Is Flirting Equal to Cheating?
This simple discussion question is twofold.
1) Do you consider flirting equal to cheating?
2) At what point do you consider something to be flirting?
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Good question, and the ONLY flirting (cockteasing) I do is with implied consent from Jim – which means that we are always together when I'm being an exhibitionist – and we both really get off with this. It's always in good taste, and most of the time our "prospects" are also getting off with it.
100% agree. Flirting with someone else can be a super hot tease.
For a married person to flirt with someone who is not their spouse is inappropriate in my opinion. Perhaps it is a mild form of emotional cheating but not yet adultery. I suppose that flirting may be how full on cheating may possibly eventually occur. But I’m sure that’s not always the case.
To a spouse that is starting to play around with the idea of an extramarital affair, I would say Yes–as in, you're on a very slippery slope and I think that things like this might be a modern example of what Jesus talks about in Matthew 5, also tied into James 1.
But to the man/woman that is seeking a justification to start punishing his/her spouse for perceived wrongs or disconnect from the marriage, NO, flirting absolutely does not equal cheating. There is a huge difference between feelings and reality, something that I'm starting to understand more as I work through some of my own anxiety.
So the real question is, where is your heart, and on what trajectory are you?
my guess it depends on your definition of flirting.. and maybe if it's done in the presence of your spouse.. A lot would depend on the couple, but for me, any behavior that could be seen as sexual in nature, with anyone besides my wife, would be inappropriate
Like most of the things Jesus taught in the sermon on the Mount, it comes down to our heart’s intent. I think there is a type of flirting that is fun and maybe even a bit naughty, but has ZERO impact on one’s fidelity to their marriage. It’s all just fantasy play. While there is another form of flirting that is literally tempting the limits (or crossing the line) of fidelity, and there is a heart-shift away from their spouse. The second version is a form of cheating, while the first is not (from my perspective).
1. I think it boils down to intent. If the purpose is to entice or seduce, then yes, it’s cheating. If the intent is just to titillate, tease, or arouse, then maybe not.
2. I think this also goes back to intent. The question becomes, “What is the goal?” The answer, I think, will fall into the same set of answers as question #1.
It feels nice when I think I’m on the receiving end of flirtation, but I never respond in kind. There are also times when I’m not sure if they’re flirting or just being friendly.
I don't consider flirting equal to cheating, necessarily. Like most are saying here, the intent is important. I also think your spouse's response to it is important, for example: I might find some innocent flirting harmless, but if it were to bother him in any way, I'd absolutely stop. Flirting is subjective and not everyone can understand your intent. This is particularly true of women flirting with men. Do the man know it's innocent? How does he interpret a hand on the shoulder or arm? Does he see it as harmless or as an invitation? Something to consider.
We flirt with each other a lot, its safe and we know each other's intentions. Occasionally it leads to a little impromptu role-playing, which leads to…
No, it doesn’t rise to the level of cheating in that it is nowhere near as consequential as actual intercourse outside your marriage, but it would generally be ill-advised. I read CreamyPatty’s comments above and can understand what she’s describing, though it should always cease if anyone involved feels unease in the situation. I have explicit conversations with some of our friends, to include the wives with or without their husbands present, mostly for fun, shock value and encouragement. I don’t discuss everything about our sex life with all, but certainly much of it. Maybe it’s a similar end result to flirting with no intentions?
Recall what Jesus said about looking at a married woman lustfully. Yet common sense would tell us that the mere thoughts are not on the same level as actually committing adultery. You’re not bringing that individual into the sin and no damage is done to another family, but I believe that scripture is to show how high God’s standards are. The expectation is we are not to lust in our minds, let alone act out.
I don’t flirt and I would be very upset if Kate were to flirt, but it’s absolutely not in the same league as a physical relationship. It’s one of those things that, at best, MAY not be wrong but we’d be very wise to avoid.
1) Do you consider flirting equal to cheating? Ans – No, but is the first step to cheating.
2) At what point do you consider something to be flirting? Ans – When it looks & feels like flirting to your spouse & the other witnesses around.
First reaction to this is that flirting doesn't bring much, if any, margin for play. Flirting, pretty much, only has one definition. Why, are you flirting? To see if a person is interested. In you, in sex, in anything more than just friends.
I don't like flirting with flirting. Too, many things can be mistaken.
However, a person can be an outgoing, fun loving, type that talks & touches on everyone. That's not flirting. That is personality. The difference is that a flirt will practically lay in your lap if all the ducks are lining up, in a row.
Sexual play in a marriage that allows "flirting?" I'd rather call it something else. But, that's not the point. I would rather not play that way. I am cool with same room sex. I am cool with strip games, or truth or dare, with other likeminded couples. But, going out to send my wife or husband to a stranger, or an acquaintance, to get a rise out of them? I don't judge, but I don't see the point, either. It's not a turn on for me, nor my wife.
Thanks for making us think Tutchh. I can see reasons to ask. Often I talk to waitresses, or ladies at work. Whether my wife is there or not. And, I am very cautious to not do too much for too long. My wife, their husband, may not see it as innocent. But, I am not flirting. I am just being me. I don't talk personal sex, nor innuendo. I just talk with them like a friend.
My wife will tell me when a girl is interested in me. I don't see it. I just think people are being nice, which they are. I flirt with my wife & that's it.
Yes. You are not respecting your spouse by flirting with someone else.
well, unless your spouse is secure and fucks your brains out after the healthy turn-on ….
@CP
Some of us would disagree that such a kind of turn on is healthy. If my future wife did this, it would be deeply UNhealthy, because it would cut me to the heart to see that my wife wants to mess around with people other than me—that she thinks so little of the promises she made to save that kind of love for me and me alone.
Also, one spouse can be totally secure and also be upset at the other spouse flirting with someone outside the marriage. As I mentioned in my more expansive comment, God is a jealous God (demanding relational exclusivity), but no one could ever call him insecure. It's the envious kind of jealousy that's bad. But the kind of jealousy that demands and protects relational exclusivity is a good thing.
There's a friend I flirt with and sometimes send some… naughty… messages, too. My husband is aware of it, but he's fine with it because he knows it's just for fun. He just doesn't want to know the details. So in that case, I don't see it as cheating. We have an understanding.
I'm not here to judge, but I'd offer a caution and encourage you to consider this: you could use that same line of thinking to justify an open marriage. "An understanding" doesn't make something morally right. Being in agreement on an immoral act doesn't make it morally okay.
Beware of using weak justifications like this for something that you can't actually justify. By all means, make your own decisions—I certainly have no right to make them for you. But I encourage you to make your decisions for the right reasons, not just because you want to do it, and therefore use shallow thinking to justify it and convince yourself it's okay.
Also ask yourself why you want to flirt with someone other than the one you promised your life to. In my opinion, it's just our sinful nature making sin and temptation enticing. Nothing good can come of this, even if it seems fun and harmless. The snake doesn't cause any pain until it bites, and by then the damage is done. And like a snake, sin can strike quicker than we can react, and then it's too late to escape the damage.
I would go as far hubby loves and allow it and he is quite open..flirting can lead to double and triple and more of fun in bedroom with him. He would love to watch but even if he is not around, telling him what he I was up to would turn him crazy in bed. With my sexy pregnant curves, being “nice” to some is his favorite show 😉
As far as I would be comfortable going would be to show my wife off in public. As much as we would agree to, as much as she would want her, or I to exhibit I am ok with. Only the focus of said exhibition would be to us, in our marriage. Knowing that others will, or could view is fun icing on our cake.
But, actually, as you, AJ, & CP put it, cockteasing another stranger, acquaintance, or friend is something out of my control as far as any mixed signals the other person may get, or act upon. Just something I'd rather not deal with.
Not judging though. As long as God is in it, we have liberty.
Very nice, I don't mind if y6ou mention my name … 😉
Honestly, I cannot even imagine flirting with anyone other than the man I was in a relationship with/married to. Now, I can be pretty lighthearted and I try to be sweet and kind, so I don't know if others ever think I'm flirting with them, but it isn't on purpose on my end. I want to focus all that banter and fun and naughty humor with my special guy, not random men who don't mean anything to me. I'd want the same from my man. Though I wouldn't mind if he flirted with old ladies. 😋
No, I personally would not consider flirting to be equal to cheating, which I define as an actual affair involving sexual acts. However, there is a point where I would still have a problem with it.
If my future wife (or fiancée, or girlfriend, at any stage of an exclusive relationship) had a male friend that she got along well with, I'd have no problem with her laughing with him, touching his arm, giving him a hug, etc. But if my intuition told me there was some kind of spark of attraction there that they were entertaining, I would start feeling upset about that, even if neither of them had any intent whatsoever of having an affair.
For me, the main question is this: is the intent (or the likely and predictable result) of a certain action to entice or encourage attraction or sexual arousal in another person, or to signal your own? That's what qualifies as flirting for me, and it crosses a boundary for me that I don't think is right.
I'm a fiercely loyal person, and I unashamedly require that my future wife live up to that standard as well. My standards may be slightly more strict than the absolute and objective moral boundaries, but whether or not that's the case, it's VERY important to me that my wife and I keep our relationship absolutely as exclusive as possible, and not let anything or anyone get between us, even in small ways.
God describes himself as a jealous God (Exodus 20:5 and other places), which as far as I can tell, essentially means he demands exclusivity in relationship. (Since he immediately precedes that statement in Exodus by telling Israel not to have any other gods.) I think that indicates there is absolutely a proper place for healthy jealousy and protection of committed relationships from even seemingly small external interference like "harmless" flirting. Having fun with other people is one thing, and a normal part of life. "Flirting" as I understand it is entirely different, and not something I would tolerate.
There's also the issue that flirting is essentially signaling romantic or sexual interest, and if you fully intend to remain faithful to your spouse, then you're misleading and lying to that other person.
All around, if you're in an exclusive and committed relationship (girlfriend/boyfriend, engaged or married), flirting with someone outside that relationship is not cool. I'm opposed to it, both in personal preference and on moral grounds, for the reasons stated above.
I think there is a wide range, with obvious emotional flirting or habitual flirting with one person being where it’s an issue.
For instance, my wife and I were on vacation a few months back. It was warm, at the beach etc, and she was wearing a sundress and was braless. When she walked you could see just enough of her smaller breasts wiggling and her nipples just barely poking through to be erotic and catch your attention.
After dinner, we were at the restaurant bar and a gentleman that was maybe 60 sat next to us and started chatting. We were all cutting up and it became clear he was flirting with her and she reciprocated. It was fun, and I’m confident he was trying to sneak a few peeks. They even danced once or twice before we finally left and went to our room and had sex. Her flirting with him was harmless—- obviously he was flirting and trying to enjoy what little bit of her he could, and yes she enjoyed the attention and light affection, but at the end of the day, we were all turned on and she and I fucked in our room.
I see no issue in that! It was a great night for everyone!
No offense, but I would not call that flirting. I would want to call that something else. I see that as being social.
Flirting, to me, means you have a motive to have sex, or, in the case of some above, a motive to rile up arousal, but not have sex. Whether the target person knows or not.
I see what was happening with you as much more innocent.
That's just my take. What you mean & what I mean are the same. But, we would use different words. This is much different than intentional cockteasing.
I guess it depends on what you define as flirting.
Was my wife trying to get him aroused? Yes. Was he enjoying it (and was I?) yes. There’s no doubt there were two boners leaving at the end, but no one left unhappy, nor did anyone start or finish with false pretenses.
Teasing is one thing, but when it’s intended to have a romantic or relational vibe is different. I don’t have any issue with normal arousal arising, it’s when emotions or long term feelings get involved in my mind that it crosses the line.
It doesn't really matter if it is or not. It just seems to me a way to rationalize or excuse the behavior.
I think one of the purposes of this sight is to communicate to others that full on lustful/romantic thoughts directed only to a spouse can be crazy hot leaving no need to delve into thoughts of others.
No one is perfect and those thoughts might be there, but I really only fantasize about my wife or think about things we have done together.
So I don't flirt and really give no thought as to whether it is cheating.