How do I Last Longer?

Dear MH readers,

I am a male in the mid-thirties, and I have been doing well sexually. I don’t have any disorders, and I have a high sex drive.

However, I usually don’t last too long during sex. It takes a little bit of my lovely wife to play with my cock and boom, and I am at my climax. Then I read these amazing stories here, and I am wondering– how can men last so long?! (And the idea of stopping right before I climax doesn’t usually work for me.)

Is there anything that I can do or something (healthy) that I can take that will lengthen my performance?

Please advise!

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25 replies
  1. Tohimbetheglory says:

    I remember those days when I was younger. I don't know of anything that you can take, but maybe if you know that you are going to be together with your wife ; you should masturbate and have an orgasm 15 minutes to an hour before you are with her (if time allows). Don't cum to the party with a loaded gun so to speak. That maybe very enjoyable for her to witness to build to her climax prior to you two becoming one. When you are with her, I know in the heat of the moment it's hard not to orgasm, but try to KEEP focusing on her pleasure instead of what physically is happening to you. I don't know if toys are allowed in your guy's time, but if you can have a dildo about the same size as your dick for her to enjoy if she is in the mood for sucking or intercourse while you might be recovering or prior to you being sexual, maybe that would fulfil some of her wanting or needing (dick time). Please don't be offended; I'm just trying to offer suggestions. Maybe wearing a condom may help desensitize your penis for longer enjoyment. Hopefully there is something useful in here for you to try . ToHimbetheglory!!

    • Tohimbetheglory says:

      P.s. my prior comment was only for helping to build your hot monogamy, and hopefully not a stumbling block for either one of you. In our marriage I encourage my wife to be able to enjoy her time, what ever that is for her, massager, dildos, or watching me play with myself. It brings another level for us. ToHimbetheglory!

  2. Dale3 says:

    This may be of no help at all, but my wife told me she took it as a compliment,
    that I couldn’t last….and it was an issue, till I got older, needed blood pressure meds, then
    getting it to stay up was a problem….Maybe your wife can help you with pre-gaming, or
    something similar. Get off before you Get it On….I don’t think I could have performed like a lot of the folks do in the fiction stories…Is your wife concerned about it ? I would always get her off first, so if I came quick, it was less an issue for her !! I tried the de-sense cremes, etc, but that didn’t work for me..Best of luck….you guys will figure it out!

  3. Man With a Plan says:

    Same occasional problem here. I actually think we’re hardwired to not last long. If you think about it from an evolutionary, or design, perspective, nature wants you to spread your seed as much as possible and as quickly as possible.

    There shouldn’t be a biological/survival/selection reason to last a long time. Nature needs you just hard enough to penetrate the woman and then it would like you to deposit your semen in her as quickly as possible. Preferably before you have second thoughts or pull out. And preferably when she is ovulating.

    That’s what nature wants and what you are programmed for.

    That being said, we are so much more than just animalistic nature. And I don’t know too many men who wouldn’t want to last infinitely longer if they could.

    Best trick in my arsenal: just think about doing taxes or all the stuff that’s piling up on your desk at work, or maybe some stressful event that is coming up, or has already happened. Think about it long enough to not cum but not too long so as to lose the erection. Take your thoughts captive and wield them to your advantage.

    I know, it’s not glamorous, and with all the “mindfulness” literature floating around out there it sure as hell isn't timely or sexy.

    But it works.

    And especially well during doggie style where the wife can’t see you disassociating 😁

    And hey, no complaints from her yet 😎

  4. ArtRutherford says:

    Good Question. I'm older and I have trouble just staying hard and getting it up. So, don't worry about that at your age. Sounds like a pre-mature ejaculation concern.

    I go with the masturbation answer above by T…, I had the same problem when younger.

  5. New Wife says:

    I certainly take it as a compliment that my DH is anxious to finish in me but there are so many times where lasting longer is the best for me. "Man With A Plan" mentioned doggie which is the most challenging position for my DH. And pausing or withdrawling to last longer can be so frustrating for me, the wife! It always seems to happen at the most inopportune moments. On occasion, we use K-Y Duration spray. It really works for us. The best part is that my DH doesn't need to be distracted by the anxiety of PE. He can really focus on our pleasure knowing that he has control of when he finishes. He can give me all the pleasure I want and then concentrate on his orgasm when we're both ready. Just our experience!

  6. SexyBeasty says:

    Tricks I use:
    Get myself off in the am if sex usually occurs pm.( not a morning sex couple)
    Pick positions that allow me full control.
    Breaks in action where I pull out and go down on her.
    When you feel orgasm cumming switch positions.
    I find using lots of lube helps me last longer.
    Sex more often.
    Hope this helps as these are my go to strategies when I have quick release issues.

  7. Tulsa says:

    I still have a ‘speed’ problem, and I’m sure not 30 anymore.
    I’m sure it varies from one guy to the next, but it’s not over with us, because I cum.
    There are lots of things we can do, while I recharge, or I guess, reharden, for another go! And the second time, or more, I always last longer!

  8. ATrain says:

    I, too, am a pretty quick cummer – there are many times when I'd like to keep going with intercourse or oral, but just can't hold back. Especially when my wife gets aroused and vocal – which, of course, is a bad time to be done!
    While some of the approaches mentioned by Tohimbetheglory and Man with a Plan may work fine for them, both weren't good options for me. On more than one occasion, masturbating earlier in the day has left me unable to cum the second time, which is frustrating for both of us. And the "think about taxes or work" thing hasn't been ideal because a) it's really hard to do! and b) I don't want to spend sex time thinking about work stress!
    There are "edging" techniques you can learn (google search will find them) and also numbing sprays. This episode of the podcast Sexy Marriage Radio about premature ejaculation has some good info as well.

  9. Seshiondc says:

    I am in my late 30’s and have seen quite a bit of growth in my stamina this year. I regularly edge without ejaculating, almost every night. That has helped a lot. I also use a cock ring, that has added a lot of stamina. How often do you guys have sex? If it is less than every 3 days it will be harder to hold it. Every day or every other day helps. That has been good healthy incentive for my wife and I to pursue sex more often with each other. The longer I last, the more orgasms she has.

  10. HV450 says:

    I agree that if you have gone three days it is harder to hold it and doing it every day or second day helps. I often orgasm quickly but I haven’t been able to do much about it and now I am happy to view our lovemaking as being mainly about pleasuring her. I think she understands now that it is what I enjoy most anyway.
    I usually cum just with the sensation of penetrating her but if we are careful to be still I can delay for a bit, but it feels so good in there I can’t control my response for long. I have always been like this from the very first time we made love. But my erection mostly stays firm and we can still use it to pleasure her (and there is always copious lubrication of course). If I soften too soon it isn’t a problem because I use my tongue and we both always find that exciting.
    Our most effective treatment for me was to make love every day but mostly it is two or three times a week and I don’t have as much control.

  11. ILoveMarriage says:

    Hi Mena–a little late to the party, but I have a few comments and suggestions.

    Kegel exercises help a little. With better muscle tone down there, you will have to build the tension to a higher level before you shoot. In my experience, it adds only 15 – 30 seconds, but those few extra seconds are very pleasurable 🙂

    I also have had success with the Duration spray that New Wife recommends. There are also cheaper gels containing the same active ingredient (lidocaine) that also work. You have to put it on you, give it time to take effect, then wash it off or wear a condom so it doesn't get on your wife. The timing of everything is the tricky part for us. We don't like condoms — it sort of defeats the purpose of sex — becoming one flesh.

    But the main thing I want to say is that women's sizes varies a lot, and you have to set your expectations accordingly. Contraceptive diaphragms came in sizes ranging from 50mm to 100mm in diameter. You read about guys who claim they can go forever, and couples who have to stop and wipe off her natural lubrication so that her husband can get enough friction to come. These women are probably on the larger side. But if your wife is on the small side like mine, you can't expect yourself to last indefinitely. Orgasming is an autonomic response that is not under your direct control. If my wife is relaxed just lies there and I can pace myself, I can go practically forever. But if she is aroused, has a death-grip on my penis, and is orgasming and thrusting, I am GOING to come, no matter what I do.

    What has helped me more than anything is letting myself get used to a higher level of stimulation. Here is what we do. First, I wait until it has been long enough since my last ejaculation that I NEED another. Not merely horny enough to be able to get it up and do it if I want. I am going for maximum stimulation.

    I make sure she is satisfied. Fortunately she needs manual stimulation to gets to her first orgasm. I follow up with more manual, G-spot, or oral until she is satisfied. By then she is super-tight. I enter her and just go for it, trying to come as FAST as I can :-). I kiss her or suck her tits to add to my arousal. She may still be orgasming and will definately be thrusting. If she is not still orgasming, she can squeeze her muscles by doing Kegel exercises to add to my stimulation. The first few times you do this the higher level of stimulation will push you over the edge quickly. But after a while you get used to it, and can take more without coming. Plus, when I am not fighting what my body wants, the pressure is off and I usually last longer than when I am fighting the urge. Concentrating on what my dick is feeling can actually help.

    After getting used to this, I can go several minutes during a normal session. Normal = I don't wait until I am super-horny. I don't fight the urge, but don't go for maximum stimulation either. Just normal f-ing. I leave her breasts alone and may not kiss her.

    As others have pointed out, coming fast is not altogether a bad thing. It could be because the wife is super-hot, the couple is super-in-love, her vagina is super-tight, or the husband is super-hung. I can live with that 😆

  12. HV450 says:

    I agree that super-in-love with super-hot wife is a factor and obviously this is something couples talk about together. The super-tight vagina and the husbands size can mean that it is uncomfortable for her if he takes too long anyway, so all these things can balance out in practice.

    • ILoveMarriage says:

      So true. My wife experienced chronic soreness until after giving birth. She did Kegel exercises to prepare for natural birth, and actually felt tighter after giving birth even though she no longer experienced pain.

  13. natural_gardener says:

    If you're comfortable with it the "STU" (Stamina Training Unit) Fleshlight toy can be useful. I've found it does help. Treat it as any other exercise, and practice makes perfect.

  14. SecondMarge says:

    It is not unusual for guys to not last very long if the sex is good. Premature ejaculation is usually defined as cumming before or at insertion. But 3-4 minutes is typical and 7-8 minutes is the outer range of average.

    If you want to give her more pleasure or have more yourself, you can try eating her after you cum. During the time you pleasure her with your mouth and making her cum you will likely recover or she can help you get hard again. The second session should be longer.

    [Edited by MH]

  15. Captain J says:

    You are definitely not the only one with this problem.
    – Always get your wife off first, by oral, manual, or mechanical means.
    – My wife loves to play with my cock when she is getting pleasured. I have her stay away from the trigger point at the underside of the head of my cock. She can stroke at the base without much stimulation and still get her fix, so to speak.
    – This one depends on you and your wife's body type or yours. If your more on the large size, like we are, it's a little more difficult. Before you get to the point of no return, switch positions. This will help you gain control.
    – If your wife's vaginal muscles are stronger, have her focus on squeezing your rod and hump her slowly; the faster you go, the quicker you will come. You can also let her know you are close and stop altogether, while she squeezes your cock with you still in her. This can give her stimulation while giving you a moment to regain control and continue.
    – Take a weekend getaway. No penetration, just manual for you. Manual, oral, or mechanical for her. She will give you handjobs all weekend. No blowjobs. The key is for her to stop before your point of no return. You should know that point, and she should learn to recognize it without you telling her, if she hasn't already. This will help you learn control. When you have gained control, she can continue. Have very hot sex the night before so you are not overly horny when you are trying to learn this technique. If you do orgasm, wait a bit, have her get your fire lit, and get back at it. (A little humor and poetry.)
    For my wife and myself, orgasm is mental. Sometimes she just doesn't want to fuck, so we will pleasure each other manually. We can cum together 90% of the time this way. If I've got her going good, with my finger or tongue on her clit, and tell her I'm going to cum while she is stroking or sucking me, she'll come within just a few moments. At the same time, she'll let up a bit if I'm way in front of her. I say it's mental because my orgasm will trigger hers and vise versa. Not always but most of the time.
    The key is constant communication outside of and during your lovemaking encounters. These are not guaranteed to work, just some suggestions that have helped me and the Cabin Mate. Also, remember the majority of women struggle to gain orgasm through intercourse.

    It will take time. Take your time. Use all these together and, most of all, PRAYER.

  16. MarriedtoaHotBabe says:

    I am pretty inconsistent in how long I can last. If my wife is super wet and I enter her, it feels REALLY good and usually then I need to distract myself so I can last. Usually, I can last 15 minutes and I try to get to 20 because by 20 she's usually cum twice. But occasionally I'll slide into her pussy and she'll be massively wet, and I'm feeling the cum simmering in me after 4 or 5 minutes.

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