Taboo Nudity
I wanted to ask about an experience that I feel may be more common than some realize: taboo nudity.
I am somewhat hesitant to post this one. I don’t know if this will be allowed, but I do know some stories have been allowed and posted about taboo nudity in the past.
I am of the thought that if God talks about it, then we should not be afraid to either, and there are multiple examples of people being seen naked in the Bible. Yes, I know there is a lot of weakness in the church that runs from anything sexual, so we must bear with the younger in the faith.
When I say “taboo nudity,” I want to be clear that this post isn’t about inappropriate sex, incest or porn. I just mean seeing a family member, close friend, or other person naked.
I ask because of intrigue, but more because we Christians hide from real topics like this and shy away from discussing them, even when there are actual people who have had taboo nudity experiences—people who wonder about those experiences and have questions they need answered. Experiences like this could run the gamut from having no effect to being really damaging. At least we can share if it has happened, so people don’t have to feel alone. We can laugh with those who laugh, and cry with those who cry.
I consider this a tame but tough topic. Dare we talk about it?
1. Have you experienced nudity within family relationships? What was the experience?
2. What were the reactions to this experience? (From you, from the other(s) involved, both during and after.) What happened with the relationship?
Please answer these questions, and explain as you think necessary, and discuss as freely as the moderators allow.
***Note from MarriageHeat: We welcome the discussion of such topics, and offer broad freedom to discuss experiences in this regard. In order to avoid having comments disallowed and removed, in part or in whole, please keep any descriptions as matter-of-fact and non-erotic as possible when speaking of experiences involving the nudity of anyone who is not your spouse.
Here’s a personal example. Nudity was not common in our home. It was not a phobia, it was just respected and kept behind closed doors as a person needed. Yet we boys were allowed to spend certain times (usually early mornings and late evenings) in only our underwear. Dad would too at times. And Mom would do the same, in just panties and a t-shirt. That was common in our Christian home.
But this one time as a teen, my brother and I were in our parents’ room. Mom was showering, and Dad was gone working at the church. It was a Saturday, close to noon. This was not uncommon at all. There was never any ulterior motive of sin. But this time my mom finished her shower and came out and dried off in front of me and my brother. It was a hot summer day and their bathroom was very small and cramped, so I understood she didn’t want to be trapped in that small sauna-like space anymore.
She didn’t get all graphic about it. She just dried off. But, she didn’t shoo us away, either. Just a few feet away, I saw my mom’s breasts and genitalia. She was very casual about it. She said nothing of it, just dried herself off and dressed in front of us while we talked with her. We held a conversation with her. So, in the end, the conversation and our need to stay there ended like any other time when the shower was not involved, and we went our separate ways.
My mom never talked to us about it after the fact. Nothing was ever said. My brother and I never talked about it. And our relationships did not change one bit as far as I could tell. I was not offended, and I felt no one else was either. Yet I was kind of shocked that it happened. It did NOT affect me in an incestuous way. But it did affect me that I saw what I saw. My mom didn’t tell us to turn our heads. She had to see us looking, because we weren’t voluntarily looking away, either. Her attitude was our attitude. Since she wasn’t offended, neither were we. I do recall averting my eyes and not wanting to be seen looking.
The memory has stuck with me ever since. Life just went on, but I wonder how I’d be without that experience. I have wondered what good could’ve come out of having a conversation about it with her at the time.
Nothing of the sort ever happened again. The nudity was just that one time. She was a great mom. A great Christian mom to us.
I’ve heard stories of siblings barging in on each other after shower and seeing everything, and although it’s inappropriately directed, siblings being sexually curious with each other. Again, it is a thing. Not with me, maybe not you, but we’ve heard of it happening.
I am not really wanting to be inappropriate, nor overly sexual with this post. But MH and the Bible have discussed taboo subjects, so I’d like to gauge the community and bring this out into the open. I’d like to share that it is somewhat common. And I’d like to let those who have issues with it know we care to listen and not reject them. We can support them and allow them to share. Maybe that can help heal whatever negative experiences may have been had.
I mean to discuss this in Christ’s love. Thank you.
My sister and I have been nudists since we were born. I guess we never thought about it. Just loved our parents and enjoyed growing up in their household.
In our home there was never any thoughts about being inappropriate. We were nude inside. Used the shower with the door open. Dressed and undressed when needed. Were outside in our back yard unclad.
We knew our parents had sex, but that was private between them. Our mother tutored us on the every facet of sex, but that was to keep us knowledgeable. We are still nudists with our own families.
As you experienced going around in with only your underwear was comfortable and non sexual. Its a shame that your mother never talked to you about being naked in front of you. Since you two were a bit older it can be quite a different experience. She might have thought just doing it would teach you what our bodies were like and nothing else had to be said.
Don't overthink the experience. It was a good one. Maybe even start trying out some nudism yourself to see if you enjoy it.
"My sister and I have been nudists since we were born. I guess we never thought about it. Just loved our parents and enjoyed growing up in their household."
That is huge. I believe this makes all the difference. As conservative & fearful of nudity the church is & yet we still sin all kinds of sexual sin, it needs said that success stories like yours are out there. It's not about running from potential sin, but creating strength, knowledge, & correct placement of God given nudity & sex into the person. In the correct way & at the correct time. From day 1.
Thank you for your perspective. Praise God for parents like yours. And, you for continuing to carry the torch.
nudity around the house your family should be somewhat open.
I don't think seeing parents or siblings of opposite sex is bad. One doesn't usually think sexually about parents , siblings.
I agree don't overthink it.
Its healthy to a point.
Ca. Coastal made a good point. I agree.
Being a Christian and a nudist coincide
Honestly, I think some casual, non-sexual nudity in a family might be healthy. I've said before that I kind of envy California Coastal's upbringing because so much shame, embarrassment, and "dirtiness" was avoided in that home. It took me awhile to work through those feelings. Not that my parents fostered them on purpose; they were similar to your parents in practice (though we never appeared in just underwear in front of family members). But it was this view that nudity is wrong and our privates (and boobs for girls) should always be covered. I was so embarrassed by being naked (say before getting in the shower) that I didn't look at myself in the mirror. Now I am at a good place of moderation, enjoying my nudity in private and anticipating sharing it with whomever I marry, knowing my body is good and beautiful, and still maintaining some modesty and class otherwise. I might be a little freer with what I wear if I ever get married (still with discretion and not aiming to be a stumbling-block or unnecessary temptation to other men, and honoring my husband's preferences), but for while I'm single and living at home with family I try to keep it classy. I have begun wearing cropped swim tops in the summer, but I still wear shorts and not anything that exposes my butt cheeks or much cleavage (not that I have much cleavage lol). Now if I was married and my man and I had a private backyard? I'd be in bikinis or naked!
"But it was this view that nudity is wrong and our privates (and boobs for girls) should always be covered."
It is amazing that most of us have to work ourselves out of that mindset just because of silence, or very little nudity acceptance. Plus, the church just avoiding it while saying to stay away from it.
I'm glad to hear your testimony of how you are not just resting on laurels. How you are working through things with God is very positive for us here on MH. Thank you.
I'm curious why you are bothered about not "being a stumbling block" or "unnecessary temptation", given your comfort with watching nudity and sex acts. What would be the problem if some men were turned on by seeing you in a bikini (which is a common garment and frankly mundane at a pool or beach)?
very nicely written!
agree with you.
its healthy
Corrected edit of my last comment. [From MH: Thank you! We sincerely appreciate your editing efforts. 🙂 We've used this corrected version to replace the old one with typos.]
Growing up an only child, my father was often on the road with his job sometimes for longer periods leaving my mother and myself alone. Although she was very proper and a fastidious woman both about her house and her appearance. (I never saw her in pants or shorts)
It was not uncommon for either she nor I to be nude, let alone to be nude at the same time.
Although She was a very attractive woman I never did have sexual feelings towards her.
And I suppose it would qualify as family since she is my sister-in-law, we'd known each other since I first started dating her brother when I was in my late teens and she was 2 years younger. Over the years it would not be uncommon for us to be nude together, and although we are both attracted to one another It has always stopped short of anything sexual between us.
One of the things that concerns me very much about this day and age is the constant titling of porn in an incestual way.
Although more than likely it never was filmed in that way, when it gets posted someone chooses to put it in that light.
In order to still maintain the idea but having had to change the titling now probably for legal reasons the word step is often in front of the familial relationship nonetheless it still indicates the same sort of thing.
Impressionable minds, and that doesn't mean it's always young people are being desensitized to that taboo. And it's something we should all be aware of, and that the distinct possibility of future adults accepting this as normal.
We live in a world where vice is something to be profited from, nudity and sex taken out of proper context is one of these things, taking sex and the human body and treating these as product. The fact is many of us enjoy the risq'ue in sex and for some the taboo of familiar sex is something the name have Entertained.
"One of the things that concerns me very much about this day and age is the constant titling of porn in an incestual way."
The world around us play a big part in all of this. Many adults are silent & leave us kids to our own conclusions. But, their silence does nothing to stop puberty while the world just plays out their sin right before our eyes. Christianity has to have a real game plan that makes us strong to participate sexually that speaks to the Godly positive, rather than teaching kids to be afraid & run the other way. Because, as you say, porn & worldly sex is doing what it can to keep itself out there.
Amen, Tutchh, so true. Thank you.
She Calls Me Mister: "Many adults are silent & leave us kids to our own conclusions. But, their silence does nothing to stop puberty while the world just plays out their sin right before our eyes."
My college congregation taught us that ANY desire that did not have an IMMEDIATE godly resolution was sinful, and if it was sexual it was "adultery in the heart." As a result of this belief, they taught us that we were to (word for word) "sexually be like 5 year olds," and God would then catch us up when we got married.
When our daughter was about four, my first wife and I had an evening when we both felt "the need", but we couldn't get our daughter to go to bed early nor to stay in bed.
Finally, out of frustration, we let her fall asleep between us in our bed. She fell asleep quickly and slept very soundly. So did we. Then, an hour or two later, we both woke up. We whispered that maybe it was "time". We carefully and quietly slipped out of bed, leaving our daughter there sound asleep.
My wife and I began making out in the living room, and eventually we shed our clothes and began fucking on the living room floor. Although we did our best to remain quiet, there were a few moans and the noise of our bodies slapping together.
Much to our surprise, while we were really going at it, our daughter woke up and headed toward the bathroom. In order to get there, she walked right past us while we were fucking. She just kept on going, went potty, and went back to bed. My wife and I kept on fucking — even when our daughter walked past on the way back to bed. She never slowed down or stared at us. She apparently thought it was normal. Nothing was ever said about it later.
The fact that my wife did NOT want me to stop fucking her is a great memory, which still gives me a hard-on to this day. (Our daughter is almost 40 now.)
"My wife and I kept on fucking — even when our daughter walked past on the way back to bed. She never slowed down or stared at us."
Times like this, if you had taken it personal, made a big scene, or disciplined her would've turned a normal fact of life into a nightmare, quite possibly. Be glad that you didn't react. As young as she was, it was probably best case scenario. When I was young, probably, around 4 or 5, I walked in on my parents. They didn't lock the door & I had no idea when I called out to my mom & she answered me. Calling me into the room. They were under covers & beside one another. But, it wasn't until years after the fact that I recalled what they were doing. They stayed calm & matter of fact. I got what I needed & left. Regardless, of my reaction, them staying cool & calm helped it not become a mess in my life. Stories like this happen quite a bit. They need brought out in the light for God's good.
Thanks for sharing. Much needed for people to hear.
I had a Child Psychology professor say that some nudity in the home was healthy. I think we need to realize that not all nudity in life is sexual. It can be accidental, casual, or a nudist lifestyle.
Treating nudity as no big deal when for instance, it accidentally happens is psychologically healthy for children. Changing rooms at pools etc. are places where children will see nudity. Acting like it’s dirty is problematic.
We are not nudists, but it is interesting that children raised in nudist families have healthier body images.
"I think we need to realize that not all nudity in life is sexual. It can be accidental, casual, or a nudist lifestyle."
Absolutely. God gave us clothes so we wouldn't hide from Him. But, there is never a Thou Shalt Not Be Naked commandment. Nudity & clothing must find a balance to coexist together. A lot of sin comes from neglect to responsibly train up a child. Our corrupt existence guarantees imperfection, but that is no excuse for not properly pointing out the Godly place that sex & nudity have in our existence.
Great point! 100%. Thank you.
that was a good that you noticed I think if things are out there its less of a big deal.
The big secret or hype of seeing the other sex naked , becomes very blah to so what.
I wasn't raised a naturist but found I like being naked ,just for the fact it feels better.
Naturists get a bad rap from society
I understand your use of the word “taboo”, but I don’t think it accurately fits the occurrence you described.
There was nothing wrong with just seeing your mother nude. In context, it was perfectly normal.
I think we’re far too uptight about nudity in our day. And I think this uprightness has caused more problems than it has solved.
Like LLL, I appreciate the casual aspect of California Coastal’s upbringing in regards to nudity.
There were clear lines that were understood as well as an evident distinction between nudity and sex. I think that’s healthier than a complete lack of acknowledgment of either.
I do wish she had talked about it. It has clearly affected you, but I think now you need to remember it in a did light.
In context, there was nothing wrong with you and your brother just seeing her nude. How we boys see our mothers has a great effect on how we see all women.
In this case, you were able to see what a normal, healthy woman looked like without clothes.
It’s better to see and appreciate that than becoming infatuated with what the world wants you to see as “ideal”.
"In this case, you were able to see what a normal, healthy woman looked like without clothes.
It’s better to see and appreciate that than becoming infatuated with what the world wants you to see as “ideal.”
Very good point & thanks for the sage advice. Yes, I have often wondered, as I stated, how I would've been has it not happened, or if we could've discussed it. Yet, I always saw it as water under the bridge, too. Your point is a great point that I had not landed on. It happened as a good, decent, experience. Not tawdry, or in poor sexual taste. This helps confirm & wholly place it in the good category. Instead of a place ending with a question marks.
Much appreciated. Thank you.
applause!
You nailed it . very nicely done.
I wish I was as eloquent as u.
I never once saw my parents nude or even partially nude. My mom was especially modest and private. I did walk in on my sister masturbating a few times, though. She like to strip down and masturbate either in her own room or even in our family room after our parents went to bed. If I walked in on her, she would not get mad or freak out. She would just acknowledge me (like "hey what's up…"), and continue masturbating.
"She would just acknowledge me (like "hey what's up…"), and continue masturbating."
All my life, I have either heard rumors, or been told by the person, that things like this happened. Siblings skinny dipping, having to share a bed, walking in on the other, etc. The media would have us be scarred for life. But, countless people, I suspect, just chalk it up to incidental, puberty, & just a part of life. That is amazing that this happened & there was no freak out factor to it, even on several occasions. Fact of life, siblings do things like this.
Thank you for sharing. It happens more than we think. Much needed point of view, to the conversation.
What your sister did, her attitude to masturbation – she did good, and acted naturally.
That’s a serious level of comfort, self-confidence, and trust by your sister.
Clearly, she accepted masturbation and some level of casual nudity as normal, and that’s a healthy outlook, if you ask me.
I think all of that is rare, or at least, rarely spoken of.
I can still remember a few times when I was little where I would go to the bathroom or shower with my aunt or parents, but that stopped at a certain age, probably after I was old enough to notice differences between men & women, and comment on them.
As an adult I'd be fine being in boxers around roommates, until some didn't want to see that. I do wonder if we've gotten a bit too squeamish about that these days, but I don't know that nakedness in families is the answer. Anyway on the whole we're a whole lot less uninhibited than people 150 years ago.
"I do wonder if we've gotten a bit too squeamish about that these days, but I don't know that nakedness in families is the answer."
I see your point. I do think that if nudity is a thing with family/household it needs to be with the purpose of strength, equipping, & total respect to God's guidelines for family, relationships, marriage sex, & nudity. Obedience to God should in it, or maybe the only reason for it. The neglect of adults to guide behavior in younger children (spiritually & physically speaking) is a blatant sin of adults in any aspect of their responsibility to/for children/younger people.
Yet, I do believe to keep any sexual sin from being a temptation the nudity would have to start at its earliest in the child's life. If it were to be introduced later, it could still be done, but the later it is more discussion & indicators of obedience would be needed, imo.
I have a twenty-something niece from my wife's side. She is closer to us than to her own parents. She seems to have a crush on me, which is cute and curious, but one neither of us would act upon. One morning before breakfast, she asked me if we would take her to a nude beach sometime. I have no idea how she knew we are "sometimes nudists." But maybe even that is something one can sense in others from their general attitude and orientation to life. I was curious whether she was serious or playfully testing limits. She is not a young lady who dates, as she is deeply committed to her job, and men have uncertain attraction to her in her 6' 3" frame. To test her seriousness, I simly let my bathrobe fall open as we waited for breakfast. Yes, I was nude underneath. She noticed immediately and was enthusiastic to see me. […] We did end up taking her to a nude beach months later. And I have been nude around her sometimes during visits. She has so little contact with men, I sense that my image feeds her fantasies as she masturbates to satisfy herself. That does not offend me and I would never dream of taking advantage of her in her need. If my nudity around her helps her feel less lonely, I do not call that sinful.
"She seems to have a crush on me, which is cute and curious."
"I would never dream of taking advantage of her in her need. If my nudity around her helps her feel less lonely, I do not call that sinful."
Thank you for addressing the more worrisome aspect to this, as you have. Your sharing this has real value. Obviously, people are hesitant to go nude, let alone in front of family, or strangers because of embarrassment, or some moral dilemma. Since, you say "we" took her to a nudist beach, it goes without saying that you & your wife have an ongoing discussion about these things. Plus, since this isn't a behavior taught to your niece from her earliest childhood, I applaud your patience & tact.
You bring up a possible crush, curiosity, & possibly masturbation so your reply has a nod to potential sexual aspects. To deny that these things are possible & can have appropriate place is improper, imo. So, I thank you for your candor & how these things are handled.
Obviously, sin & temptation can happen. But, the stress over that has grown, it seems, the more sexual sin has been accepted as normal & good, in the church & mostly the world around us. In other words, fear of the potential shuts down life, liberty, & the pursuit of happiness. Yet, sin can be kept at bay, or be nonexistent, as you have shown. In reality we humans are much more chaste than we often worry over. Countless married & single folk keep themselves from sin sex everyday. The problem often isn't if I would do it, but more do I hang with people that try & compromise my resolve. I see sin as do we have a resolve, or not? Most people have resolve against or for whatever. And, most sins are where there is little, if any, resolve. As some have mentioned here, & other places in MH, there can be an embracing aspect to the sexual side (not sexual sin) of this, too. Nudity, of this kind, can be enjoyed within proper boundaries of God.
Thanks again, for sharing. I agree.
Hello everyone,
We are new here, a couple originally from somewhere in the East of Europe.
I was reading this blog and I noticed this post and initially I had found it strange, not because there is anything wrong with it but because where we are from we don't have these taboo lenses. But then I remembered, of course, that this site is American and the attitudes to nudity are different there.
We may only offer what we are used to and that is, we do not look upon family nudity in any manner that is strange to a norm. In our family, we have all seen each other in states of nudity but have gone about mundane things as if we were alone or occupied at work, we are just minding our own business.
Maybe communal nature of the past has shaped this but in Europe, generally, family and social nudity does not have negative connotation as in America.
@BehindTheCurtain
Hi, and welcome to MarriageHeat! Our site is based in the USA, and many of us live there, but we have an international community from many nations. We're glad to have your perspective from a different place and culture!
BTC
Wow, thank you for this awesome perspective. I absolutely love your reply. We Americans can be so tangled up in us, a human symptom, & impose things on all the world. I take your culture as proof. It all depends on upbringing. Where we start dictates where we arrive. Your reply is so very encouraging to me, thank you.
Thank you for chimming in .
Like I said earlier nudity amongst family members should be just normal, no big deal,
My sis Barb and I were very open with our bodies. We shared a bedroom for 12 years and we felt free to romp around in the nude all the time. Our dad made the mistake of entering without knocking (once, and only once) and was scared shitless when he saw us only half naked for one second. Wouldn’t make eye contact with either of us for a week, after…
Mom on the other hand, made no fuss over talking with us while changing clothes, after showers, etc. we always had a feeling that she was proud and, in my case, impressed with our development.
Thanks Patty, my wife has the same kind of stories to tell of her mom & sisters being naked; changing clothes, in the bath, etc. But, I sympathize with your dad. I came home one day & our daughter didn't know I was just outside her bathroom door, going to my room, as she opened the door fully. She was just in a bra & panty set & closed the door as fast as she opened it. I made no hesitation & just kept walking. My wife, later made a joke, that things could've been worse. I didn't mind seeing my daughter that way, but my wife's joke showed she was more at peace than I was.
Exactly!
u saw your sis naked, but she is that your sis . Period no other thoughts
If anyone bothered to think about it, in the Exodus, there were thousands of households (some say millions) and they had a LOT of children in the wilderness during their wanderings. That meant a good bit of sex in these conditions: One room tent. Older siblings. They saw, heard and smelled it all. Frequently.
Good point. I would love to go back then & observe the sex & nudity practices of ancient Israel. How they did sex & nudity, in those conditions,& how they educated younger generations has been a question I've wanted answers to for a while. Thanks for replying.
I enjoyed reading this thread.
My whole take is family nudity can be healthy.
We are way too uptight about nudity in general
I have enjoyed your replies throughout. I see this as a strength/weakness issue. We have allowed ourselves to accept a weakened resolve for nudity where we should be strong to handle it, have it, & not sin with it.