When His Surrender Becomes My Worship
Some desires feel too tender to name, yet too powerful to ignore.
Hi MH, this is my first time posting. I have been silently watching from afar, and I am amazed by the work the admins have done here. I’ve never felt more safe as a Christian woman curious about her sexuality.
We don’t have many spaces like this, so finding this community was a beautiful surprise for me. The freedom of expression, and the admission of doubts, and even weaknesses, is humbling and something I’m deeply grateful for. I love how we don’t have to bottle everything up.
To get to the heart of the matter: I’m a 26-year-old woman just starting to explore my sexuality. Much of my exploration has been in my mind, rather than physical. I’m still a virgin and determined to understand what truly makes me tick. I’m not too feminine, but also not particularly masculine. Somewhere in between. I guess I have an air about myself that’s different, that’s not quite everything you’d expected a woman to be.
I recently discovered what arouses me most about men: it’s when they let me have them. (Hypothetically, since I’m still a virgin.) Nothing excites me more than a man who wants to be touched and loved on; a man who doesn’t hold back his moans, who lets himself feel; a man who wants me to know him as he would know me.
Is it wrong to be attracted to a man’s vulnerability? I’m more of a demisexual—someone who usually experiences sexual attraction only when there’s already an emotional connection—and the thought of the man I love giving himself to me, without masks, unrestrained, drives me wild. It’s about the connection of the moment, the look in his eyes, the tilt of his head when I kiss his neck, the way my hand slides down his sides.
I don’t mind that men are often the ones initiating, but I love the idea of having my way with my husband—almost as much as I love the idea of him taking me in turn.
So is wanting your husband so completely—so much that it feels like surrender—wrong?
The darker part of this is that the more responsive he is to me, the more feral I become, and the more feral I become, the more I crave completely dominating him. This has drawn me into fantasies of taking full control, even pegging. I have mixed feelings about pegging, but imagining my husband moaning as I pleasure him this way excites me deeply.
I’m not interested in the abuse, degrading, or feminising aspects often linked to femdom. What turns me on is the idea of being responsible for his pleasure, grabbing his hair, kissing his neck, and biting into it while driving into him, hearing as he moans my name over and over again. Then afterwards, I want him to take me from behind, just the way I like.
It’s about my ability to pleasure the man I love, and for him to feel safe enough to let go. It’s a thought I keep returning to. If I could connect with him deeply through another sexual act, I’d still be satisfied. I just want him to let go for me.
I’d really appreciate your thoughts for a 26-year-old virgin still waiting for her Boaz. I’m afraid many men won’t let go like that. Will I find someone who wants to be loved the way I long to love him? I want the godly perspective on this.
First of all, there’s nothing wrong with your desires. You’re approaching it from a healthy perspective and not one of degradation or femdom. I respect that approach.
It sounds like you’re a switch, and that you also desire your husband to be a switch. You want to both take and be taken, and you want him to do the same.
The connection and surrender you seek is sweet and lovely as long as you’re willing to give the same.
You should definitely pray for this kind of relationship, and that God would bring you someone with whom you can share this kind of life with in a God-honoring way.
I might also add that switch relationships can be deeply satisfying, as long as you keep the balance and both of you seek to give as much as you receive.
Also, you don’t have to think of a switch relationship in terms of bdsm. It certainly exists there, but neither of you have to have those desires or tendencies to enjoy both the dominant and submissive roles in the bedroom.
I’m glad you brought your question here and I hope you find peace with what you’re seeking.
Welcome to the group hun,
Married woman in my 60s.
You'll find the people here a very understanding.
I don't think you're feelings of your man giving you the right to have sex with him your way is wrong. The one caveat I would say is make sure he can take charge as well. And what I mean by that is that you don't want someone who is totally submissive unless your relationship is one of dominance and submission. And we do have couples on here with that dynamic.
When my husband M. and I got married, he was a more experienced between the two of us and taught me many things which put me more in the receiving /submitting end.
As time passed I became more confident, and with that times take the lead in our sexual relationship.
It wasn't until we had what we call our sexual revolution in our marriage that things really opened up.
I won't go in depth here about that. But suffice it to say that there are times I am very much the dominant one. I am the seductress in the time he walks in the door. And at times that includes me pegging him fingering his behind or inserting a toy. Knowing and enjoying the fact that someone just wants to yield to you and give you what you want is common. There's times that we both as men and women will have those desires. Times when we get aggressive and are full of want.
All we want is to do exactly what we want to do, and take control.
And I will also add that I consider myself bisexual.
All the way I have never given completely into that I have come very very close, and have written a few stories about it here. This was also a secret I hid from him until we went through our sexual revolution when everything poured out of both of us.
My advice is to you is to be completely honest about your sexual desires when you were settling up in your relationship but before you make a lifetime commitment. In doing this it should be with his ability to share all of his sexual desires.
In the end honey, I wouldn't consider you all that unusual. It's preconceptions of how men and women should be that causes to doubt our own thoughts and desires. As long as you stay within the guidelines of the written word you are good.
Don't allow people to tell you what is and isn't right. Maybe for them that's the case but what's good between you and your husband is what counts. As long as the two of you are living by and have a foundation of faith.
Again, welcome And I look forward to reading More of your contributions.
And your title says it all really. I love it!!!
Lady L.❤️💋
I am likewise grateful for MH's existence! As a volunteer who helps run the site, I'm thankful that my efforts are bearing fruit and blessing my brothers and sisters in Christ.
This is such an intriguing topic, so thank you for posting about it! And thank you for your courage to write something so vulnerable about desires you have that you aren't fully sure how to deal with yet. I'd so glad you find MarriageHeat to be a safe place to discuss such vulnerable things.
As a man (and like you, an unmarried virgin), this topic speaks to me. I feel like a lot of men may be uncomfortable with such vulnerability, but I personally think it's beautiful. It's a wonderful thing for a man to find a woman who desires his pleasure—a woman he loves and trusts so much that he can let go and surrender his pleasure to her. In fact, it's something I crave! So you're not alone, and furthermore, there are some of us men out here who crave exactly what you're describing. I hope and pray that in the future, I will have a marriage where this kind of vulnerability goes both ways—where I can let go and surrender control to my wife and let her bring me pleasure, and where likewise, she can let go and surrender to me and let me bring her pleasure!
I think it is God's good and natural design for marriage for the two spouses to be deeply vulnerable with each other, sexually and otherwise, and for that vulnerability to be rewarded with deep bonding and intense pleasure. I don't think it's at all unusual, and it's certainly not wrong!
Not all men, women, or couples will be into the more intense acts you describe, like domination and pegging. But if done with a loving heart, it's not at all wrong to desire those things. Like you, I wish to experience both of those things in my own future marriage! It's not what I want every lovemaking session to look like, but once in a while, I think it would do me and my future wife good to experience those different kinds of vulnerability with each other.
So to summarize: Your desires are beautiful, not wrong, and there are absolutely other God-loving Christians out there who share those desires!
But don't leave it to chance to find a man who shares your desires and is open to fulfilling them. No one can promise that you WILL find a man like this, but you CAN find one. When you find a man to date in consideration of marrying him, make sure you talk to him about these things—at the appropriate stage in your relationship, of course. "I want to peg you" is probably not a first-date conversation topic! LOL! Maybe soon before you get engaged would be an appropriate time to talk about these more vulnerable and intense sexual things. But make sure you talk to him about views on sex in general fairly early on in the relationship, and bring up these desires in particular some time before you start making wedding plans. This will help you determine if he's of a mindset that is compatible with your desires, which is a significant factor in whether or not it's wise to get married. Sex is a very important part of marriage, and the kind of intimacy and vulnerability you describe is a vital part of sex (though it will manifest differently depending on each couple's preferences).
You need to make sure you're on the same page about this before moving forward with marriage, or both of you are going to be hurt by unmet expectations in a place that is deeply vulnerable and important to both of you. You can better avoid getting trapped in a marriage with decades of unmet desires, and feeling hurt and unloved, if you just have these clear conversations during the dating phase. That's the whole point of dating, after all: to get to know someone well enough to decide whether or not you want to marry them!
Thank you for sharing this, and I pray you find a wonderful, God-loving man with whom you can fulfill all your beautiful and sexy desires!
Welcome! I am glad you are comfortable here and hope you find much occasion to post. I've always found women's moans to be incredibly arousing so it's unsurprising that women would find us guys' moans sexy as well. I think most guys probably grew up masturbating as secretly as possible so they've trained themselves to stay quiet which is a real shame; I try not to when I masturbate. I don't know if you are familiar with the reddit 'Gone Wild Audio' but you can find some delicious audios there, something for every flavor, so I'd think you'd enjoy.
[MH Editor's note: While multiple MH members recommend this subreddit, we must caution that the vast majority of the content there is not made with Christian values in mind. So while there may be good nuggets to find there, be warned that much of the content directly conflicts with Christian values.]
I don't think there's anything wrong with your attractors. I think I and a lot of other guys find a woman asserting herself to be incredibly sexy and from what I've read many husbands wish their wives would initiate more often. Still a virgin myself so I wouldn't call myself an expert on relationships. I know that I really long for a woman that I can be vulnerable with, but it's something that I keep close to me for a woman that's worthy of it, who won't abuse that trust. I don't think that anything you've said or desired is un-Christian or anything like that. I find your views incredibly refreshing!
Hey Lilly- I think you should know that there are many guys who long sooooo deeply for what you are desiring… especially those of us who struggle to feel longed for by their spouse… you are an amazing gift waiting to be received…
It is amazing to learn there are still virgins at 26 years. I just want to say it is possible to find that for which you are praying. I found mine when we were both 45. We are now 79 and still enjoy each other every day. We both chose to do things things the Lord's way, so we waited for sex until after marriage. Our engagement period was short (less than 2 months). However, we had lots of lengthy discussions about God, sex, money, politics, etc. prior to marriage. She had been married 3 times previously to cheating husbands, and to her, she felt sex was an obligation; not an enjoyment. I told her, I would do everything possible to show her the pleasure in sex. When we married we became ONE. She gave me her body to enjoy and I did the same for her. A couple months after being married, we had sex; i I came and was resting my head on her tummy while playing with her gorgeous boobs. She pushed down on my head; I moved a little and then she pushed down once more. I was absolutely delighted. She had finally developed the courage to see if I truly meant what I said, when I had told her I would do everything possible to show her that sex was a pleasure and not just an obligation. I went down on my cum filled dessert for an absolutely mind blowing experience. She experienced her "first ever" dynamite orgasm and has continued to do so, including this morning. If and when you find your "person"; talk about your desires and wants before making the commitment to marriage. We continually thank the Lord for bringing and keeping us together. Thankfully, we each get deep satisfaction and pleasure in satisfying the other's desires; for instance, there was a night long ago when nothing was working to bring her to orgasm and then she said "OK Hubby, you are going to have to cum in me first". Both of us just "knew" that we would soon be feeling her orgasm on my tongue. Neither of us know why, but her knowing I love her enough to devour my cum filled dessert flips her switch every time. Likewise, she loves to taste her juices on my cock and my mouth. Lord willing you will find that man who will let you enjoy his body and you in-turn will let him enjoy yours.
As a fellow virgin woman, it is so nice and refreshing to me to hear you share your views and desires! I am probably more on the "receiving" or submissive side, fantasizing a lot about being taken and ravished by my future husband, but I also do have those longings to ravish him! Pegging or some type of anal play is something I'd enjoy doing, if he was good with it. And yes, I WANT him to be vocal and vulnerable. I want him to growl and groan and talk spicy. You are not alone in these feelings, nor are they wrong or bad. On the contrary, if God put a whole book of erotica in the Scriptures, and a lot of it is the woman vocalizing her desire for her man, I think your desires honor His design! You will be added to my prayers for all the MH community. I love everyone here!
Dear Lily, welcome.
You want to be responsible for his pleasure. Good goal. St Paul did say our bodies belong to each other, 1 Cor 7:4). But the Songs has a holy woman with her "hands dripping with myrrh".
so part of being responsible for his pleasure should include him masturbating solo, and with you.
A lot of guys don't like pegging, you may have to accept that it may not happen – I for one am not a fan of it.
– – – – –
A little role play I thought you could do.
Hubby home busy at the bench.
You come in behind and hold him, run your hands over his body, then down to his crotch.
He asks you want you are intending to do.
However you reply, make clear it would turn you on to make him cum.
He protests about needing his trousers for work tomorrow.
Okay, you help take them off, but can you help make him cum in his undies.
Tell him to keep his hands on the bench, this is about you wanting to give him pleasure.
You want the semen in his underwear as a reminder that you were responsible for his pleasure.
Do finger yourself as you are doing this, it shows how much it is turning you on.
– – – – –
Do you have a sexual development or masturbation story you could tell of yourself?
How about writing your dream guy, as I suspect Coming Soon did in his story.
https://marriageheat.com/2026/02/26/lady-pleasure-finger-as-the-hot-girl-next-door/#comment-74249
Just curious, but does hubby ever get to cum in your mouth when he jerks off? And do you ever get to kiss him with a mouth full of cum while you are masturbating?
Hi Lilly. I think what you are trying to articulate here is similar to what LochMaree wrote about on her story https://marriageheat.com/2022/03/07/visual-stimulation-or-gifs-of-love/.
I hope will be helpful to you. Thank you.
Lily you are to be commended for your honesty and boldness to express what you like in respect of your exploration and kinks. None of us have the right to dispel you for that as we all different and have kinks in other ways.
I though, long for what you are describing and have felt many times the embarrassment and awkwardness of asking my wife who at heart is a submissive, to peg me. I believe that any marriage should be about pleasuring each other and as we are all different , that can be in many flavours or facets. Hers in in a different way than mine.
I truly hope you find what you are looking for in a spouse. and hope that he would like what you are suggesting.
Blessings.,