A Daughter of God – How I Became a Hot Pastor’s Wife (Chapter One)

MH has inspired me to write a book about my journey to be a “hot pastor’s wife”. I hope I have time to write the whole story.

I was an only child born out of wedlock to an 18-year-old new mother. I have never met my biological father. My mother married a childhood friend. He treated me well. They were chasing happiness. They drank a lot. They did some swinging when they were drunk enough. They thought I was sleeping, but I wasn’t. I heard too much, and it affected me to want that too. Eventually, they divorced. I was 15.

I lived with my mom who was 33 at the time. She continued to live a promiscuous life. I was in my bedroom many nights listening to the moans of my mother with some of her boyfriends. I masturbated to their moans. I was willing to walk into their bedroom and join them. I asked my mother if I could join. She slapped me and called me a “slut.” I was so hurt. Rejected. I somehow felt part of all that sexual “freedom.”  She saw that I was offended. She confessed that she was not happy.

“Slutting does not make you happy, Tiffany. I slutted my way to getting pregnant with you. You were my only good that came out of that. I would give anything to find one great guy and be his one and only slut! Tiffany, don’t take your pussy and waste it on slutting.” She said.

“I think you need religion, Tiffany. You got to get your fingers out of your pussy, or you are going to be worse than me.” She sarcastically laughed.

The next Sunday we attended church. The pastor, named Pastor Tim, preached on a story of Jarius’ daughter in Mark 5, “My little daughter is at the point of death: I pray thee, that thou come and lay thy hands on her, that she may be made whole, and live. (23)”  Pastor Tim focused on the words “made whole and live.”

My mother started tearing up. She walked up to the front after the service. She was led to the Lord by the pastor’s wife, Jenny. She was very happy about being made whole to really live.

Jenny invited my mother and me to join them for lunch after church. My mother accepted the invitation. I was uncomfortable and did not want to go. I was worried about my mother getting “religion”. The last thing I thought I needed was religion.

The lunch was weird to me at that time. Pastor Tim and Jenny told their story of how they got religion. They were both hippies near Eugene, Oregon. They believed in free love and smoking pot. Some Jesus people witnessed to them and they “got saved”.  My mother loved their stories and laughed with them. She connected with Jenny, who was was five years older at the time. I also learned that they had children who were at camp that week. Their son was 17, and their daughter was 15. My age. I did not want to meet them.

I scolded my mother for getting religion. I especially thought she was a hypocrite because that night one of her boyfriends came over. She drank and by the end of the night, she was moaning. I masturbated. I was lost, unhappy, and judgmental, “Sure she got religion.”

We went to church on Sunday. I was forced to go. We went the next week too. We were attending every week. Jenny started a Bible study with my mother. My mother’s boyfriends were becoming less and less. She invited one of her boyfriends to church. We never saw him again.

She was clearly changing. She was getting happier. In a few months, she stopped having boyfriends come over. She started opening up to me about her life. Jenny was disciplining her to be a woman of God. I started to enjoy being around her. I saw that religion was really good for her!

I on the other hand, continued to be confused. I missed the “moans” in the other room. I  contacted one of her boyfriends and asked him to help me loose my virginity. He was more than happy to “help” me. We were supposed to meet, but he got sick and had to cancel. We never got together even though I thought I wanted that.

The fall came. My mother insisted that I attend the youth group. I turned 16 that fall. The group topic was dating. I heard that the Bible teaches that marriage is the point of dating. Jenny shared the benefits of courtship. “Save your body for your spouse.”  “Marriage is the best place for sex.” I noticed the church kids agreeing with her. I was not so sure. “What would it be like to be pastor kids? You have to listen to your mother and father push morality on you all the time,” I thought to myself.

My friends from school were just like me. We prized the loss of our virginity. Katie lost her’s with Justin. She said it was great. Rachel did not like it. Tracie had a crush on Brian, but he showed no interest in her. We were all looking for our prince charmings. My world came to a halt when my friend Mona committed suicide. Her boyfriend broke up with her, and she felt hopeless. We never saw the note. Her parents were devastated and did not share what she wrote.

That week at church, Pastor Tim talked about how the joy of the Lord is the only joy that lasts. I knew that Mona did not have joy. I saw that I too did not have joy. I saw that I needed the Lord before I got to the point of despair that Mona encountered. I talked to Jenny after the service. I surrendered my life to the Lord.

My life changed in many ways! I felt happy that my sins were taken away. I liked the hope of the resurrection from the dead. I started praying and reading the Bible, and the words of the Bible made sense to me. I noticed one thing, though. I was still as horny as ever, but with one difference. I did not want to lose my virginity with anyone but my future husband.

I got more horny with that thought. I continued masturbating imagining being a “holy slut” to one man. I imagined what I would do to him and what he would do to me.

My mother asked Jenny to disciple me too. Jenny said that I could ask her anything. By this time I trusted her. I saw how much she had done to help my mother. I was worried that masturbation might be wrong. I asked her if she thought masturbation was ok for Christians.

She said, “Masturbation is good for the sexual release in monogamous thoughts. Pastor Tim and I believe that masturbation is not the issue, the issue is what is between your eyes. Your brain is as much a sexual organ as your clitoris. Ask God for a sexy marriage brain. As a single, when you masturbate, learn your body and train your brain for Godly sexual identity.” She advised.

I can’t believe what I asked next. “Do you masturbate?” I asked.

“Yes, I do. I enjoy my sexuality in our marriage. Pastor Tim likes to save himself. Masturbation in marriage is beautiful. Pastor Tim blesses that behavior, the Song of Songs talks about it too. Tiffany, I masturbated this morning after I woke up. I am ready to be with the pastor when he wants me. I keep myself ready through masturbation. Some women see this differently, Tiffany. You have to make these decisions yourself. Always remember, God wants your heart, even in your masturbation journey,” she concluded.

I was feeling very horny that evening. My sexual appetite was hungry for my future husband. I masturbated to the thought of making love to “my husband”.  I feel asleep.  My sexual identity was changing.

 

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12 replies
  1. Lovinghusband says:

    Hot Pastor's Wife – this was so wonderful! So helpful! I hope many read this account from you. I am so glad for where the Lord has brought you. All glory to Him! I hope you keep writing more. This is powerful. God bless you! LH

  2. PassionateForChrist says:

    Thank you for sharing from your journey! What an amazing testimony of how God enters our lives right in the middle of our messy situations and troubles, and lovingly, patiently and diligently works on us step by step and brings forth that change from within us that only He can bring! I'm so grateful that God protected you when you were not able to protect yourself. I'm so grateful that your mother made the bold choice to go to church with you in that pivotal moment of both of your lives. I'm so happy that God has given you pastors at hand that proved to be a divine connection to you and your mother – God bless them for their support, personal leadership and the love they embraced you with! I'm glad I've read this story and am looking forward to reading the rest of His redemptive work in you and your life. Thank you for sharing it! God shows Himself so mighty through it!! God bless you!!

  3. Ken says:

    I work in the field of suicide intervention and can share from experience that teens do indeed take their lives when they lose their boyfriend or girlfriend. Most of my work is with troops and veterans, but every so often I have teens that are struggling with issues of identity. Suicide is now the 2nd leading cause of death among teens and everyday more than 5,000 teens across the US attempt suicide. Thank God most are not successful in their attempt. Thank you for sharing your story.

  4. PastorLove says:

    I love how your pastors wife said "she keeps herself ready through masturbation." As a pastor I can testify that it is awesome when I know my wife has been masturbating during the day. It's all about preparation and knowing that she is actively preparing herself for me sexually.

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