Waiting For My Adam
Hello Everyone!
I’m a single, 22-year-old woman. I have been a member of the site for a while now, but finally decided to write a post.
I’m a virgin and cradle Catholic. I’ve never had a boyfriend, and I still haven’t experienced my first kiss. I’ve been waiting to experience those things with the right guy. I’m not waiting for a worldly and ordinary love. I’m looking for a love that’s built on God’s love. This of course, hasn’t been easy, but I know it will be worth it when I meet my future husband (My Adam).
I’ve always wanted to be a wife and a mom. I’m so in awe of many of the couples on this site that have been married for over 30, 40, and 50 years. That’s unfortunately not as common as it used to be.
There are so many aspects of my future marriage that I’m praying for, including our sex life. I want to fully bless, love, and give pleasure to my future husband—which leads me to some questions.
How can I best prepare for a holy and loving sex life while I’m single? What books or podcasts do you recommend as good resources? How do you please your husbands in the bedroom?
I look forward to writing more posts and learning from all of you. Thank you for welcoming me into this wonderful community, and I can’t wait for you all to get to know me through my stories.
One of the main things is to remember that this site is for entertainment mostly. There will be many times when sex won’t be flashing lights and fireworks. We have young kids so most of the time it is in the morning when I am getting ready for work and we have about 10 minutes. Saturdays are different but not always some explosion of fireworks. And there are times when it is “shoot I didn’t grab a towel” as cum is trying to drop out of her. A lot of times also it is “I am spotting” or whatever. When we have sex it is amazing. I love watching her butt bouncing up and down even with its “dimples.” I just think sometimes young people have ideas that it is going to be amazing every time when the reality is it is just “get over here quick” a lot of times. My wife always cums and so do I so don’t get me wrong but just remember that it isn’t always what these stories suggest or what you see in movies or porn.
I'm a 24 y/o guy and I've been in a relationship once. I understand whatever it is you're going through. If you'd like, maybe we could chat a bit more on this?
Welcome, there are a few singles on this site that post regularly or at least occasionally, happy to have you among us! Like you I was raised in a Christian home, I've never had a meaningful relationship or even kissed, and waiting for the right woman is something that has been incredibly important to me. I think by your motives you've shown your heart and have a great attitude. I guess that the first piece of advice I want to give is to encourage you to think of your sex life as far more than merely to bring pleasure to your husband. That part is easy! You showing him what you like and know feels good to you is an important part of teaching your husband how to pleasure YOU. And any husband worth having is one who will prioritize pleasing you over himself.
I've been reading an increasing number of books on relationships so if you're looking for resources I can tell you what I have found helpful. Currently reading THE GREAT SEX RESCUE by Sheila Gregoire and it's eye-opening, definitely gives a different perspective of the Purity Culture I was raised in and why I've reacted against it so negatively. I'm also a big fan of Shaunti Feldhahn's FOR WOMEN ONLY and FOR MEN ONLY because it seems genuinely empathic and well-balanced when read as a pair. I believe that both men and women should want to lift each other up in a one-sided way and those two books together do a good job of painting that picture for me. Funny though, Gregoire is less than complimentary about Feldhahn so maybe it's necessary to take them with a grain of salt; reading both Feldhahn AND Gregoire does seem to make a more balanced perspective. But back on the topic of empathy and understanding I also really like THE KEYS TO THE KINGDOM and THE QUEEN'S CODE by Alison A. Armstrong. She isn't writing a Christian book but I think she has a wonderful perspective and I learned things about myself that I could never put into words before. The thing is that I could use some book recommendations tackling the same thing but writing to men…besides For Men Only I don't know of any good ones and I'm desperate to learn more about how to meet a woman's emotional needs, etc.
With the exception of Gregoire none of those books are about sex per se, so here's a couple more I read recently: SECRETS OF SEX AND MARRIAGE by Shaunti Feldhahn and THE SONG OF SONGS translated by Ariel and Chana Bloch (with copious amounts of notes…my head's still spinning). Also when you do find your Adam he should be reading SHE COMES FIRST by Ian Kerner. No doubt there are other great secular sex manuals out there but none come to mind other than THE JOY OF SEX, a well-known classic which I have yet to read.
Besides that, just being on this site is such a step in the right direction so keep exploring! There are so many stories and discussion prompts that should give you wonderful ideas and help fuel the desire for intimately connecting with your Adam. Proverbs 30:18-19
Marry a man who makes you feel femine and will pay attention to what feels good to you and take hints, clues, and sometimes direction.
Naura Hayden, sometimes Nora Hayden, wrote a book that I picked up as a young man. I remember purchasing it and the female clerk gave me a look of disapproval while taking my money. It was worth the embarassment.
The book is How to Please a Woman and have her beg for More. The technique works but I have found others do to. I like for my wife to get real horny and wet. I like for her to come first. After she does, she usually enthusiasticly returns the favor and everyone is happy.
Thankfully this is far less taboo of a topic than 30+ years ago… but I would say masturbate often. I think knowing your body, your favorite arousals, how you crash into a climax, the feeling of orgasm… these are all things a single can enjoy and become more acquainted with. I believe it is a major investment in your future marriage. Your sex life will benefit if you know your body well and have fostered a wild imagination!
Thank you all for the helpful advice and great suggestions. I look forward to posting more stories and getting to know all of you.
Rare Diamond and spidermaniac
We are one of the couples who have been married for well over 50 years. The best advice I can give is to not look for a sexual partner. Look instead for a good friend – someone you admire and who admires you – someone you love. Being married to your best friend will be a wonderful life. I know – I am.
Great advice! Amen!
Welcome, Rare Diamond, from another single female! I'm so glad you found this site. It's been a blessing and awesome resource for me as I have relearned how to view sex through a Biblical lens. This site is one of the few places where I have found helpful and truly good info. A couple of other blogs are To Love Honor and Vacuum and The Forgiven Wife. I really want to read the books that Faith-Manages recommended. I think a big area that I need more knowledge in is how men think. They sometimes really perplex me, which is funny, because usually they say we're the complicated ones! My dream, if it's in God's plan for me, is to marry a strong, masculine, Christ-loving man; that we'll be the best of friends and work together to be witnesses in this dark world; and that we'll both be dedicated to giving each other the greatest love, pleasure, and care that we can. I know it will take work, and the uncertainty of marriage sometimes scares me. But I want to enter into it with all my heart. Our job right now as singles is to serve the Lord where we are and keep praying for our future husbands. They need our prayers. Think of how bombarded they are with sex and perversion from every side and how hard it is to stay pure! God guide you and give you joy in every chapter of your life.
Hello, Rare Diamond, thank you for sharing. It sounds like you are well on your way to meeting your goal of being a wife. You are a breath of fresh air. If I may give my 2¢?
Q-How can I best prepare for a holy and loving sex life while I’m single?
A-First, allow Jesus to be your first love. Let the richness of God's Word flow over you. Allow yourself to marinate, & meditate, in the scriptures. God is not afraid to be sexual with us. It is beautiful & appropriate intimacy between the Bridegroom & His Bride. That is Jesus, the husband, the brother, the coheir. Jesus washes us with the water of His Word. A still small voice. Get into Jesus & let Him sink into you. This is where a holy sex life begins. Then, as you search, find, & live with your Adam you will have Jesus there. Hopefully, your husband is where you are in this, or at least willing to get there.
Seek an Adam that shows those Jesus qualities without you asking to see them.
Be prepared to love the man, you choose, to the death. He will be flawed, as you are. Fight for him when the world won't. Even when he won't fight for you. This is the covenant that Jesus applies to us.
On a physical note, you be you with your body, now. And, be prepared for him to be him, with his. Marry with the goal of joining both bodies spiritually, physically, mentally, & emotionally. Understand & be wise to know that you will both be individuals on this journey together. Allow it. But, always seek to join.
Learn yourself. Take showers & baths without a wash cloth. Like your body, in any season. Old age & babies are coming. It is a natural part of life that all women go through. Don't have to like the effects of life, but you can still enjoy it, no matter what it looks like 30 year from now. A mom bod, or granny bod, is really an achievement to be proud of. It shows a woman cared to be a wife & mother. Sin & death will take its toll. Try & enjoy it as much as you can with the man you choose. Fight back against the tired, lazy, & worldly superiority.
I would not get involved with yourself, too much, before you marry. Don't get into orgasm, etc. too much. Sure know what you like & how to get there. Enjoy feeling your body. But, saved anything past that for the journey with him. Don't go getting into solo "sex" & go exploring without him. Toys, multiple orgasms, cumming in different places, etc. may all be fun, but you are prepping for marriage, not a single life. The more you find yourself living the single life, go for all you can with masturbation. But, going into marriage with already opened boxes takes away the fun of mutual sex. Don't rob your relationship of elation. Open as many boxes as you can, together!
Last, work with God, with the man you get. Talk. Before you marry ask about the things your marriage will encounter. Does he do, or how does he feel about, different sexual kinks, experiences, & activities of any & all kinds. Even the sinful ones. That way you know & can walk away if he is looking for sin sex. Know that sex will change. It will be different for the both of you. He may want something you don't. You may want it all the time, he won't. Being the person he can be married to, is foundation. Especially, when your differences show. Even, if withholding sex happens.
Be a teammate. A team player. Learn from God what a woman, wife, & mother are & be that, with Jesus. It will all be worth it. God will provide.
Q-What books or podcasts do you recommend as good resources?
A-The Bible. A New Season by Al & Lisa Robertson (simple read, but very deep), His Needs Her Needs by Willard F. Harley are a few great books I've read.
As was said in the first comment, sometimes sex in marriage is just “regular” sex. But even that is wonderful. And sometimes you n your spouse have an epic lovemaking session! Quite honestly, I write about both.
Yes this sight is entertainment but I have found some great ideas that my wife n I have incorporated into our love life. So the stories can be educational. I also like the insight some writers include- like about relationships n respecting each other etc.
By the way, MH introduced us to role-play sex and that almost always lead to one of those epic very memorable lovemaking sessions!
I agree that you should be best friends first and both being unselfish is very important too.
Also, you n your husband should get away together- even just a local hotel. This gives you an opportunity to disconnect from life and love n serve each other in both a sexual and platonic way.
Book that we recommend for you is “The Act Of Marriage.”
Finally, work on being the best you can be. I met my Melody when I was a single dad. She had never married & was the n her early 40s. She owned a home and was working in science when we met. Science is where WE found common ground and common interests.
Melody adopted my kids from my first marriage. She has been and is a loving, kind, n passionate wife. She also has been a wonderful mother. She had not put her life on hold because of me being late showing up. She had lived responsibly, got an education & a successful career as well. She served in church and was her nephews and nieces favorite aunt.
Also, I need to add one more thing- make sex a priority in your marriage. We eventually set up a sex schedule that we have modified over the years.
God bless you!
We've been happily married for 46 yrs.. " The Act of Marriage" by Beverly and Tim LaHaye was given to us shortly after we married. I attended the church where Tim LaHaye was pastor, took my wife there while we were dating, became engaged., & got married by an associate pastor there. I think you'll find the information in that book is informative , as well as timeless.
Hi. Welcome. My husband and I fully waited until marriage. He was my very first boyfriend and I was his first girlfriend. Both of us were homeschooled and he's a pastor's kid. I remember praying to God to protect and guide me towards my future husband. Even writing a letter to my future spouse.
Our first time was beautiful but not perfect. Marriage isn't perfect. We keep God at the center. We share ourselves with each other. Both emotionally and physically. Sometimes you must meet in the middle.
Remember don't settle. I know so many naysayers who don't believe or support waiting or finding a Christian spouse. You must stay firm.
Rare Diamond, my wife and I have been married for 35-years. In that time we have had our share of issues. However we have also learned a lot and even at our age continue to do so, much of it of late on the MarriageHeat site .
The stories on this site can give you lots of ideas on having a fulfilling sex life with your future husband. But the journey of discovery you both share together is what really matters. Together you can explore what works for your relationship. Do not be afraid to try new things as long as you are both comfortable with it. Communication is very important in this respect.
You will one day meet your "Adam". When you do, I sincerely hope your marriage is as fulfilling as what my wife and I have been blessed with.