An Honest Discussion about Desires

Hello all!

My wife and I study history together. A big part of that is religious study, along with some cultural and sociological study, and to make it even more interesting, sexual studies.

Sexual ethics, practices, and understandings have differed since time immemorial. But today we are so confused about sex, especially as believers, because we have at least 1600 years of confusion since Augustine. It is often taboo, especially in the West, to discuss even fantasy.

Christian spaces rarely allow room for open discussion about inward desire, as it’s usually bashed with bad Biblical understanding. What we need is honest talk about these things. We would like to have a place for discussion to see what others think. Specifically, we would like to ask the community what their desires are—what they dream of or think of. And let’s not be hypocritical. For example, we should say that porn is bad, yet also enjoy actual voyeuristic acts to the point of orgasm.

We will start this. My wife and I love the idea of a threesome with another woman who is single. Would we ever do this? No, but does it turn us on? Yes, and we incorporate these fantasies into our own pleasure. When my wife was single earlier in her life, she had some experiences touching another woman’s boobs, and even though we would never bring that kind of play into our marriage now, she admits she enjoyed how they felt in her hands.

These fantasies used to make us feel bad, but we have learned that they come from our inner sexuality, which itself came from somewhere. We don’t know entirely what to do with it, but we acknowledge it.

Who else would like to share their desires?

A note from MarriageHeat: This is a topic that gets brought up fairly often in one form or another. Even though it’s a familiar topic, we allow multiple variations on it from different angles, because different people might find the different perspectives helpful. As always, the goal in such discussions is to be honest about thoughts, feelings, desires and fantasies while remaining honoring of God’s design for marriage and sexuality. Please comment accordingly!