Did you feel your spouse spiritually before you met?
Hello,
I’ve randomly but very pleasantly stumbled on this community. From what I’ve read it’s amazing, so wholesome, and perhaps the perfect safe space to finally bring my story to light and also ask questions.
I wrote an entire backstory, however it got quite long so I decided to delete it and keep it short.
I honestly can’t believe I’m 37. I feel 28.
I entered a relationship at 28 and from then till now, plus the pandemic, it really seems like a blur that didn’t happen.
Anyways, I’ve been wondering why ever since that relationship I haven’t felt drawn to anyone, nor have I felt like my divine man is even out there. At times, I feel like my life was designed to be a testimony of stories rather than get married or procreate.
That is, until recently.
Lately, I’ve been getting this sexual energy around me—like I’m feeling someone else’s energy that wants me, but it’s not mine. I don’t have other guys around me either.
At first, I thought it might be my hormones—I usually get very in the mood just before my monthly period—but it’s not that.
So my question is purely for curiosity sake: before you met your godly chosen spouse, did you “feel” it spiritually?
What’s the story? Were they around the same neighborhood? How did you manage these overwhelming feelings that bubble up through out the day? This energy that I’m feeling is right up in my space making me feel hot and bothered while I’m alone. It’s funny really.
Well I prayed a lot for my wife right before we met. I suppose I sort of had a sense it would be soon. I also see ways God prepared me for the fact she wouldn’t be a virgin (ok, she was in the technical sense, but had already participated in outercourse and oral sex, so I did not consider her a virgin). God had to work on me to prepare me for marriage to someone who wasn’t a virgin in the way I was, since I had always sort of expected that from my future wife. Other than that, I can’t really say I felt any different than normal. My sex drive was actually on the downswing by the time we met. I think it peaked between the ages of 15 and 25, so it’s not like I felt more sexual than I had before. But spiritually? Yeah I guess I did feel it somewhat. Sermons about marriage in church and being kind and forgiving and understanding to fellow Christians all really stood out to me, so…
I forgot to mention, but the Lord also prepared me for my wife in that I used to have a very specific list of what I wanted in a wife, mostly in regard to physical attributes and even ethnic background. He showed me this wasn’t fair, and several conversations with Godly individuals also confirmed this. So I had thrown out my “list” shortly before I met my wife. And this was also a God thing, since she didn’t really fit the list I had always used to gauge if a woman would be a good fit for me. To be frank, that list usually caused frustration, as the only women I met who lined up well with it were horrible matches for me in the emotional and intangible sense.
Anyway I hope that helps!
I had the same list experience. My wife doesn’t fit my shallow-minded list in most ways. Yet I discovered other priorities in getting to know her while we were dating. If I made a list now it would start with her being kind, faithful to God n fully committed to our marriage, good with kids, intelligent, some common interests (for us it’s science), then beautiful n sexy! My wife Melody has all those qualities.
I’m embarrassed to tell you how stupidly shallow my first list was.
Maybe someone is masturbating at this time imagining you. Or maybe he is jerking off, not knowing you yet, but thinking about a girl very similar to you)))
Ours was a bit of a different kind of story. I did see something in her when we met. There was obviously an attraction, not just sexual though there was plenty of that. We met when we were both young and not the most mature crayons in the box. So for 4 years, our relationship was on again, off again. Still we kept finding each other out in the world somehow. I wasn't sure at the time what the "plan" might be for us. I probably wasn't even aware of such a thing.
The last time we came together, I joked, that we'd better break up for good or get married. Forty years later, here we are with grown children, a complicated and wonderful story and a deep, satisfying sex life with my friend and confidant. I like to think that this is spiritual, that we are guided by a loving God who want's us to find happiness with another of His creations, while giving us the experiences that help us to see the importance of charity, mercy and forgiveness. If you are with someone for any length of time, you'll value all three of those things.
For me, I realize that the hand that guided us, was slow, deliberate and ever-present. I am grateful for that.
Hi DivinelyAligned! Welcome to MH, we're glad to have you here!
There are several ways that it's difficult for me answer your question directly. First, I'm a single guy, not yet married, nor even in a relationship at the moment. Second, in daily life, I don't tend to think about the world in the same spiritual or energy-related kinds of terms you use, so it's a bit hard to identify with what you're asking.
However, I will say that there has been a significant spiritual component to my romantic journey so far. God has brought me significant growth and maturity through waiting for the fulfillment of my desire for marriage and companionship.
I have also felt what seems like very unusual and extraordinary guidance from God toward a particular young lady for many years. The time and life situation still isn't right for me to pursue her, but if she's the one God wants me to marry, it will certainly be a fascinating story to tell! Hopefully I'll be able to share it with the MH community here, whenever it actually happens, haha!
DivinelyAligned,
First, welcome to Marriage Heat. I have been in this online community for only a few weeks, and yet I already feel a sense of belonging. I hope that for you, too.
For perspective, first a little about my background. I'm 66 years old, white, male, have been a Christian for decades, attended a variety of churches during my military career (and so, I can relate to people from various denominations or none), and recently became a pastor.
About ten years ago, I met a former Green Beret at church and we became fast friends. He began hosting a Bible study and fellowship meeting at their home. One evening, the topic of singleness came up. He offered the group a BRILLIANT piece of advice. He said, "Start praying for your future spouse long before you meet him or her."
He did not mean pray to HAVE a future spouse. He meant to accept the fact that God already has someone picked out for you, and then pray FOR that person. Pray for their well-being, pray that they are already saved when you meet, pray that God will move upon his/her heart in the same way that He has moved upon yours. (He didn't say this part, but I'm adding it. Pray that you will also be evenly matched in the bedroom.)
With that background, let me say that I am sadly in the "single again" category. At my age, even finding a date is difficult. Trusting someone to become a lifelong spouse is monumental. Finding a woman that wants to discuss sexual thoughts and feelings before marriage is the proverbial needle in the haystack.
AND YET, a few months ago, while I was crying out to God about that from my lonely bed in the middle of the night, He whispered, "I'm preparing her." The implication was that she already existed, and that God had already decided that she and I will be a good match. But, she needed some "fine-tuning".
I don't know exactly what that means. I don't know how or when I will meet her. I know only that God has said that He is preparing her. I pray that is the case for you, also. And, I pray that He will guide and comfort you through the journey — and, that it won't be too long.
"He did not mean pray to HAVE a future spouse. He meant to accept the fact that God already has someone picked out for you, and then pray FOR that person."
Where in Scripture does it say that God "picks" out our spouse?
Did God pick out all of David's and Solomon's spouses?
Was Rachel or Leah God's pick for Jacob?
If I'm divorced, and remarry, which one was God's pick for me?
Looking forward to hearing your wisdom on the subject.
We believe that the Holy Spirit can whisper guidance to us. So, I wanna share what happened to me.
Many years ago my first wife (who had become abusive) began to step out on me. When I found out I was devastated. But at church the next day I got the impression that as bad as my pain and grief was, the day would come when I had joy that was as equally intense.
I became a single father struggling to get by on one income after we had gotten used to two. I was on the low rung of my career ladder so the pay wasn’t great yet. (Over time that did eventually change.)
At church two years later I was still struggling financially. Then at church during the singing of the hymn “How Firm A Foundation” I got another impression that my future wife was out there n she’d be drawn to me bc of my relationship w/ my children. I also felt impressed that I needed to keep God’s commandments and hold onto faith in Christ so I’d be worthy of my future wife. Part of that was having the courage to pay tithes and offerings. And we were blessed to be able to have enough- all be it just barely enough.
A year later I met my eventual wife Melody. And that joy has been here for 30+ years n counting! A wonderful part of that joy is documented in my MH stories. We both worked as scientists and she was further up the pay scale so our financial struggles were greatly diminished.
By the way, a line in that hymn says “…in poverty’s veil or abounding in wealth.” The hymn also says “…I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, & cause thee to stand.”
Being a struggling single parent was such a challenge but God got me through it. And the promised wife has been and IS a Godsend! She loved and adopted my kids from my first marriage. Now she’s a wonderful grandmother too. And of course she’s a fantastic kind n loving n passionate wife!
So, yes, before I met her I knew Melody was out there n I could feel that she was waiting for me to be ready for her.
This is a wonderful story, thank you for sharing. Life is so messy sometimes and it’s beautiful to see the hand of God in the midst of it, bringing beauty from ashes.
God bless you and Melody
It's interesting you bring this up. I know someone who had help overcoming depression through something like what you are describing. However it wasn't a sexual energy, but rather an emotional closeness and energy.
Hello DA,
I probably have an unpopular position, but I have several questions about this.
1) What kind of feeling do you have? Is it surface level? In a particular place or all over? I ask mainly in case you might consider getting an appointment with a medical professional (OB/GYN maybe) depending on your symptoms. I’m not a medical professional of any sort, so that is something to consider. (I assume you probably already have thought of that, but never hurts to mention it.)
2) in your post, you wrote, “Lately, I’ve been getting this sexual energy around me—like I’m feeling someone else’s energy that wants me, but it’s not mine. I don’t have other guys around me either.”
How do you know that you feel energy that is external to yourself? What makes you say it feels likesomeone else’s presence?
3) I’m curious about your experiences that you say “your divine man” may not be out there? Why do you think so? Do you think there is a soulmate for you? If so, why?
This is incredibly dangerous territory and theologically it's hard to support.
Marriage is a choice. God creates us with free will and lays out the principles for courtship and a strong marriage. Within that, we grow as we live that out. While God can in theory do anything, the idea that finding one's mate is some sort of divination process isn't supported anywhere in Scripture.
We make the best choices that we can and we live with the consequences thereof. God will be there for us, but there's nothing mystical or mysterious about the process of courting and mating.
The Scriptures warn that the heart can be deceitful and who can truly know it? Hormones, mood, experiences, traumas. All of them can interfere with our judgement and reason and if we based it purely on these sorts of things, we would break up and make up every few days at best. Look for someone with the character to go the distance and the personality you like, and realize all there is to date and marry is sinners (Elisabeth Elliott.)
[…]
[Note from MH: small edit for tone.]
She's not talking about divination. You know how you can ask God for help with your emotions and emotional needs? It sounds like He's including someone else in order to met her needs more fully.
It's still a very mystical approach to mating. You or I can ask God for whatever we'd ask.
But I can't find anything in the Bible that suggests that when God's already told us how to do something and the principles by which to do it, that praying to Him or pleading is going to result in a different answer than the one we've already been plainly given.
To make anything about spouse seeking "mystical" or vague or "feelings" based is a recipe for disaster and likely means a bad choice will be made. The institution of marriage is about a journey of growth and sharing between two people who within the bounds of their faith have made a choice to commit to, love, and serve each other. There's not going to be a magical reveal of "the one."
"The one" does not exist. I know that shatters romantic literature and movies, but the truth is there's more than one person out there any of us could have a good, happy, productive marriage with. To pretend otherwise ignores the Bible, biology, psychology and common sense. And in my personal view, sort of cheapens the idea of faith and free will.
I think you're mostly correct, but perhaps not leaving enough room for other things that are simultaneously true.
Even though true answers to prayer will not lead us in a direction different from scripture or contrary to it, we are still called to pray as Christians. That's for multiple reasons, but I believe one is that it can help align our hearts with God's will, and therefore make his will clearer to us. Again, real answers to prayer will never contradict or add to scripture, but they work in coordination with scripture to help us discern and follow God's will.
To briefly quote you, "The institution of marriage is about a journey of growth and sharing between two people who within the bounds of their faith have made a choice to commit to, love, and serve each other." I fully agree with that statement. However, that doesn't mean there can't be supernatural factors involved. God is living and active in the world, guiding and speaking to those of his people who are willing to seek him and listen. I believe God's sovereignty and man's free will can work in coordination, where God chooses someone's spouse (chooses, ordains, destines, pick your favorite synonym), and those spouses also choose each other. It doesn't have to be one or the other: God's choice or man's choice. It can be both.
And of course, it is perfecly reasonable, logical, and in accordance with common sense that there is more than one person in the world with whom any given Christian could build a healthy, happy, loving and prosperous marriage—not just one, but tens of thousands, probably! You're totally correct on that! However, that fact does not preclude the possibility that, even if then thousand different marriage could theoretically work well, God could have a better plan for one very specific person.
As for there being nothing mysterious or mystical about courtship and marriage… in one sense, no. But in another sense, there absolutely is.
No, not every marriage is going to be a fairy-tale romance where two people somehow just know they are meant to be together, and from love at first sight, they're immediately and perfectly compatible in every way, and they live happily ever after. No, life is a lot less rosy than that—there are disagreements, imbalances, hurts and divisions to work through. No two people will every be perfectly matched on all levels at all times.
And yet, when two living beings, created by God breathing life into dust (Genesis 2:7), created in the image of their Creator (Genesis 1:26), created as perfect counterparts to one another, join together to become one flesh (Genesis 2:24-25, Matthew 19:5-6, Mark 10:7-8), and that physical union represents the spiritual union between redeemed mankind and their Creator and Savior (Ephesians 5:31-32)—does that not sound wonderfully, wonderously and profoundly mysterious? The most prolific apostle certainly thought so, and said as much in God-inspired scripture: "'Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church." (Ephesians 5:31-32, ESV).
This may be a different flavor of mysticism than the energy-based kind of language, but there's certainly room for it in a sound, scripturally-based theology. I think it's healthy and God-honoring to have a near-mystical sense of wonder about the staggering beauty of marriage and sexuality, and what they represent.
Overall, I think you're very wise to keep things as grounded as possible in reality and logical thinking. However, I think there's a little more room for additional truths than you may have considered. Give it some thought!
Hi DivinelyAligned,
I hope this message reaches you. I’ve been following the responses you’ve been getting, and while they’ve been well-meaning, I don’t think they’ve fully answered your question. So, I want to take a moment to do that.
First, what you’re feeling is completely normal and actually very common for those being prepared for Sacred Union—the Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine coming together as part of God’s design. We are in a time where many are being called back to Divine Partnership, restoring what was originally intended, like we see with Adam and Eve. Over time, humanity has strayed from that blueprint, but now, God is realigning relationships with their true purpose.
You mentioned that since your last relationship, you haven’t felt drawn to anyone. That may be because you’re not meant to be—God could be refining your desires so that your attraction is reserved for your Divine Masculine counterpart. You are no longer just available—you are being prepared.
Now, about the energy you’ve been feeling—this is real, and I know from personal experience. Before I fully recognized my husband, I had never been in a relationship before, and I was a virgin when I got married, so I was never sexually active. Still, I began experiencing spontaneous surges of energy, i.e., spontaneous orgasms—sometimes so intense I couldn’t ignore it. At the time, I didn’t even think of him that way. We had met briefly, but we were just friends, and I had no romantic feelings toward him. Still, I later realized this was because he was thinking about me (i.e., he was thinking about me during his me time), energetically reaching for me before we were fully aligned in the physical world.
Energy isn’t bound by distance—it’s spiritual. Everything is energy. Einstein and Tesla spoke on this, but we also see it in scripture. When God created the world, He spoke it into existence—His word carried energy that went out and fulfilled its purpose (Genesis 1, Isaiah 55:11). Jesus healed people this way too—He didn’t always have to physically touch someone. In John 4:46-54, a Roman official’s son was healed at the exact moment Jesus spoke it. That was energetic transference.
And the same applies to human connection—we are energetic beings. Our bodies conduct electricity (i.e., not going out in lightning storms or being electrocuted), our spirits recognize vibrations, and our souls know before our minds process it. That’s why we say things like, “I don’t like their vibe”—we are picking up on their energy.
So, what you’re feeling? It’s real. It’s not just hormones. Your Divine Counterpart may already be thinking about you, desiring you, and drawing you in—whether or not you’ve met him yet. He doesn’t have to be physically near you for you to feel his energy.
I encourage you to spend time praying and reflecting on the various marriages throughout scripture—the nature of those Divine Unions, their mission, their energetic bond, etc. You might also want to research divine masculinity and femininity online, but just use discernment and align with what resonates with our faith and your intuition.
I wish there was a way to DM you, but just know—you are not alone. What you’re feeling is leading you to something sacred. Keep paying attention. Keep seeking. Your Divine Masculine is already aligning with you.
If you have any questions, I’m happy to continue the conversation. Sending you love and clarity.
I'm partially supportive of these ideas, but also want to suggest caution about them.
Certainly, there are things about the universe that are not commonly understood or accepted. At different points in history, people didn't know the Earth wasn't the center of the universe, they didn't know diseases could be caused by creatures too tiny to be seen, they didn't know the stars were spheres of fire hundreds of times bigger than our own planet that were billions of miles away, and a million other things they didn't know. Mankind has advanced much in our knowledge, but there must still be all kinds of things we don't understand about the universe. It's entirely possible that there are energetic connections between things and people that most of us have no understanding of yet.
And I'm more open-minded to such things than most people, because I've experienced—at a small level—some of these energetic sensations myself. Not the sensation of someone else's energy interacting with mine, but the movement of energy within my own body, as directed by the attention of my mind. And if energy can be moved around inside my body, why not outside of it? There's definitely SOMETHING there.
However, because we have extraordinarily slim scientific or scriptural knowledge of such things, I would advise care and moderation in speaking of them. As I see it, we have little ability to tell whether things related to this are true, or whether they're just fantastical musings, because we know so little about how this all works. I certainly would avoid making any major life decisions based on any feelings or sensations stemming from this. Use scripture, prayer and rational thinking to make decisions first, THEN feelings. Feelings have a place, but it's not first place.
I met my wife at a Bible study. I initially thought she was the new girlfriend of a friend of mine who had brought her. I later found out this wasn’t true and she ended up being interested in a couple other guys I knew over time, one of whom happened to be my roommate. It was a while before she began to entertain the idea of liking me. I of course liked her well before she became interested in me but I digress. Now as far as feeling her spiritually, that didn’t happen. Our relationship was built over time through dancing around each other and living in denial
About being together, which honestly led to some poor decisions before we finally ended up together. I love this question though because it really made me think before answering.
In response to PatientPassion:
This is in response to your reply to my comment.
While I appreciate that you took the time to respond, I want to be clear—I’m not looking for your partial support or validation of my lived experiences as a married woman. My response was in support of DivinelyAligned’s question. We are here in support of her.
You caution against speaking on things that aren’t widely understood, yet faith itself is about trusting in what we cannot see (Hebrews 11:1). We believe in an unseen God, in miracles, in prayer having power, in Jesus healing people from a distance—none of which fit into a purely “rational” or scientific framework.
Was Jesus a rational thinker when He turned water into wine? When He raised the dead? When He healed a centurion’s servant without even being near him (Matthew 8:5-13)? These acts defy logic, yet we accept them as truth. I’m not sure your faith background so maybe you don’t accept that as truth?
You acknowledge that energy moves within the body, so why is it so hard to consider that energy can also move beyond the body? Scripture itself is full of energetic transference—whether it’s God speaking creation into existence, Jesus feeling power leave Him when the woman touched His garment (Mark 5:30), or even Isaiah 55:11, which says God’s word does not return to Him void but goes forth to accomplish what He desires. That is energy in action.
I’m not here to convince anyone—I’m sharing scripture and my lived experience. If it doesn’t resonate with you, simply disregard it. If you aren’t familiar with these scripture passages, that’s okay too.
But let’s not pretend faith is built on “rational thinking” when the very foundation of belief requires trusting in the unseen.
Sending you love and clarity … energetically, of course.
I think perhaps this may be more an issue of miscommunication than disagreement, and we're just using very different terminology. And I certainly didn't intend to invalidate your lived experience! That's something you're obviously much more of an expert on than I am!
My reply was intended both for you and DivinelyAligned, as well as any readers, if that provides a little more insight and context for my previous comment. I didn't intend to criticize any specific decision, but only to recommend a mindset of humility. You seemed very confident about your understanding of the connections between spirituality and energy—much more so than I am about my understanding of such things—so I advised caution and moderation because I'm personally not as confident about the correctness of those statements. But maybe you have some kind of understanding that I don't, and I'm wiling to acknowledge that.
Perhaps we have a different understanding of what is "logical" and "rational," because I think Jesus was PERFECTLY rational when performing his miracles. He simply had more understanding than we do, since he is the all-knowing God, and we are limited human beings. Of course, he did things that were beyond human understanding at the time. However, defying logic and defying contemporary human understanding are two very different things. I believe Jesus' miracles were more the latter than the former. He was defying the natural with the supernatural, but he was not defying the rational with the irrational. When we understand—with the help of scripture—that Jesus is all-loving, all-knowing and all-powerful, it is actually very reasonable to believe the miracles he performed, and his actions do not defy logic at all. It makes sense that his boundless love, knowledge and power would manifest in supernatural acts of good for those he loves and desires to save.
(Hopefully that also clears up the question about my faith background—I fully believe in the written scripture, that everything written in it is true, including the deity and miracles of Christ, and that faith in him is the only means of salvation from sin.)
I also would take a different perspective on the idea that faith isn't built on rational thinking. I don't think rational thinking and faith are mutually exclusive. I think they're perfectly compatible. Of course, rational thinking alone won't get you to faith, but neither is faith independent of rational thinking. Faith without rational thinking is a blind and ungrounded faith. An ungrounded faith is a faith that fails when challenged by the cares of the world (Matthew 13:5-7, 20-22), and is knocked over when the storms of life come (Matthew 7:24-27). But rational thinking strengthens faith; it reminds us of God's history of faithfulness to his people, evidenced all throughout scripture, and gives us reason to believe.
"Rational thinking" is part of the basis for my faith, personally. I don't believe in God just because someone taught me to. Yes, of course, I am a Christian largely because I was raised in a Christian household. But as an adult, I've also taken that faith for myself, and chosen it independent of my parents' teaching. I believe in God because I read scripture, which has eyewitness accounts of God's active involvement in the world—accounts which were faithfully recorded, then preserved and translated throughout the centuries. I also believe in God because I look around at the world and see for myself the goodness of God's creation and his ways as the Bible describes, and the evil of sin as the Bible describes, which shows it to be a trustworthy source. Those rational thoughts, that reasoning of the mind, leads me to trust in the God who provides that evidence and calls me to believe in him. So again, while rational thinking is not the sole foundation of faith, neither is faith independent of rational thinking. We are holistic beings; the mind and heart are not independent of one another.
As for the movement of energy, perhaps I wasn't as clear as I could have been in my previous comment. My rhetorical question "if energy can be moved around inside my body, why not outside of it?" was intended to acknowledge the plausibility of some form of energy extending beyond one's physical body. We do not disagree there. To reference some examples that are better scientifically understood, magnetism and gravity are forces that originate from a physical object, yet extend beyond it, sometimes for great distances. So it is entirely plausible that there are other forms of force or energy that behave in similar ways that mainstream science has simply not come to recognize or understand yet.
I don't mean to take this further from DivinelyAligned's original topic, I just wanted to clarify what I meant and why.
Enjoying the interesting debates that have arisen out of this post.
It’s very difficult to think about in hindsight with any sort of clarity. While I imagine there were SOME signs that I was about to meet my wife, before we became friends that one fateful year, how many OTHER times previously did I feel a sense I was about to meet my wife … and didn’t?
It’s very difficult to assess in hindsight.