We have been married for almost a dozen years and we love each other immensely.
In this world filled with confusion and no moral absolutes, we need to rejoice in the light of God's word and ways.
For some reason we humans like to make our own rules. We like to be our own gods and say this is ok, but it's not!
As soon as we make our own rules we become under bondage to ourselves or we hurt someone else.
I have strayed from God's word and made my own rules and so has my spouse. I have been selfish and so has my spouse, but praise God for his mercy and light of truth.
For those who have not been married long, who are just starting off their marriage, I want to share a few bits of advice with you.
#1 - Don't make your own rules: We usually get it wrong. We may go for pleasure at any cost and cause pain and harm to our spouse, children, and others. Or we may get offended by immorality and turn off too much sexually and rob our spouse of one of their greatest pleasures and needs in life. We may endanger their spiritual lives by sexually taunting them. We might starve them and drive them to sin out of desperation that can only be controlled by extreme mind discipline and faith in God. Both sides of the ledger are sin. Immorality is bad because it hurts people and God. Sexually depriving your spouse is bad because it hurts your spouse (which hurts God) and other people (if you have children they will be affected too. We are much better parents when our marriage is beautiful).
#2 - Live for your spouse: Too often we are selfish and hurt each other. We seem to be programmed to try and do what gives us the most pleasure. Being selfless is the hardest thing to do in marriage for most people; most marriages are damaged by hurts caused by selfishness. The only way to heal these hurts is to humbly apologize for hurting our spouse and change!
If you have been greedy sexually, your spouse giving themselves to you just because they should with you being the benefactor at their cost, repent and try to learn how to show love to your spouse. You might feel loved by sex but your spouse might feel loved by just sitting and watching a movie together, or by you helping them out with jobs and so forth. Learn how to love your spouse!
If you have been robbing your spouse of sexual pleasure that you promised on your wedding day, repent and change. If you don't like having sex remember your spouse probably doesn't like doing a lot of things they do for you, too. But the good thing is that the more you think about having sex, pray about being a better spouse sexually, and read about Christian marriages filled with satisfying godly sex like in MarriageHeat stories, the more comfortable you will become.
Remember, God makes the rules. They are always what's best for us!
Key thing to remember: Love your spouse the way they like to be loved... doing the dishes... washing their feet... swallowing their cum.... watching a boring movie... sexting.... whatever.
God has set the sexual boundaries; we have no right to usurp God's authority. So if your spouse likes or wants a certain sexual activity you must be bound by God's laws not yours or your spouses.
God's restrictions are that sex must only be between a man and woman who are legally married according to God's guidelines. Apart from that, a woman must be respected during her period time and no vaginal sex or deliberate contact with her uncleaness during this time. Other than that... have fun! Do whatever your spouse likes. God created sex and has given you the freedom to enjoy whatever sexual delights your spouse gives you.
If you make more boundaries than these and deprive your spouse you are a thief! If you force your spouse to give you what they are not willing to give you, you are a thief, too. So love each other with the love your spouse enjoys and relish the freedom in Christ to enjoy God designed sex with your spouse for your sake, your spouses sake, for your children's sake, and for God's sake!