Searching for Love
This isn’t going to be super sexy or anything, so sorry to disappoint.
I’m 19 years old. I just discovered this site and was inspired to actually write myself when I saw a recent story by virgin_pussy.
I am also a virgin, and I have been raised in a Christian household. I gave my life to Christ and seek to glorify Him in all things (1st Corinthians 10:31). I have not had any sort of sexual interaction in my life, but am a sexual person by nature. I have had a past with porn but have put that behind me by the grace of God.
I seek love. I want to love somebody; I want to be married, have kids, and of course make love. (I don’t want that to sound wrong.) I just struggle with these things and the thoughts I have. I want to bless my future wife, love her, treat her right, etc.
I’m not sure how I will use this account. Maybe I’ll write fantasies or whatever. I want to ask a couple questions though.
For the married people, what is it like? What do you love about your spouse? What is your favorite sexual thing to do with your spouse? The sexiest part of your spouses body? What do you want to get out of this site? Are there many fellow virgins here?
In general, what advice would people give me? Thanks for reading. I look forward to the future!
Welcome to this forum! I've been married for 40 plus years. There are other singles and single virgins on the site….if u read thru comments you"ll be able to figure out who they are, and u can read their accounts/stories etc to get an idea of what they glean from this site as well.
Just to be of encouragement, love hearing your journey so far…You did a wise thing by giving.up/defeating the porn problem. I dont know your avenues for meeting young women, but I've become Chrisitan friends w other young people, and they ask how to meet the right person…Of course church groups etc but that doesn't always do it…I suggest volunteer at activities that show the woman thinks outside of herself – habitat for humanity projects, pet adoption events…then there are finding someone w mutual interests…take a co-ed beginner class in golf, or some other sport or activity…gives u some possible matches and you get to evaluate their demeanor etc. doesn't matter if u want to do that sport/activity for a lifetime, your just their to find a match…..and I know more and more Christian singles using Christian dating apps that met their spouses that way.
I'm sure u already know this, but the biggest thing is to be kind, respectful to all the women u meet..sometimes it takes time, but even us (initially) shy ones can find another that notices us for who we are….of course the old idea that looks dont matter….pay attention to a girls demeanor and all before choosing her just for her 'looks'….I met many possible/potential life long partners in my nursing program, and some were not standardly super physically attractive, but I know they would/could have been great wives…I was already married by then. My wife would say she average at best, plain face, too heavy, etc. But she knows how to carry herself, and over the years, has become great at dressing in a 'modestly' very attractive way…
any woman that you wind up with will have features you will find attractive, whether its her demeanor, or more obvious physical features….one great idea I had years ago (and its totally true as to how I feel) is when I told my wife –during a great lovemaking session—-how I could be happy making love to one square inch of her body and not any of the 'standard' erogenous zones—then I proceeded to show her several possibilities for that spot—to prove that our lovemaking was not so much about her body, or a body part, but that I could be successful w/ some 'random' spot because I wasn't making love to her body, I was making love to her mind…..to the 'all the rest of her'…..so that's my one biggest tidbit of advice for the physical aspect of marriage…
But I encourage you to stay Godly, be open-minded (you might not just find a spouse where you first think) but cultivate your own mind and practices as you seek someone to share a relationship and hopefully, prayerfully, a life with….
Welcome to MH! I'm a virgin young lady and blest to be on this site. Thank you for being open and sharing your struggles. We singles all have some sort of difficulty as we wait to see what God will do about bringing us a spouse. My advice? Throw yourself into loving and serving Jesus and being a witness to others. Godly women will notice you living a life as a man of God. And yes, get out there and involve yourself in different things, preferably service-centered stuff. I'm not a sports fan (it's too shallow in my mind), but there are other hobbies and projects that serve greater purposes. It's just a way to meet people and put yourself out there. Be faithful in church and in your home. God bless you as you wait and stay pure.
Love your post, LLL, but just to clarify my comments about using sports as a way to meet potential partners: You are correct that the service-oriented projects are extremely good for that. But I will say from my personal experiences that sometimes, taking a beginner class in say, golf, is a good way to evaluate a potential husband. Guys being guys, if they are in the class for sports, it means they really want to learn instead of just bouncing around on the course aimlessly. Secondly, a girl can see their demeanor when things don't go well; some guys can hide it, but probably not. So you see the club-squeezers, the dissatisfied future boyfriend or husband having a tantrum in a neutral environment, so to speak, and not on the honeymoon or a year in. And you can see how they are physically (coordination wise, I mean)… basic life skills. You can glean that same thing from the other endeavors as well, but playing a sport that can try your patience can certainly show if your behavior is Godly under pressure for sure. Just explaining that point of view, not to be argumentative. Just wanted to say my sports idea was not as shallow as it may have come across at first. But no matter. Just to reiterate, your posts are always thoughtful and exhibit your Christian attitudes, and your set a great example for other Christian singles. And btw, hearing single Christian women like you on this and other venues and knowing some in person—those are the only instances that make we wish I had a son who would have grown up in a Godly home so I could guide his decisions and hopefully, prayerfully, meet a young woman such as yourself. Truly, not an empty compliment; our family-making days have passed, but if I had a son or two in addition to my fine, Godly daughters, I would pray he meet you and foster the kind of relationship you both would deserve and enjoy. It would be such another blessing for God to see…
Hey,
Thank you for your post. What I wish people had told me when I was your age is: don't settle for less than the best. I mean this from the bottom of my heart.
So, I'm 35 and have been married to my husband for four years. My relationships prior to this one had it's ups and downs. Actually the one just prior to this one was just wrong and left me with a lot of anguish.
At the time, I desperately wanted to break up but I couldn't seem to stick to that over and over. It all affected my job performance as well. What I thought was, he can change, because I needed him to, and he said he would (but didn't do).
I then wrote down a paper on what I actually wanted in a husband. I was thorough and specific. When I became single again I thought I should've been single for at least a year, yet my now husband appeared immediately, when I least expected it, through a contact of a mutual friend.
He completely checked every box on my paper, for real, and topped it by being such a gentleman. We wanted to live together and just share everything, which made us to actually get married a month after we met. To us both, we find that very romantic (not that everyone has to marry that fast).
I would advise you, don't settle for less than a really good wife. Figure out what you personally want and you think you would value in a wife. I would recommend to stay clear of drama, but look for what gives you peace in your whole being, for that will perpetuate in other areas of your life.
I would go for what your gut says yes to, what you feel it truly is better than you thought it would be (I know this is possible, since I experience it every day), and someone who is wise if conflict arise…
As my husband says, if someone loves you you can't do anything wrong in their eyes 😊
When it comes to body parts, I think legs, butt and cock are my favorites on my husband… Now that he grows hair on his head, is sexy as well 😊
I have just started to read on MH since I heard a sexologist say women have a hard time usually to go in and out of sex mode. I do agree and she suggested women to read erotic texts 20 min a day, so that's my goal and might also be a good tip to your future wife. 😉
Good luck and God bless you in finding your wife 😊
I'm a fellow single virgin guy, so you're not alone brother! Although I'm in my mid 20s, like you, I'm on that journey of looking for someone to share my life with in marriage.
Praise God that you've put porn behind you! Porn is part of my past too, and I can tell you from experience that MarriageHeat will be a far better influence on your life than porn. In fact, reading these depictions of righteous and utterly beautiful married sex here on MH was one of the biggest factors in helping me finally recognize the depravity and emptiness of porn and reject it several years ago. You still must be careful, because even MH can be unhealthy for some if you use it wrong. But with the right mindset, you can learn from real marriages what it means to love, sexually and non-sexually. (A large part of having a "healthy mindset" is to recognize that everyone's different, and the person you might marry in the future won't be exactly like any other person here. Just like porn, even MH has the potential to create unrealistic expectations or hurtful comparisons. Your potential future wife won't have the same kind of body, the same kind of interests, or the same kinds of struggles as anyone else here. She'll be a whole different kind of puzzle to figure out, explore, love and cherish.)
There are a handful of other single people (male and female) who are active in the comments here! I'm not as active in commenting as I'd like to be, but I read frequently, follow discussions and comment occasionally.
The ways I benefit from this site generally include two things: 1) keeping my mind on the only Christ-centered kind of sexual expression, and 2) through the experiences of married brothers and sisters in Christ, developing my own mindsets and ideas for how to best love and please my future wife. Many stories have even helped me learn non-sexual ways to show love that ultimately benefit the relationship overall in a way that overflows into a better sexual relationship too!
As for advice, these are the best lessons I've learned. I'm still working on implementing them, but I recognize their value. 1) Love God above all else. Learn about him, seek him, love him, live for him. Without a relationship with God, nothing else has lasting value. 2) Especially during your single years, but also beyond, be intentional about personal growth. Put effort into being the best person you can be. That's won't fix every problem in your life, but it will generally make it a lot better. And it has the upside of making you a more attractive potential mate!
Praying for your growth in Christ, brother, and your journey to finding a wife!
So beautifully said Patient Passion! I love that you talked about the helpful aspects of this site while also not ignoring that it could be potentially harmful if used in the wrong way. I’m also a single Christian girl in my mid 20’s.
I'm new to posting on the site, but found your story of interest. Wanting to meet the woman that will become your life mate is a real challenge. After several relationships that were clear that they wouldn't work out,, I met the woman that became my wife. I was getting ready to finish my time in the USN & went into an exchange (base store) to see about getting a crystal on my watch replaced. The young woman ( she was 21 @ the time) said she'd need to get the part and asked me to return the next day. I noticed she was cute..seemed nice. Next day, she forgot to get the part, but I talked with her a bit. I was getting discharged in a few days & I'd considered asking her on a date. Waited to my last day, asked her out & we had our 1st date the day after my discharge. I asked her if she'd like to visit the church I attended, she said she would, so she started attending with me.
We dated for awhile, I asked her to marry me, as I felt God had put her in my path. She'd become a born again, baptized Christian, and 6 months after we met, we were married. Been happy together X 44 yrs, have 2 grown sons that live in the area, & we have a good relationship with them. We've been active in the churches we've attended, which I believe is a blessing in that we've both grown from the experiences we've had.
Part of a healthy relationship is to actually like the person that becomes your mate. Shared interests and a desire to accept the person as they are, not thinking you'll "change them" into the person you think you "want" will aid in a healthy relationship.
Sex started off pretty good, and got better as we learned the other's preferences. Willingness to try new things,& being open to do things differently helps keep sexual relationships spicy. I told my wife shortly after we were married that we are partners for life, than no one (except God) will be more important to me. I meant it when I said it, & I still do, I don't talk negativity about my wife to anyone, and I'm always looking for ways to help her grow as a person. Treating her with respect shows the depth of my love. Hope this helps you in your journey.
great advice OT! I like the comments about never talking bad about your wife! I never engaged in the ' worldly cultural norm' of berating my wife even in a comedic or less serious way. I never engaged or enjoyed that action and how the TV sitcoms promoted that stuff of men versus women or vice versa, how the one was always the dumb one or the one with less 'feelings'! Long-term relationships come from love and respect, and disparaging remarks don't do that at all…
forgot to answer a couple of the ?'s you posted:
What do you love about your spouse?
Her "inner beauty". I was attracted to her physical beauty initially..she was / is still very pretty, and I loved just looking at her. As years passed, I came to understand her "attitude' was even more beautiful: wanting / willing to help others, sharing her knowledge on a variety of subjects & interests, being willing to try new things, and not arguing excessively & NO Nagging!
Not that it's wrong to disagree—this will happen a lot, but I told her (shortly after our marriage began), let's not fight.
Life is hard enough to deal with all it's challenges. Home should be a place & time for rest, comfort, and an escape from troubles we deal with in everyday life.
What is your favorite sexual thing to do with your spouse?
Spending time together. Young people don't understand the most powerful sexual organ is the mind.
I get turned on just thinking of different ways I can give my wife pleasure. Orgasms are only a part of that, filling her car's tank with gas for her, doing the dishes or laundry so she has the freedom to do other things she enjoys which is often cooking a special meal she knows I'll appreciate.
After retirement, our sexual lives improved greatly. REALLY? ….True ! Having children grown & out of the house means we can make as much noise as we want. This started when I asked her if she was interested in improving our sex life. ( Who'd say no to that ? ) We started setting aside time for what I called "adult play time" and began really working on giving each other pleasure in our sexual activities. Part of the enjoyment in sex is experimenting…trying new things. Exploring pleasure together may be the most fun you may experience.
The sexiest part of your spouses body? Again, I'll go with her mind. Focusing on one body part is so limiting. I enjoy all her body parts. Don't waste your time focusing on any one part; it'll deprive you of the pleasure of others.