Freedom in Christ

We have been married for almost a dozen years and we love each other immensely.

In this world filled with confusion and no moral absolutes, we need to rejoice in the light of God's word and ways.

For some reason we humans like to make our own rules.  We like to be our own gods and say this is ok, but it's not!

As soon as we make our own rules we become under bondage to ourselves or we hurt someone else.

I have strayed from God's word and made my own rules and so has my spouse.  I have been selfish and so has my spouse, but praise God for his mercy and light of truth.

For those who have not been married long, who are just starting off their marriage, I want to share a few bits of advice with you.

#1 - Don't make your own rules: We usually get it wrong.  We may go for pleasure at any cost and cause pain and harm to our spouse, children, and others. Or we may get offended by immorality and turn off too much sexually and rob our spouse of one of their greatest pleasures and needs in life. We may endanger their spiritual lives by sexually taunting them. We might starve them and drive them to sin out of desperation that can only be controlled by extreme mind discipline and faith in God. Both sides of the ledger are sin. Immorality is bad because it hurts people and God.  Sexually depriving your spouse is bad because it hurts your spouse (which hurts God) and other people (if you have children they will be affected too. We are much better parents when our marriage is beautiful).

#2 - Live for your spouse: Too often we are selfish and hurt each other.  We seem to be programmed to try and do what gives us the most pleasure.  Being selfless is the hardest thing to do in marriage for most people; most marriages are damaged by hurts caused by selfishness.  The only way to heal these hurts is to humbly apologize for hurting our spouse and change!

If you have been greedy sexually, your spouse giving themselves to you just because they should with you being the benefactor at their cost, repent and try to learn how to show love to your spouse.  You might feel loved by sex but your spouse might feel loved by just sitting and watching a movie together, or by you helping them out with jobs and so forth.   Learn how to love your spouse!

If you have been robbing your spouse of sexual pleasure that you promised on your wedding day, repent and change.  If you don't like having sex remember your spouse probably doesn't like doing a lot of things they do for you, too. But the good thing is that the more you think about having sex, pray about being a better spouse sexually, and read about Christian marriages filled with satisfying godly sex like in MarriageHeat stories, the more comfortable you will become.

Remember, God makes the rules. They are always what's best for us!

Key thing to remember: Love your spouse the way they like to be loved... doing the dishes... washing their feet... swallowing their cum.... watching a boring movie... sexting.... whatever.

God has set the sexual boundaries; we have no right to usurp God's authority.  So if your spouse likes or wants a certain sexual activity you must be bound by God's laws not yours or your spouses.

God's restrictions are that sex must only be between a man and woman who are legally married according to God's guidelines.  Apart from that, a woman must be respected during her period time and no vaginal sex or deliberate contact with her uncleaness during this time.  Other than that... have fun! Do whatever your spouse likes. God created sex and has given you the freedom to enjoy whatever sexual delights your spouse gives you.

If you make more boundaries than these and deprive your spouse you are a thief! If you force your spouse to give you what they are not willing to give you, you are a thief, too. So love each other with the love your spouse enjoys and relish the freedom in Christ to enjoy God designed sex with your spouse for your sake, your spouses sake, for your children's sake, and for God's sake!

2.95 avg. rating (59% score) - 21 votes
13 replies
  1. Harper Shelby Thornton says:

    Are you legalistic? Those uncleanliness laws were given to the Jews, those don't apply to us today, because Christ made the sacrifice already, He paid for our sins. The law was put there to show us how sinful we really are. Also, repentance means a change of mind. "contact with her uncleanness" what do you mean by that? No one can touch her at all, she can't go out, she has to stay at home during her period?

  2. CrazyHappyLoved says:

    I don't think the OP is being 'legalistic' but that he is expressing his personal viewpoint. Clearly he isn't advocating adherance to the law, just the 'abstaining from blood' part the apostles mentioned. And that's what it means *to him*. Overall tone of post is freedom and serving each other in love.

    I don't feel bound by other people's convictions. But if it is their conviction and they do it anyway, for them it's sin. And my personal convictions don't give me the right to judge the freedoms others choose to exercise. I might express my contrary viewpoint, though.

  3. ClimaXX says:

    I like a lot (most) of what you said. I do understand the reaction to your comment about women being unclean during their period. I agree that it is part of the old laws. I have just returned from Israel and visited the Western Wall. Here NO WOMEN are allowed to mix withe men just in case they are having their periods and might contaminate the men. Unbelieveable!!!!
    Personaly I must say that my wife had times when she was menstruating that she was "over the top" hot and wanted sex more than usual......and I loved it. Not because of her flow but because she was so hot for sex.

  4. nodesire4sex says:

    I respect everyone's right to their opinion, beliefs, etc., but I have issues with your post.

    1) [A low libido or lack of sex drive in one spouse leading to infrequent sex is not an excuse to cheat. (Neither is one spouse's infidelity an excuse for the other to cheat.) I speak from personal experience, as you will see in a couple of days. Be patient and do what you can to help your spouse overcome it, woo her - or him. For better or for worse, remember?]

    2) Doing anything and everything in a marriage, correct?

    Nope, totally disagree.

    JUST two examples:
    > Watching porn to get aroused - The only act, body, or performance that should be arousing a spouse is their own spouse.

    > Anal sex - can cause infections or, after years, can cause not being able to control the bowels.

    [Edited to reduce to righteous anger and hurt expressed, which might have come off as bashing. And to let you know your post is coming out on Saturday. :)]

  5. PatientPassion says:

    In response to nodesire4sex, I would like to respectfully make a couple of points.

    First, I don't think the OP was implying that cheating is okay, even if sex within a marriage is infrequent, and I'm sure they could clarify that. That is not at all what I understood from reading the article! I know your exact words were edited somewhat, so I can't address it deeper than that.

    Second, I also don't think the OP's phrases of "other than that, have fun" and "do whatever your spouse likes" were meant to include porn. By it's nature, porn indirectly involves other people outside of the marriage, so that would be excluded in almost all Christian views. Again, I'm sure the OP can confirm this.

    Third, while many people are against anal sex, that doesn't necessarily mean it's wrong. You mentioned it can cause infections, but regular vaginal sex can too! I'm sure you've heard of the infamous "honeymoonitis" UTI. There are also proper cleaning procedures for anal play that minimize or eliminate any possibility of infection. As for lack of bowel control in the long term, I don't remember ever hearing anyone complain of that, but if it's a possibility, I'm sure there are simple countermeasures. At some point I hope to submit an article on this subject to help inform people, at least at a basic level (in fact it's largely complete, but not quite all the way just yet).

  6. PatientPassion says:

    I'd also like to discuss the point about sex during a period...

    [Editor's note: This comment was thoughtfully and well written, but too long for the comments section. I've copied and pasted it to the submissions list and scheduled it for June 3rd. If you don't wish it to be published thus or would like it emailed to you for further editing, please submit a contact form. Thank you.]

  7. CMLove says:

    Excellent comments, PatientPassion! Couldn't agree more. Thank you for sharing your biblical wisdom and your defense of the OP. Looking forward to reading your upcoming post!

  8. Harper Shelby Thornton says:

    PatientPassion: How do you know if/when something is scheduled to be published? Unless, of course, you're an admin, then I won't ask anymore. Bless.

    • Marriage Heat says:

      Harper, PP didn't make the Editor's Note, one of our editor's did. Rest assured, we are working on making the publication dates (and all the other info about your own posts) available to each contributor. Stay tuned!

  9. A Better Pastime says:

    Great to hear the comment from Marriage Heat. Having no means to determine the status of the story that you submitted, or whether the story that submitted was rejected along with the automated message following the submit of a story that states "Thank you for your response":. I was beginning to think that I was the only person who didn't have a clue as to how to submit a story. Either that or the story that I submitted was no good and thereby rejected. I looked high and low for an FAQ that might have outlined what happens following the submit of a story so as to have an idea of what to expect, but couldn't find one. I love this site and it is obvious that it is meticulously well managed: thank you Marriage Heat.

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