Premature Ejaculation: New wife seeks advice.
Hello, I am Heather. My husband Steve has submitted a couple of stories, but this is my first. I am 20 years old and have been married for 8 months. We were both virgins when we married and also very unknowledgeable and immature about sex. We were raised in the belief that sex was only for when you were married and making a family. Anything sexual outside of a man on top was degrading, immoral, and sinful, we were taught.
Those of us in the younger generation in our small mountain community all talked, and the younger married couples would share their sexual awakenings in private. I was scared but very excited for our wedding night; sex became my obsession, and i couldn’t stop thinking about it. Now that I am married, I can’t stop craving sex.
On our honeymoon, neither of us knew exactly what to expect, and we were scared. We did have sex a few times our first night, and I discovered that enjoyed the size of Steve’s penis. I don’t know if it is comparatively big or not, but it’s just right for me; I can’t get enough of it.
That brings me to our issue. It took a couple of months and many sexual encounters for me to finally experience my first orgasm. It didn’t happen until Steve got comfortable with oral and finger stimulation. He doesn’t have any problem getting a beautiful erection, but he does have issues with having his orgasm fast and with minimal stimulation. He has skirted around the issue in his couple of stories.
I’m putting it out there to ask how I can help him accept this and fix it if there is a solution. I love him and would never leave him, but I long to orgasm during sex, to feel his cum shooting into me as my juices release around him. I long to suck his beautiful cock longer. He can go off a few times and does last longer each time, but the longer we go without me having an orgasm, the more I start to get discouraged and lose interest. I feel I’m being a selfish wife.
Please, I welcome all advice and direction.
Congratulations on getting married! I ; it is true blessing for each other.
A lot of men orgasm pretty quickly when they first start having sex and finish too soon. There is a book called "She Comes First" that is pretty good. It might help. Also, him being young, he can get a second erection faster.
He can give you oral or use his hands to get you almost there or even let you orgasm first, then he can finish.
Using some numbing cream can help, but let it soak in for about 10 minutes before starting sex. I have used it, and while the skin can feel pretty numb within just a minute or two, it takes longer than that to dull things down a bit deeper.
You may get a few different opinions, and mine is just one. You guys are so young and everything is so new. You sound like you have erotic desires that most husbands would hope their wife would have. You like his size, also a huge plus. You say he can ejaculate and then go again, and again in one lovemaking session.
You also seem to enjoy his orgasm as much as your own. I believe you guys have a great thing going and that time and practice will increase his control and he will last longer. To be young and have the capacity to have several orgasms in one lovemaking session is a wonderful thing.
He must improve his tongue and finger skills to help you climax before the attention turns towards his penis.
Also, if you enjoy masturbation, I highly recommend you try to doing it together, as well as you stimulating your clitoris before he enters you, and continuing as he enters and begins to thrust. If you time it right, simultaneous orgasms may become a reality.
Awesome advice.
I concur with both of the respondents before me. "She Comes First," though I haven't read it, benefited me greatly. My husband learned a lot from it. And if you want to have a clitoral orgasm—I differentiate because, for me, a G-spot orgasm feels different—you or he will need to stimulate your clit manually during intercourse. We find this is easiest when I'm on my back at the edge of the bed and he's standing beside it. Then his thumb can easily reach my clitoris and so can I with fingers or a vibe during PIV intercourse.
If you are wanting a G-spot orgasm during penetration, for me that means finding a position and angle that provides upward pressure to the G-spot on each stroke. It's just inside the opening of your vagina, about 2" in on the anterior (front) wall. It feels kind of spongy and smooth when it's engorged (hence the nickname the "silk road") or sometimes wrinkly when it isn't yet. Have him feel around and try to find it. If the tip of his penis hits it repeatedly or the corona rakes across it with each thrust, you can have a buildup sensation similar to a clitoral cum, but (for me, at least) the release is a strong clench or sometimes a couple, deep relaxation, followed moments later by an intense desire to "go again." I like it best when he just keeps pounding so I can have them over and over.
My husband and I usually spend about four hours on Saturday having sex (we are older and can go longer with short potty and water breaks), and one time I tried to keep track. I hit a hundred about two hours in and quit counting. They are hard to miss because I squirt every time, but most women don't. I will say that his efforts to learn to make me squirt about ten years ago—using the two middle fingers in a "come hither" motion in different positions; me on all-fours was the winner—really "woke up" my G-spot. I always loved the way sex felt, but I didn't experience what I'd call a recognizable G-spot orgasm until then. So I definitely encourage exploration of the G-spot, both manual and coital. God bless your marriage, young one.
I agree 100% with all these responses. As a guy, I can tell you, too, as hard as it may be (pun intended), your husband should just enjoy his stiff erection while he focuses on helping you climax first. Just let his hard cock bounce and throb while he focuses on eating you out and fingering you. Not only will that look incredibly sexy it will also feel incredible for him, as he lets his cock get harder and harder without stimulation until it’s time. Also like him, I’m a younger guy. How great it is to blow a load and go for round two!
Sounds like you orgasm, but not with PIV, and that's your goal? If so, nothing uncommon, and it took Mrs. Tulsa a while before she had orgasms with PIV.
Since your husband can go multiple times, that's a good start! We had to figure that out. For me, my first orgasm is always quite quick, even after all these years, but after that, the second, then third, get slower and slower.
If you can have more than one, also great! That was a discovery we stumbled across later. If there's no one and done, for either of you, you can keep working at it.
Don't be bashful about telling your husband your goal.
Don't be bashful about telling your husband what turns you on, and may get you over the top either. Could be something as simple as some 'dirty talk', or maybe just a word! Positions make a difference, so experiment with those. The order of things makes a BIG difference, so play with that!
All in the name of science!
Nice story. I have pre-mature ejaculation issues too. One thing I’ve found helpful is for the man to masturbate once or even twice to get it over with. Then, if there is enough cum left (shouldn’t be difficult if he is young) get hard and penetrate her again. This time, with the goal of her cumming first.
Heather, I have read a number of stories in MH where women are disappointed in failing to reach orgasm during sex. The complaint that a woman cannot reach orgasm appears for some (if not most) appears to be a problem of expectation. Some reports indicate only about ¼ of women reach orgasm through intercourse alone. Most women reach orgasm through clitoral stimulation. Sadly there seems to be an expectation that if a woman cannot reliably reach orgasm through intercourse alone, she is defective or missing out.
There is a real danger (especially with young marrieds) of losing out on a wonderful gift from God by comparing the blessing we do have with what we think we “ought to have”. If you research statistics on female orgasm, you will find most women only experience clitoral orgasm through manual stimulation and normally find it fully satisfying.
We have been married for over 50 years; have never experienced vaginal orgasm – and our sexual life together has been a blast.
Heather,
Excellent advise from the experienced respondents.
Experiment as much as you can. The bedroom, or anywhere else you make love, is no place for inhibitions. You are married now and anything mutually acceptable in sex can take place for both to enjoy other than Steve being on top.
Read lots of Marrigeheat stories – they are both highly erotic and educational.
I do hope you get the satisfaction you crave and deserve from the one you love!
This happened with us too. Both virgins on our wedding day. It takes time for men to sort of control their ejaculation. The vagina is a new experience for them and they're excited too. Your husband can pleasure you first then you can pleasure him.
Wow! Lots of good advice here. I wanna add that everyone is different.
Some husbands can’t do a "round two" for hours – even when young. Others can – even when older. I still almost always want and can do round two, but when I can’t, I strive to be grateful for what we HAVE shared.
Some or MOST wives need clitoral stimulation to climax but still love having their husband’s erection thrusting inside them. Many wives are multi-orgasmic, and some are one & done. This is all normal.
Sex with your spouse can be unique and often or sometimes especially memorable. Your relationship can evolve over the years, and that is fine, too. There are things we still discover, even after 30 years of a sexy marriage.
Keep working on it and feel free to pray about your sexual relationship as well. Keep learning together & enjoy the ride. We (especially my Melodie) benefited from reading “The Act Of Marriage.”
In most of my stories, I mention our X position. Melodie used to have vaginal orgasms by my manual stimulation first but can’t anymore due to health problems. And my health problems started limiting my ability to digitally stimulate her clitoris. So we tried vibrators with great success for us.
Our X position is her on her back and me on my side at right angles. This position allows her to use the vibrator during our sexual intercourse. We do a lot of other things first to get each other turned on & ready. So you could consider using a vibrator. For us the vibrators have been a real blessing to our marriage.
MH could be a real blessing for you, but don’t compare your relationship to other married couples then feel bad about it. Rather, use MH for ideas and good sexual advice. (Like our comments to you from this post.)
What helped me was edging and doing kegels (I assume that is what they are called for guys as well). For self pleasure, I would edge myself. I would bring myself close and pay attention to what I was feeling and what my body was doing as I got closer to climax. Then I would work on stopping for a few minutes to figure out how to stop myself from finishing.
The kegels really helped, because it was essentially working a muscle. I would do it in three 5 second intervals to start (do it for five, stop for five, do it for five). As I kept doing, I would keep increasing the time. This, mixed with my experiments with self-pleasure, really helped me to learn how to control things a bit more. It took time though. This is the kind of stuff that is all a part of the process. Have some fun during it 🙂
Like everyone else, I would agree that everyone has to find a pattern that works for them. My wife and I are in our 60s. We have been starting to slow down a little in the past year or so, but I have many stories of our 40+ years together that I've been sharing with the community.
My motto has always been to try to make sure my wife finishes first. We have never been a multiple orgasm couple. Now, we've been 'blessed' with great ability over the years such that we pretty much always enjoyed mutual orgasms and achieve orgasm at nearly the same time. Not boastful, just to say I know how unusual that is compared to many others. However, I will say that with age, etc. sometimes the timing has been becoming a little more unpredictable. Some times I will not last long enough for her full satisfaction with PIV. I don't mind making sure she finishes some other way, but I will admit it puts a damper on the session (she is just so accustomed to the regularity we used to have in this regard). I crave the rush of success in bringing my wife her orgasm, even If I don't or can't finish myself. It really fulfills me to see her enjoy our physical pleasure. She is also unselfish and most of the time doesn't like that as much.
All this to say, try to find what will work for both of you. Maybe your man needs to bring you to orgasm first and then use his organ as a finishing touch so he gets the full amount of physical fulfillment as you do, if that works. But keep trying various things to obtain the results you both desire. It sounds like you each enjoy each other mentally. Try to relax and enjoy each other's physical attributes and pleasures without getting hung up on perfect results. I know that by not making simultaneous orgasm the goal it sure reduces the pressure on me (speaking as a husband).
And one more thing I believe you could try (I didn't check to see if anyone else mentioned it) is a 'penis ring' that goes over his shaft to the base of his organ, I've read that it can prolong erections, prevent premature ejaculation but no experience with the device so do your own research on that one.
Blessings to your success and fulfillment!
Another idea to try is the coital alignment technique. Increases clitoral stimulation during missionary position.
sorry I left it out of my first response
Makes me sick that young people are still being taught things are wrong about certain sex. So happy he has learned to please you orally and manually. That should take some pressure off any performance anxiety. Maybe try the reverse of what is normally advised. Make him cum before he eats your pussy. He should get a second erection that lasts longer inside you.
Try what others recommend. Remember sex is fun, trying different things is good.
I know this answer is late but maybe it will help. My husband lasts as long as we both want except in certain positions like doggy. When we want to go longer in Doggy, we use KY Duration spray. Following the directions and he should last quite a bit longer!
Men and women put too much emphasis on thrusting. Thrusting should be saved for the very end of a session. Have him tease you with the head of his cock for a few minutes before entering you. When he finally does, have him completely enter and stay there. He can grind against your labia and clitoris with his pubic region while his cock remains inside you. While he's inside you grinding, he needs to find the rhythm, speed, pressure you desire.
Also tell him to think of a really revolting woman while he's doing you. When I feel like I could explode too early, it really does work.
If that fails, a cheap condom can help him last. As I understand it, you are looking for a more intimate orgasm with your husband that can only be achieved with full-body contact. The technique I described works well in the missionary position.
Also, I find I stay a bit hard after climaxing. If he can do that, the grinding method with no thrusting can help overcome the extreme sensitivity he experiences after orgasm, which means he can remain inserted and grinding hopefully until you orgasm.