How My Sexual Adventure Began – Masturbation for Single Christians
As an early twenties single Christian woman who has a high sex drive, I do enjoy masturbation and fantasizing about my future husband, “Mr Right.” My parents encouraged me to enjoy my body and take responsibility for my happiness as a woman and, hopefully, as a wife and mother someday.
I started touching myself at around 12; at around that time, my mother gave me the first talk, and those talks continued through my teen years. She started with the essentials, but she cooked up a “food” metaphor.
She explained that our bodies are created with specific purposes, highlighting the connection between sexual pleasure and reproduction as part of divine design. She emphasized that God has instilled different sexual characteristics in men and women. For example, a man, like your father, has a penis that is designed to become erect, complementing a woman’s body. She also mentioned that women, including you and I, have vaginas, which she referred to as a pussy, to accommodate this aspect of physical love. She stated that the sensation of pleasure in what is commonly known as sex or lovemaking is a natural part of this design.
She cautioned against the dangers of pornography, comparing it to sugar candy that, while initially appealing, ultimately harms your sex drive. She likened this to how candy might taste good initially but can lead to tooth decay. She shared that both she and her father have learned this through their experiences. (Having seen some pornography myself, I understand her point. It can make one feel sexually restless, similar to the effect of candy. While masturbation may temporarily relieve this anxious tension, it often leaves a feeling of emptiness. It’s a cycle where the immediate gratification only leads to a craving for more, much like a continual desire for more candy.)
We had many talks about the biology of sex. In Mom’s first talk, Mom mentioned that men’s erect penis shoot out sperm and that if a man shoots sperm into a woman, this sperm may fertilize a woman’s egg. “That’s how I got pregnant with you, honey.” I was amazed.
Mom asked if I noticed pleasure when I touched myself down there? I admitted I did. She taught me about the “clit” the power center for woman’s pleasure. She said that when you feel it and keep touching it, a feeling of intense pleasure will come over you; that is called a “climax.” This is a blessing to women that can happen more than once after the first one. Mom clarified that there is nothing like a man’s love tool inside your pussy. She called it the main meal of sex! God designed you to enjoy a man and his love tool. She later talked about how Genesis says, “Two shall be one flesh.”
She mentioned that in our society, masturbation is personal and private until you are married, then it can include your husband. She mused somewhere in my teens that she masturbates alone and with my dad, and so does dad. And this masturbation enhances their lovemaking.
During my teenage years, we frequently discussed the topic of masturbation. My mom likened masturbation, especially when done without the use of pornography and instead using one’s imagination, to a salad – nourishing but not the main meal. She also acknowledged the possibility that I might choose not to marry, suggesting that a woman can be content with ‘salads’ in the absence of marriage. She advised me to steer clear of ‘fast food,’ a metaphor she used for casual sex and one-night stands, cautioning about their potentially unsatisfying nature. Observing some of my friends who chose this path, I understood her perspective, as they didn’t seem to find lasting satisfaction in such experiences
We had this funny moment when I was about 16. I came home early and surprised Mom while she was masturbating on the couch. Mom had her hand up her dress, and she was caressing her tits over her bra-less dress, and she was clearly climaxing. I saw, and I walked to my room to give her privacy. After a little bit, she called my name. She was aware I accidentally observed this. Her face was flush. I distinctly remember her saying she was enjoying a salad before your father and she went out. She said she was planning on “steak” later. With that, she saw I was getting uncomfortable. “STOP MOM!” I did blurt out, Mom, you’re not wearing a bra tonight???. She said, and no panties, either. “STOP MOM!” Deep down, I felt happy and hoped that someday, I could have a salad before a steak like this.
That night, I decided to touch myself, like Mom did. I lay down on my bed in my pajamas, thinking about my future husband, a composite of crushes in my class. I closed my eyes and imagined Mr Right kissing me passionately and touching me gently. His hands were soft yet firm, making me shiver with excitement.
As I slid my fingers under my pajama pants, I could feel the warmth of my skin. The sensation caused my heart to race faster, and my breath quickened. I rubbed my clit gently, teasing myself, wanting to prolong the pleasure.
As the sensation intensified, I couldn’t help but think about Mr. Right’s lips on mine, his hands exploring my body. He kissed me passionately, running his hands down my back, then sliding them underneath my shirt. Feeling his warm hands on my bare skin sent chills down my spine.
“Oh, Mr. Right” I moaned softly, biting my lip to stifle my cries. I moved my fingers faster, pressing harder against my clit. I knew I was close. I wanted to scream, but I didn’t want anyone to hear me. Mom and Dad were now home and I could not help imagine what they were up to!
Instead, I dug my nails into the sheets and pressed my thighs together, trying to muffle the sounds escaping my mouth. The intensity built within me, and I began to shake uncontrollably. My heart raced, pounding against my chest, threatening to burst free. Suddenly, everything seemed to stop. I reached the climax, and it felt amazing. The wave of ecstasy washed over me, leaving me trembling and gasping for air.
As I lay there, panting heavily, I realized I was sweating profusely. I glanced at the clock on my nightstand, noticing it was almost midnight. This began an adventure of sexual curiosity that continues to this day.
Honest and beautiful! So nice that you had that kind of openness with your mom. Kudos!
Thanks CP! One the traits of my mother is that she chooses to see opportunities to bless others.
Keep enjoying your pre-meal salad over and over, again. Mr. Right will be blessed by your sexual desire and sex positiveness.
Thanks SG!
Hubbie here: Well, well, well, MarriageHeat, we have been graced with yet another excellent writer! EW, this was very well crafted, innocently sexual, and very transparent of you to share your journey. Also, it reflects a fairly commonly held value here in MH-land of no embarrassment, silence, or shame, about sexual stuff between the right folks.
One tidbit that really caught my mind was "My parents encouraged me to enjoy my body and take responsibility for my happiness as a woman and, hopefully, as a wife and mother someday." Such a different lesson than most get. Even married women can take a lesson to enjoy their bodies, and take responsibility for their happiness as a woman.
Does this mean masturbating often? Learning how your body works? Being free to pursue and achieve sexual pleasure? Getting over* embarrassment and societal/church stigmas? I'm not "man-splaining". I'm just an observer stating what's true and practical in almost any change and growth endeavor. Your mileage may vary.
(* by "Getting over", I mean bashing down with malice aforethought. But hey, that's just me.)
In any event, this was really well done, and I hope you write more. Thank you again.
Blessings and passion.
Wow. I enjoy writing. I see my father and mother take responsibility for their happiness.
Reminds me of what I heard Jada Pinkett Smith say, (wife of actor Will Smith),
"… My grandmother taught me about self-pleasuring because she wanted me to know that that pleasure was from me. She didn’t want me to fall into the hands of a man and if he gave me pleasure to think that that was him. And she taught me at 9!”
It was from her 'Red Table talks', with her mother and daughter Willow.
By the way, my casual research has confirmed that most girls are able to orgasm for the first time between 9 and 10, some before 9. And at 9, most have not picked up any hang-ups or negatives about masturbation. And generally are not thinking of sex when they masturbate themselves, it is about enjoying their body.
It has been freeing to discuss masterbation with my wife, and since I've encouraged her to, gone toy shopping together, and given her plenty of finger climaxes and near o's before PIV, we encourage each other to express ourselves sexually. We usually use our solo sessions to tease the other (when together or afterwards when we tell the tale) or during the night when the other has gone to sleep exhausted. Because we are focused on making sure the other does not get deprived, solo time is an encouragement for the next coupling. Even right now, we are sexting each other and doing some touching as we are wet while traveling with others
As a father to a toddler daughter, and an off the rails freaky kinky individual, I’m not sure what conversations I’ll end up having. I don’t know what to think of modeling your mom’s approach, but I certainly admire her healthy attitude toward sex.
As for my own marriage, I’d absolutely love it if Kate was open to self pleasure, as I want her to experience more orgasms. The idea of Kate cumming makes me happy, independent of anything I experience. More pleasure for her, even by her own hand, is cool with me. I do everything I can to play with her pussy as much as possible, and certainly eat her pussy every chance I get. She has a cultural, conservative reservation about masturbation or toys. She thinks it’ll do something to desensitize her natural sensations.
I do appreciate that she doesn’t want me to be replaced by a toy, and I wouldn’t want that to happen. Yet, if it could enhance our intimacy without that happening it would be awesome. I bought her a Magic Wand months ago with the intention that we would only use it when I fuck her in the ass, to give her more enjoyable stimulation. While I do regularly fuck her butt, it would be nice if I felt like she was getting more stimulation and pleasure from it. Here’s to hoping she’ll give it a try sometime.
I had to comment on your comment Alan Adventurous. My wife Melody & I use vibrators almost every time we have sexual encounters and every time she wants to cum.
Just a couple of years after our marriage my early Rheumatoid Arthritis was creating problems in our sex life. Me petting Melody’s clit long enough for her to climax became pretty difficult.
So I bought her a rather large tapered tip vibrator. Her orgasms became more frequent. We didn’t use it every time but often.
Now she does need a vibe to have an orgasm. But we have our X position with me on my side and her on her back. My erection points to her lively n lovely pussy. This position was a game changer. She was able to cum by using the vibe on her clitoris as we had PIV intercourse. And I have grown to appreciate the vibrations on my shaft through her vaginal wall.
We now have a collection of sex toys – big n small. Some work for us better than others. Before her surgery early this year she bought ME a vibrating stroker. I only use it when she is stimulating my nipples… but it has been a great addition to our intimacy. We sometimes use it as foreplay or after PIV for me to have a second big O. And on practically every day we don’t have PIV sex Melody helps me cum while I use the stroker.
So in our opinion sex toys are sex tools or maybe sex enhancers and neither of us mind the other using the enhancers. The enhancers have brought us closer!
My wife grew up conservative but also being ok with masturbating sometimes. When we got married I bought her the first toy she had ever had. She loves those things now. The magic wand is too strong for her. Like LovingMan we use it every time she wants to cum. Unless I am going down on her. She will do reverse cowgirl and bend over almost laying down with her vibrator on her clit and me inside. All of a sudden her pussy starts pulsing and not only do I get to feel it I get to WATCH it!!! Wow!!! It feels and looks amazing and most of the time I have to tell her to roll over because I want to finish.
I found your story interesting and I related to it in that I fucked my wife almost daily for years before I met her, she just didn’t have a name or face, but boy, what a body! Ha. Now that I am again without an available wife,I’m back to fucking her in my mind and with my hand. As I am now old, I can’t fuck her quite as often, but I fuck her as often as my dick will cooperate. Happy masturbating, enjoy it often.
My parents encouragement to be learning how to sexual at this time in my life, while keeping things at salad sexuality. The truth is that sometime human nature sets in and I actually want to have sex with a cute guy I notice. I was looking as some of my diary post of my teen years and I was reminded how I masturbated more while crushing on a guy. I had an interesting discussion with my mother about that. Maybe that is another story.
Look forward to hearing that story.
My oldest (25) confessed that she wanted to get married, so that she could 'get laid', (her words.)
SK, depending on the day, sometimes I think the same way your daughter does haha
What a beautiful account of how your Mum talked so openly about sex as you were growing up and not hold back from relating it to her and your Father. None of us came into this world without the act / joy of sex by our parents. Yes, they more than likely ‘let go’ as they fucked and had the exquisite joy that coupling brings, resulting in becoming pregnant.
Let’s hope more parents can tackle this subject in this way!
So true, we are all the results of the sexual experience.
I don't think I can add much to what I already said except that I really like the point QueenandHubbie brought up that your happiness belongs to you and isn't the responsibility of others. I hope that people read your story and that your parents' example inspires them when talking to their own children about sex. You have a great attitude and am sure that you will be an incredible blessing to your Mr. Right someday.
Thanks!
What a wonderful mom you have. To give you such information at the right age. Not all people get that lucky getting that information. Please keep enjoying your masturbation.
Beautiful story EW, one to be shared to help parents with their children's education.
As a mother myself, one little bit of advice I want to give – don't try to be quiet. Hearing my daughters enjoying their 'salad' is one of my delights as a mother. It pleases me to hear them enjoying God's beautiful gift of masturbation.
I do encourage my family to be clear with the language they use, so prefer we use words like: masturbate, wank or frig. Because if we are open and clear in conversation, we are teaching that this is normal and not something to be hidden. (I mean the conversation, not publicly masturbating oneself.)
LOL. You are so right! I know my mom and dad would love to hear me masturbating. I suspect they have by some of my mother comments over the years.
As I read this about your mom and dad, I thought would have I appreciated and been gladdened to hear my daughters and son masturbate? The answer would be, “Yes!”
That’s interesting SK, you encourage your daughters to be vocal while pleasuring themselves? So it’s normal to hear moaning throughout the house at times?
Bighuged, yes.
People make the mistake of confusing sexual arousal with sexual desire.
It is deep in the inner brain that we are hard-wired to respond to sexual situation by becoming aroused, we have no conscious control over it. Our hormones and state of mind and health also play a part.
Children in their younger years are generally not thinking of sex as a adult does, they are often simply 'horny', and may not be able to point to a reason why. Because of that, there is great innocence in a child's early years of solo-sexual pleasure – because it is not about sex, but about enjoying God's gift of horniness.
Sexual desire, on the other hand, is about sex, here is the danger of falling into 'lust', or more correctly, 'coveting', as did King David when he saw Bathsheba across the rooftops. Had he just enjoyed his arousal, he would have been fine, but he chose adultery – he desired she who was another's.
Hearing each other's sexual pleasure is about arousal, not desire. As has been mentioned before, it would have been normal in times past when most people lived in a one room dwelling. And not a word from any church writer against it. (Nor for it either, indicating that it was a normal accepted part of life in Christian families.)
[This is becoming more of a chat than a comment.]
Interesting Sarah K, but that does make sense. I’ve noticed a difference between those two for me personally.
I’m curious as to how that plays out in your home. Is it a daily occurrence to hear orgasms happening through the walls, or is it a more infrequent occurrence? Also do you bring it up in conversation often, and if so, what do those casual dinner conversations look like? Do you share toys, like if someone wants to borrow a dildo or vibrator? Have you also ever accidentally walked in on your daughters, or have they ever accidentally walked in on you?
This post both gladdened me and made me sad. How I wish I had parents, especially a mom, who viewed sex this way and taught me and siblings about it accordingly! I had to deal with guilt about masturbation and the usual vague sex education prevalent in Christian hones. It's been a hard journey, though very fulfilling as I, like you, take charge of my sexual enjoyment in a pure way. I pray for an awakening in my parents' marriage and sexual viewpoint. More on that in an upcoming post about stigmas. Anyhow, thank you for sharing your story and encouraging me with the knowledge that there are other single young women out there who are loving this time of "salads". I think I'll start using that!
It still amazes me, especially as a single dad, with daughters in the late teens now, that girls can orgasm as young as age 9. It took me a long time to get used to that idea. It helped me to understand it’s a gift from God nothing at all wrong with it.
My mother also taught my sister and I detailed explanations about sex. She began with the simple facts and over time got into the joys and excitement of sexuality.
Being nudists we had always seen our parents naked and our father's penis, so that was no surprise or mystery. She taught us how a man's penis gets hard and erect. We were told of the delight of touching a cock, stroking it, sucking it and putting it in our vaginas to achieve orgasms. And like the writer told her daughter she informed us about semen getting us pregnant.
Over time she taught us how wonderful masturbation is. How it wasn't evil or dirty and we can satisfy ourselves without pregnancy risk. She let us know about dildos and vibrators. What a revelation! These things we had heard a little about was true and God created it all for us to love. All I can say is that we both embraced it. I wanted to remain a virgin till marriage, so if I had sexual urges with a date we masturbated ourselves or each other orally or manually to find relief.
I went into marriage without being afraid of sex. We love each other and love pleasing each other in different ways. There is no guilt in masturbation with each other. We are not self conscious about doing it exposed and openly.
Thanks for this post EW! What an absolute treasure your mom is. She should write a How To book for other parents on talking turkey with their kids about sex. Perhaps I just haven't talked to many people about The Talk they got (I'm still waiting 🙄) but what you got from your mom was an absolute masterpiece! Two thumbs up 👍 👍.
What an awesome story EW! You don’t hear many childhoods like this, and it’s interesting to see someone reflecting on an upbringing like this as an adult now.
How has your masturbation evolved over the years? Did your mom ever talk to you about toys or different methods?
As a single man with a high sex drive as well, my diet also consists of many salads hahah. Sometimes multiple per day 😅
Have you ever had a case where a Bible verse launches your rockets? Also something to consider, namely listen to a Bible text after climaxing at the time of greatest vulnerability
What an incredible mother to teach you, helping you to understand your body and your sexuality. And freeing you to explore masturbation and the joy it can bring. I wish so much that one of my parents had taught me. Because of church teaching I was convinced that masturbation was a sin. From the time I was a teen well into my 50s I fought it, tried to abstain. Then my hormones would build, I couldnt stop looking at women and my penis would get erect so easily and be so wonderfully sensitive to touch, but worse of all would be an inner tention that would build to the point that I would think of sex all day. Finally I would give in, find some privacy and would literally explode with pleasure and release. Then the guilt. I would beg for forgiveness, not feeling that God should forgive me after I had failed so many times. I loved (and love) God with all of my heart. Why couldnt I stay pure? I felt I was a failure as a Christian and was on the verge of giving up on my spiritual life many time because of masturbating.
Then, a few years ago on a Christian nudist forum, members pointed out that the Bible doesnt forbid it. With all the detailed lists of forbidden sex practices, there is never a mention of masturbation. What a revelation, what an amazing freedom. Since then I got my wife's permission to masturbate. I love her deeply, but our lovemaking is infrequent. I feel I need her permission as my penis belongs to her. Since then my (female) urologist has instucted me to stimulate myself regularly. So following my doctor's orders, I do. Thank God for this amazing gift! Why, oh why, did I have to suffer so much for so long over a church teaching which isnt even in the Bible?
Yes, you mother has given you an amazing gift. Rejoice in salad in joy as you wait for the man God has chosen to enjoy 5 course meals with. Rather than stealing from him, you are preparing yourself for him.