How Imporant is Age Difference in Marriage?

Sorry I don’t have a steamy story for you all! This is a “seeking Christian counsel” type post.

I had decided to back off from how “strongly” I was focusing on finding a wife around the end of last year. I wanted to focus and draw closer to the Lord. I decided to also surrender in prayer. I wanted to let God take the reins in finding that special and blessed lady for me.

While I was praying, I obviously wanted a woman strong in her faith and walk with the Lord. Someone rooted in Christ. Someone I can journey through this life with, bringing the gospel everywhere God calls us!

Then another thought came across my mind. I wanted someone who is at least a little bit on the “nerd side” of things. Like me, she would enjoy getting nerdy about science, technology, and history. She would enjoy geeking out with me over sci-fi, space operas, superheros, and futuristic stuff! That way our days wouldn’t be just going to work, coming home, saying hi, and then going our separate ways in the house for whatever form of entertainment we like. I want to share interests and forms of entertainment. I want to love it together.

So two questions came from this time spent in prayer and reflection.

First I ask, is it hard or unrealistic to want this for my marriage?

The second question comes from the time I spent praying and meditating. Suddenly, a young woman popped into my head that I hadn’t considered before. The reason was how young she is compared to me. So I ask you all, how much of an age gap is an issue? This young lady is nine years younger than me. I am 29 and she is 20.

Is it wrong for me to think about the possibility of pursuing/courting her?

Please do not fear hurting my feelings. I appreciate candor and bluntness. So lay it on me! 🙂

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9 replies
  1. Westcoast says:

    The age difference is no problem. I was 31 and my wife was 22 (9 years apart) when we met. We’ve been married for almost 20 years now. It’s been mostly good. We have managed to get 3 kids. I would say our love is much deeper and wider now after 20 years together. So is our sex life. It’s actually more frequent, more satisfying and lasts longer than when newly married.

  2. JJ says:

    I don't see a problem with 9 years difference. That being said it's important that "maturity" of the person is consistent with your expectations. Age and maturity are not the same, there's plenty of 30-50+ year old people running around acting like they are still 13.

  3. O-man says:

    People don't mature by age, we do by wisdom and knowledge, by brokeness and most of all by submitting to the leading of the Spirit of God with whom we are sealed unto the day of redemption.

    Age is not a barrier to having a fruitful marriage, especially when the man is older and the woman younger.

  4. 64YOCouple says:

    I agree the age difference is not a huge issue. But looking for someone like you, "nerdy," may be closing your search too much. I spent 42 years in the computer industry and to this day help my wife daily with her computer. As far as likes go, she and I are very different as far as hobby interest likes. Where we really came together and unified was in raising our children, building a family, and our faith in The Lord. Open your heart and mind to find the "right one". Peace my friend

  5. HeSaid-SheSaid says:

    I agree that a 9 year age difference isn't that big of a deal, maturity is more important.

    I also want to comment about your first question. I don't think there is anything wrong with asking God for a spouse that shares mutual interests. I feel more connected with those people in my life with whom I share the same interest. So if it is your spouse, I'm sure it can deepen your connection. However, it can have it's drawbacks too. I've heard of couples who are both into sports, but where the wife cheers for one team and the husband a different team, which can cause some rivalry in the house. I personally share very little in common with my spouse when it comes to our interests, and I find that lonely in some aspects. I'd love nothing better than for us to thoroughly enjoy a few things that can bring us closer together.

  6. LovingMan says:

    My wife is 10 years older than me. The age difference has not been a problem. We DO share the same kind of geekiness that you mentioned, so common interests are a source of shared happiness. But we each have interests that the other spouse does not relate to. I really think that the most important thing is being friends first. Can you talk with each other? Can you listen to each other too? Marriage is best, in my opinion, if you both have a good relationship with God. That makes every aspect of your marriage better. FYI we geeks can be passionate people and can have wonderful marriages too!

  7. JAM777 says:

    Thank you everyone for commenting!!! It definitely helps me gain some perspective! I'll keep praying and see what God has for me and if He decides to open this door!!

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