Question for Ladies About Penis Size

I have a question about penis size. I’m not trying to brag or anything, but I have a bigger than average penis size. I’m worried that, once I’m married, my future wife may not be able to handle my size. I know that no matter how big the penis is, first-time sex is likely to be uncomfortable for any woman. But if she’s really tight, how difficult would it be for her to get accustomed to my penis? Or is there a chance that she would not ever be able to fit me into her vagina without pain?

Have any ladies here dealt with a bigger than average cock? How did you get used to it, or how do you deal with it?

Also, is this conversation one I should broach at some point with my future fiancée when I get to that point?

Any thoughts appreciated.

3.45 avg. rating (70% score) - 11 votes
43 replies
  1. Happy Husband says:

    I doubt it's an issue. I have an average-sized cock but since I love my wife and her pleasure, years ago I bought her a large dildo that is 9" long and at least 1 1/2" thick. I doubt you are bigger than that. With lube, she loves it. Loves it. Consider yourself blessed.

  2. nene says:

    Hi, I don't think you should worry about it. There are so many ways to pleasure a woman. Vaginas have muscles that help adjust to different sizes. A good massage of the area with a dildo will gradually increase the opening of the vagina. Lubricant also helps.

    • Bighuged says:

      That’s true. Of course no matter what I do I would make sure I take my time and make sure she’s ready

  3. hornyGG says:

    Bighuged,
    First let me say that women experience childbirth " down there" so a man's cock is nothing in comparison. Just wanted to get that out of the way.
    My husband Ben is above average in size and I have no problems accommodating him. The first time I saw his dick on our honeymoon, it did scare me a bit because I was a virgin. But Ben was very gentle and loving with me and my nervousness melted away. Be gentle and take your time with your future wife, make sure she is wet enough to accept you. Don't just plow into her like a bull in a China shop!
    Make love to her in a way that builds her trust in you to care for her. Love her as a person and as your wife that you will spend your life with. From there, the love you have for one another and the sexual fulfillment the two of you experience will blossom into a lifelong joy. God bless you, sir, and stay horny always!
    ❤❤ GG

    • Bighuged says:

      Thanks GG. That’s true. And of course, I definitely wouldn’t be overbearing or just mindlessly shove it in as soon as I can 😂. I want to make sure we’re both ready and on the same page.

      How was your first time? I know for women there can be discomfort anyway for there first time. Was there any for you?

  4. HeSaid-SheSaid says:

    If it is a concern, she can talk to a gynecologist. There are kits out there called dilators, which are used to gradually stretch a vagina over time. I imagine for a virgin the hymen will be taken out, but thats a small price to pay for having comfort during the early stages of marriage.

  5. LovingMan says:

    I’m sure that this has occurred to you, but I’ll say it anyway. The vagina is designed to allow childbirth. So the vagina can stretch a long ways. That being said, I also am above average and I do have to be careful that I don’t hit my wife’s cervix when we are doing “quickie” sexual intercourse. If she is fully aroused in our full love making sessions, that is not usually a problem because an aroused vagina elongates. So be sure to do lots of foreplay to get her ready for intercourse. I also recommend having some good sex lubricant available. If your wife has a small mouth and she is fine with giving you oral sex, she may have a bit of difficulty getting you in her mouth. My wife couldn’t at first, so she flexed her jaws by trying to open her mouth wide. Then she was able to take me into her mouth. You mentioned talking about sex when engaged. That is a very good idea.
    Research shows that the great majority of wives are happy with their husband’s penis size. I heard once that it’s not the size of the ship but how you rock the boat. We all come with variations in our traits and our genitalia are no exception. Most men worry that they are too small (and most men are actually within the average range). How we treat our wives and how we instill trust and the many non-sexual ways we show love are more important things than penis size. Your future wife will love all aspects of you and your above average penis will be another enjoyable part of you for you both to enjoy.
    On a different but related issue: I fell in love with my wife even though I thought I wanted a wife with long brown hair. She was a brunette, but she’s always worn her hair short. I fell so in love with her other traits (especially her personality and mind) that her short hair became endearing to me. Now that we are much older, she sports a more curvy frame, and I love those curves. She also now has mostly grey hair (& so do I) and that is also endearing to me.

    • Bighuged says:

      Thanks! That’s interesting that her inner walls move depending on arousal. I’ll keep that in mind.

  6. SecondMarge says:

    Apparently 90% of men have above average cocks. At least those that go online. I am also on a secular discussion web site and there too men message me letting me know, sometimes apologizing for being so big. If only the person that came up with the average didn’t know about all of these guys.

    Almost none of the women here have a broad range of experiences with different size men. I, like several others depend on vibrators and dildos as both of my husbands were actually in the average range. I have one that would be in the 98th percentile if it was attached to a man. I really preferred my husbands average size most of the time. There is discomfort at first with very large toys for some women. Even to the point where complete insertion is not wanted or even possible. But most women with sufficient lubrication and a gentle start they can accommodate even 9 inches.

    • Beachlover Guy says:

      I'm very much in the average category, but I'm comfortable with the size of my cock. Besides, as a nudist I see guys who are bigger and smaller, so being in the middle category is nice. No complaints from my wife, so that's all that matters. In fact, the first time she gave me a blowjob, she told me I have a very nice cock. True or not, every guy likes to hear that!

    • Bighuged says:

      Thanks for the comment SM. What is the biggest size dildo you have? And about most dudes saying they’re well hung 😂. What other sites do you use other than here?

  7. Waiting Hardly says:

    From what I have read, what we are aiming for most of the time is the woman’s G-spot. If that is located, as was postulated, at about 5 inches inside, then men with only average size will consistently be hitting it. If anything, you should keep in mind that deeper is not necessarily better.
    Average in length and attractive maintained is the way to go!

  8. ILoveMarriage says:

    I wouldn't worry about it. As others have pointed out, you are a lot smaller than a baby.

    But yeah, definately have the discussion. God was good to me, and my wife is small. We had some problem of pain until after the birth of our first child. She did some premarital stretching with her fingers, but not enough.

    We did not know about vaginal dilators unfortunately. I think it would be wise for any woman who is getting married, virgin or not sexually active in a while, to get a set of dilators and prepare herself. A simple thing to prevent possible difficulty.

  9. Honeymooners says:

    God created a woman's vagina to birth a child and to accommodate a penis. It's important to get her ready for you. Meaning get her wet and she wants to desire you.

    • SecondMarge says:

      To me having a baby is not equivalent. Like men, women vary in size and one size does not fit all. Nerve endings are almost all in the first two inches so longer than normal doesn’t help. We can accommodate an inch or two above average (5-6 in) but if you are talking that really rare cock that is over 8 you most likely can not get your entire cock in. At least that is what the studies I have read say. Plus most men measure wrong. I guess it’s like when we were teens and stuffed our bras with tissues so we could be full A’s.lol

  10. SinglePringle says:

    Definitely mention it to her during the engagement part of the relationship. Like others have said, there are dilators which she can use before your wedding day if you are concerned.

    I think the main thing I would want if my future husband was extremely well-endowed would be to have lots of foreplay. Rather than he just puts it in, I'd want to look at it, play around with it and get used to the size.

    Maybe mutually masturbate together so that she gets comfortable around it. Then when it's time to enter go slow and make sure she's very aroused and use lots and lots of lube. Vaginas come in all shapes and sizes so be cautious of that too. For example, it may be that you can't go all the way into the hilt. Maybe look into positions for more well endowed men like spooning where you don't go all the way in but it still feels nice and possibly start with that as an alternative to missionary.

    There are a lot of things that the two of you can discuss to make your wedding night pleasurable. But as others have said, it really shouldn't be a problem 🙂

    • Bighuged says:

      Thanks for the response SinglePringle!

      I would definitely include a lot of foreplay but the masturbation sounds like it could be a good idea.. hadn’t thought of that.

      If you were engaged to someone with an above average size, when would you want to be talking about that? And also, would you look into dilators or do you think you’d just go into the wedding night without?

    • SinglePringle says:

      No problem Bighuged!

      As for discussing penis sizes, I think it's one of those things where there isn't a right time to discuss it but there is a right mood to discuss it in. However, probably just before pre-marital counselling would be the best time to bring it up if it hadn't been discussed at all before then. If she loves you, being well-endowed isn't going to be an issue or a turn off.

      As for dialators, I am still conflicted about that. Growing up traditionally where even I haven't talked to my parents about masturbation (just that it was wrong plus they have a very negative opinion on sex toys) it's feels like a massive taboo thing to do.

      However, if I was to get married at 30+ years old then it's probably something I'd look into doing to make the whole experience more comfortable. I think the thing that would concern me is potentially breaking my own hymen. It just makes me sad that it would be on my own and not with anyone to comfort me through that experience. Especially since I've kept it for so long, I'd want the first "large/phallic" object that goes inside me to be my husband's penis.

      But if it's something that my future husband and I discussed and he was more than okay with me using dilators before our wedding night, then I'd most definitely use them (or if there was a way to find out if I didn't have a hymen in the first place then the above issue can be ignored). As has been mentioned on the site, there are definitely benefits to using them and I think they can make a woman's first time more comfortable. Plus if she has vaginismus which she wouldn't know until you first have sex with her, this would alleviate the problem that you could be faced with on your wedding night.

      What I would suggest is to be encouraging and provide her with the benefits of using dilators. The final decision would be hers but if she like myself has pre-conceived notions then encouragement from you would go a long way and benefit your sex life in the long run.

    • Bighuged says:

      Yeah I understand what you mean, I feel like I grew up in a similar household. Do women think about how big they want their future husbands penis to be? Like a preference size? Just like you’d have a preference as to what color hair or height, etc? If so, what kind of size would you find most exciting?

    • SinglePringle says:

      I think this varies from woman to woman when it comes to penis size and thinking about what they would like. Some definitely think about it and others probably don't pay it too much attention.

      Media often tells us bigger is better. But we're also told that girth is much more important than length. I guess because it's easier to "feel full" if a guy is thicker. So in my case, I would choose thickness over length. But I would want him to have an "average" length too (anything more than that is a bonus. I think I would be excited purely because I'm finally having sex. I would be a bit disappointed if he was on the smaller side, but I feel like my love for him would cover that because the penis is attached to him. Therefore by that point, it shouldn't matter too much.

      I think 2 factors come into play if a woman thinks about her future husband's penis size and therefore what she would prefer:
      1) What penises has she seen (via TV media etc)?
      2) What penises has she seen in real life/experienced in real life?

      In my case, only 1 applies to me. Shows like Naked Attraction in the UK (as crazy as it is) have actually allowed me to understand what I would like and not like length, girth, foreskin and/or lack of etc. This is also why I know I'd prefer the above but it isn't a deal-breaker. Penis size, especially if we're waiting and are complete virgins is just a preference. When you've actually experienced it, size would be more than a preference because you'd know from experience what you liked and didn't like.

      But in summary, I think an average penis would excite most women. Anything above that is a bonus.

    • SecondMarge says:

      I wouldn’t count on a hymen that you or your husband feels. Many women don’t have one or much of one. The others mostly diminish with time or activities like bike or horse riding, gymnastics. By age thirty from what I have read almost no woman has much if any part of a hymen left even if they are a virgin. Frankly I’m surprised anyone even thinks about it anymore. Last time I heard it discussed was when Prince Charles supposedly had Dianne checked. They dropped that custom in GB after that I believe.

    • SinglePringle says:

      There definitely are still people that do care…at least in my house and I'm sure we're not the only ones.

      I already know that it can be lost or broken from other activities. I actually had to educate my parents on that because they weren't aware. And like I said too, if I get married after 30 (which is looking more at more likely at this point) then I probably wouldn't even think too much about my hymen as frankly, I would be past caring at that point tbh. I haven't seen or heard about the hymen disappearing after 30 so I'd be interested to read up on that.

      i just wish there was a way of knowing if it was intact or not without having to go to a gynaecologist or something. It would make decisions like this 100 times easier

    • Bighuged says:

      Single Pringle, it’s interesting that you mentioned naked attraction. I’ve seen that before too, it’s a very interesting show to say the least 😂. What were the features that you liked most from the penises that you saw?

    • SinglePringle says:

      Bighuged – I definitely preferred thickness over length (mid-range, not too big). Also I realised I really do prefer circumcised penises. I'm not averse to forskin but I prefer it not to hang over the penis. I just found it very odd personally (not that anyone can help what their genitalia looks like) as my labia isn't exactly neatly tucked away either.

      But as they say, love really is blind, I feel like in reality these aspects wouldn't matter if I was deeply in love with him…but a nice circumcised thick penis would be ideal 😂

    • Bighuged says:

      😂 single Pringle I totally get what you mean! I’m cut and I think I look a lot ”cleaner“ that uncut. But sometimes I wish I was uncut. I think it would be fun to play with the folds of skin and they say it’s really sensitive too lol.

      And I find it interesting your mention that your labia isn’t tucked away neatly. I watched a video one time talking about the different variations of vaginas and I found it really fascinating. Obviously I think a vagina with all of the inner labia tucked all nice and neat inside the outer labia would be beautiful, but honestly I think one with the inner folds sticking out would be equally as mesmerizing and sexy too. I honestly don’t know if I could choose 😂

  11. Victor0884 says:

    I had a roommate before I was married and he was above average in size. Without getting to specific, he told me that although it may take 3 or 4 attempts, with foreplay and the proper lubrication all women could take up to eight inches. So I don't think you have anything to worry about, yes it may take a few attempts but the vagina is elastic and accommodates the size.

  12. Prince of Denmark says:

    Like Michelangelo’s David, I have a fairly small penis. I can’t imagine size mattering much over the course of a marriage. When we were engaged, I encouraged my bride to be to touch and stroke my penis as much as possible through my pants. I think it was a healthy practice for us as we were both virgins and it allowed her to get used to the size and feel of my cock. If we could go back in time, I think it would have been even better for us to see each other naked and to feel each other before the wedding night. I know that this is not a popular opinion within Christianity, but I believe that young Christian couples should begin masturbating each other without intercourse in the weeks and months leading up to the wedding. I think it’s healthy for everything to happen in stages. Once you’ve given your heart to someone, sexual intimacy is very important for the relationship. The whole idea of dating for many years without sexual contact is absurd. The wife needs to get to know her future husband’s cock and the man needs to be acquainted with her cunt in preparation for fucking. It’s as natural as anything in God’s green earth.

    • Cuddles says:

      Prince, I find your opinion on pre-marital contact intriguing. This is the first time I've ever heard this opinion, but that's not unusual for me having lived a sheltered life til a year ago.

      I can see what you're getting at but I honestly don't know what to think about it. I would love for it to work for my future husband and myself while we are engaged (short engagement, looong honeymoon please!) but I reckon I wouldn't be able to stop at the boundary of waiting for PIV intercourse. I know who my new man is and I think of him heaps. I want him so bad and have fantasized about nearly every aspect of making love with him. I've also wondered about his natural charms, his whole body too, so there's plenty of appeal in what you've presented! For him to be able to explore my body would be delightful indeed.

      I want to wait until we are married before we have intercourse. It's important to me, and I'm hoping it's the same for him, although I know it might not be. I believe that God has a special wedding present for those who wait, and I would love to start off our marriage with that present. I know that neither of us are virgins, having both been previously married, but I believe that there's something to a couple like us choosing to wait, and I also believe that God loves that choice and honours it by way of blessing. I pray about it, believing that God hears me and is working on my new man's heart also. I really want that prezzie of blessing! I think we both missed out previously because of our lifestyles back then, but we've been forgiven so the slate has been wiped clean by the blood of Jesus, praise His Name!

      I know that a percentage of people don't place much importance on someone like me "saving myself" for marriage, but it's important to me.

      Assuming that you've held your opinion for some time and that you've thought things through, would you be able to explain how you see it working in practice for an older sexually experienced couple like my new man and me, please?

      I would certainly appreciate some extra input on this. Hoping you can help out. Thanks.

      Cuddles xxxx

    • SinglePringle says:

      @Prince of Denmark, I get what you're saying.

      I do agree that going 0 – 100% in one night is a bit crazy but I'd probably still stand by that as a current virgin myself. What doesn't help is all of the pressure to have sex on the wedding night and that it's supposed to be amazing. I would want that to build up as slowly and naturally as possible. If we don't do it on our wedding night and we just fool around, that's okay with me. I would just be happy to be with him sexually at that point.

      I think the risk of masturbating each other without clothes on is that there is a risk of going too far. What tends to happen is a lot of engaged couples have sex and then breakup because they feel really guilty which causes more unnecessary heartache than required.

      I think something along the lines of phonesex and maybe dry humping like a week or two before might be better. Maybe the couple masturbate over the phone to orgasm and that can start those more explicit steps. That way they aren't in the same room so there's no chance of them fornicating, especially if they're waiting until marriage.

      The above isn't something I personally would do though. I'm still at the point where pretty much anything more than kissing would be off limits until marriage. But that's mainly because I don't think I can handle much else without going all the way, but maybe I can, who knows? I haven't been put in that situation yet.

    • SinglePringle says:

      To also add to my point, this is also why I think couples shouldn't date for years (3 plus) before getting married after a certain age (probably 21, since you should have finished university by then). A couple should know by 1 year if they want to get married or not. By maximum 2 years, you're married, so that way, you're not waiting too long and the risk or fornicating isn't as high.

    • PatientPassion says:

      I don't want to go too deep into this conversation, since it's off the topic of the original post, but I did want to engage with your idea briefly, PoD.

      I'm definitely not of the same liberal opinion in regards to sexual contact before marriage. However, instead of arguing my position at length, I'm curious to simply ask a question: what would be wrong in waiting to go through that exact same process after marriage? I agree, quite strongly actually, that progression of mutual sexual expression should "happen in stages." I think that's a great idea! Going from basically a "no touching" policy to "let's have full intercourse" in one day when you get married does seem unnatural, and perhaps even unwise. (Christian marriage and sex blogger Sheila Wray Gregoire has some good teaching on that idea.) However, I would say the right time for that sexual familiarization process to begin is after marriage. (The physical part, at least. Substantial discussion about sexual views and expectations should take place well before marriage.) I once again agree with you 100% that "Once you've given your heart to someone, sexual intimacy is very important for the relationship." But have you truly given someone your heart without commitment? And have you truly given your commitment without marriage, the God-ordained covenant made specifically for this context? That's my thought process. I could say a lot more, but I won't hammer on the point.

      But regardless of the whole argument about when it's okay to start being more sexual, could we not use that same familiarization process after marriage instead of before? There's no reason new spouses have to be totally ready for intercourse a few hours after they're married, and with this process they could get the same familiarity without the issue of pre-marital sexual activity. Although if you don't think it's wrong before marriage, I suppose from your perspective there's not much reason to delay the process.

  13. Prince of Denmark says:

    I'll start by saying that I was raised in a very remote and theologically rigid community. Ever since childhood, my views on just about everything have been considered heretical. They still are. So please take whatever I say with a grain of salt. I am not an expert on Christian sexuality or any other aspect of Christian ethics. I share my views from personal experience. I'm fortunate to be in a very happy marriage. All through the years, people have tried to control us and change us. I've learned that all of this is a reflection of their own sickness and insecurity. People with religious authority have consistently disappointed me and have generally shown themselves to be frauds. I am very skeptical of dogmas, rituals and supposed covenants. I have spent my lifetime studying Scripture, learning Greek and Hebrew, participating in the major church traditions and submitting to ecclesiastical authorities. I maintain the belief that Christ is the center of all things while also coming to believe that some of our older courtship customs need to be reexamined today.

    • PacMan says:

      I’m with you POD! I think a lot of Christian dogma that if “Bible-based” is really just spiritual manipulation through sexuality (literally called “every man’s” sin). I’ve thought many times, if I was single again…. even if I found myself as a widower (I pray I don’t)… I would handle dating/courtship completely differently. And it would lean away from a “rules based” relationship without a total abandonment of sexual principles.

    • HigherQuest says:

      PoD, I too agree with your concerns about the rigidity of Christian standards as relates to sexuality. When we consider that there couldn't possibly be a better or more thorough communicator in the universe than God Himself, it amazes me at how often those who discuss biblical sexuality do so in a way that speaks waaaay beyond anything God says in His Word, as if to say "We think God did a 'pretty good' job discussing the subject, but He needs our help filling in the blanks of what He failed to forbid." From there they go hog wild, forbidding this and forbidding that, and by the time they get done, they've so shredded human sexuality that it looks nothing like what God obviously intended for it to look like.

      God doesn't need our help in expanding His sexual standards. I don't think He forgot to say anything on the subject that He needs us to fill in the blanks for. By the time we get done helping God out, we have virtually canceled out the grace of God and replaced it with an elaborate set of new Christian laws on sexuality.

  14. GoForItWifey says:

    "But if she’s really tight, how difficult would it be for her to get accustomed to my penis? Or is there a chance that she would not ever be able to fit me into her vagina without pain?"
    Depends totally on her size and how pliable she is. I know even after years of loving and two grown kiddos, I can still get "not so pliable." I have to work at it, or we have to work at it. So yes, in a manner of speaking, she can get accustomed to it, but there are occasions even when we have to move on to something different.

    "Have any ladies here dealt with a bigger than average cock? How did you get used to it, or how do you deal with it?"
    Yes, yes, oh my goodness YES! And I dropped a hint or so above. Also – COCONUT Oil!!! Invest in it. Even with lots of practice, prep, and play have a plan B, C, & D. Decades later, we still do. 🙂

    "Also, is this conversation one I should broach at some point with my future fiancée when I get to that point?"
    Premarital counseling. We took care of all this sort of thing then. A lady we both trust to the ends of the earth lead us and helped us open up, get it out, and work it out. This is their job, this is what they do best. I recommend finding a good one; get lots of references.

Leave a Reply

Want to join the discussion?
Feel free to contribute!

Leave a Reply