And another on Vimeo called, "Christian Masturbation Myths – The Truth That’s Been Hidden – YouTube", there AVG said "the early Church encouraged because they were more concerned with fornication not masturbation."
Our conclusion is that the early Church, and therefore authentic, traditional Christianity was supportive of masturbation. I feel I must do something to restore the truth.
And… I like frigging myself – I want everyone to also enjoy God's gift.
I just like reading the stories of other women masturbating. They really get me going! Makes my pussy wet and hits different!
“ Imagine him wanking in a standing position, perhaps leaning against a wall or doorway, stroking his hardness as he admires horny you as you are”
That is one of many wonderful lines Sarah K. Inspiring!
I see the majority supported masturbation for its health benefits, a minority for the spiritual.
In all my reading, if there is a something spiritual about masturbation in Christian writings, apart from one reference from Saint Teresa of Ávila about moaning during a spiritual experience, I have not found anything. It could just be that writers had more important things to write about. (Also I have not seen anything against it.)
I saw a comment on another story of someone who desperately needs a story like this to help someone.
I pray you see my name in the sidebar comments and therefore come to read this, and that it helps.
God Bless, Sarah.
Thanks so much for this discussion. New here and love learning how others feel about this topic!
I wrote the above primarily to women.
I wrote this comment on another story, I think it suitable to share here:
"As a man, you will be the head of the family. Although there is no verse in the bible one can point to that encourages male masturbation, the above mentioned verse from Songs does encourage female masturbation. Therefore you as husband need to encourage your wife in her masturbation throughout her marriage"
https://marriageheat.com/2025/01/26/can-christian-singles-write-erotica/#comment-66465
Hello Sarah….I enjoy how you balance spiritual and carnal passions in such a healthy and inviting way. I really respect how open you are about your own pleasure and body without any shame or apology or compromise.
You really are what I find myself in a counseling setting inviting so many women to become, and your voice is sorely needed. So please keep writing. I don't know how you became the way you are in your own personal sexual history. But you have found a sweet spot in these passions that I like to dub soulful sexuality. I hope you don't mind as I read your wise and stirring words on masturbation, I found myself gently stroking out of gratitude for your ministry, picturiing you, imagining you with your legs open as you were tapping away at the keyboard….So the woman with whom I wrote the volume on soulful sexuality has turned toward writing other things. If you are interested in collaborating in our writing or even sharing our joys and struggles in writing, I would enjoy getting to know you better. My only regret is that you answered my story about sex within the sanctuary of our church eleven months after you wrote it. And I wish I had responded to you much sooner. Grace and peace in your ministry, and God bless your womanly passion even if we never are in touch again…..
Thanks for the compliment.
If you manage to get in touch with me, I'll help.
Merry Christmas.
Sarah K
Can trust you gave your niece a copy?
https://marriageheat.com/2025/12/28/taboo-nudity/#comment-73182
SarahK: Thank you for this post. You put this topic in a proper framework. Again, thank you!
I only wish it had been available 50 years ago and the board of the congregation I was attending had read and believed it. If we go back 10 years earlier I wish my MIL and those in my DW's home church read and believed it too. It would have saved my wife and I a LOT of grief and frustration. On another post you commented that you believe that unless a person masturbates at least occasionally, they are NOT ready to get married. It was an "ah ha!" moment for me as it was the first time someone ever said something that was bouncing around in the back of my head for the last 40+ years.
As per MH request, reposting A.C.s comment for readers feedback.
https://marriageheat.com/2026/03/07/connie-and-peter-the-spark-rekindled-2/#comment-74472
I thought it would also fit here:
https://marriageheat.com/2025/04/20/easter-sexuality-thoughts/
I have to choose, or on both [wink], here it is.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Thanks to Sarah for posting this comment for me.
She did say I could join and submit it myself, I guess I am not ready to admit I read MH and masturbate myself. I know it is anonymous, I’m a coward.
I love that MamaGG signs off her messages with, “stay horny”. It is permission to think about sex! Coverting adultery is the sin, not thinking about sex.
As a single Christian woman, trying to live a life a virtuous life of sexual purity, I find MH incredibly valuable as a resource to see what sex should be, or could be for Christian singles and those who are married. And for the sexual thoughts that go with that.
Thanks Lady L., As a single woman I find it edifying to see you a married, Christian woman almost 70 and “legs spread, fingers working feverishly” and dildoing herself.
https://marriageheat.com/2026/03/15/sexy-over-sixty/#comment-74377
CreamyPatty, 3-4 times a day. Thank you Patty, I find that very encouraging. https://marriageheat.com/2026/03/08/a-wet-milestone/#comment-74318
Also means I have a lot of work to do.
Below is what I wanted to share. My wider family is a mixture of Catholic and protestant, with after the Catholics, the next biggest part being Anglican. It is Lent; most of the family follows the traditions of six weeks of Lent and seven weeks of Easter. Recently, some of us joined the Catholics for their reconciliation service. As a sacrament, only Catholics may receive it, however, anyone can still go talk to the priest and receive at least a blessing.
There was a booklet that included a brief examination of conscience. (I copied the whole text below as someone may find it useful for prayer).
Of relevance to MH, what struck me was number 6. – You shall not commit adultery. (Have I respected the physical and sexual dignity of others and of myself? )
I sat there, staring at those words, and at the same time, mamaGG’s words came to me strongly, “stay horny”.
Have I respected the physical and sexual dignity of others and of myself and stayed horny? Yes, I cried out in myself, this is right, this fits, respecting sexual dignity and being horny. I was sitting there in the Catholic Church, and it was like it was screaming at me (in a good way). Masturbation!
That is an answer to the sixth commandment, do not commit adultery, respect sexual dignity and be horny! Masturbate. Masturbate as a single person, masturbate in marriage, masturbate when a widow.
Wow, I had to tell Sarah, and I had to tell you guys.
And yes, I got very horny and masturbated myself when I got home – I felt so positive and alive!
Anonymous coward.
—————————-
Brief Examination of Conscience
1. I am the Lord your God: you shall not have strange Gods before me.
Have I treated people, events, or things as more important than God?
2. You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain.
Have my words, actively or passively, put down God, the Church, or people?
3. Remember to keep holy the Lord’s Day.
Do I go to Mass every Sunday (or Saturday Vigil) and on Holy Days of Obligation. Do I avoid, when possible, work that impedes worship to God, joy for the Lord’s Day, and proper relaxation of mind and body? Do I look for ways to spend time with family or in service on Sunday?
4. Honour your father and your mother.
Do I show my parents due respect? Do I seek to maintain good communication with my parents where possible? Do I criticize them for lacking skills I think they should have?
5. You shall not kill.
Have I harmed another through physical, verbal, or emotional means, including gossip or manipulation of any kind?
6. You shall not commit adultery.
Have I respected the physical and sexual dignity of others and of myself?
7. You shall not steal.
Have I taken or wasted time or resources that belonged to another?
8. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour.
Have I gossiped, told lies, or embellished stories at the expense of another?
9. You shall not covet your neighbour’s spouse.
Have I honoured my spouse with my full affection and exclusive love?
10. You shall not covet your neighbour's goods.
Am I content with my own means and needs, or do I compare myself to others unnecessarily?
—————————-
PS I wanted to ask you guys, (I did also ask Sarah, but I want to hear from you.
“cumming through fabric”https://marriageheat.com/2026/02/26/lady-pleasure-finger-as-the-hot-girl-next-door/
Can you do this while fucking?
I had not thought about it until I read Comingsoon’s story and Sarah’s comment, but the thought of my future husband using my panties to jack off and cum in is highly arousing. I feel my panties getting wet as I type this.
Have any of you husbands fucked your wives while wearing her panties, such that your cock was wrapped in cloth while you penetrated your wife, so that when you ejaculated, you were cumming in both her panties and her cunt at the same time?
Would you try it?
Maybe you need to do it with your undies if your wife’s doesn’t fit. Actually, that also turns me on, husband cuming in both his undies and my cunt at the same time.
A.C.
Hi anonymous sister! Don't worry, there's no pressure to join. Opening up to matters of sexuality, and being part of a community that discusses them, is a significant step for a lot of people because of the general taboo that surrounds sexuality in the modern church. There's no judgment from us, and we'll be here for you if you ever want to join!
I'm glad you've found masturbation to be a way of focusing your sexual thoughts and embracing your gift of sexuality in your unmarried years. Like Sarah, essentially everyone on MH is very pro-masturbation! There are some ways it CAN be unhealthy, like anything can be, such as if it becomes an obsession or addiction, or is related to other unhealthy thoughts or behaviors. But when used properly, it can be an amazing way to embrace and enjoy God's gift of sexuality while training yourself to use it for even greater enjoyment with your future spouse.
As for your questions at the end:
As a man, I have no interest in wearing women's underwear, even if they belonged to my wife. It's just not my thing. But I don't necessarily have a problem with guys who like that. And I would totally be happy to come in my wife's panties if she was turned on by that. I have a lot of ideas for stories I've drafted for MH that I haven't been able to finish and publish yet, and that does happen in one of them!
As for the idea of "cumming in both her panties and her cunt at the same time", I agree with Satin King's comment, I think that would be rather difficult to achieve logistically. It sounds kinda hot, but very difficult to have an erect penis wrapped up in panties and also inside the wife at the same time. How would you propose making that work? Perhaps a similar but more achievable idea would be for the wife to wear sexy panties, then pull them aside or down just far enough to allow access for intercourse, then after her husband climaxes inside her, she pulls the panties back up so they get soaked as his cum leaks out of her. That sounds hot to me! I'd definitely try that with my future wife!
I pray God would guide you as you strive to remain sexually pure, and explore and embrace your gift of sexuality as you await its fulfillment with your future husband!
AC, the husband or wife may delight in the sight of the hot spurt forcing its way through the fabric, whether it’s her hand or his hand at play. And the clothing doesn’t always have to be worn; just held in the right place as the moaning increases and the gripping hand starts pumping faster and faster!
Hi A.C.!
In response to you “PS” question, as a guy who loves to cum in and on panties and other silky lingerie, I can’t say we’ve ever tried what you suggest here, (actual piv sex while having panties over my cock- frankly I’m not sure it would work?) but we’ve enjoyed lots of other ways to both enjoy cumming in panties! Closest thing we’ve done to what you’re describing is sex while she was wearing black lace thong panties (pulled to one side) or a white satin crotchless pair while I wore a satin and lace trimmed pair with the waistband pulled down in front below my balls to allow me to mount and penetrate her. Mmmm!
Ps. You might enjoy my posted stories like this one – they all involve satin panties or lingerie. Enjoy some nice wet solo time while reading!
https://marriageheat.com/2020/02/25/closet-cleaning/
Good for you, Anonymous coward:)
It’s also noteworthy that a woman has one particular place that was DESIGNED for one purpose only. And within reach with such gentle effort…
Sarah k, this part was confusing: "Try different clothing, ordinary everyday clothing, your glad rags, Sunday best, pantyhose, and tights. A sheer dress, sheer or semi-sheer knickers, bra, cami, skip the bra if your breasts allow it, get a quarter cup bra, and allow your nipples to stand out under your tops, even in public." Is this part of the fantasy? It's in that paragraph