A Rough Stretch
Heather and I had been married for 15 months, and except for the first 2 months, it’s been rough. She harbored a lot of resentment towards me, as well as regretted rushing to marry me.
Long story short, we were both virgins. Heather presented herself as a young lady in love with me, with a burning, uncontrolable sexual desire that needed fed. But she also had a strong need to be away from her controling and emotionally abusive parents.
We married, and WOW! Heather lived up to everything we talked about and fantasized about before our wedding. But before long, she became almost obsessed with sex. She took it personally if a long day at work or other things meant I didn’t feel up to it.
To avoid her emotional outburts, I’d do my best to perform, but it made it feel less like making love and more like a chore. Eventually, the stress of forced sex took its toll; I started to shut down out of fear. I could not be the husband and lover she signed up for. The anxiety about killed me and shut my penis down.
Heather’s blamed me and my self-loathing. We went to Christian counseling as a couple and alone. I was making progress, but Heather was getting worse. She still couldn’t accept responsibility for her part in our issues.
I gave her distance as my therapist had encouraged me to do, right up until I came home the other day to find Heather running on the treadmill. She had on a second-skin workout outfit that showed every sexy bit of her body.
I got arroused watching her run. She smiled at me, so I walked over. I whispered how beautiful she looked and what a sexy body she had.
But when Heather noticed my arousal, she jumped off the treadmill, seemingly agitated. She told me to go “take care of that” while she got a shower.
I was so mad! Wasn’t this what she had wanted from me? I stomped up to the bathroom, intending to stroke off, but then I saw her journal opened on the counter. The words leapt off the page at me.
“I’M SELFISH, I’M DISRESPECTFUL, I’M RESENTFUL, I’M CONTROLING – I confess these sins to you, my Lord. Please forgive me and help me. Guide me. Teach me how to properly love my husband.”
Her words struck me to the core, especially when I saw the tear stains blurring the ink.
“Guide me, oh Lord, to not dismiss my husband’s thoughts and words. Help me to not fight with and degrade him, to not make him feel less than me or that he is not worthy of his own love or mine.”
Next she had written out a Bible passage. “Proverbs 19:13 ‘A wife’s quarreling is a continual dripping of rain.'”
I guess the counseling had really started getting through to her.
“Wives who treat their husbands lightly are rebelling against the Bible’s command to respect their husbands. 1 Peter 3:2 speaks of a wife’s “respectful and pure conduct.” Now, certainly, a wife may respectfully give her thoughts to her husband. And she may respectfully disagree with him. A husband doesn’t own his wife’s mind or her conscience. But she must always treat him with respect.”
Those words helped me heal. She had learned what I needed from her—not just her body but her respect.
“Help me, Lord. Show me that I am worthy of his love.”
I looked up into the mirror, crying. I saw Heather come up behind me and drop her robe to the floor, her beautiful blue eyes filled with tears also. Pressing her body into my back, she hugged me. The feel of her breasts against me had my cock swelling again.
Heather slid her palms down my arms, then took my hand in hers. Slowly she backed out of the bathroom, pulling me with her. Releasing me, she lay down on the bed. Slowly, she spread her legs as my eyes took in her beauty.
Heather’s large, full breasts rose and fell with each nervous breath she took, and her toned belly trembled in anticipation. Her pussy, wet and glistening, with its pink lips opening like a flower and seeping her nectar, invited me. Her eyes fluttered as she bit her full red lower lip to stop its quivering. Opening her arms, she beckoned me into them.
I knelt between her legs, and she gasped as bent over her, the the head of my hard cock rubbing along her slit. As I cupped the side of her face, she placed her hand on mine and moved it all around her face, rubbing my fingers over her lips she softly licked and kissed them.
I lowered my face to hers, and she made to speak.
“Shhhh,” I told her and kissed and took my turn at biting that luscious lower lip, tugging at it as I slowly pushed my raging cock into her hot wet pussy.
Heather moaned and shook as I slowly filled her, stopping only when I was completely inside her. I moaned out as her body pulsed and vibrated, milking my cock. What a wonder sensation to be one with my wife.
Heather held my face between her palms, panting and gasping, then kissed me deeply. Our tongues danced togther.
I began to thrust. Heather moaned under me, and her pussy got hotter and wetter. Feeling her body respond added fuel to my fire, and I found myself speeding up, going harder.
Heather shook, crying out in ecstasy as the tension in her body released. Warm nectar flowed around my cock, which instantly went off, flooding her with hot cum.
I collapsed on my wife, and she wrapped her arms and legs tightly around me.
“I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me,” Heather whispered against my hair.
I rolled us both over and wrapped her in my arms, holding her tight. I knew I had forgiven her, and time will show that we can love ourselves and each other as God loves.
Wonderful expression of Christ and His church; one of the best pieces of truly Chrisitan work here in a long time.
This is so uplifting and beautiful. Thank you for sharing! I confess that one of my worries is that if I ever get married, there will be some issue with our intimacy, and I can never be 100% sure that my future husband will be humble and willing to learn. Praise God that both you and your wife humbled yourselves to get counseling and to sacrificially love each other. I aim to do that, if the Lord brings me to marriage. I just pray for a man who is so in love with Christ that he will do the same.
It is so heartwarming to read about your journey as a married couple. Despite Christian upbringing and working hard to blend as a couple, your experiences show that our road is sometimes more bumpy than we anticipate. The great thing is that you are communicating with each other and counselors to work things out, and I am certain they can be worked out as long as you keep working with each other in such a Godly fashion.
It's interesting how your sexual problems seem the opposite of what I've read about over the years. Many times I've heard someone say that a husband looks for sex as a reward and a relief after a long day of work/providing, whereas the wife may have been working at home or away, but many times has more to do at home (housework, etc). And at the end of her day, she is the one who sometimes falls into the 'sex as a chore' and feels pressure to make love 'for the husband' instead of 'with the husband'. It's just interesting that you two seem to have reversed what I've read is the usual trend.
In any event, I know from my own experience that sometimes the least little thought or worry about outside things, or even just wondering if the organ will perform well that night, can really cause a failure to fully perform. It sounds you're working things out, but even if that's true, I would just say you need to stay focused on the physical relationship, not just the fireworks at the end. You can satisfy your wife many creative ways w/o a full erection, and so you both need to realize if that needs to happen and be able to switch gears (plans) to accommodate physical failures and satisfy each other in a different way than planned.
Another thing that couples sometimes do is when someone is less happy, they may withhold sex as a punishment, more or less. (Personal experience with that as well.) So avoid that poor decision.
Just another idea we have sometimes used is to formally set aside a time (maybe a certain night a couple days away, or waiting until evening when you may have been aroused earlier in the day). The waiting can sometimes make it seem more of a special experience, and help you get mentally and physically prepared for the lovemaking event. I know when my wife and I have to 'put things off' until later, later is ALWAYS great because we've been thinking, anticipating, desiring each other all day until that well deserved union.
Hope this advice/comment help and encourage you both. You seem like a beautiful young couple, and look forward to reading more about your successes and adventures!
Sounds like the counseling worked. I am happy for you. But I bet for every case like yours there are a hundred of women not wanting sex and guys praying their wife was insatiable like yours was. Sex drive in women often dips after the honeymoon phase or first child. And if it isn’t dead before menopause it goes on vacation. Obviously that is not every woman, just the vast majority.
Lonelylovelylady revealed the key to marriage. Sacrificial love. Remember when Jesus asked Peter if Peter loved him? Peter uses the Greek word for brotherly love, but Jesus continues uses Agape love each time. Peter says, “you know I brotherly love you”. But Jesus counters him with, “yes, but do you sacrificially love me." We miss this in the English because we fail to use adjectives to describe the love that is inherent in the highly inflected Greek words. Selfless lifestyles where your well-being is more important than mine is what we need. If I am involved in your needs/desires to the point I don’t recognize your missteps and shortcomings then I am on the narrow way Jesus spoke about!