Marriage Experiment Subject #1

Hello MH Readers,

It’s been awhile since I have posted on this site, and since then I have been involved in an impromptu marriage experiment. I say impromptu as I never planned to do this, but instead, it came about after writing my last story Betrayal. I feel like this is an important topic for all marriages old or new, so I hope that these next paragraphs are read together by spouses and prompt an open discussion. My experiment started in early December as I was extremely troubled by what a friend had told me about a co-worker of his sharing pics of his wife in various states of undress to other men in the office. I casually know this coworker from having been at cook-outs and other parties that my friend has hosted so I decided that I would ask my friend to introduce us formally because I had a feeling I knew what this gentleman and his wife were based on putting some assumptions together.

I will now refer to this gentleman and his wife as Richard and Sandy. I met him first at a local Starbucks where we sat towards the back as I knew this conversation would perhaps be uncomfortable (boy was I wrong). We exchanged greetings, and I thanked him for meeting with me. I explained that I was a happily married man and couldn’t understand why he was sharing pics of his wife with strangers. I was not condemning this, as my wife and I have pics and videos of that nature but for our eyes only and they are locked up tighter than Fort Knox. Richard’s response was nonchalant and straightforward, “We are swingers!” Once again, I’m not naive, but I don’t know anyone in that lifestyle. However, lately, I have been seeing the term pop up more and become almost accepted as the norm in some relationships. I decided at that moment to start this experiment and had my first subject in front of me. For the life of me, I can’t understand how couples get the idea that this is OK and will “enhance their relationship.” Sure enough, when I asked why, Richard said he had thought the same thing until he tried it, and it has improved their relationship because they are no longer jealous people and have better sex.  I was very honest and blunt with Richard and told him that I apologize, but that sounded like a line that I had heard many times when reading articles and seeing talk shows with people involved in this destructive lifestyle like they are robots brainwashed to spout the same directive.  Over the next couple of weeks, I will post the rest of this conversation plus the things I learned. I will share how sometimes good people are brainwashed to do things that they are not OK with but do it because they think that speaking up will get them ostracized from these so called friends, which couldn’t be further from the truth.



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11 replies
  1. Harper Shelby Thornton says:

    It's so sad what this world has become! I remember seeing an episode of Dr Phil where this married couple had an open marriage and spoke of "coming alive" calling it "progressive love" and the wife saying "how was I in that little box?" I could never possibly do that to my husband, he's the only man I'd ever want to be with, especially sexually!

    It's awful how people think that they have to resort to committing sin in order to "spice things up" when all they've got to do is some lingerie, maybe even dress up, anything that only involves the two of them alone. Lingerie and dress up are still some favorite things my husband & I like to do.

  2. Eva says:

    Hopeful- I'll be curious to read the rest of this and to see where your conversations and listening have gotten you. For a while now I've been trying to wrap my mind around these ideas of monogamy and polyfidelity and swinging. And the things I have read have made me ask questions I never would have thought of asking before. So, if it's okay with you and if marriage heat will let me, I'd be interested in playing the role of devils advocate on these posts of yours. I'd like to share some of what I've read and why some people (and some of them highly educated and even religious people) are not so set on monogamy as they once were. But, just to be clear, from the outset, I am not a swinger or polyamorist of any other variety and I have no plans of becoming one. If I do play devils advocate on these posts, it's not in an effort to persuade persuade Christians to go down that road, but rather to educate Christians so they can better understand a cultural phenomenon that is currently simmering just below the surface of public civilized society. I so often see a fear in Christianity of taking the time to truly understand what is going on in culture. It's as though we are afraid that knowledge will lead us astray. But that is actually the opposite of what it true. It is actually fear that causes us to stumble. Fear that makes us suspicious of others, fear that makes us hold back when we should trust. Taking the time to get a clearer picture of polyamory is really just an exercise in listening to other people's stories….the same courtesy we would want others to extend to us. So, anyway, if you'd be open to it, And if we think we can have this kind of conversation and still be civil and decent to each other, I'd really like to give it a try. I'd really like to hear yours and others reactions to the things I've been reading.

    • Lovinghusband says:

      Nikki – I am so happy for your testimony! You said so much that is helpful and hopeful. I had been with other women before meeting my wife over 30 years ago – and can identify with how past memories still have the power to bring a kind of thrill. I can see how your past would too. It is a balancing act! But, God's grace is sufficient to keep us focused on our spouse. I know that my wife also has enjoyed some of the stories from my past too – and without dwelling on the past in an obsessive way – it too is somehow a part of our fantasy. She knows that she is the one that I have chosen to spend my life with. Just how the past gives us a thrill – that is an interesting question. There is a thrill in the notion that whatever has gone on in the past – we have chosen to be monogamous with each other. We are each other's chosen "thrill rides" along the path of love. There is a safety that we know we have – and the past does not threaten it. God bless you and your husband!! LH

    • CMLove says:

      What a beautiful testimony! Thank you for sharing! Praising God with you for all that He has done and is continuing to do in your life!

    • HornyHubby says:

      Eva, I'm looking forward to your comments/questions/discussion about this. This is actually something I've wanted to have an honest and open conversation about for a while. So I'm looking forward to this.

  3. Hopeful Hubby says:

    Just got around to reading the comment, first of all thanks for the feedback. Secondly I hope this hasn't come off as judgemental as I was no choir boy before coming to the lord. I'm getting my notes together so I can post the remaining stories I will say I learned a great deal of this lifestyle.

    • Lovinghusband says:

      Thank you Hopeful Hubby – I am interested to see how your friend responded. God bless you. LH

  4. HornyHubby says:

    I'm looking forward to this "experiment." I'm anxious to hear how the conversation developed and where it took you. I'm also looking forward to hearing the comments from others as we go along.

  5. Stag-on-a-hill says:

    Marriage is a public institution. Change the nature of marriage and you change the fabric of our society. Things like swinging and polyamory have far-reaching negative implications for the whole community not just the people directly involved.

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