Can multiple orgasms be learned?

My husband and I are both interested in my “learning” to have multiple orgasms. Our typical pattern is that I can orgasm during sex manually, but LOVE to have him inside me just after orgasm. But I have never been able to orgasm a second time.  Is it possible to LEARN that, or is it something you can either just do or not do?

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23 replies
  1. SecondMarge says:

    I’m a 100% with you. If I cum at all, it’s him doing me manually. Then if he is hard he cums in me. An orgasm during intercourse is very rare. And as someone else said in the other thread, after I cum, I don’t want any more manual or oral stimulation. I’m too sensitive. I still like him inside me. I enjoy the feeling of his hot cum filling me but it’s nothing like another orgasm. Also the cliff I fall off usually isn’t all that high. I’m not complaining just commenting on how my experiences differ than others here. The stories where “he touches me I cum, he enters me I cum again, we switch positions I cum again, then he licks my clit and I explode again.”

    I just have never had that type of experience regardless of who I was with. I am happy for those that can I guess. I wonder how you get over the hypersensitivity after your orgasm to allow more stimulation.

    Another part of the topic is are there different types of orgasms? Clitoral is what I hear about. But some say there are others. Some say they can cum with only nipple play, anal stimulation or vagina penetration without direct clit stimulation.

    I must have missed a class in school that you gals aced.

  2. hornyGG says:

    I have basically always been multi orgasmic. I can't really explain it. I guess the good Lord blessed me in that department. Before I married Ben, I would masturbate and easily have 3 to 4 orgasms. Generally clitorial orgasms.
    Little has changed as I can cum multiple times when he is screwing me as well as when he stimulates me manually or orally.
    I love the feeling of my husband's cock inside me and how he fills me with his cum. His cock fills me so good and stimulates my g-spot so wonderfully. The base stimulates my clit and I go off. Not unusual for me to have 3 to 4 orgasms during sex.
    I wish I could say there was a secret to it because I would gladly share it. I guess, as women, we are all wired differently.
    Stay Horny!
    😘 GG

  3. Southernheat says:

    As I’ve said in other post I seldom had multiples until I was past menopause. During menopause I couldn’t orgasm at all with penetration and only seldom had a manual clit orgasm but sooooo much work to get there didn’t seem worth it.
    I was determined for things to improve. First I bought the APEXM or there is one called the intensity it’s has a clit vibrator. They are Kegel stimulators. They help tighten the pelvic wall muscle, increase blood flow to the area which helps desire and orgasms. Also help with any incontinance issues. I had read that in menopause it’s important to learn how to masturbate and learn new ways of enjoyment and pleasure because so many things change in your body during that time. So I got past the embarrassment and locked the door and started using the APEX. For 10 minutes a day toward the last three minutes I would start to feel close to an orgasm. My machine didn’t have the vibrator portion or I would have orgasmed. Anyway, when I turned the machine off and started to very, very slowly pulled it out I had an orgasm and I squirted for the first time ever! Then I would get out a vibrator and continue playing until I orgasmed again because I was already so aroused and swollen. Some times I would call my husband to come in and finish me off if I hadn’t orgasmed with the machine because I was already good and warmed up.
    I also had to have some bio-identical hormone replacement to get some of my desire back to normal levels again.
    We got a liberator wedge pillow to use during sex to help the angle so he would hit my g-spot which worked great! I would squirt a little every time he hit the spot; he loved it. We also found that we could raise the foot of our bed up during missionary sex and the angle
    Would cause him to hit my gspot over and over. Then he learned better how to hit that spot. After he came inside me, he could use his fingers and manually bring me to a very big orgasm – sometimes several, depending on how big they are and if I’m done and too sensitive. Sometimes he can bring me to clitoral by rubbing very softly after I’ve had the others and that one is massive and I collapse.

    Those things all made a big difference but the biggest was we quit stressing over it. He quit working so hard to get me there and I just said, "Let’s have fun and enjoy whatever happens. If I can’t finish, that’s ok. Don’t pressure me to finish." With that, sex became fun again; we both relaxed and I just gave in to the pleasure. I also quit worrying as much about if I was making him happy and just got out of my head and engaged in my own feelings. Obviously, the more I enjoy it, the more he enjoys it! Sex after 50 has been Awesome! I'm about to turn 57 and going strong!
    Hope this helps. I don't think you have to have multiples to be happy; just enjoy the connection and intimacy. Not gonna lie, I’m loving it. It did take work and determination on my part and his patience! We make a great team: 31 years now!

    • Okiegal says:

      I too started the hormone pellets last fall with the goal of “hormone optimization”and it has been life-changing. I always thought some women just must have different body parts than me and had just about given up on my libido altogether. Wowza, I was missing out all those years, what a shame! I am in menopause as well, and have gone from maybe one orgasm a month if I was lucky, to almost daily now, whether it be with my husband or solo. Now that I know my desire is where it should be, I’m anxious to learn more!!

  4. SecondMarge says:

    Squirting is another thing. I never have. While the circle of friends I discuss sex with is very small but none of them have or known anyone that has. One close friend and I have discussed the masturbating topic and she agrees with you.

    Thanks for all the good advice.

    I guess multiple orgasms and squirting do exist. I thought they were erotica fiction like all the huge 9” cocks and perfect 36D perky breasts.

    • Southernheat says:

      I wasn’t trying to squirt; that was farthest from my mind. It just happened.
      As someone said yesterday, of course we write about our best encounters, not the worst. I almost always have multiples now, but there’s the occasional time I just can't get there or he’s not able to maintain. It just happens. Like I said, just enjoy the ride – pun intended! It’s more about how much we love each other. It’s easy to want to compare and wish we had the experiences of some stories. Let’s not do that; let’s just use the stories to get in the mood and enjoy our spouse. Hope this info helps. I’m just so blessed things are working good again. Yay!

    • Southernheat says:

      Also I replied to the question about the thruster toy on the big boss story. I included a link [and MH made it an affiliate link.]

  5. Seshiondc says:

    Hi there. I will weigh in. I am new to this community. I am unable to read the stories because my wife feels uncomfortable with it at the moment, so to honor her, I am only able to engage in the content that is purely discussion based.

    My wife and I have been married for 16 years and have always had a great sex life. But up until about 6 months ago, my wife had never squirted and she had never had multiple orgasms except for maybe 1 or 2 times when I was giving her oral. For the same reason you mentioned SecondMarge about hypersensitivity. She used to say that right after orgasm she didn’t want her clit touched at all.

    But, then everything changed. So it is definitely possible. She is 38 so not menopausal yet. Not sure if any of this will work for anyone else, but here are some big changes that we made in the last year.

    Orgasmic meditation – Google it. It is where husband wears full clothes and stimulates the clit in a certain spot for 15 minutes. The main thing is that the goal is NOT orgasm. The goal is for her to experience it like she would a normal massage, with no expectation of it leading to sex. No pressure to climax whatsoever, just receiving kind and intentional touch in a very sensitive area. This unlocked something big in my wife’s mind.

    We both read “The Sexually Confident Wife” and began talking much more honestly and openly about our sex lives, past wrong ideas about Christian sexuality, stigmas etc… Some great healing has occurred for both of us.

    We started making videos of ourselves having sex and for the first time in 20 years she gave me permission to masturbate to them. I had conquered porn and masturbation in college before we met and so we always thought I should never touch myself again under any circumstances. So there was a lot of shame around masturbation even as a married couple. Now that I am able to masturbate and my wife loves that I do, especially knowing I am doing it while watching her, there is so much less pressure on her. We have sex 4-5 times a week, but even with that frequency she would normally feel guilty if we didn’t have it every day since my drive is so high. This new found freedom has made her feel so much less pressure, which has somehow contributed to way bigger orgasms and way more of them for her.

    She started masturbating. This has been so important. She has learned her own body so much more and been able to tell me exactly what she likes. We talk A LOT during sex. For many years we were silent, trying to play the perfect role like we see in the movies where we perfectly read each other’s minds. We are over that. She usually likes a combination of “pressure” and “rubbing” and likes me to go back and forth. This helps with not over-stimulating. I have learned to listen to and watch her cues. She isn’t worried I will feel emasculated or like a failure if she needs to say “can you not do that? It doesn’t feel good.”

    So a big theme has been her mental and heart state changing. Growing in security, growing in trust and communication, working through past hurts or hang ups around sex.

    She said maybe the biggest key to multiples though has been using vibrators. Try all kinds of methods. For the men, one awesome technique is to take 2 bullet vibrators and use one on each side of her lips. Squeeze them together to make her lips pucker up and then give her oral, making out with her lips while the bullets do their business on her clit.

    I’m a pastor so I am going to throw this in there, pray. Pray that Jesus would enable you to have squirting orgasms, multiples, and the best sex of your lives. The Father loves to give good gifts to his children. He may withhold a gift to cultivate dependency on Him and to accomplish His greater purposes, but maybe He is waiting for you to ask Him so that He can be the one to answer that prayer. Husbands, pray for your wives to have insane orgasms. Appeal to The Father’s great love for them.

    Thanks MH. Maybe someday you will get to read some of our stories 😉

    • Okiegal says:

      Thank you so much for your reply. At my husbands urging, we are not shy about trying new toys. He is so good to encourage me to try anything I want to, is very patient with me, even when I still sometimes have some lingering hang ups (“good girls shouldn’t want sex” leftovers I think, lol!). I am
      Going to look up the method you suggested right now!

  6. ILoveMarriage says:

    Hi Okiegal.

    Yes, having multiple orgasms can definately be learned.

    Like you and Marge, throughout most of our marriage, my wife typically had one orgasm from manual clitoral stimulation, and I enter her afterwards. Then we started experimenting with G-spot stimulation, and as a result she now occasionally has two or three orgasms. She has also squirted and come from penis-vagina sex.

    Here is what we did. I started rubbing her G-spot with my index finger. At first it made her feel like she needed to pee. From my reading this is typical. But after only a few short sessions of about 5 minutes each, the need-to-pee sensation went away and it became pleasurable. It also started causing her to lubricate more. I do it sometimes now if she needs more lubrication.

    I doubt you can reach your G-spot yourself. Get your husband to insert a finger or two, after you are aroused and wet. Lying on your back, have him reach in and up and behind the pubic bone. Rub that area fairly firmly with a come-hither motion. Don't get too concerned about finding THE G-spot. Sometimes I think I feel a wrinkly spot, but I am not sure. Just rub all around up there. Hitting an exact spot doesn't seem to be critical. Also try rubbing all around inside your vagina.

    Empty your bladder beforehand. When you feel you need to pee, just let it out. Don't fight it. You won't have had time to make any noticable amount of urine. Probably nothing will come out. My wife has only squirted when having a second orgasm.

    Once you get comfortable with G-spot stimulation, you are ready to try for multiple orgasms. Have an orgasm by whatever means you normally do. When the spasms start to subide, have your husband provide G-spot stimulation. The tension may build, and you may feel like you need to release something. Again, let it go. As you begin your second orgasm, something may actually come out. Sometimes my wife squirts around a teaspoon of lubricant. It is slippery, definately not urine, and tastes delicious. She did it once while I was eating her and rubbing her G-spot, and she came right in my mouth. May your husband soon be so blessed!

    Let the second orgasm start to subside, then he can either go for PIV, or try more G-spot stimulation for a third orgasm. When I enter my wife after a second or third orgasm, she occasionally has another orgasm from PIV stimulation. This is the only way we have been able to experience me being in her during orgasm. It is absolutely awesome. Besides the spasms, she is tighter than usual.

    These multiple orgasms are probably in fact multiple waves of the same first orgasm. The second is typically stronger than the first, and she gets overstimulated and wants me to stop rubbing her and go in. I have been practicing spacing out the G-spot stimulation sessions a bit and being gentler, but it is a fine line to walk. If I wait too long or do not stimulate her enough, she stops orgasming and has what I suppose it the male version of the resolution phase of orgasm. Her labia and clit get small and there is no coming back until next time.

    Kegel exercises can't hurt.

    Anyway, that's what worked for us. Perhaps combined with others' experiences, you will find what works for you.

    I have a few remarks on comments by others. Like SouthernHeat, my wife also started being multi-orgasmic after menopause. Sex generally improved for her after menopause. We married in our early 20s, and sex has gotten easier for her as she ages. She is also on bioidentical hormone replacement. I think that for multiples to happen, you will have to have a healthy testosterone level. A rule of thumb that I use to know if her testosterone is low is if she needs artificial lubrication. A mature and experienced woman's body should provide more than enough lubrication throughout a long session. My wife has never had a second orgasm when her testosterone level is not perfect or close to it. Regardless of your age, if you are having any libido or dryness issues, get it checked out.

    Seshiondc wrote: "I’m a pastor so I am going to throw this in there, pray. Pray that Jesus would enable you to have squirting orgasms, multiples, and the best sex of your lives. The Father loves to give good gifts to his children. He may withhold a gift to cultivate dependency on Him and to accomplish His greater purposes, but maybe He is waiting for you to ask Him so that He can be the one to answer that prayer. Husbands, pray for your wives to have insane orgasms. Appeal to The Father’s great love for them."

    Amen to that!

  7. MaxLoving says:

    For your data set to be one couple larger, I'll throw our experience in the mix. It is obvious from the comments here that it is a bit of both, natural ability and learned behavior.

    My wife, for instance, has rarely not wanted me to continue rubbing her clit after she has an orgasm. She's always enjoyed the pleasure of the afterglow, no "refractory period" for her as reported by other women on this site in regards to oversensitive clits. That said, it has only been in the last 8 years of our marriage that she has tried for a second clitoral orgasm much. She knows she can have more than one, but rarely goes beyond two at the most, though there was that one time . . . 😉

    Likewise, she's never had a "squirting" G-spot orgasm either. I've tried. Maybe if she used a vibrator on it more? Don't know. She has a rabbit vibrator, but rarely uses it (at least to my knowledge). She does get good feelings when I massage her G-spot, though. So who knows. Maybe one day we'll try to be patient and see where it goes. I think most of the time she is so desperate for an orgasm that I end up moving to her clit before I spend a lot of time on her G-spot.

    Likewise, she reports never having had an orgasm by intercourse. For whatever reason, she cannot get enough stimulation no matter the position we use, to bring her to orgasm. Our usual method is for me to warm her up with some kisses and some sucking on her nipples, before reaching down to stimulate her labia, and finally her clit until she comes. She usually holds onto my dick, stroking it while she lays in my other arm. Then once she's had her orgasm, she starts sucking my dick for a while until it is good and hard, then we have intercourse, and if possible, I have my orgasm. But we've learned a long time ago that the best route is what Southernheat said: no expectations. Though we both would like an orgasm, we enjoy each other's company. Whatever happens, happens, and we thank God for whatever gifts of pleasure we receive from his hands that session.

    So, yeah, you can do things to help you get there. You can, over time, possibly learn to have multiple orgasms. Just don't forget to enjoy the journey toward them, even if they never come. Don't be so focused on having multiples that you don't enjoy the rest of God's feast He gives you leading up to and after whatever orgasms you may or may not have.

    • Okiegal says:

      We are definitely enjoying the journey! And I’m sure the advice for “no expectations” is good advice.

  8. New Wife says:

    Interesting question. I don’t recall ever setting it as a goal to be multi-orgasmic. When we were first married, sex was a bit clumsy, neither one of us very good at it. I would have an orgasm some of the times but certainly not always – and never from intercourse alone. I was able to masturbate to orgasm, both before our wedding and after. I pretty much kept this to myself.

    My husband was very patient with me and always encouraged me to be a bit more vocal, both sounds and words. Finally I began to appreciate that he really took great delight in my pleasure and there was no way he could know what I was feeling, what I wanted, what I needed without some feedback from me. As I became more expressive, he got so much better at oral – he was always good but this took it to a whole new level – and orgasms began to happen so much more regularly. As I learned to abandon myself to my husband, give all of myself to him and our marriage, become vulnerable because of the trust I have in him, that’s when sex got so much better for us. I guess that’s when I first started to have more than one orgasm.

    We both became students of each other, exploring and discovering what stimulated each of us emotionally and physiologically. We also became much more open about masturbation and use it as a way to discover things about ourselves and to share that with each other. We even call them “Lunch-n-Learns” though they rarely happen at lunch. We’ve committed to each other that we will share any new discoveries as soon as possible. Toys also became a part of our intimate time together.

    Both of us have always valued being physically fit and we do exercise regularly. I find yoga to be especially helpful for core strength, balance and flexibility along with mental calmness of course. I do Kegel exercises regularly and use Ben Wa balls to strengthen and tone the muscles in that area. Now, it's actually rather rare for me to not experience a few orgasms every time we have sex.

    Not sure that this answers the question “Can multiple orgasms be learned?” but this is this is the path that has gotten us to where we are. And it’s good!

  9. SecondMarge says:

    So happy for all of you. I haven’t had expectations for years. I’ve settled on it’s just how I am. Whether it’s a physical or mental limitation, it’s me. I still enjoy what we do have. It’s great to learn so much considering how limited my education about sex has been.
    Now with my husband's illness he can’t really contribute more than mentally. It’s good that the mind is a powerful sex organ. I have told him no restrictions to fantasies as long as he is physically restricted. I guess if I ever get comfortable masturbating now would be a good time.

    Thanks again for sharing.

  10. Marie Lister says:

    Yes, I am multi-orgasmic, too. It didn't occur until I was over 50 and from what I have read that happens for a lot of women in that age group. My hubby is the most generous lover and always wants to satisfy my needs. In my younger days, there were many times that I didn't have an orgasm. In order to know how your body operates, I found that discovering what made me orgasm was the answer. In order to help your spouse understand your needs, you need to understand what makes you tick.

    I achieve clitorial and G-spot orgasms mulitple times in one lovemaking session with my spouse and also have squirted. Sometimes, my husband likes to see how many he can bring me to and I am not complaining at all. I will take all I can get. LOL!

    Honestly, I think I became multi-orgasmic because of so many factors. Being in a secure loving marriage for almost 35 years is certainly one. Having been through so much together on our journey of life puts so much in perspective.

    Most importantly, find time and privacy to find out more about how your body works, reacts, and practicing makes it easier and easier to achieve orgasms.

  11. SecondMarge says:

    Maybe we should have divided the comments to include having several separate orgasms. Which is what most stories here include. And multiples, one orgasm immediately followed by several more.

    I haven’t had either and never really tried. But I am curious about the fact everyone else is having them.

  12. TPC says:

    One of the comments above mentions Orgasmic Meditation. I found this article that I thought would be good to share. No objections to the concept of OM (its a tantric sex practice in nature) just want to make MH readers aware of the company One Taste so they could be careful.

    [From MH: we don't usually allow commentors to post off-site links, but this one seems important. https://www.bloomberg.com/news/features/2018-06-18/the-dark-side-of-onetaste-the-orgasmic-meditation-company ]

    MH is a great online community for the Christianity community to discuss our God given sexuality. Just want to make sure we protect one another in the process. Blessings

    • SecondMarge says:

      I had not heard of that company. But I have had friends that are aware of my problems with orgasm recommend classes held by women or couples on masturbation techniques. Either women only, or women supported by their partner. I have not researched these “self help” classes. However, the claim is the instruction, atmosphere and observation can help you overcome difficulties with climax.
      It’s sad to read there are unethical companies taking advantage of people with these issues.

  13. PatientPassion says:

    As an unmarried man, I can't give much advice on learning female multiple orgasms beyond pointing to the experienced wives and husbands who have commented before me. They've explained things far better than I could.

    However, I can give a little insight into male multiple orgasms, which are perhaps even more elusive and mysterious. It almost never comes naturally to guys, though it seems many of us have those rare experiences where we're able to go again much more quickly than usual. Those are ejaculatory orgasms, or what most of us men would know as a "normal" orgasm. But there are techniques for having "non-ejaculatory orgasms," in which the orgasmic sensation is experienced without an emission of semen. The body detects that no semen has been expelled, so it does not begin the normal "refractory period" where a man usually loses sexual interest and is unable to achieve an erection.

    With this knowledge about the male sexual response, there have been many techniques developed for achieving non-ejaculatory orgasms, which opens up the possibility for multiple orgasms in quick succession for men. The method I have tried (because it seems to be the simplest, though not necessarily the easiest) is to use a very tight PC muscle contraction. I first strengthened my pelvic floor muscles for several minutes a day with Kegel exercises for several weeks and months. (I also did Reverse Kegels, which are supposed to help counter the possibility of premature ejaculation that sometimes comes with a stronger PC muscle.) When I was ready to try for multiple orgasms, I would masturbate and contract my PC muscle as hard as I could just as I reached orgasm. I would hold the contraction until several seconds after the orgasm subsided to prevent the after-spasms from causing ejaculation, then slowly relax. I had to try this a decent number of times before I was able to both reach orgasm and prevent ejaculation, but when I did it, I maintained my erection and interest/arousal, and was able to go again.

    I've since fallen out of practice due to various life events, but I did have several successful sessions where I was able to reach 8+ climaxes within about 20 minutes. In my experience, these climaxes were often (but not always) shorter in duration and quicker to fade, but not necessarily less intense. Overall, they were much more pleasurable than a single "normal" orgasm, and afterward I felt like my body was buzzing with sexual energy rather than feeling drained or sleepy. I think the orgasm quality can be even better with more practice and a more refined technique.

    I hope this adds to the discussion! If you're interested to know more, I would suggest Googling some of the terms I used, especially "non-ejaculatory" or "dry orgasms" for men.

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