Learning to Communicate (L) ~ Ignite Story

In high school, I had an excellent journalism teacher who gave us the assignment to start and maintain a journal. Over the years I have found real joy and often comfort and release in my practice of chronicling most of my days, both the events of the day and my impressions, the way I felt about all that happened. I have continued the practice ever since. The technology has changed, so what used to be pen and notebook in high school is now an electronic file, but the process and the satisfaction are still the same.

Yesterday, I was making my usual daily entry when I decided to scroll back to some earlier times. I inexplicably landed back to a time just a few years after my marriage to Brian. It was fascinating to remember where we were back then.

Brian and I were married at, by today’s norms, an early age. And while we had had other relationships before, our relationship was definitely the most serious for each of us. Both of us had some sexual experience, but we were both technically virgins on our wedding day. It’s a real joy to both of us that Brian’s penis is the only one to have ever been in my vagina, and no other vagina has experienced the pleasure of Brian’s penis!

So our marriage has been one of continual learning about ourselves and each other and growing together, strengthening our connection. Intimacy—physical, emotional, psychological, and even spiritual—is such a vital part of our marriage. And we are both truly committed to increasing the intimacy between us. It’s remarkable to realize how far we’ve come.

Sex, from the night of our honeymoon to today, has always been good. But looking back, those first few years would best be described as a bit clumsy, even awkward; we certainly hadn’t opened up to each other as much as now. We engaged in some oral, but it was mostly as part of foreplay. I experienced orgasms most of the time but not always and rarely had more than one. I was so shy about expressing what I wanted that it’s a miracle Brian was able to meet my physical needs at all. He became good at interpreting my moans, but I didn’t give him any more feedback than that. Brian, then as now, was so very patient with me and always encouraged me to revel in the blessing of our marriage and share my desires with him. But words didn’t come easy for me. And we were also learning about Brian’s body and his responses to me as well as the various ways we expressed our intimate love for each other. Those were interesting and very exploratory times, but we were on a journey without a map.

Now back to my journal entries of a few years after our wedding. Brian had earned a sabbatical, a paid month of time off from work. My career was in transition, which meant I could take time away too. We decided to go on a Mediterranean cruise. We had hoped to do this for our honeymoon but didn’t; now, three years later, was our chance. The ten-day cruise we booked left from the port of Civitavecchia, near Rome, Italy and was scheduled to make several stops along the Italian, French, and Spanish coasts before returning to Rome. We were so excited to have this second honeymoon opportunity.

Landing in Rome, we spent two days exploring all the usual tourist sights before taking a taxi to board our ship in Civitavecchia. We were delighted to get to our cabin and take in all of its features, including a beautiful French balcony that would surely give us great views. The rest of the room was as small as expected on a cruise ship but very functional.

We spent the rest of our first day aboard exploring all that the ship had to offer. We found secluded little bars, entertainment spots, and various swimming pools. One particular deck and pool had a sign that read, “Must be over 21!” in multiple languages. We checked it out that first evening – it was pretty empty at that late hour – and saw that it had an outdoor bar. That, we assumed, was the reason for the age restriction.

The ship left port during the late evening heading to our first destination city. That first night was so romantic. We enjoyed a beautiful dinner and some of the activities of the ship before heading to our room to enjoy each other. We were not nearly as clumsy and awkward as three years earlier; but, looking back, we had lots of room for growth.

The next morning, after breakfast, we decided to head to the upper deck and one of the pools. We were in Europe, and I guessed that fashions would be a bit more revealing. So I put on my skimpiest bikini – though it was still full coverage in the back – and a cover-up. At the top of the elevator, we again spied the sign for the area for “Over 21” and headed that way. We passed the bar and soon realized that this deck and pool were tops optional! Brian and I exchanged glances, assessing if we were comfortable there, and, with my nod, decided to look for a couple of lounge chairs.

We found a spot, kind of off to the side in the second row of chairs, and got as comfortable as possible. Based on the languages we heard, we surmised that most of the people were French or Italian with a mix of Spanish. Most were near our age – 20s and 30s with some maybe a little older. Of course, we looked around at all of the others lounging, walking around, and swimming and did our best not to gawk. Almost all of the women were topless with the tiniest string bikini bottoms and most of the men wore speedo style “banana hammock” bathing suits. Brian and I suddenly felt so overdressed! As evidenced by their lack of tan lines, this was not the first time our fellow passengers had been in the sun with so little coverage.

We busied ourselves by applying sunscreen to all the areas we could reach. Then I turned onto my stomach and asked Brian to rub some suntan lotion on my back. It was very comforting to feel Brian’s hands on me as he smoothed the cream over my skin. Emboldened by our surroundings, Brian undid the hook of my top to cover my back with lotion. When he finished, he simply said, “You can turn over now!”

Well, I wasn’t sure I was quite ready for that. I mean the idea of dozens of people seeing my boobs, my nipples… Could I do that?

Brian leaned closer to me and said, “Dez, I think you have the most beautiful tits on this ship! I don’t mind if others envy them as long as they are just for my touch!”

I hesitated but then thought, “What the hell! While in Rome…!” and turned over on the lounge chair. I did my best not to blush as several people walked by and gave a glance at my tits – more men than women, of course. I observed the others too and gradually did feel a little better about myself, convincing myself that, while not very big, “mine are nearly as good as most!”

After a few minutes, Brian pointed out that I hadn’t put any sunscreen on my boobs. He certainly didn’t want me to get sunburnt there and offered to rub some lotion on them if I’d like. I was embarrassed to rub my tits in public, so I went to the lady’s room to make sure they were protected—especially my nipples, which were unexpectedly hard.

Brian and I spent the rest of the morning and afternoon by the pool, enjoying all the sights and sounds of the Europeans. I even had the confidence to go to the bar without my cover-up and order us some lunch and drinks. It was an interesting feeling to be at the bar, talking with the bartender and other patrons, totally topless. But everyone seemed so comfortable, so relaxed. I noticed a few glances at my nipples but nothing that even came close to leering. More like one might notice nice shoes or beautiful jewelry. Most of the other women were very attractive and so very confident as they strolled to the bar for a drink or food and then back to their chairs with only a small triangle of cloth covering their pussy and tiny strings to hold it in place. And the men seemed unaware that the outline of their penis was so apparent in their thin bikinis. I think I could have guessed who was circumcised and who wasn’t!

As we relaxed in our chairs, observing the many people around us and guessing at the meaning of various non-English conversations, I began to get a feel for the confidence exuded by the Europeans. There certainly wasn’t a sense that anyone was flirting or trying to be seductive or alluring with their exposure. It was a very natural atmosphere of people unashamed with the bodies given to them. Glances were not critical or envious. More just curious with maybe a sense of appreciation. I was becoming more relaxed about recognizing the beauty of the people around me. Sure, not everyone matched the magnificence of the statues we had just seen in Rome; but each, in their own way, was a beautiful image of the Creator.

As the afternoon wore on, we’d had enough sun; I suggested to Brian that we head back to our cabin. But before we got up, Brian leaned over to me and, whispering in my ear, told me that he thought my tits and ass were undoubtedly as perfect as any he’d seen all day. He couldn’t be more proud that he was the man sitting next to me.

Now feeling even more confident, I grabbed my cover-up, and we headed back to our cabin. I was even brave enough not to put on the cover-up until we reached the elevators.

We got back to our cabin, and each took a shower to get ready for cocktails and dinner. We had a reservation at one of the smaller restaurants on the ship. I slipped into panties and a light dress accessorized by heels and a favorite piece of jewelry Brian had given me for my birthday. Brian wore a jacket and looked so amazingly handsome in his gray shirt and black slacks.

We were seated at a quiet table, perfect for intimate conversation. During wine and dinner, Brian and I shared our thoughts about our day at the pool, how everyone there seemed so confident and open as they interacted naturally with each other while just barely covered.

So often irrational guilt and shame burden and restrain us from being all that we can be, from experiencing the depths of our blessed relationships. Some fears and inhibitions are rational, but so many are a result of misguided teachings that only hold us back from the intimacy intended for each of us. As Brian and I talked, I couldn’t help but feel a need for closeness with my remarkable husband beyond the emotional one we were experiencing.

After a fantastic day and an amazing dinner, we headed back to our cabin. Once inside, I asked Brian to help me with the zipper at the back of my dress. As he lowered it to my waist, I paused for a moment before I slid the straps off my shoulders and let my dress puddle to the floor. I turned my face to meet Brian’s lips. After an impassioned kiss, I tilted my head, and his lips then moved to my neck. His hands touched my hips. I exhaled a sigh, taking in the warmth of his mouth and his embrace.

His gentle caresses continued, his hands moving upward to cup my breasts. I reached back to pull him against me and felt his excitement against my back. His touches were so tender, so loving. His fingers ever so lightly explored the delicate flesh of each breast, finally circling the sensitive edges of my darkened areola. My nipples had gotten so hard that they barely yielded as his fingers strummed across them. And his light pinches and tugs made them all the more sensitive, sending warming signals to my panty-covered pussy.

Finally, I turned toward Brian, kissed him deeply, and then quickly undid his shirt buttons, belt, and pants. He stood still as I slid his shirt off his shoulders and his pants down his legs. As he stepped out of his shoes and trousers, we paused to notice the gifts we were about to give each other.

Then he led me to the bed and said, “Dez, I got to admire your tits all day. Now I need to hold them and feel them between my lips.” As I lay down, his hands again cupped my breasts, firmly but not too tight. Enough that my nipples hardened even more and pointed toward the ceiling.

Brian, in his usual patient way, started licking the soft, white flesh of my boobs, ever so gradually getting closer and closer to the edges of my areolas – first the left and then the right. My nipples got even more engorged as the tip of his tongue lightly circled the little bumps at the edge of darker skin. When he touched his tongue to my hard nipple, I felt a jolt of pleasure shoot down to my pussy. He made sure that each nipple got the attention it needed. And with each little squeeze, each circle of his tongue, each lick, each time he took one of my nipples between his lips, I could feel the heat building in my pussy.

Finally, one of his hands moved from my boobs to my tummy and then lower to my mound. But before he slid his hand under my panties, he massaged my thighs, encouraging me to spread them wider. Then his fingers began a gentle caress of my swollen lips. With his feather-light touch, my pussy was getting more and more awakened, my moisture increasing, my folds opening.

Finally, his hand slid under my panties, and his middle finger lightly stroked my inner lips, just barely touching the glistening tissue between them. The heel of his hand rested on my clit as his fingers rimmed my entrance, encouraging it to open all the more for him to explore. He began moving his hand as my clit got harder, and his fingers slipped inside me. I couldn’t believe the pleasure Brian was giving me with his amazing touch.

That’s when it happened. I had never said these words before, but I just couldn’t help myself. It seemed like the only thing to say.

“Fuck me!”

Brian moved his face from my tits and looked me in the eyes in shock. My eyes widened at my words, too, as I gazed back at him. But then my expression turned serious again as I said, “You heard me. Fuck me now!”

His boxer briefs were immediately on the floor as were my panties. I held my legs back, and his rock-hard cock soon stood poised at my entrance. He leaned forward and stared into my eyes, softly saying, “I love you, Dez!” And with a slight movement of his hips, he penetrated my awaiting opening so very deliberately. Oh my god, the ecstasy of the head of his cock stretching my entrance was nearly enough to make me cum before he was even all the way in. I held off my orgasm to enjoy each inch of him expanding my pussy; every fiber thrilled as it extended to accommodate the thickness of his veiny cock.

His thrusts were long and so very deep, slowly increasing to a perfect pace. I yelled, “That’s it, Brian. Don’t stop!” He didn’t change a thing. Each thrust got me closer and closer. “I’m cumming! I’m gonna cum!!!” The waves of pleasure pulsated with each contraction, radiating from my pussy to my clenched toes, to my fingers gripping the sheets, to the top of my head. I screamed out as the tremors took control of my legs.

Through all the pleasure, I heard Brian say, “I’m gonna cum, Dez. I’m cumming! I’m CUMMING!!!” His thrusting stopped. Buried so very deep in me, I felt his cock jerking as spurt after spurt of his cream filled me.

We just held each other, relishing the moment. Both of us lay spent. But in that beautiful state of afterglow, we rolled onto our sides, still joined, to savor our connection.

The next day, we were scheduled to take a walking tour of a beautiful city by the shore. As we walked, Brian started the conversation by saying what an amazing evening we had. He confided that he had never felt so desired as when I said those two words to him, words I’d often thought but which I had never said out loud before. He had always encouraged me to be more expressive. And now, having said what I felt, what I needed, I had such a sense of release. For the first time, I had no shame in expressing my desires and my love for my husband. The veil of inhibition had been lifted.

After three years of an already great marriage, things had just moved to a new level. Real growth happened that night on that ship in the Mediterranean.

Our walking tour took us past a market area with small storefronts selling wonderful foods and wines. Further along, we came to a stretch of fashion stores. It was so much fun to window shop for shoes, jewelry, dresses, and such. When we passed a swimwear store, I challenged Brian to get a “European” style bathing suit. Knowing how fit he was (and is), I thought he’d look awesome in a little speedo beside the “Over 21” pool! He agreed, but only if I would get a string bikini like most of the other women on our ship wore. So feeling bold but blushing a bit, we picked out new swimwear for each other. He chose a light blue, lacy crochet-design string bikini for me and I selected a navy blue speedo style for Brian. I also got a new coverup that would match the bikini.

We got back to the ship at about 3:00 PM, so we decided to go to the pool in our new purchases. Well, Brian did look amazing. Fortunately, the material of his new suit was stretchy enough to accommodate his full package! But we were going to need to work on his tan – he’d bared a lot of skin that had never seen sunshine!

I stepped into my new bikini bottom, pulled its strings up to the top of my hips, and adjusted the one that went down the back. The triangle had seemed bigger in the store! After a little more adjusting, I managed to get the crochet-like material to at least cover my pussy. I realized that a lot of my newly-exposed skin had not seen the sun before, either! We applied lots of sunscreen to each other before we left our cabin. Then I slipped on my new coverup while Brian slung a large towel strategically over his arm, and we headed to the pool.

As we settled into chairs close to where we had been before, we began to relax. We felt more comfortable now that we were in bathing suits similar to most of those around us, even though our lack of tan in certain areas revealed that we were not typical Europeans. I bravely took off my coverup to enjoy the warmth of the sun. For the next couple of hours, we soaked in the late afternoon rays and refreshed ourselves with cold drinks from the bar. We were both getting used to this relaxed, unrushed feeling lounging among others so unapologetic, so uninhibited, enjoying the beautiful sea and sky.

Another unbelievable dinner capped our day – great food and intimate conversation. After a last glass of wine, we went back to our cabin, along the way enjoying the cool night air, the clarity of the stars in the dark sky, and each other’s caresses as we stopped to take in the views.

Sex that night was incredible. Brian was so responsive to every movement, every sound, and yes, every word I uttered. He rewarded me with orgasm after orgasm and seemed to take such joy, such pride in my satisfaction. And I did in his. Our shared pleasure was incredible.

The rest of the trip was amazing too. We saw beautiful, romantic old cities, gorgeous beaches, and met the nicest people. Needless to say, the sex was awesome and very frequent. And several nights we did take advantage of that little French balcony in our cabin.

Those ten days on the Mediterranean marked a time of growth for Brian and me. We both realized a new depth of openness, vulnerability, and trust in each other. We were learning how much better our relationship could be as we expanded our understanding and acceptance of each other.

Over the next several months, we each became more and more expressive during sex. We realized how much we had to learn about each other, and how important it is to say what we each need, what we each feel. We both became so much better at opening up, both during sex and outside the bedroom. And our satisfaction during sex deepened and deepened. We’ve made this our journey – to continue to explore, to discover, and, most importantly, to communicate, sharing our lives. We are both so very blessed!

P.S.  Brian read what I wrote about all we experienced on our Mediterranean vacation. He even added a little clarity to my recollection in some areas. And he suggested that it might be helpful to others to explain a bit more about the words and phrases that are a part of our private vocabulary.

We try to use words and phrases for body parts and activities that aren’t clinical or medical-sounding and yet are not crude or offensive. I’m sure every couple has their own boundaries, but this is what works for us. It may not work for you.

Over time—and there indeed were some awkward moments over this—we found that some words are offensive to one or the other or both of us and are just not used. For example, the four-letter “C” word for my vulva is off the table for us. For us, it’s rather debasing. And vulva is too clinical. “Pussy” works perfectly, sexy and so very soft-sounding! And of course, “clit” is just simpler to say than “clitoris.” “Cock” and “balls” are easy enough for Brian’s parts.

The “F” word was especially interesting for us. It turns out that Brian does not like to say the “F” word unless invited to by me. He finds that when he just says it, he feels like he’s violating me in some way; it feels disrespectful and rude. Yet he loves hearing me say it, like in the story above. He says he feels deeply desired by me, and that it’s so hot when I say it in that context! And sometimes it just comes out!

We continue to learn about each other in so many ways. The journey is exciting and oh so rewarding!