Modeling?
Lacy always has been in tremendous shape. She is very beautiful, tall and fit, with large breasts and an ass just made for yoga pants. She has been working as an online fitness trainer, with classes for cardio workouts and yoga. Both men and women attend these classes. She has attracted attention from both sexes that borders on being out of line at times for a married woman. When it happens, she has been open and honest with me about it, and has booted a couple men out of the classes.
She has become close with a beautiful girl who is a fitness model and influencer. The girl, Jamie, has been trying hard to get Lacy to do it as well. She says she makes a crazy amount of money. The sponsor company sends workout clothing to wear and model. The models take pictures both casually wearing the clothes, and using them as intended. If you sign up to model swimwear, the money gets stupid.
Lacy has shown me Jamie’s photos, and the clothing leaves little to the imagination. The “look” goes beyond flattering to arousing, as the clothes mold perfectly to her body.
My own business has taken a hit since Covid, and it’s been a struggle. I’ve taken a part-time consulting job to make ends meet. This leaves no time for Lacy and leads to needless, selfish fights, taking a toll on both of us.
Lacy asked if she could be a model, until things get better. The money would be amazing, but I’m not sure I want to share her that way. To have people acknowledge Lacy’s beauty is one thing. For them to have thoughts of her that only I should have is another. I don’t know how I would process it all.
Please give me your honest thoughts, from both men’s and women’s perspective. Thank you.
Honestly, my horny side would love for my wife to do something like this. However, it would only be a fantasy for us, and not something we would do in real life.
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The most important factor is what does Lucy want for herself. Does she find delight in being photographed in fitness clothes? If yes, modeling is a legit profession, and Lucy should do what she enjoys. Part of the profession does mean her photographs are public, in perpetuity. Also, you cannot control the thoughts of others. If your wife is in a parking lot in tight yoga pants, how are you going to stop someone from thinking sexy thoughts? You can’t. You cannot stop it IRL, or for those viewing her photos. So either you let go and say “YOU ALL can think it, and I get to fuck that ass IRL,” or you need to put severe restrictions on how much she is seen in public to limit the thoughts of others. Money is zero factor in this. It’s about what Lucy enjoys wearing and being seen in. Her choice on comfort. (And if yes, she should retain veto rights on photos she is not comfortable releasing.)
MoseW me personally I would not have an issue with it. In fact I believe it will make your marriage stronger. The stress of money issues will be less & Lacy will feel better about herself for being able to contribute as an income provider. She will always be your wife in that way.
Wow, that's a tough one. I'm no expert or counselor, but I always say we need to turn to God's Word and His purpose for our being on this earth. I would ask you and your wife, "Will doing this job glorify God and help you in being a witness for Him? Does it further His kingdom? Will it help reach souls? Can you do it and be a witness?" If you can answer yes to those questions, go for it. There are Christian models and celebrities who hold to their standards and use their platform to be a witness for Christ. If the whole point, though, is just to make money or be admired for physical beauty, that will end up coming back to hurt you both. Plus it will be empty labor. That's my two bits' worth! I will pray that God clearly leads you to an answer.
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Exactly!
So, an OnlyFans account that graduated Harvard for your wife?
I think you shouldn't.
If you pray to God, He will reveal to you what more wholesome ways to earn income He has already made for you and your wife.
You really shouldn't consent to this. Your wife may feel bad that you denied consent to her interest in doing it now, but if there's enough light in her, she will thank you soon for not letting her chance the deceptions of the heart.
Protect your wife. Protect your family. Protect your home.
Tough questions here. Pardon my rambling comments:
What came to my mind was that fitness wear is legit, useful, and big business. If your wife can contribute to your household income modeling fitness wear, that seems completely acceptable to me.
As far as swimwear, to me it would depend on if it was real swimwear that is attractive but not to the point of being more like the sexy lingerie that my wife wears during our lovemaking sessions.
But viewing an attractive person is highly dependent upon the viewers attitude. I sometimes draw nudes, but my goal is to keep a view of the nude model (male or female) as an example of God’s greatest creation.
Something I read in a Christian magazine years ago was that, with a pure mind, you can look upon an attractive nude and not think lustful thoughts. But I’ll admit that many people in this world hyper-sexualize any nudity or form-fitting outfits or swimwear, etc. But we don’t have to do that.
Your wife modeling reasonable swimwear and fitness clothing seems acceptable to me. Modeling a string bikini seems to probably be purposefully trying to create lust. However… if the world were free of sin, any revealing clothing or no clothing would just testify to the beauty of the human form. Again, people are God’s greatest creation, and to me, the human body is the most beautiful of all of God’s creations.
I’m sure you are aware that some people in the modeling business have ulterior (sexual) motives, and so your beautiful wife needs to be alert to avoid or escape that sort of thing. (Joseph & Potiphar’s wife come to mind.)
OK, I gotta add this if MH will allow it…
My wife and I really like the swimwear in the Ashley Graham “Swimsuits For All” catalog & website. We just ordered my Melody a new swimsuit from there, and this will be her fourth one. To us, a lot of those swimsuits are perfect examples of appropriate and beautiful swimwear. And yes, they are sexy without being over the top.
We would think that your Lacy would be fine modeling those types of suits, but probably in a smaller size than most of the swimsuits in their catalog.
Now this may surprise you, but I am grateful to the models at the two online lingerie shops I order from. Much of the lingerie is revealing, but modeling it serves an appropriate function for customers. These two sites never show nipples or genitalia, and I get an idea of how Melody will look in the lingerie. And she likes to wear them for me & for her because the lingerie spices up our sex encounters with each other! We have also bought me a few pieces of male items. And yes, I wear them for her & for me.
MoseW, I hope my personal perspectives will be helpful to you and Lacy.
I'm surprised no one referenced Proverbs 31:10-31 (I like the NIV) Here it describes a woman who financially takes care of her family. If your wife can model and still be faithful to God and you and be true to what she values, then it seems like a good opportunity. This is where prayer and study of the Word will guide you.
I'm really sorry to hear that things have been tough for you both. Money shouldn't be the most important thing, and it is so frustrating that when things are tight financially it is such a strain on life and relationships.
I don't believe there is anything wrong with modeling, nor do I think God has an issue with it. The question really falls into what LovelyLonelyLady said, which is: does it glorify God? Is this what God wants? Is this an opportunity He has presented, or is it something the enemy is presenting to try and throw you off?
Obviously if you bathe this in enough prayer and continue to seek Him, God will present an answer to you both. From my own personal standpoint, if you're both unsure about it, or have any doubts, but you're trying to justify doing it because of the money, don't. Those decisions, at least in my own experience, never end well. Praying for you both and for God's discernment!
Thanks, everyone. It took some time for this to post. We did talk it through, and she is now doing fitness modeling as well as yoga. She is building a following with her friend Jamie. There have been some bad comments and we block them. To be honest, it has been a turn on for the both of us. I didn't expect our marriage and sex life to grow as it has, but praise be to God.
I would say I can’t believe anyone objects to modeling. But I have heard just about every opinion by now.
Fascinating question! I've been a longtime lurker here, but just had to create a profile so I could post a response!
My wife has actually done some modeling for a number of years, so she and I have thought and talked about this quite a bit. Long story short, she and I both grew up in strong Christian homes but with very different attitudes toward our bodies and nudity. She grew up in a more rural area and was used to things like skinny-dipping in the lake with siblings and cousins of both genders, even into teen years. Funnily enough, I met her when I was taking a drawing/art course in grad school. She was an undergrad at a nearby college and… well, she was modeling for art classes as a side job, including as a nude model for the life drawing course I was in (which is very common in arts degree programs.) It wasn't till the semester after the course that I bumped into her at party, we struck up a friendship, and then started dating. (Which, yes, means that before I even met her, and before we started dating, I'd already spent hours in a studio with classmates carefully looking at her in just a thong or fully nude while sketching her). So needless to say, she's never been shy about nudity.
Anyway, I now work as a photographer, and have several friends (male and female) who specialize in boudoir photography and occasionally erotic boudoir photography for women/couples. With her experience as an artist's model, she's agreed to model for several friends and acquaintances, ranging from fully clothed, to lingerie/swimwear, to fully nude artsy/boudoir photography. Those photos then go into the photographer's portfolios, sometimes being shared online as demonstration of their work, sometimes on social media, etc. (but without her name attached). That's a little different from the "social media influencer" world, for sure. She's just an anonymous model in the images, so she doesn't have a "following", per se. But on the other hand, some of the images are fully nude. And while this is mostly in a more artistic context, well… we're all human beings here, lol. She's an astonishingly beautiful woman, and when she's photographed in sexy lingerie or nude on a bed, there's certainly an element of sexual beauty and attraction there, whether for the photographer or for people seeing the photos online. The vast majority of reaction is respectful and admiring/enjoying of the photographic art and the human beauty, but our full, God-created humanity includes an element of sexuality too, and so there's an element of sexual enjoyment in the mix too (for the viewer and also frankly for my wife as well).
Frankly, I don't have the slightest hesitation or concern that other people, from my arts classmates in grad school, to my photographer friends, to people browsing photo portfolios online, have seen my wife in lingerie or nude. I know plenty of Christians wouldn't see it this way, but I just don't mind someone seeing and admiring the beauty of her hair or eyes, I don't mind them seeing or enjoying the beauty of her thighs, or her belly, or the curve of her breast. And whether that enjoyment is purely aesthetic artistic enjoyment of the photography, or whether that's combined with an element of sexual attraction too, I don't care in the slightest. Our sexuality isn't some bad part of us; it's part of the beauty of how God made us. I don't see physical attraction as automatically equivalent to lust, so frankly, I'm perfectly fine (and happy!) that other people are able to feel enjoyment seeing the beauty of how God created the human form, and admiring my wife's beauty 🙂
Anyway, that's a long reply… happy to answer any questions, or maybe if there's interest I can tell the fuller story of our relationship and how our thoughts on all this developed in a full post here sometime!
Wow! THIS is a brilliant response! Thank you Michael for sharing and now that you are no longer a lurker, I would love to see… uhm… read the full story. It’s great that you and your wife are so confident. And I 100% agree that our sexual natures don’t need to be apologized for. So good, man!
Yes, a brilliant response.
Lovely Lonely Lady, you showed wisdom beyond your years in your post above, well written and spot on.