You Don’t Have A Preselected Soulmate!

I’m about to say something that may shock some of you. If it does, though, it may mean you have assimilated a worldly idea rooted more in Greek philosophy and Plato than the Bible. So at the risk of offending you, I will tell you what I believe is the truth—God does not have one special soulmate picked out for you to marry!

The idea of a “soulmate” is a concept taught by Plato, who said that people are made as one body with both genders, but were split apart by the gods. Now their mission in life is to find their “other half” so they can be made complete again. Plato’s teaching is where we get phrases like “my better half” or “my other half.” Where it does not come from is biblical Christianity!

Colossians 2:8-9 (ASV)

“Take heed lest there shall be any one that maketh spoil of you through his philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ: for in him dwelleth all the fulness of the Godhead bodily,”

We only have One who can complete us. We have one Soulmate, and that is Christ! To make someone else your completer makes them an idol by putting them in the place of God. That’s damaging to you and unfair to your spouse!

However, what we do have is someone we must make the deliberate daily choice to love. The claim that everyone has a preselected spouse they will find someday is not biblical! But once you marry that person, they become the one God determines you will love.

So, be complete in Christ. Don’t require a human to complete you. Only after marriage do you become one together instead of one each apart.

It’s not 1/2 + 1/2 = 1.  Rather it’s 1 x 1 = 1.

So please, let’s stop perpetuating the Ancient Greek concept of soulmates and the one person you are destined to marry. Rather, teach that life is a daily choice and that you freely choose to love your husband or wife. Now THAT is romantic!

Click on a heart to thank the author of this story!

Average rating / 5. Vote count:

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

We are sorry that this post was not one of your favorites!

Help us understand why.

22 replies
  1. LovingMan says:

    I did not know that the soulmate idea came from Greek philosophy. Very interesting. However, I am so close to my wife that it’s hard to not think of her as my one true soulmate.
    I agree with you 100% that our faith in Christ is what should compete us and thereby make us more ready to share our lives (& body) with our spouse. SO true!

  2. starlight says:

    I agree with this: up to a point! agreed; the concept of 'soul mate; in the context you describe is not helpful! however there is a chemistry to attraction; which is why we love who we love! I can choose to love my neighbour, my work colleagues, the stranger in need; because they are my brothers in faith/humanity, however love is made up of degrees; and that love will naturally be quite different to that reserved for the one I marry! if love was but an option; why wouldn't we continue arranged marriages; as they were conducted in bible days; believing that the love would somehow materialise later! God has definitely ordained partners for some of us, love for some, challenges for others and a single life for others again! those ordained partners are surely soulmates by another name? does any of this mean we should stop looking for love and let destiny take its course? of course not; God gave us free will after all! but I also believe it means that if the love isn't there, we shouldn't settle for a potential marriage that doesn't feel right. If we respect ourselves and the other person, its important we don't sell them short or settle for less. Of course our expectations and how real they are is another subject entirely! but to me, that chemistry is ether there or its not, call it a soul mate or something else; but if you don't feel it, I don't believe its unreasonable to say its not what God has planned for you! (simply my take)

  3. kdm1984 says:

    I hadn't heard of this concept in awhile. It was something that seemed romantic maybe in the late 1990s or early 2000s. You are correct in that it isn't Biblical. People can remarry after spouse deaths, so it doesn't make sense from a logic perspective, either. It's a good reminder, nonetheless, to examine all ideas we have to see if there's any Biblical basis to them.

  4. SecondMarge says:

    Interesting. I agree God does not pick a mate for us. Also agree that Plato while stated something interesting he was wrong too. To me anyone that claims they found their “soulmate” is trying to convince themselves and I start the countdown on their relationship ending. Divorce court is filled with soulmates.

    As for the Colossians 2:8-9 (ASV), that is just another passage that can mean anything you read into it.

    Is there only one person on earth you can have a good marriage with? Of course not. If you are that pickie, set in your ways and unwilling to compromise its more likely there is no one. For most people there are likely dozens. Finding them is another matter.

    • Frankie says:

      A pastor once told me that if you want to know whether you married the right person. Look at your marriage license – if your spouse's name is written on it, then you are married to the right person. If you are married to the right person, then it is your task to do everything in your power to make them your soul mate. After being married 51 years, I know that the task may be difficult sometimes – but can be wonderfully rewarding.

    • SecondMarge says:

      I think most people have unrealistic expectations. Which is one problem I have with “Soulmate” because it implies a perfect match. No troubles, disagreements or arguments. That is not realistic. Marriages are work and compromise and a willingness to work things out. My first marriage was not happy. Had he lived we might not have stayed married. But I was giving it my best effort.

  5. Adoniswerewolf says:

    I've been teaching this for years, and counseling this in my premarital programs. It is vitally important to understand the responsibility of choosing a spouse, and that starts with recognizing that we must in fact CHOOSE them! Totally agree.

  6. Sarge says:

    While I do believe that Christ is indeed our soulmate and the savior and redeemer of all mankind, I firmly believe that I knew my late wife Heidi in the pre-existence, and that through the spirit and faith we were reunited in our mortal existence. I’m LDS, and we believe the pre-existence, mortality, and the after life prior to the resurrection are three stages that my Heidi and I can share together, but only if we are faithful in following the teachings of Christ. After Christ’s 1000 year reign we can spend eternity together. This sort of eternal companionship doesn’t just come by chance to people that come together, it’s led and guided by the Holy Ghost dependent upon our faithfulness.

    • SecondMarge says:

      It’s interesting how big the differences are between the LDS community and mainstream Christianity. Hopefully we can respect the differences.

    • daisy1974 says:

      I'm a Christian Universalist, but a lot of LDS teaching makes sense to me. Many early Christians like Origen believed in the preexistence of souls.

    • LovingMan says:

      Hey Sarge! I’m with you and I believe that my wife Melodie and I knew each other in our pre-mortal life. (I prefer the term “pre-mortal life” to “pre-existence.)

      Believing that married couples knew each other before their Earth-life does beg the question “Was my first wife… who left me… also a friend in the pre-mortal life?”

      Even so, when Melodie and I met it felt like we were getting together with an old friend. We were instantly comfortable with each other.

      I DO think that SOME married couples knew each other in our pre-mortal life, but I doubt that ALL couples did.

  7. TruthSeeker says:

    I think we maybe differ slightly on this, but I'll start where we agree.

    I agree that the idea of soulmates as taught in Greek philosophy is unbiblical, and should be used only as a term of endearment and not in a technical sense. (Maybe "lifemate" would be a more correct endearing term.) I agree that no other human can make us complete, not even the best spouse we could imagine. Only God can do that. And I agree that God gives us a significant degree of free will and choice in our lives, including in who to marry.

    However, I would hesitate to say that God has no influence on that choice. (You didn't necessarily say that, but it could be inferred by saying that God doesn't choose for us.)

    I don't think there's any scripture that says God DOES choose who we're going to marry. I also don't think there's any scripture that says he DOESN'T. However, there is overwhelming biblical evidence that God is sovereign over every detail of creation.
    – Proverbs 21:1 (ESV): The king's heart is like a stream of water in the hand of the LORD; he turns it wherever he will.
    – Matthew 10:29 (ESV): Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father.
    – Romans 8:28 (ESV): And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

    Does he "predestine" us to marry a certain spouse like he "predestines" us to be one of his people? Not in the same sense, I don't think. But can he orchestrate events to bring us closer together with someone who would be a good spouse for us? Absolutely! Since he's sovereign over everything, and concerns himself with things as important as kings and things as small as sparrows, he's surely working in the big events and small details of our lives for our good, including to help us find the person who will become our spouse. And we should want him to do that, if we believe he is perfectly good, perfectly loving and perfectly wise!

  8. Fearless Lunk says:

    Here’s where I agree with you — I think the idea of a “one true” soulmate is a false concept.

    Here’s where we start to diverge. First it doesn’t matter where the root concept came from (and I don’t see any evidence that Plato taught this). Our common understanding of “soul mate” is more rooted in Hollywood and Hallmark than Ancient Greece.

    And let’s not set up the concept that all Socratic or Greek teaching is “bad and unbiblical.” Without it, we wouldn’t have things like zoology, debate, archeology, or philosophy.

    And here’s the thing that triggers me the most. We have become a people so obsessed with whether something is “biblical” or “non-biblical”. It’s just not the best framework to live in. I could literally stamp Colossians 2:8-9 on ANYTHING and claim that things are “unbiblical”. Owning a car, going shopping on Black Friday, Bathing daily, Dating, Having a retirement fund, Eating on a high top table — none of these things exist in the Bible. I could stamp that scripture on it and say we do all this because we are following patterns of the world/culture and not “biblical” ideas. Most of us recognize that is kind of silly. Plus, think of some of things that ARE “biblical” — slavery, God-ordained murder, incest, gender oppression, concubines. (These are not always mentioned in a negative way.) If we claim that they are a good path just based on being “biblical,” we can all see that it would not end well.

    Rather, let us live in the Spirit. I don’t believe in “one true soul mate,” but it is my opinion. None of us know for sure how it all works. And even if one believes it is “biblical truth,” they are really just espousing their own personal understanding & interpretations of the Bible. If we want to have a conversation about a topic, great. But it’s not productive to say “My ideas are biblical – and ideas that are different from mine are unbiblical.” Sorry that I had a soapbox moment. I really dislike the “biblical” label and how it gets thrown around loosely in Christian circles to help make a point. I do agree with Waiting Hardly on the overall concept not applying to my life — but that’s my personal opinion. Thanks.

    • TruthSeeker says:

      I appreciate your perspective on this, Fearless Lunk. I disagree that "biblical versus non-biblical" is not the best framework to live in. I think it's a deeply vital framework for the Christian life! But I think the disagreement stems not from a real difference of values, but of definition, and I'd like to hopefully bring some clarification from that standpoint.

      What I mean when I use the term "biblical" is roughly: "acceptable to God in accordance with his design for our lives as revealed in his Word." I don't disagree that Christians often use the term "biblical" too loosely. I just think we should hold ourselves to a higher standard in using it rather than ditch the framework altogether.

      For example, I think we agree that things like "slavery, God-ordained murder, incest, gender oppression [and] concubines" are not acceptable at all, and I think most Bible-centered Christians would agree as well. There's a difference between DEscriptive and PREscriptive writing in the Bible. Sometimes awful things are described without any real negative connotation, but that doesn't mean they're actually condoned or acceptable. Much of the Old Testament was what we would think of today as a history book, meant to inform us on what happened in the past, and tell us how God worked, whether people followed him or not, and what the consequences were. Just because certain evils are not condemned each and every time they are mentioned, that doesn't mean they're suddenly "biblical," or in clearer terms, morally acceptable or pleasing to God. Anyone who construes them as such is sorely misguided.

      Here's a prime example. In Genesis 19:30-38, a story of incest between Lot and his daughters is told without any apparent condemnation. Yet in Leviticus 18:6, God's clearly says sexual relations between close relatives are unlawful. (Of course, there are trickier concepts like slavery and concubines, practices which were not expressly outlawed, but I think other principles we draw from the Bible, and the New Testament especially, can reveal the wrongness of those practices.)

      When we use the term "biblical," we can't just mean "well, it's in the Bible," or "the Bible says something that sounds kind of like that." No, when we say "biblical," we have to understand the context and intent; we have to understand what God meant to communicate in his Word.

      I do agree with your last point, though, that we can sometimes attach the "biblical" label to our personal opinions, shoehorning them into the Bible rather than understanding what the text actually means. While we need to teach truth from the Bible, we must still recognize that we are flawed and limited human beings, and even with the wisdom and discernment of the Holy Spirit dwelling within us, we will at least occasionally get something wrong. So we need to pursue perfect biblical truth, yet admit that our interpretation and application of it will be imperfect, until we are perfected by Christ at his coming.

  9. LuvBug says:

    I absolutely agree. Too many people have bought into this idea of a soulmate and use it to justify all manner of things. It has been used to justify divorce when a marriage hits a rough patch or to explain away an affair because their spouse is not the "one." And they never find "the one" because they are looking for perfection among broken, fallen himans. No, love involves choice. It is two flawed, broken people choosing to love each other regardless of circumstances, and that is what makes it powerful. Just as God gave us free will that we may choose whether or not to love Him, we also have free will to choose and love our spouse.

    I choose however, to continue to call my wife my "other half." Not because we were always two halves, but now that the two of us are "one flesh" in marriage, we are but halves when apart.

  10. daisy1974 says:

    I'm going to be a contrarian here. My wife and I truly believe we are soulmates. Not in the Platonistic sense, but we believe that we were predestinated to be together. Our bodies and souls are knit together in love. We are recovering Calvinsts, but still believe in predestination. When Jesus said "the two shall become one flesh," I have always believed that meant souls as well. If I lost my love, it would be like losing a part of myself. Our souls are so intertwined, I believe they are actually mixed together—- not as a complete whole, but very close.

    • LovingMan says:

      Daisy 1974… I loved your comment! I never considered how “Two becoming one flesh” could also imply one spirit …or at least one in spirit! I liked your statement about your souls being intertwined!

    • J V C says:

      I think there is a sense in which we can be soul-mates. It happened that when my wife and I met we were both virgins (in the strict sense, neither had seen or touched the genitals of the other sex). We were both Christians and knew that all believers receive the gift of the Spirit to some degree. When we married and became 'one flesh' we felt that God joined our spirits.
      This may all sound a bit simplistic but in practice it does seem to work like that. Sex tends to be extra hot when it is totally focused on one other, when there are no distractions, old memories or comparisons.
      It is something we both wanted to have from when we were young, (and if you are super-horny you do have to start on this path when you are young). And when we met we did already know each other.
      Ours is not a rare relationship but I don't think you can fully understand it if you haven't experienced it. Obviously I don't know what it is like to have made love to more than one person either. I would be interested to hear how others feel about this.

    • SecondMarge says:

      I have read and heard from people that they must have, been married in previous lives. It all boils down to people thinking their marriage is more special than other peoples marriages. That their sex is hotter. If believing these things makes you happier, your marriage better then use that placebo. But two thirds of soulmates who were made of one flesh end up divorced. Usually happier in their second marriage when they found their “true” soulmate. Many others like myself have a spouse pass and are of one flesh with another person have a new soulmate. Is their sex worse because they were married before? Not virgins when they remarried? I imagine some might think it’s better, some the same and some worse. I thought sex with my first husband was the way it was supposed to be. Sex with my second was so much better and opened my eyes. During sex we concentrated on each other, not thinking about previous sexual experiences. Convincing yourself your marriage and sex are better than what others have may keep you from wondering if sex with someone else might be even better. I wish everyone a wonderful marriage that lasts for both of your lives. If it helps to convince yourself you are “soulmates”, of one flesh, meant to be together, selected by God for each other, married in previous lives, have better sex because you were virgins, or any other thing go with it. Placebos have been known to improve people. Biting from the apple of knowledge can destroy myths and end any benefits of placebos.

    • CrazyHappyLoved says:

      Well, recent statistics say that in the US, just 41% of first marriages end in divorce and 60-67% (depending on the source) of second marriages; it goes up from there. Interestingly, for those who marry after age 25, the rate of divorce is only 25%! Still, we don't know how many of those marriages were between people who considered themselves "soulmates". But I understand your point.

Leave a Reply

Want to join the discussion?
Feel free to contribute!

Leave a Reply