My Desire for Her: The Witness of Her Breasts
Writing and posting our stories about coming to terms with my wife Beth’s sexual history with her ex-fiance Alex has been very beneficial — for me and for us.
But perhaps not as much just for her. I’ve been looking for a way to help Beth feel less estranged from herself, more whole. Because of my past jealousy and her own regret of her actions, she hasn’t been fully at ease with her complete self for some time now.
Spiritually, we interpret the Atonement secured by Christ’s sacrifice as the word itself originally signified, as an at-One-ment: at one with the Lord, with the universe, with all of humanity, and with oneself. As we approach at-One-ment, we see that boundaries between these are weaker than we think and more fluid, giving us a glimpse of Paradise.
I feel awful for my role in Beth not feeling that sense of oneness with herself. We wish for her sexual past to assume the same minor place in her psyche as, say, her masturbatory history or fantasy life. While we’ve been successful in getting me there, it seems that the same cannot be said for her. We had some catching up to do.
Beth reports that our stories that include mention of her past have given us healing and brought us closer together than the stories solely focused on us. We decided that a story from her point of view, in her words (more or less), is the final step.
Additionally, my last story about coming to terms with Beth’s sexual history, although approved by her, was a little intense. We wanted our next story to be lighter.
As it happened, we both recently finished reading one of those books that look at history through the lens of a specific small idea or artifact. You know the kind, like ‘English History through its Beverages’, or ‘The Presidency of Lincoln from his own Correspondence’. They’ve become a bit of a fad, but it gave us an idea.
Thus, in an attempt at a fun challenge and to help achieve some semblance of wholeness within Beth, no longer separating herself into warring parts, we now happily and jointly present our latest and (we think) last story: a sexual history of Beth through the testimony of her tits.
[From the Editor: MH stories, as a rule, describe sexual activity solely between husband and wife. This story includes conversation between husband and wife about her past sexual encounters. We decided to publish this series because it is meant to encourage others on the same journey to acceptance of the past. It is an exception to the rule and not meant to set a new precedent.]
Initial Thoughts
“At first I was embarrassed, then annoyed. I had to get new clothes and go bra shopping with my mom. It didn’t take long to settle into my present size—pretty full but not too large. Jerks would sometimes yell out when I went jogging.
“But then I discovered touching myself and started to feel ownership of my breasts. I touched them when I’d masturbate. It always used to just tickle, but now it started feeling great, connected to my vagina through some deep neural passages. I’d rub my clit with one hand and take turns rubbing my nipples with my other hand. I learned how connected my nipples were to my pussy, and I realized how good it was to have tits. I gave myself an orgasm every night, I think.
Sex Appeal
“My first semester of college, I had a chemistry lab partner named Dan, who was cute and shy. We never dated, but he did come to a concert of mine, and we would flirt a little in lab. I caught him looking down my cleavage. It was pretty flattering, so I started to wear lower-cut clothes sometimes. (Nothing too risque, just womanly.) It turned me on, too. Once I went braless for him. He couldn’t see my nipples directly, I don’t think. I acted like I never knew he looked. I didn’t want to torment him, the poor guy, so it was never too much.”
First Touches
“Besides you, Alex has been the only one to touch or see my breasts. We were dating for six months and thought we were deeply in love when we progressed from just making out. First, he felt my breasts over my clothes, then he put his hand up my shirt. I liked it, but I was embarrassed.”
“Why?”
“My nipples got so hard.”
The Trick through the Sleeves
“I think the first time I took my bra off under my clothes was in a movie theatre with Alex and his parents. I was visiting them over spring break. He touched me in the dark.”
First Clue He was Big
“I can remember the first time I was completely topless because it was also when I discovered he might be big. We were dry humping. We were both wearing jeans, and I could definitely feel a large bulge between his legs.
“Did you cum?”
“I can’t remember, so probably not. But he did.”
Unexpected Response
“Soon, he learned how to take a bra off, and I’d be topless when we made out. That’s when he started sucking and licking my tits in between kissing me. I couldn’t believe…”
“Only share it if you want to…”
“I couldn’t believe how wet it made me.”
Handjob Finale
“Sometimes I’d rub my nipples along him… along his dick, during a handjob.”
“Did he ever cum on you?”
“…Yes. The first time it was an accident, and then he asked for it once. We were in college, and I remember going to class with a sweater over my sticky shirt. But it was only those two times because… other things progressed.
“I can’t believe I’m sharing all this, but it does feel good. It helps to say it; it helps lessens the secret shame. I don’t want to be ashamed for the rest of my life at being sexual, only a little chagrinned and embarrassed that I was sexual with him, now knowing you and marrying you.”
A Surprise Upon Losing her Virginity
“It happened the night we got engaged, but I honestly don’t too remember much about it. It hurt a lot at first, but then it felt better. I didn’t cum.
“Later that night, I was on top of him. I was surprised he could suck on my breasts while making love. I’m not sure why, but I never thought about that being possible.”
Bj Indicator Light
“This was a week or two later; I was… too sore for intercourse. As soon as I woke up the morning after giving my first bj, I remembered it, and my nipples got hard. They were hard all day whenever I thought about it. My mom even asked if I was wearing a bra. I guess it took a while for me to process it. All of a sudden, I was… different, I was someone who…”
“Gives blowjobs?”
“Swallows.”
“Wow.”
“Sorry… I guess I always figured I’d be giving blowjobs once I learned it was something people did. But I never really thought about how they would end. He didn’t give me any warning, it just happened. He ejaculated in my mouth. It felt pretty natural to swallow.
“It was a big feeling of accomplishment, making a guy feel that good. I liked it. It seemed like a big deal because he liked me swallowing so much, but it also seemed pretty natural.
“That’s what I was realizing about myself the next day, that I liked that I was a cum swallower. It made my nipples hard to realize that dirty name applied to me.”
A Nice Difference
“I like that when I go down on you, you leave my breasts alone. It seems greedy to want to touch them then.”
Another Difference: Her Turn
“Being eaten out was when I first experienced an orgasm from another person. But I love when you sometimes reach up to rub my breasts while eating me out. You’re the only one to do that. It makes my orgasms so much bigger.”
Doggy Style
“I think of this as something only we’ve done even though it’s technically not true; Alex and I did it only once or twice, very briefly, toward the end. And we were both on the bed, so we didn’t even think to try what you and I do, with my breasts. He missed a big opportunity.
On the Phone, Tits Out
“I still masturbate to this memory. (This one and all the rest are just about you and me, you know. I know it doesn’t matter, but in a way it does, at least to me.)
“We were only apart for a month, but we really missed each other. If it started any other way, like if we planned it or it happened quicker, it wouldn’t have worked; we would have stopped. But you knew to go slowly. The conversation died down, but we didn’t want to hang up. Just the two of us breathing, whispering sweet nothings.
“Was it obvious when we started? Eventually, you said it: you were starting to touch yourself over your pants. I was too embarrassed to say what I was doing, but you knew how to get me to respond. You asked if my nipples were hard.
“They were. I spent more time rubbing them, getting them bigger. I got topless. You said you took off your boxers. I still touched my tits, but I started between my legs, too. I don’t think I was ever so wet.
“We should do that again.”
From the Side
“Being married, with our own bed, has so many benefits. I love having the time and closeness to experiment. I like that variation of spooning we do where I’m almost on my back and one of your arms is around under my neck, so you touch both my breasts with a hand each. One of my hands is on my clit, although I sometimes cup your balls. I love feeling both of my nipples handled by you. I love cumming all over your perfect cock.”
Doggy Style Done Right, Breast Edition
“We discovered our favorite way to go from behind. Me on the bed, on my hands and knees, you standing behind on the floor. You reach around to touch my breasts. That gets me so wet. And when you get me going with my tits, I reach back to rub my clit. I love how you pinch my nipples hard just when I cum.”
Sitting Up on You
“It really takes trust and closeness with you for me to do this still. It just seems so… in your face.
“Did you like that one? I just love completely letting myself go, sitting on your face, all opened up on your mouth, leaning back on my hands. Then you reach up and grab my breasts, rubbing my nipples between your finger and thumb, circling them. I love thinking about them pointing up to the ceiling, you making them bigger and bigger, driving me crazy.”
Holding Her Own
“You’re very inventive—or more bold than me. I would never have thought to hold my breasts for you to lick and suck while we make love in missionary, or if I did think of it, I’d be too shy. I’m glad you asked for it. I guess it’s like how you sometimes enjoy holding yourself when you cum in my mouth.”
A Mother’s Milk
“It’s one of my favorite memories. I’m so thankful you loved it as much as I did and that it lasted as long as it did.
“I felt so intimately accepted. It must be like how you feel when I swallow your semen.”
Helping Her Out
“I appreciate how considerate you are those times every once in a while when I don’t cum from sex. I love making myself cum while you lick and suck my nipples.”
Her Tits at Sixty-nine
“I know we’re still going to be sexually active then. (I hope my tits will still be firm.)
But I was instead thinking of when we both go down on each other. There’s almost too much going on, so I like how we sometimes take turns, me just resting my crotch on your face while I suck you, then, alternating, laying my head down on your thigh near your cock while you eat me out.
“It’s good you leave my nipples alone during all this. But I also just love feeling your warm hands on the sides of my breasts; it’s such a different angle with me on top of you like that. Should we try to each cum this way sometime? We haven’t tried that yet.”
Still Tempting
“I do still like noticing guys stealing a peek at my cleavage or trying to subtly and quickly look down my blouse. It’s a nice boost, especially if I know they’re good guys. They just… can’t help themselves. It reminds me of sweet Dan. I won’t say who, but we have a friend whom I’ve caught twice recently.”
On Feeling Submissive
“My breasts have a lot to do with when I feel most submissive during sex. It’s not while performing oral sex or giving a handjob. (I feel powerful then.) It’s when we’re making love in missionary position. My legs are spread open for you, my pubic hair already wet from my excitement, and your hard cock pumps in and out of me. Then, you do this thing.
“You move both my arms above my head under my pillow, moving my hands close together. With one hand, you pin both my two hands down gently but firmly; I can’t move my arms. You lean up a little on your forearm. Then, with your other arm, you roam all around my smooth upper body. You touch above my breasts and both my underarms, driving me crazy. Finally, somehow, you touch both of my nipples at once with just that hand, pinky and thumb. You get my nipples so hard, both at once, and that puts me over the top, being voluntarily, gently, yet firmly held in that position while your perfect cock pumps into me. I don’t usually use this word, but there’s no other way to say it: I feel like I’m really being fucked, good and hard. I love it.”
More to Come
“I hope this was all okay?”
“I only learned one new thing that made me a little jealous. But it was also hot, so you’re off the hook.”
“Oh… Do you want to tell me what it is?”
“Maybe… but… it’s really alright. It’s just that I’ve never seen you with cum on your tits. I’ve never cum on your beautiful breasts.”
“You know, I kind of forgot all about that until writing this history. I’d love having you cum on my tits.”
“We don’t have to.”
“No, let’s go all out! Let’s surpass it like crazy, like we’ve surpassed everything. We have the rest of our lives. You’ve taught me there’s so much we can do! Do you want me to do it, or you? Do you want me to go to book club with your dried cum on me? Or church? Or my parents? You should take a photo of me sometime, my tits dripping with your cum! Do you want to watch me clean up your cum with my fingers, then lick it up and swallow? Oh, I know! How about this time you lick it off my nipples, then come up and kiss me?
“Like I said, we have the rest of our lives.”
I really did love this post/story. I realize MH doesn't encourage this type of entry. But I do feel that it is good for a married couple to share with openness their past if one or the other, or both of them has one. It is my personal feeling that there should be no kept secrets between a husband and wife. Thanks for this story.
I'm glad you liked it!
Amen!
Jealousy is listed as the opposite of love in 1 Corinthians 13. Wanting to keep your wife exclusively yours is not jealousy. It is it is love. But resenting your wife’s actions before you were married is jealousy in the poorest sense of the word. It doesn’t do any good for you to begrudge things your wife did before you knew her. That is over and done with – move on.
However, you or your wife remembering her premarital experiences or fantasizing about someone else other than you while having sex is something entirely different. It is including your wife’s former fiancé in your present marriage. I suggest you end discussions about how big your wife’s previous fiancé was and enjoy what you have. Sex is a wonderful gift from God; focus on each other.
Jealousy can indeed destroy what we love. But sometimes it's not as easy to get out of negative loops as one would hope from the inside, or another may think from the outside.
Taken as a whole, our stories (and comments, wherein I shared a little of how OCD exacerbates this problem) chronicle the struggles, frustrations, pain, faith response, acceptance, and, as a minor part of acceptance, celebration, of a partner's whole sexual being.
I'm pretty certain no one story of ours paints the complete picture, but that is my shortcoming as a writer. (Beth's story, this last one, comes closest to being complete).
I thank you for your advice and kind wishes.
This is fantastic. You have a bold, adventurous, sexually-confident wife… that is the sexiest thing on the planet. Also the whole thing (past, present, future) was a major turn on!! Loved it, and glad you could get over the hang ups. If my wife was engaged before me, I would just *assume* that at least some sexual contact had occurred. It all sounds fairly innocent to me. And the more you embrace her younger budding sexuality, you’ll realize it’s super sexy (even the memories) and it directly benefited your marriage (stifling all her sexuality in her 20s could actually do more harm than good). And I love the concept of someone’s sexual journey from the vantage point of a pair of sexy titties (with hard nipples? YAS!). Thank you MH for publishing… even though there are memories of “activities” I feel this is very much in alignment with hot monogamy!
Thank you for your comments, and I'm glad you appreciated the attempted unique point of view!
This is an interesting and important post. Many of us, in our marriage, have to deal with our sexual past and our spouse’s sexual past.
Sad, but many of us also deal with issues related to childhood sexual abuse.
Talking things out with a therapist helps and depending on the couple I guess then talking things out with each other helps. But be close to the Spirit to help you both in those discussions. Maybe not talking about your sexual history or/and sexual abuse it with your spouse is not right for your relationship – but it was helpful to ours.
Since my wife and I were both sexually abused as children discussing things or issues with each other has helped from time to time. She also is a firm believer in the Atonement of Christ so she dealt really well with the one time I had sex outside of marriage – and the fact that I’d been married before. She is a remarkable woman who befriended my exes rather than feeling animosity towards them.
Now,,about cumming on your wife’s boobs… done it many times! We often do it as part of “tip on nip” where I pump my erection while rubbing my tip on her nipple. In my most recent posted story I told of how my Melodie gave me oral and just as i reached climax she pulled back and pumped my rod as I came all over her boobs… then she rubbed it in all over her sexy body – including her pussy! Here is that story:
https://marriageheat.com/2023/01/01/uh-oh-not-another-long-lm-powm/
I will add that with love, forgiveness, and faith in our Savior you both can overcome the past and have a glorious sexual relationship in your marriage. I think you two already have figured that out.
It sounds like you're both very fortunate to have each other and your faith. I'm sorry for your difficult pasts. Thanks for writing.
I have enjoyed all of your stories that I have read, especially the ones about Alex.
Hi Salcpl,
Thanks for writing, I was hoping you enjoyed the story. (You and the next guy, who has also commented in previous stories of experiencing these issues.) I wish you all the best.
Great story, I do feel it is good for a husband and wife to be open with each other about their pasts. It is usually a subject that is not discussed but it is reality for some couples. It can be a good thing as long as it is done in trust, love and no judgement. I really liked the stories and thank you MH for publishing them.
Thanks for replying! I was hoping to hear from you (and the fellow above, guys who have experienced these issues as I have). I'm very gratified the stories interested you. All the best!
This will be a controversial opinion.
But the meaning I get from this is that some prior sexual experience before marriage, possibly with other partners, is not necessarily a bad thing. It can be good to gradually learn about one's own sexuality, rather than suddenly going from 0 to 60 on the wedding night and possibly locking in patterns of ignorance and limitations – something I've written about in stories here (look up "A Realistic Honeymoon" and "Spicy Food.")
Beth seems very in touch with knowing what she likes and needs, in part precisely because of her previous partner and experience. It's not compare-and-judge; it's compare-and-learn. She speaks not from guilt but from confidence. Good for her, and ultimately for you both.
Thank you for your good wishes and perspective. I've often wondered about alternate histories, like if perhaps my wife having none before me would have unexpected negative consequences. Perhaps you've identified some.
From my perspective, having gone from absolute ZERO to sex on my wedding night, it’s not something I would recommend to anyone. I also have gone into my second marriage experienced which was far better. Nor do I believe God expects virgins to marriage. I think you need to look at what some monk, priest or Pope thought from what God thinks. You have to not live with blinders on and think the world has not changed. It’s pretty clear as the practice has almost gone the way of sacrificing goats.
I enjoyed your post and I can relate and identify with lots of your sexual experiences. Seems to me that you very much enjoy the attention you get from “trusted” guys – and I believe you dress sexier on days you will encounter those well, horny guys you are making hard as your own. Juices are flowing.
If you follow any of my true stories you know I love to use the power of my sexuality to enhance our sexual experiences together and my extra large tits and sensitive nipples play into all of this big time.
I’m pleased that MH is running your sexy and personal story!
Thank you Creamy Patty! (Beth here) We're both glad you enjoyed our series, commenting on them all. And we in turn find your viewpoint (expressed in your comments and stories) inspiring. (And sometimes over-the-top, but always in a good way!)
Oh, ps…
I am very horny after sharing my feelings with you. When Jim gets home tonight I’ll be waiting for him at our doorway, naked and on my knees with my mouth wide open, just begging to devour every inch or his hard, thick man meat all the way down my throat.
As I’m sucking he will ask only one question: swallow or facial?
Hey Beth, Hope I have not offended you with any of my "over the top" remarks. Truth is, I frequently do so when writing comments because I get so damn horny! Truth is, I am often fingering my clit/nipples during my writing, just taking prolonged breaks when needed 🙂
I will add something else very personal here (if MH allows it).
When I first met my hubby, Jim, it was at a local college pub just off campus. I was introduced, ironically, by a guy I dated the year before—a little awkward, but not too weird. As time went on, we became inseparable and soon began planning for our lives together as a couple. I was already sexually active (sorry) but I tried to hold it to oral sex only, which is how I developed way better than average cocksucking skills.
The weird and somewhat disturbing thing I learned a few months into our exclusive relationship was that a girl who dated Jim once mentioned to a friend of hers "what a hot stud Jim was and that the size of his cock was very impressive.
She even eventually asked me, "How much of his cock can you swallow? I only made it about half way."
It was very disturbing at the time, but I wrote it off as just social ineptitude. While Jim and I were discussing her comment, he mentioned to me that several of his friends wished they could "see my tits unveiled, just for fun." I didn't mind that really as I had heard such guy bravado ever since Jr. High school.
What this experience led to was that we learned to better define our sexual boundaries and, in doing so, learned how to exploit our sexuality in a sexy and positive way that enhanced our self-images and our positive self-esteem.
Did you give his friends the thrill of seeing your big boobs? I must admit even my very average tits have been requested as well. It can be a boost to self esteem or it can be taken in a negative way.
Bumping into people you have had sex with while with your spouse sounds like an interesting experience. And since fewer and fewer people wait for marriage, and even more have second marriages those occasions are likely to increase. Easier for those that have a realistic view of sex. But as always very sexy comment with much to ponder.
Thanks for writing, CreamyPatty! It's Beth again. No, I've never been offended by your stories or comments, just impressed by your drive!
I appreciate learning about your history. I'm starting to feel much better about mine, due to our stories, which have required my husband and I to be honest about our fears, and which have definitely helped us deepen our love.
And they've helped us in our sex life, not that I think we ever really needed any help. But they've added a little kick sometimes. But it's always him I want, his perfect body, fingers, tongue, and especially perfect cock. (I don't think it's ever come up in a story, but his cock is beautiful, straight, well formed, perfectly sized for me, etc. I love it.)
I agree with something SecondMarge wrote recently in a comment. One's love ought to be strong enough for a partner to admit that a passing stranger, or a friend for that matter, is attractive, or that a photo or movie scene is arousing, or that, yes, sometimes it does feel nice to be stretched out by two fingers. (I'm blushing here!)
Speaking of what was said to you about your husband, I only have one big regret along those lines. It still makes me cringe. I made two mistakes in communication. My sisters know that my ex-fiance was very well-endowed, since I spilled the beans once when we were still engaged. And my husband knows that they know. They'd never bring it up, and we've agreed the only thing I can do is smile knowingly, hinting truthfully that I'm much happier both overall and sexually. It's easy to do, because it's the truth. But still, I wish that potential awkwardness weren't there. I guess younger readers can take that as a word to the wise.
I appreciated hearing about others' comments about your breasts! I do get a kick out of that myself still. (And I'm going to enjoy it while I can!)
Kudos to you both for your honesty and vulnerability putting this story together and to MH for the courage to make the exception to post it. It was very powerful and erotic hearing all this from Beth’s perspective. In fact, reading it numerous times has been quite the turn-on. We’ve both really benefitted from your simple yet wonderfully descriptive recollections. Thank you for several wonderful mutual orgasms! 😉
Thank you for your compliments, LadyGarden! We both have to admit it's very hot to think of people (like you!) using our story to help give yourself an orgasm! That's such an intimate bond to share. I'm glad you enjoyed the 'simple yet descriptive' style. I can't seem to match my husband for the intensity or extended pace of the writing, so I liked hearing mine was still effective.
And I want to echo your appreciation of MH taking a risk on publishing our stories. Well, at least the stories with mention of Alex. I guess the few others were safe. By the way, although Alex isn't his real name (the only fabrication either one of us wrote), we do still debate if all this is fair to him. We've made our peace with it because he's also happily married (about the only thing we know about him, that and that they live across the country). Maybe people disagree with all this, and we respect that. They may have a point…
Anyway, Thank you, Missy!
You're welcome. Our thought is that, though you didn't mention getting Alex's permission, the few details you shared were from your perspective and common enough to make them generally applicable to many people among the MH readership, whom we hope your stories help.
I’m thankful that the description of the experience with Alex was included and that MH allowed it. Past experiences are extremely important to our marriages. To pretend everyone is untouched until their wedding night is hypothetical because those of us that were probably represent less than 2% of couples. Certainly having boobs felt happens to most early in dating and flirting by going braless or low cut is older than the Bible.
Hey Beth,
Thanks for your comment, and I agree that when you are in an awesome love relationship and you are confident and secure, there is NOTHING wrong with taking in complimentary gazes from other men – in fact I love them and I will frequently call Jim and tell him about guys checking out my rack or my ass at the grocery store, WalMart, or, wherever! In fact, he will oftentimes tell me to hold on a second while he closes his office door, then he will ask me to repeat my story again…you get the idea.
Beth, I am of the belief that as long as you remain exclusive and secure, flaunting your assets can be very empowering and is a great motivator for both of you.
And as you mentioned, the Lord has blessed me, through Jim, with the greatest cock imaginable. His is the perfect size (I couldn’t handle another inch, gag 😉 and his girth is to die for. If I could keep him in me all day I would and just receive juicy orgasms forever!
And like you, I have been exposed to one of Jim’s former fiancés and, while awkward, she just smiles when we meet just knowing (enviously)what I’m getting forever.
We have much in common it seems.
Have you ever read one of my stories out loud to your hubby while he’s eating your wet pussy – or you’re sucking his cock while he reads?
It’s truly awesome and the sexual bond is powerful.
Once a couple weeks ago, Jim laid me down on our bed and read some MH stories to me as I was masturbating. .. so liberating and powerful!
Stay sexy and horny!
Hope I didn’t tell you too much 🙂
We haven't tried it with yours (or anyone else's). Yet!
But we have definitely read aloud ours, each story just once, each night after their publication while touching and slurping on each other's genitals! It's so, so hot, mostly because of the taboo nature of the subject matter, but also for how we both wish to reassure the other that the vulnerabity is OK.
For example, I know that cum in my mouth and then tummy has been an obsession of his for so long, (his very first story) and he finds my love of it so hot and unexpected, that I find my mouth on the end of his cock even more that usual lately.
Loveallofher,
I totally get it, and my hubby loves the same thing. I sometimes think he is the cumslut as he loves shooting one of his big loads over my tits, then licking it up and twisting my nipples while I’m masturbating. By the time I cum, I am sometimes able to bring him up again orally and suck another load out of him!
Exciting to read a real erotic story about a married couple. This is a tangent, but I’ve always liked in all the old biblical movies how the women show lots of cleavage.
This post and comments could arouse the dead! I feel like a teenager after reading this! Time for a intense solo session!
Good story