My wife and I got married young, and we both had hopes for our marriage that we didn’t tell each other and perhaps hadn’t really admitted to ourselves. One of my hopes was that we would be nude together a lot, get all-over tans, go to nude beaches, and do nude dares. I also hoped she would be someone who playfully pushed boundaries—wore revealing clothing, was bold and inventive in what she wore or didn’t… and many things like this. Generally, I dreamed of a very active and creative sex life and lots of cool clothes!
When we married, I discovered she had a lot of worry, shame, and disapproval around sex and her body. She was fearful of what other people might think if they found out she was wearing a G-string, had been to a nude beach, wasn’t wearing a bra or had on a short skirt, sunbathed nude in the back yard, liked sex, or whatever.
Also, she didn’t feel like my equal physically. She didn’t feel sexy, and she saw me as in a league way above her in looks and sex appeal (which isn’t true). And she has always said she is very sexually attracted to me, but she has found it hard to be sexually playful or provocative or confident. She knows I’m very sexual and loves that about me, gets turned on seeing me nude at the beach, or whatever, but she doesn’t feel able to meet me in that space.
The result of this has been that I’ve felt kind of lonely with her over the years—there was so much I couldn’t share with her, and so much fun we couldn’t have. We’ve worked on this a lot for many years now. I’ve especially tried to help her feel absolutely great about her body, and I’ve had to learn to accept and love her as she is, just as Christ loved me! We have both grown enormously over the 30-plus years of our marriage, and we’ve recently done many wonderfully sexy things together that could never have happened before. Yet I still have a sense of loss, and I hope there is still time for us.
Thinking back over the years, I find my desires haven’t changed that much! I’d still love to spend extended time with her nude, just doing normal stuff at home—gardening, cleaning, cooking. That doesn’t seem possible given our living situation, and she’s not particularly into it. But I’d love it! How can this happen? Currently, I only see her nude briefly before sex. It just seems an absolute tragedy that, in modern life, we can’t enjoy each other’s bodies throughout the day. We should get to see each other in all kinds of positions and moving in different ways and be able to touch skin to skin. Surely we were created for this. I believe we were meant to see nude bodies as a daily, normal thing. The absence of this probably has a negative effect on our marriages and our lives in general. One great thing about nude bodies is how relaxing and sensual they are to look at, and of course, it’s relaxing and sensual to be naked.
To me, it would be an absolutely wonderful gift if she was able or willing to be more generous with her body, happy to spend time nude at home or on the beach. I love for her to take many opportunities to strip down or to wear very revealing clothing, even send me nude photos. I wish she could realise just how much I would love spending time with her nude, and seeing her nude in many different places, like going for a hike, lying in the sun, swimming, walking on the beach., gardening, etc.
One of my hopes would be for her to say to me, “I’ll wear as little as you want me to – or nothing – any time you want.” To me that is seriously sexy! We went on a little picnic today in an isolated place, and I was thinking how hot it would be if she said to me, “Would you like me to be naked here?’” and then removed her clothes, and was completely relaxed, enjoying her body. And wouldn’t it be great if she then said, “Would you like me to walk back to the car nude and stay nude until we get to a busy road?” Or, of course, if she just did that—no need to ask!
I also love the idea of dares, like, “Let’s drive to the beach with you nude, stay nude the whole time on the beach, and return home nude,” if she enjoyed that kind of thing. Of course, I would never force this or harass her to do it. But man, it’s so hot! For me, this kind of thing is such a gift. And yes, of course, we’d have to be thoughtful of others.
I’d love it if she worked out a way to dress so she could quickly remove her clothes and put them on again so that, if the opportunity arose, she could. It’s such a turn on to think that she would be thoughtful and willing like that. I really believe we’re meant to spend lots of time nude together, and of course, it encourages touch and leads to sex, which is even better! I guess, I’d love her to see being nude with me as a key facet of our relationship, something to prioritise. Like on a day off together, I’d love to know she’s thinking, “When can I get naked with him today? How can I show off my body for him? I know how much he loves that.”
Of course, I want to do things for her that I know she loves!
And I don’t see anything wrong with social nudity. Of course, we need to think about where, with whom, and when. I like the idea of others seeing my wife nude in the right context. I think its healing, and it helps build confidence and overcome shame. I’d really love her to be relaxed about being nude and not too concerned about being seen. It’s important to be wise about the context but not overly worried. I love the vibe of confidence.
Here are some other things I’d love: For us to have a cabin in the woods we could go to and spend a whole weekend nude. To have close friends with whom we could be comfortably nude. If she thought about how she could surprise me with sexy attire when we go out, especially on holidays away from people we know, and undo more and more buttons throughout the night. For her to take off her clothes in public places where no one is looking, like walking along the beach at twilight. Sleeping naked together and staying that way for breakfast on the back deck. To go sunbathing with her at a public beach, tucked out of sight, and for her to remove her clothes with me keeping watch. Spending time at a nude beach or resort with her and walking for miles without a stitch of clothing. I’d love her to push the boundaries of skimpy swimwear.
It would be great for her to be bold with this—I find boldness very attractive. It would be great if she had girlfriends with whom she could share some of this and inspire them to be bolder. She could even encourage our daughters to be bold with their husbands.
I love her to wear no underwear often. I’d like her to go topless on the beach or for a nude run with me somewhere in the wilderness. I’d love to go boating on a lake with her nude the whole time. I’d love her to read MarriageHeat and enjoy all the nude pictures without disapproval!
Mostly I’d love her to believe she is sexy and to realise how special all these things would be to me. And if none of this happens—all good, life is about so much more!