Advice Needed on Masturbation
Hi, fellow MariageHeaters.
I am a 24-year-old guy and found this website after my relationship with my ex-girlfriend ended some months ago. I miss the physical and emotional intimacy. I gave up on porn because I understand it can be harmful, therefore I am happy with this website because it is by Christians and for Christians. Still, I feel a bit uncomfortable reading stories about other people’s husband or wife while masturbating. I know I don’t want the woman to be mine, but I desire what is described. Especially when reading other people’s names in stories or looking at pictures on the site, I feel a bit uncomfortable. Do you guys have any advice on how not to feel uncomfortable or guilty when reading stories and looking at pictures on the site? I would be very thankful to hear what you guys think.
Greetings from the Netherlands
The first step is to discern (carefully and prayerfully) whether the guilt you feel is something man-made based on unsound teaching about lust and masturbation, or whether it is truly a Holy Spirit oriented guilt. Many many times that I have talked to people about masturbation it turns out to be the former rather than the latter.
As a faithful wife, I can offer my two cents by telling you I believe it's all about your thought process when you masturbate. Me, I think about Jim and some of my favorite sexual moments with him when I jill. I think about his long, thick, firm cock buried in my pussy or stuffing my throat while he twists my sensitive, rock-hard nipples. I think about positions, dangerous locations, and spur-of-the-moment situations where he decided to take me on the spot by raising my skirt, tearing off my jeans, or else pulling out his cock, grabbing the back of my head, and pulling my mouth up and down on it.
Memories like these can keep you true to your lover and provide you with great relief! 🙂
Guilt is a negative emotion. Masturbating and what you think about to make you desire to, or during are only an issue if it causes you to deny your spouse. Same goes for porn/erotica, whether it’s the stories and pictures here or elsewhere. Very sad that people try and convince others sex is wrong or evil. Or just because you are not married you should not touch yourself. It’s totally absurd and inexcusable to make another person feel guilty when they are not harming anyone.
I agree completely. I’m 65 and grew up in a time when sex was just not talked about, and the guilt that was dished out was horrible. My mom would talk about sex with me, but masturbation was a cardinal sin. My response is to call B.S. My late wife and I never discouraged our children from anything but sex outside of marriage. It’s a better time and a worse time right now. There are so many extremes.
God has blessed us with amazing bodies. In His goodness, He has designed them in such a way that while we are waiting for a spouse, we can meet our own sexual needs and keep them in check. Enjoy the body God gave you and, if you are comfortable doing so, offer up your orgasm as a thank offering to God for His goodness in creating the body.
I think masturbation is very good and important if you do it for the right reason and depending on the impacts on others.
Masturbating watching porn is not the best but in my opinion it is better than you jumping very fast in another relationship to satisfy your desires and emotionally hurt your partner.
Many couples experience a difference in libido/desire levels. No one has to do things they don't want to. Just as you can't force your girlfriend to have sex with you, she can't force you to not pleasure yourself.
Some women manipulate men with sex and cold spells. Better that you masturbate than commit adultery sleeping around behind her back.
I also think as others in this conversation…
Everything depends on what you think while you watch/read…
Watching Pinterest and reading articles about rich and famous celebrities is good if it inspires ideas to try with your girlfriend, teaches you skills, and shows you that it is possible.
If you check Pinterest and Instagram to judge negatively your life as a couple … this is very negative as you envy.
Some porn and erotica are obviously wrong as they are violent, disrespectful, illegal, etc.
What if reading erotica makes you a better lover? What if you learn pussy eating skills that benefit your relationship?
What if it helps you feel satisfied without pressuring your significant other?
You can't replace her… but you can spend the extra. With time it would be good that both adapt to the other so you don't need that.
I get your situation. I’ve been widowed for ten years on August 26th, so I know about missing the intimacy of a good Christian relationship.
I searched for a site where the stories were written by married couples because I didn’t want to get off reading about fornication or other types of sex outside the bonds of marriage. The wonderful people who write their stories here know full well that people read their stories to get advice, but also to jack or jill off while reading MH. I’ve written my stories hoping that it will get couples or Christian readers a way of spicing things up.
Don’t feel guilty. You’re not alone, nor are you different than anyone else here. Read my stories and get a thrill!
Hey JCS in the Netherlands!
I want to encourage you, as other MH folks have already done, in the area you are seeking of masturbation, and the “uncomfortable or guilty” feelings you are experiencing with reading the stories or looking at the pictures on this website while stimulating. Your post and question show that you are a young man with high standards, concerned enough to seek guidance from God through other believers.
My humble thoughts/comments for you in hopes your uneasy feelings will disappear and be replaced with ultimate JOY, as God intends!…
1. Sex Stimulation in the Bible ~ In consideration of your utilization of the MH posts and pictures for stimulation-I believe it’s good to know that there are several examples in the Bible where sex is described and one could be stimulated…Song of Solomon, a good read! Also Mark 10:8 & Genesis 2:24 where it’s described that “Two Shall Become One”! Imagery can come to mind with that short but erotic statement -right!?
2. Education ~ It appears that you have moved away from porn and are utilizing this MH site where other believers can provide their experiences for you to learn from and where you can be mentored. YES-arousal does happen -what we do with it is KEY!
3. Self Stimulation ~ it might be helpful to increase natural arousal abilities during masturbating while decreasing reading or looking at pictures during stimulation. In married life, our spouse is the sole focus as God designed, and so our bodies (& minds) belong to the other (a beautiful thing!) and training for that is vital! (I Corinthians 7:4)
4. Journaling ~ give it a try in your current single sex life (continued exploration of masturbation variations, auto-fellatio, self prostate massage, etc.) ~could be helpful in the time leading towards dating and finding that best friend/wife who will “take care of you” for the rest of your life. Keeping some sort of log of how things progress in this area might assist to share your deepest intimate thoughts in an open way with that life partner later on.
5. A “bonus thought” ~ provided from a medical view~not directly related to your specific question however …our bodies-designed by God ~provide the triggering mechanism of orgasm for joy & stress release (masturbation or marital intercourse )…”When you orgasm, your brain releases a surge of dopamine. During orgasm, your brain is working overtime to produce a slew of different hormones and neurochemicals. One of these is dopamine, a hormone that is responsible for feelings of pleasure, desire, and motivation.”
Who doesn’t need a dose of motivation-and what better way than through an orgasm ~so happy releasing while increasing self-stimulation! And hopefully, you can enjoy exhilarating JOY from these benefits God designed for you!
Blessings from the states!
Sarge, just a short note here to tell you that Jim and I have masturbated to a few of your stories and comments together, and we appreciate your writing.