https://marriageheat.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/Are-You-Still-In-Lust.jpg 750 750 ILoveMarriage https://marriageheat.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/Artboard-15xxxhdpi.png ILoveMarriage2020-04-13 04:00:362020-04-12 20:38:08Are You Still In Lust?
It is widely accepted that the initial sexual attraction and excitement experienced with a new partner will soon wane.
I listened to psychologist Esther Perel in her TED talk entitled “The secret to desire in a long-term relationship.” She starts her talk by saying, “So, why does good sex so often fade, even for couples who continue to love each other as much as ever? And why does good intimacy not guarantee good sex, contrary to popular belief? Or, the next question would be, can we want what we already have?” She goes on to discuss how security and caretaking is the anthesis of desire. In spite of the title, I do not see that she offers a solution to this dilemma other than learning to live with it.
However, not all couples experience this loss of sexual attraction for each other. In the book “Why Men Want Sex and Women Need Love: Solving the Mystery of Attraction” the authors state that about five percent of couples do not lose their initial sexual desire. However, they do not go into why the initial passion remains for some couples. I am very interested to learn what is different about those five percent. Perhaps there are things that we can do to help keep the lust alive.
As I read here about the exciting sexual escapades and the desire for each other by couples who have been married forever, I believe that most of those five percent have found their way here to Marriage Heat :-). I would appreciate hearing from couples who have been married long enough to no longer consider themselves newlyweds, and still, at least on occasion, experience extreme excitement about having sex with your spouse. You can’t believe that, of all the people on earth, you get to have sex with him/her!
Things you could comment on: describing how you feel about sex with your spouse now, how you felt about your spouse when you met… Was there anything different about how you felt about your future spouse relative to other people you’ve dated? Is there anything about your lives when dating or over your many years of marriage to which you attribute your long-lasting infatuation? Or anything unique about your spouse that attracts you?
This is anonymous, so please don’t be shy or afraid to toot your own horn!