Prayerful Plea

MH family, we are choosing to post this urgent request for prayer. It does not follow the pattern of our usual content, and we would probably not post another like it. But it seemed as if the “hole” left by the requested removal of the post for this date may have been meant to get this prayer request before you. We urge all MH readers to know the signs of abuse and to seek Christian counseling if you believe it is happening, whether from a pastor or a professional counselor. They aren’t there to believe, or not, what you say has happened but are trained to help you “deal and heal” with it.

Marriage was supposed to be the best part of life. It was supposed to be the sanctuary offering safety, peace, security, and solace in this wretched world of ever increasing ungodliness. It was supposed to be the constant and the happy place of refuge and rest. At least, that’s what I thought.

Many years ago my wife began a pattern of physical and verbal abuse. Pride, stupidity, or blissful ignorance kept me from using the word “abuse” in my mind until recently. You see, I thought that I had figured her out. I knew what to expect when she started, and I knew what was expected when she finished. The only thing I hadn’t figured out was the trigger. (Of course, I finally realized she doesn’t have to have a trigger.) No, I thought we had settled into a somewhat “normal” relationship, at least for us.

That is, until recently. Something came over her that triggered a level of physical violence that paled her previous episodes. Her verbal abuse actually stunned me. Prior to this I thought I had become numb to her words and her hands. I was wrong. When everything finally stopped I was overwhelmed. Outwardly I did what was expected of me. I acted as though nothing had happened. Inwardly I was a wreck. I was livid.

Some time passed and I came across an article detailing six or seven signs of abuse in a relationship. She met every single one. I was taken aback, but I shook it off. Several days later I came across a different article laying out a different set of abusive signs in a relationship. She met every single one. I threw up. I cried. I got into my car and drove to work screaming at God. I have never felt more lonely, more wretched, or more miserable than I did at that moment.

A lot of time has passed since then. I have forgiven her. I didn’t want to, but God brought me to the place where I could and so I did. The marriage is intact, but brittle and weak. She hasn’t hit me since then. Nor has she engaged in any real abuse of any kind. That in itself is a miracle for which I thank God greatly. Even though we basically function as a couple, we are not close at all. I feel nothing when I touch her, nothing when I kiss her. For the most part, I don’t feel anything for her at all. God has brought me to a place that I do love her, but she is oblivious to any of her previous actions and the subsequent damage they caused.

I’m not an idiot. I simply have no options. There is no proof of her actions, and if I ever spoke it aloud, there is no one on the planet that would believe me. I am in an inescapable place. It is and has been basically sexless for more years than I want to remember.

I’ve read the advice. I’ve listened (anonymously) to the recommended course of action. I have written and deleted this many, many times. I have such fear of her finding out. If she did, my fragile world would crumble and I would be completely destroyed.

I ask only two things:

1. Mark 2:4 And when they could not come nigh unto him for the press, they uncovered the roof where he was: and when they had broken it up, they let down the bed wherein the sick of the palsy lay.
Mark 2:5 When Jesus saw their faith, he said unto the sick of the palsy, Son, thy sins be forgiven thee.

…and in verse 11, Jesus heals the man.

Please notice the words of verse five. “When Jesus saw their faith…”

For whatever reason, it wasn’t the faith of the man with the palsy that brought about his healing, it was “their faith”; the faith of those that brought him to Jesus.

Pray for me. Pray that God will heal me. I am a Christian and have been for many years. But in this case, I am the man sick with the palsy. For whatever reason, I have been unable reach His place of healing. Please take me to Him in faith.

2. Please, for the love of God, do not make any attempt to contact me. I acted honorably by using my real email to create the account.

It is your turn to do the honorable thing and make no attempt to contact me in any way. She has access to the email I used to create the account from her phone. She does check it periodically. Reaching out to me in any way would cause more damage to me than she has ever done. I am reaching out for prayer and only prayer because there is literally no one I am able to talk with about this. I am competent, reasonable, and completely in control of my mind and actions.