My Desire For Her: On Her Knees
I had a sense that tonight was going to be sexually heightened. We returned from dining with friends, where an innocent reference about my wife’s prior engagement with Alex had occurred. (Across the country now, he is in no way in our lives.) Someone made some mild, good-natured innuendo about it, but I parried with a joke, Beth and I squeezed hands, and we were on to a new topic.
It helped that I could diffuse the situation. Readers of my other stories will know this is a relatively recent development, and that my wife and I have found a way, with God’s help, to put her past in a healthy and minor perspective. Almost a full year had passed since the events described in my last story, a year with no thoughts given to her past sexual history.
Beth was extra affectionate with me the remainder of the evening, even rubbing my cock under the table a few times, something she usually wouldn’t do in the presence of others. I could tell this was on our minds, and in a good way.
Later, at home, I was excited when she removed my pants and underwear and directed me to sit on the edge of the bed. Then she put a pillow on the floor and knelt between my knees. The lights were low.
It didn’t take long for me to get fully erect with Beth’s face so close to me. She bent forward a little, placing her forearms on my thighs, and moistened her mouth. Then she turned her head sideways and ran her lips along my shaft, getting me wet, too. She repeated the motion several times. It felt divine, but it also made me yearn for more.
I didn’t have to wait long. Beth gripped my dick with her hand, moved it toward her, and lowered her wet mouth onto me. She moved her head up and down, encircling me with her lips and maintaining a firm wet pressure around me. I loved feeling her move over the ridge of the head of my cock. I imagined how the round and now wet corona must feel to the sensitive skin of her lips. She moaned a little, and it vibrated along my cock. It was ridiculous how connected that made my cock seem with her mouth.
She pumped her hand in rhythm with her sucking. Unable to help myself, I moved my hand to replace hers, gently pumping myself as her head bobbed up and down. I loved feeling the outside of her mouth against my hand as I helped her to blow me. Against my thumb, her upper lip got moist, while her chin made contact with my index finger. I stopped my gentle pumping, spending some glorious time moving my cock all along her wet, open lips and along her tongue when she stuck it out. She seemed so wanton during this.
But she wanted to be in control again; she displaced my hand and resumed sucking me for a long while; I could hear only soft, wet sounds.
“I like imagining how we look now.”
“Yeah? You like picturing me on my knees?”
I couldn’t tell if she was being provocative here or not. Was she alluding to how she’d look to me from the side or back as an imaginary observer? That was exciting. Simple phrases like “on my knees” sometimes have more potency than explicit ones.
I scooted up a little on the bed, positioning my balls closer to her mouth. She took the hint, bending down and licking under my balls. It felt exquisite: extra intimate (and therefore a little dirty), a tiny bit ticklish, and wet. I loved feeling the friction between my skin and her tongue. In the groove between my leg and pelvis, her tongue seemed pointy. (That’s where the ticklishness was centered.) Along the underside of my balls, it felt flat and wet. I liked that I could sense the heft of my balls as she lifted them with her licking, allowing some of their weight to rest on her wet tongue.
“That feels so good. I like when you do that.”
“Do you? I like it too… I always have.”
There it was again. Was she being naughty? Except for conversations early in our relationship, Beth had never mentioned her sexual past, and certainly not when we were in an intimate moment. Since my breakthrough five years ago, her past had only come to my mind two or three times while we’d been intimate, and never as a result of some purposeful comment from her.
I groaned at hearing this, hoping to reassure her so she’d continue, in a limited way, to explore the sexual tension in the air. She stayed quiet and went back to licking my balls. Then:
“Plus, it was good to give my mouth a break.”
A bombshell! I felt my heart drop excitedly in my chest, and Beth quickly hid her face, gobbling down on my cock. There was no doubt about it now, with her use of the past tense. She was referring to her own sexual history, and in the most potent and risky way she could have chosen.
I hesitated here because this has been painful for me at times. Alex had a bigger cock than me. Although I’m a little above average in girth and length, he was “much thicker” than me, as she said in one of those classic times she overshared early on. She knows this fact was no doubt a big reason for my past jealousy, so I was floored that she said what she did. That’s why she hid her face so quickly.
I couldn’t believe she said that.
But I loved it. It was so sexy to think of it. How could I find any thought of my wife’s sexual history palatable, let alone exciting, especially on a topic as fraught with intimidation as him having a much thicker cock? With God’s help, I’ve learned that giving in is part of the miracle, giving in to my wife’s sexuality while balancing myself against larger truths.
“That was pretty hot, baby.”
I whispered it, gently holding her hair, assuring her that all was well and that she’d only added to tonight’s fun.
What she said, in this heightened mood since dinner, further charged the air. It allowed me a share in her sexual past and made it incrementally less like an act she performed on him with me on the outside. It brought me in, slightly, to her sexual past and her private being. I felt privileged by her honesty and vulnerability. But we said no more about it tonight. To say more would have risked peril and, importantly, would have suggested that the past had more hold on our individual psyches than it does.
But I did permit myself a few indulgent thoughts and questions, just for me—and now you—because I couldn’t help myself. I confined myself to today’s topic. (I’m not quite ready to explore all the thoughts of her pussy taking a large cock.) Today, it was intriguing enough to think of Beth on her knees.
I pictured Beth back then, her lips stretching to accommodate Alex’s thicker cock, occasionally taking a break to lick his balls and let her jaw relax. I wished I knew just how very thick he was, but I will never ask her, and she would not be that explicit with me now anyway. Maybe it’s good I missed my chance in the beginning.
More uncertainty: I know that if she wasn’t fully ready, intercourse could be a challenge due to his size. So I think she sucked him off and swallowed pretty often. I’d love to ask her for certain, but I won’t. I’d find her even more alluring if she said yes, but maybe not knowing for sure is better.
And here’s the naughtiest thought, a blowjob comparison, probably unfair to her. Although she’s quite attentive to varying her technique while pleasuring me—licking, sucking, nibbling, and also paying attention to my balls—her comment showed that necessity really is the mother of invention. Additionally, there’s an undeniable visual difference at play. If an outside observer saw Beth tonight with me and had somehow also seen my (then) future wife on her knees servicing Alex’s larger cock, I suspect he’d say, “Oh, there, that, with Alex, that was true cock worship.” Would that be about right?
But I’m sustained by larger truths. Some are explicit. Her mouth got tired, so (she said once) she prefers my size for blowing. Yet it is undeniably sexy to picture her there with Alex. My cock tells a bodily truth, getting excited at the thought. Still, some truths are more important ones. In a loving, committed relationship, what she did with him (to him!) was not shameful, even though had I been around, he wouldn’t have become her fiance. And finally, because our entire relationship is so characterized, our sex life together is more fulfilling, playful, adventuresome, and deeper for Beth than theirs was.
As I hope is clear from my earlier stories, this acceptance is a gift from God. After everything else I tried, it seems a true grace that, through Him, the very thing that threatened us now even becomes at times a source of good. As it’s written in Revelation: Behold, I make all things new.
Here’s the mystery again. I hesitate to remain blunt now writing this, but Beth and I hope to help others who still struggle as we did. The blunt celebration of sexuality is part of it. If I suppress it, it’ll return daily. But if I celebrate now, it’ll recede for months, years, and when it does return it will only add to her charm and mystery.
So, to be blunt: how can I desire her mouth, lips once stretched open by her lover’s thick cock, engorged with friction along his shaft, holding inside his warm, creamy ejaculation? All is made new. Yes, history remains, faintly coloring the present when remembered. Yet, all is made new.
I love this woman dearly. I love her soul, her body, her mouth.
I felt my own ejaculation building. She slowed down, knowing this is what I like now, holding me instead of pumping, her wet lips firm around my hard cock. She stilled her tongue, allowing the groove along the center to develop.
Soon, the groove filled with my white semen, copious because of these intimate thoughts of her and the heightened sexuality in the air tonight. She showed me, and then she swallowed it down.
Loveallofher, I can so relate to this story. In every way you express exactly my way of dealing with and coming to terms with my wife's past encounters' with someone other than me.
“‘Plus, it was good to give my mouth a break.’
A bombshell! I felt my heart drop excitedly in my chest, and Beth quickly hid her face, gobbling down on my cock. There was no doubt about it now, with her use of the past tense. She was referring to her own sexual history, and in the most potent and risky way she could have chosen.”
This is how I've come to accept my wife's sexual past. The intimate innuendos that she's shared with me have opened the door to me becoming aroused versus being bothered or jealous any longer. And like you, I did struggle for a time with the truth. But now the truth has become the very thing that has allowed me to feel closer to her than I ever have. And it has most certainly turned a negative into a very positive, positive! Thank you for sharing. I have felt at times that I was the only man out there that found healing, with the truth being told at the very best times.
Thank you. I'm so glad you replied; it's comforting to have company on this journey.
I have a story coming with no mention of Beth's past (because this represents the vast majority of our time together). I had thought it might be my last. I wasn't going to write about her past experience with intercourse, but now you've inspired me to. I hope it, too, will prove to be reassuring.
Take care.
Thanks for sharing this, LAoH. Powerful and sobering to read what was going through your mind. Hugely encouraging that you two share a passion for being between one another’s legs (a nod to your story from July).
I'm glad you took the time to share this, thank you!
Very cool story, and I understand your being turned on with the thought of your wife sucking an ex’s cock. Jim feels the same way about the past, and to this day, he mentions two guy friends I had in college before he and I were committed. He'll ask if Ted “pounded you as hard I do” or if Joe’s cock “stuffed your cunt as full as mine does.” Fortunately, I am able to honestly answer “no” because my husband drills me like no other. And I am ready at the drop of a hat to drop to my knees and service that cock however he wants it, and I always know a fast and furious sex session will follow!
Thanks for replying, interesting as always!
Believe it or not, you guys are far from alone, especially among those of us who have come of age in a culture that doesn't encourage virginity until marriage. My husband and I have experienced the very same healing (some would say coping mechanism.) People who experience what's called Retroactive or Retrospective Jealousy over their spouse's ex(es) sometimes spontaneously reframe the tales or thoughts of those experiences into sexual stimulation. Some attribute this to the "erotization of fear," others to biological urges including sperm competition.
Psychology Today did an article about it from a secular viewpoint, taking much of their data from respondents to a subReddit (64,000 members over a year ago!), dedicated to "sharing the stories [the Redditors have] heard from their wives."
For me, it feels like forgiveness in the way Christ forgives us and often allows our pasts to be the impetus for our future ministry. He redeems what we have been (or put ourselves) through and "works all things to good." As long as we don't let the turn-on escalate to seeking to repeat the past ("go and sin no more") nor become a fetish that controls our sexual function—and clearly, you have not—I see no harm and much potential good in it. Thank you for sharing your stories!
Thanks for writing! I took a look at that community. Very interesting. Quite a few seem to fetishize this, to an unhealthy and disrespectful degree, but then again I'm sure plenty of readers here may think the same about me (although I'd disagree).
I am familiar with the theories you shared, and they all seem to share in the truth somewhat, in my opinion. Thanks for taking the time to write. Take care!
It pays to be honest. I have done many and in different ways and as I opened the door to blowjobs to Greg, instead of it being a distraction it happened to be a motivation. Often I would relay how, where, and when, and Greg seem to enjoy the talk of me being an experienced cock sucker, which in turn led him to do the weirdest acts on me. The truth can enhance one’s sex life, and in all fairness, a fair amount of openness by myself gave Greg the chance to do unusual experiments on me.
Thank you for writing! (And it sounds like you may have a story or two inside of you…)
Loveallofher it seems to me that you understand the Grace of Jesus Christ. You are handling this situation really really well, in my opinion. God bless you both!
Thank you for taking the time to write! My faith certainly is a big help!
This is so wonderful. The idea of a previous lover inside of your wife's mouth throws this story into a really hot and special category.
Here's to the wonder of loving blow jobs!
Thanks for your honesty!
Although your comment about another 'category' was more general in nature, it does echo my thought that perhaps MH ought to consider adding a story category of a spouse's sexual past. There are surely more couples like my wife and I, working to come to healthy and appropriate and holy terms with it.
Thanks for writing; I'm glad you enjoyed my story!
It sounds like you are both working to "put the past" behind you while giving each other the care and love you each deserve. I read your other stories. It sounds like you are doing great job of adjusting to your wife's history. We had a talk in our life group a while back about God's provision in providing a spouse. I don't pretend to know the answer as to whether God "puts" the right person in place for you. Like many of God's intentions, we humans tend to over think and foul things up, etc. And I know that I have met many women along in my life I could have been contented to marry (they were intelligent, and seemed like good people). The gist of our convo was that one of the most important thing in a marriage is to find contentment with the mate you have chosen (barring abuse or other bad situations that could actually be insurmountable). If you treat your spouse in a Christ like fashion (showing Godly love, forgiveness, acceptance), you can find a way to work things out. It seems that is what you two are doing, and it is a fine example for all of us!
Thank you for writing!
Although I certainly have never even come close to considering my wife to be 'damaged goods', I recognize that this thought is out there.
There are some powerful non-sexual aspects of her past relationship which have been equally hard to deal with (her family's closeness to her past fiance, shared time together and continued references and reminders). I won't be writing of these, but I do sometimes take comfort in thinking that not many guys could handle those non-sexual ones as well as me. And I do come close, sometimes, to thinking perhaps my ability to handle it is an indication that God was at work in putting us together.
And then I remember that many, many couples have it harder, with a past spouse (instead of a boyfriend) and children. So I tell myself to grow up.
I'm glad you liked the story!
I was not going to reply to your story, but I wanted to let you know I relate to it and understand. My wife had a previous lover who was well endowed, so I relate to your situation on that level. Also how her family mentions him and the closeness they had. I get it brother, not always easy but we have made it through it.
Amen to all that. Thanks for the comraderie; it means a lot to me.
I did go ahead and write and submit a story about intercourse (mentioned in the top reply). I didn't want to do it, thinking it would be too painful. But I found the process to be surprisingly helpful. I hope you find it helpful, too, assuming it's published here eventually.
I am pleased you work through this and ended up having a hotter sex life because of it. Those that remember me know I believe remaining a virgin until marriage is just another no-longer-required rule like not eating pork. It may work for a tiny minority, but most are better off having had sexual experiences.
I LOVED this story!!! What was the title and date of your previous story so I can read some of the backstory of you both? I anxiously await your next story!! Thanks for sharing!!
HardForHer, just click on an author's name in the bio to go to a page with links to all their stories. You can also get there by entering https://marriageheat.com/author/ into your Omnibox (URL bar) followed by the username of the author. (Most display names match the username, but some older ones don't.)
Thank you; I'm glad you enjoyed it. I really appreciate hearing from you and hope you like the others, too!
More to come!
This is a great story loved it