Decades of Love 2

Our courtship had been chock full of foreplay. So many pairs of wet underwear. HER scent. Waiting, but not patiently. HER asking me to make love to her. Me believing that the formal ceremony should happen first. Doubting myself, getting all hot and bothered, pressing against her panties, releasing—but not inside.

Our minds were married; committed. What was the formal ceremony? Adam and Eve didn’t have one, did they? I knew of groups that didn’t consider a couple to be married unless they had consummated their love. Wouldn’t the reverse be true? With commitment, of course.

In Decades of Love 1, you know that we did make it to the ceremony. I alluded to the passionate honeymoon. I’ll get back to the juicy bits,  after a bit of history.

One of the acts of love that SHE gave me was to love me through mental illness. I had broken down at her parents’ house. I had broken up with HER another time. Sometimes, I embarrassed HER.

SHE decided I was worth it. With God’s grace, SHE could love me.

SHE would need a decade of grace to unravel my emotions and wade through my rivers of tears offset by grandiose ideas. Because I had suppressed emotions for years, by awakening some, she awakened all. Anger, Tenderness, Lust, Modesty, Love, Hate, Closeness, Dissidence, Conservative, Liberal. SHE got it all.

Does that help explain the tension between wanting and waiting?

“To Hold Your Hand, Love”

Before I could hold your hand, love,

You held me

You were there at my inception,

Conception, perception, yes reception

Into my father’s arms, my mother’s care

You were so close then, love,

I simply knew nothing else

But I matured, and you matured, and other things came into being

I thought I would always be able to reach out

and simply hold your hand, love

But life has complexities and love became more mystery

and I wondered where I would see you and what I would feel

and in whom you would be.

In my recollection, you were always a step ahead of me.

I held your hand, love,

At the grade one school playground

But my grasp was not strong enough to keep death from coming

between myself and the family I loved.

I saw your face, love,

You enlightened my mornings in grade three

But in grade four, love was not in the same face.

I dreamed about you, love,

In grade seven and beyond

What of you was in the crushes and the fleeting glances

I never knew for sure, love,

But you taught me persistence, perseverance,

and something of commitment.

And then I kissed you, love,

Surely I had caught you and you were mine!

The summer was full of promise

We smiled and laughed and walked together

Then in Fall, you walked on and left me, surprised, alone.

I did not like you, love.

Why were you so hard to keep?

Then my life slowed; I slowed.

I tired of chasing, reaching, longing

And when I most needed you,

you came from behind and put your arm in mine, love,

You walked with me, beheld me, and kissed me, love,

You caught me and we were each other’s.

Meanwhile back at the honeymoon…

Our courtship had been chock full of foreplay.

I’m not sure if I followed the speed limit after we left the reception.

I think I remembered to close the hotel door.

Five minutes later, I was worried that I would have no more ejaculate left for the rest of the honeymoon.  I filled HER full. I was empty.

I thought.