After the Cut – A Circumcision Story
A note from MarriageHeat: due to the nature of this post being primarily a personal life update, we have allowed it to bypass much of our ongoing backlog so that such a life update can be communicated in a timely manner.
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I want to share something personal with you, as fellow married people who care about honouring God in our sexuality and strengthening the one-flesh union He designed.
I’m a middle-aged British man, and a few weeks ago I had a circumcision. Having this procedure as an adult is not comfortable, but for medical reasons it was a necessity. The recovery has been. . .well, uncomfortable, and now, over five weeks later, my body is still adjusting. My erection feel different, somehow harder than before but that’s only part of it. As the new scar tissue stretches, I’m feeling an almost painful, burning sensitivity that wasn’t there before the operation. In fact, it can feel like a kind of pleasurable pain, something I’m still adjusting to and find strangely erotic.
Yesterday, my wife touched my newly circumcised erection for the first time since surgery, and after I had spent time bringing her to what I hope was a satisfying orgasm, she noticed how different I looked and felt in her hand. I have to admit that when I realised this was going to have to happen, I didn’t really take into account what it would be like to be walking through this together, as husband and wife, and that something we both knew so well would be so very different.
Yesterday’s experience was . . . different, and whilst she masturbated me, it didn’t lead to a climax, as the stimulation was overwhelming in a way I can’t really describe. That means I haven’t reached orgasm yet since the procedure, and I admit I’m a little nervous about what that will be like. But I trust that the God who designed our bodies and our marriage is with us in this too. We are approaching it carefully, prayerfully, and as a couple committed to each other alone.
I’m sharing this because many of us face physical changes in marriage; whether through age, illness, or surgery, yet the call remains the same: to love one another with patience, tenderness, and faithfulness. Our intimacy belongs to each other in the covenant we made before God, and even when sensation shifts as bodies change, the deeper purpose of knowing and being known by our spouse never ceases.
@story_smith
Wishing you a speedy and complete recovery. You and your wife will be in my prayers as you continue through the healing and discover together what this change means for your intimacy.
May God bless your journey with patience, tenderness, healing, and plenty of wonderful new discoveries along the way—and may those new depths of sensation eventually take the two of you to entirely new heights of pleasure. 😉
Praying especially that the discomfort soon gives way to healing, confidence, and joy for you both.
Thanks for the prayers KnowMe.
Thanks mate for sharing your journey. I once worked as a Certified Surgical Technologist. I have participated in numerous urology surgeries to include circumcisions for adult males. I rarely saw our patients after surgery nor was I specifically trained for postoperative care. However, I can offer a thought or two as I gleaned wisdom from 100’s of surgeons over 1000’s of surgeries as it generally concerns postoperative pain. Also, my hospital worked diligently to understand postoperative pain and to develop strategies to minimize it. Pain induced anxiety is likely the stumbling block for your orgasms. Just the unknown of what might happen or how it might feel can inhibit erection and ejaculation. I say, “no worries, mate”. Pain from circumcision usually does not last for “months” as the incision is quite superficial as compared to many other surgeries. That said, that tissue is highly sensitive and it takes a bit more time to calm down than like a scraped knee. Also, while it is not an appendage (finger/arm/leg) it is/was a functioning part of your body that you did recognize through proprioception. So, a bit more time for nerves to heal and your brain to recognize a new you and I am confident you and your dear wife will enjoy this new you!
Thanks for the advice 1bm!
Now 7 weeks post-operative and things are improving. Scars are healed, glans sensation (or much was constant at first) has subdued, and we’ve been exploring things sexually.
It’s remarkable how different making love feels and masturbation now requires lube whichever of us is hands on – that was never needed when I had a foreskin.
Still having to take things gently but slow and tender is amazing in its own way.
This is interesting. Update us in a few months on the differences of being circumcised.
Will do!
Praying that you can adjust and find even greater enjoyment and satisfaction as your body heals! I'm so glad you and your wife are in this together. I believe God will honor your intent to glorify Him in every stage of your marriage.
Thank you LLL
I'm so sorry you had to go through this! I was circumcised as a baby, so I don't remember the pain of the procedure or recovery, and obviously I didn't have to deal with the disruption of an active sex life due to surgery in such a personal, intimate, and sensitive place.
But I still carry the hurt of missing a body part that God designed me to have (especially knowing there wasn't even a reason it needed to be removed, it was just misguided medical tradition). And I still experience the disruption of normal sexual function and sensitivity that comes with such a part being removed, so I can sympathize with some of what you're going through.
I pray that whatever medical issue necessitated this is resolving, and that any negative impacts on your shared intimacy with your wife, or your outlook toward your own body, will be as small as possible.
Some men experience tight skin in their erections after being circumcised, which can be uncomfortable, because as you know, the penis is supposed to have a sheath of slack skin. Sometimes so much skin is removed that there's little to no skin mobility when the penis is erect. That can make erections and sex uncomfortable for both the man AND the woman. I hope this doesn't happen to you, but if it does, there are methods (surgical and non-surgical) for partially restoring that slack skin tube to make erections more comfortable and create a smoother gliding motion during sex. It's not exactly the same as a natural foreskin, but can go a long way toward alleviating some of the negative effects of circumcision. I've seen stories online from some men who were circumcised and then underwent "foreskin restoration", and they often report some level of improvement (ranging from slight to significant) in how comfortable and enjoyable sex is after this "restoration" compared to before. Their wives/partners often have positive things to say about improvements in comfortability/enjoyability of sex as well! So if you run into that tight skin issue, give this a look.
I'm actually undertaking one of the non-surgical methods to restore as much of my foreskin as possible. It's a very long process that takes years, and I only seriously started a couple of months ago, but when I've made more progress, I plan to write about my experience in this little-known undertaking of foreskin restoration.
And all men, let this be a cautionary tale too. Sometimes it may be medically necessary, but do everything you can to protect and save the body parts God gave you! They're special and important, and have valuable functions, no matter what medically-educated but flawed human beings say! Make sure they don't take any more than is absolutely necessary.
Hi
Sorry to hear your story and I can empathise with you over your situation.
Coming from the UK infant circumcision rates are much lower and with our fairly conservative manner I’m not sure it’s discussed very often.
For me this was a medical necessity and I explored the options available to me, but it’s too early to tell what the long term effects will be.
@story_smith following. Praying for healing. I’m very interested in the differences you notice before and after. What are your preferences having experienced both? What are your wife’s thoughts before and after?
My wife and I are trying to conceive. We just talked today about whether it’s a boy, whether we’d circumcise him or not. I’m cut, but that’s all I’ve ever known. My wife is a nurse and prefers the look of cut because it’s clean (she used to work in a nursing home taking care of older people) She’s not necessarily thinking about physical attractiveness, sexual satisfaction or anything deeper than just being sanitary. I’m hesitant making the choice that was forced on me knowing that I’m potentially affecting our future son and his future wife’s love life.
@Djm I know this isn't my story, nor was the question directed at me, but if I might chime in, this topic is extremely important and personal to me.
As you can read in my own comment on this post yesterday, I too had this decision forced on me as a baby. When I was young, my father explained that the foreskin was just a flap of skin that wasn't needed anymore due to modern hygiene and clothing. With that dismissive and misguided explanation, I was under the impression for many years that the foreskin was a little meaningless flap of normal skin no bigger than a pinky nail that maybe covered the urethra or something. But in my early 20s I discovered that it was much more: a sheath that surrounds the whole penis and fully covers the glans. Realizing how much I'd lost was the most painful thing I'd ever experienced in my life.
Through MarriageHeat, the beauty of sexuality had become extremely important to me, and realizing mine had been permanently damaged without any compelling reason was very traumatic. It was emasculating. I felt like damaged goods. It took me years to get over the near-panic attacks I was fighting off from that trauma, at first multiple times daily, then slowly decreasing. It was the hardest, most painful season of my life. And that's saying a lot, because (without giving away identifying details) I've struggled with major health issues and physical pain since my teens, necessitating multiple major surgeries, and putting me pretty far behind in my life trajectory. I'd STILL rather go through that all over again than have part of my manhood stolen from me against my will. (And stolen from my future wife too! Part of the pain is knowing and grieving that I don't have my full male anatomy to give her.)
I praise God that he has comforted me, brought me great mental, emotional, and spiritual healing (as well as hope of significant physical healing through my ongoing process of "foreskin restoration"), and brought me past that season. I also thank God for the comforting knowledge that I didn't lose as much as some other men—for example, I still have much of my sensitive inner foreskin layer, my sensitive frenulum area, and some slack skin mobility so my skin isn't uncomfortably tight over my erections. But it still hurts knowing my most intimate place is scarred and missing some of the natural structures it's supposed to have.
I can understand how your wife is looking at this from the only perspective she's ever known, but I'd encourage her to research it more. Knowing what I know now, there's no way in hell, earth, or heaven I would ever choose this for myself, nor let such a thing be done to my own son. I'd probably use physical violence in his defense before I let it happen—that's how strongly I feel about it.
Sexuality is such an amazingly beautiful thing, and from my well-researched and biblically-grounded perspective, no argument in favor of circumcision even comes close to justifying the damage it causes to God's most beautiful physical creations: the human body, and the sexual relationship between husband and wife.
The foreskin is both a sexually sensitive and sexually functional structure—it works to make intercourse smoother and more comfortable for both man and woman, and facilitates intercourse with less lubrication necessary. Sex still works without it, and can still be very satisfying, but it is negatively altered from God's design.
littleimages.org has a great collection of information from a Christian perspective about all the reasons why circumcision should virtually always be decided against for newborns, including the very significant matter for us Christians that what WE call "circumcision" in the modern day is very different than the Old Testament practice. Modern circumcision is a man-made practice of genital mutilation that was never, EVER ordained by God.
Several couples in my church and extended family have expressed appreciation when I've brought this information to them and helped them make the decision to protect their sons. I pray you and your wife will do the same. I'm no expert, but I know way more about this than I ever wanted to, so I'm happy to answer any questions or point you to more information.
Still early days and sensitivity is still an issue. I’ll let you know once things have settled.
As for infant circumcision it’s difficult for me to advise culturally. I don’t know how it works in other countries but in the UK cosmetic circumcision is not performed on the NHS and I have no idea as to how it would affect that. I find myself wondering whether I would do this to a son, and I’m not sure I would, but that’s hypothetical as I have two adult daughters.
I got circumcised at age 19 while in the military.
The recovery was no fun. The worst was a few days after the surgery, when the pubic hairs started growing back. They got stuck in my underwear like little spikes. Then, they pulled on my skin. Pulling back my underwear so that I could pee was almost like ripping off a scab.
On two separate occasions during recovery, I got a hard-on and busted a stitch.
The one good thing that I can say about the experience is that it required 23 stitches…. 😉
And now, my dick is clean, healthy, and even "looks better". And it's still THICK.
Ouch! And I had similar.
Still getting used to the new look and I wonder how much our preconceptions of look are based on cultural norms. As for stitches I counted about 25 including those around the frenulum but not sure that is as much to do with girth as the surgeons decisions.
Let me offer thoughts contrary to some above. In the garden of eden man was naked. Man’s foreskin was crucial to his ongoing hygiene as the foreskin protected the urethral opening that is very susceptible to pathogen intrusion. Can man navigate life without his foreskin and have a wonderful sex life snd be in total harmony with the Creator? Of course! Whatever the reasoning behind infant circumcision, males are similar to a dog born with 3 legs. While there is something lacking/missing, most creatures don’t know the difference. I am circumcised and don’t miss the foreskin in the least. I don’t possess any reference/memory of it so I am a creature of what I have. I don’t what life might be like if I possessed the things I don’t possess. Maybe a better life? Maybe more pleasurable if my legs were longer, if my cock was bigger, if I wasn’t bowlegged? I don’t know the what ifs. Make circumcision is not unrighteous genital mutilation as some might suggest. There is nowhere in God’s word that says such. We humans get piercings, get tattoos, shave our heads of the hair God created, have elected breast augmentation surgery…..we even wear clothes that we were not originally designed to wear. Case in point: most humans lack vitamin D because we wear clothes that block sunlight thus most are vitamin D deficient. Let us live our lives to the fullest as we traverse life’s landscape within the boundaries set by God….not by man!