Is This a Joke?
In response to today’s post, Toy Shopping II (L/A), MH received the following comment:
“Is this for real? I think someone is messing with people and playing a joke. If not, I expect he’ll be leaving his wife for a man in the future.”
We expected this story to elicit discussion, so we are creating this post to allow for longer-form comments and open conversation about the subject matter. As always, we expect comments to be thoughtful and respectful of differing viewpoints.
comments like the one MH received above represent the biggest issue with attitudes to sex in the Christian community. It hurts my heart so much: the judgement, the open homophobia; the complete lack of understanding or empathy! Yeah, maybe someone is joking, maybe someone will leave their wife for a man. Or maybe, .., maybe you have a couple who realise that sexuality is a spectrum, and are maximising their marriage to the fullest to explore all of the shades of desires they each feel with open, raw honesty and obvious love and enjoyment. I think these kinds of judgements are so harmful, they are the reason people can't talk about sex in our church communities, and are the reasons why I and others choose to opt out actively! My personal faith has grown stronger since I've had nothing to do with so-called community, and I hope/believe I'm a better person for it. I think its right that MH have a discussion about this, but equally, I wouldn't give too much airspace to such people, their comments give weight to feelings of insecurity, often causing people to stay silent, hide their feelings, and for marriage issues to pile up because couples feel they can't be open about what's really going on for them. I personally loved the 'toyshopping 2 story, it was open, raw, honest; and showed beautifully how the couple created a safe environment to share desires honestly with each other and try new things, the essence of what MH is all about!
I was pretty much uneducated when Google spat me out into MH, but I hung around and got the "hang of things". I even learned that there was such a thing as "teabagging" lol!
Let's hope the commenter sticks around and becomes enlightened 😃
Cuddles xxxx
I'm the original poster of this story:
Thanks for the feedback and your concern. It's no joke. I feel there's a difference in chemistry that happens between a husband and wife vs. a man between a man. It's hard to compare apples and oranges.
I wanted to hit the touchy subject of whether or not anal play is homosexuality or not and those who might wrestle with that grey area. I don't see the two correlating.
(Hubbie here)
This is a good caution and watch-out, but I believe it assumes the worst, and leaves no room for genuine sexual exploration and boundary pushing within the few, limited Biblical standards that form The Edge, over which we shouldn’t go. I’m not a fan of assuming the worst.
The original author, Lingre0nn, expressed very kinky “wants”, and then checked himself with “thought questions” about boundaries, limits and concluding that what he really wanted was to be fucked by his wife. Edgy, but not Out Of Bounds (OOB).
Queen and I liked (1) his willingness to explore his own sexual satisfaction and not succumb to typical male cock-phobia, and (2) her acceptance and engagement of his kinks and making them her own as well. Great exploration and engagement between them.
Several of us herein have sucked our own cocks and swallowed our own cum, and are clearly and proudly on the heterosexual, “in-bounds” side of the Edge. My own disclaimer included …
“Like George Costanza in Seinfeld, “I say this with an unblemished record of staunch heterosexuality”, I loved everything about sucking my cock and cumming in my mouth, but I have never had any interest in cock other than mine. I think cocks are amazing, gorgeous, hot symbols of male virility and sexual arousal. They turn me on because of this symbolism, but they always point me right back to Queen, and remind me to “Go fuck her with adoration and ferocity!” Who am I to argue?”
So in the end (no pun intended), I cautiously agree with this watch-out warning. Playing on the Edge as a prelude to jumping over the sin-line, OOB, intentionally or not, is never a good plan, and dangerous to marriage and faith.
But I also disagree with it because I don’t think it has to be this way. In-bounds erotic, kinky exploration and engagement between a husband and wife is a powerful force in Christian marriage, and there’s more “heat” near the Edge than “in the middle of the playing field”. It’s a balancing act that requires intention and focus.
I have absolutely no attraction to men, but like Hubbie above said, there is an eroticism about an erect, well-hung cock. Because I admire a man’s tool does not cause a desire in me to get busy on it. However, a sultry woman sporting a dildo is arousing and very erotic to me. The dildo does not have to be life-like, and I prefer it to be just a smooth, cylindrical toy with no male qualities other than its cylindrical shape. A woman wearing such is very sensual to me. Dildo in hand or strapped on, no difference for me other than strapped on, she has two free hands for my other parts. Taking it missionary style while tweaking both nipples maybe? Taking it doggy style, tits on my back, reach around for nipples and/or cock play? I am all in!
Lingre0nn’s kinky horniness and act of fucking himself were done with ‘front of mind’ anticipation of the titillating, erotic experience of his wife fucking him – and she did so!
Anal play and stimulation is incredibly erogenous for women and men. The anal area is packed with sensitive nerves that trigger ecstatic synapses in the brain. A man’s prostate is also packed with neuron receptors. Men find enormous pleasure in stroking their cocks to a pleasurable orgasm. A majority of men, as the ‘tasting our fruit’ survey shows, enjoy eating their cum. Many men would love to suck their own cock, if they could. These desires are natural, common self-pleasuring acts. The desire to stimulate one’s prostate to orgasm is another self-pleasure masturbating act. [https://marriageheat.com/2020/11/02/hands-off-ecstacy/)
Lingre0nn sucking ‘his wife’s cock’ that she would hopefully use to fuck him is kinky and edgy. However, he kept this kink in the context of his marriage bed.
Thanks for clarifying. That helps.
Oxytocin. It is a hormone and part of God's design for bonding people together. For example, it plays a role in bonding a nursing mother with her newborn baby.
God designed sexual activity to bond a husband and wife together. He designed and created our physical bodies and all of our amazing senses. He positioned the parts of our bodies where he wanted them to be, and he made them accessible and able to fit together in various ways. God is creative and imaginative and he does not make mistakes.
God made us as creative beings with imaginations and inventive minds, since we are made in his image. The one-flesh relationship between a husband and wife is a playground for experimentation and it models our eventual relationship with him as his bride.
Same-sex attraction is spiritual; it is based on lies. This is not a politically correct notion in the world, but the world is full of lies. The armor of the Darkness is lies. If we take away that armor, we can rob the house.
The Bible discusses demons and Jesus dealt with them a lot. We are called to be like Jesus if we want to be his disciples, and Jesus said those who believe will cast out demons. These things are true, despite what the world says. Jesus set people free from their physical and spiritual bondages and his disciples do the same thing.
Words and ideas are spirit; the flesh counts for nothing. Manipulating the senses (flesh) will not result in same-sex attraction. Lies and error are what open people to wrong ideas and the Darkness will use its resources to encourage and reinforce spiritual bondages. Jesus can cut through all of that, if we want him to help us. And that's the key: Do we recognize our need for him and what he can do, and do we recognize him in those he sends to help us?
I commend MH for facilitating discussions like this. People need to mindfully contemplate these things and allow him to teach us his truths.
It's all too common for men to feel averse to the notion of receptive anal play for fear that it may expose an unconscious desire for other men or even flat-out convert them to a homosexual. It couldn't be further from the truth.
The author makes it explicit that his desire was and is exclusively limited to that which he would experience with his wife. The story also exhibits a lot of cheekiness on the whole; the naughtiness of such a taboo experience, the shock of being caught in the act, the bashfulness of being exposed, the excitement of her shared arousal – culminating in the couple experiencing and enjoying a new sexual activity, together, as a married man and wife, with no other desires than for each other.
That being said, I do not understand the appeal of a man fellating a dildo, whether it is strapped to his wife or not. The act of anal play is physically pleasurable in and of itself, but the former serves no purpose other than pushing the envelope of mental titillation from a taboo act.
The Bible is clear that the marriage bed is undefiled, and short of acts that involve anyone other than the husband and wife, or that which one or the other is uncomfortable with – a couple is free to explore their intimacy however they see fit. However that doesn't mean that one should recklessly pursue any and all desires. It behooves one as a Christian to keep God at the centre of your relationship, sexual or otherwise, and to determine whether any sexual act will enhance or undermine your intimacy with your spouse.
So does a man exploring anal stimulation, or receiving anal from his wife, or even fellating a dildo enhance intimacy with ones spouse?- I think it absolutely can, as long as it only enhances your desire and intimacy for each other and in no way leads to desires that would a) take you outside of your marriage, or to b) acts that one of the two is uncomfortable with.
Mr. Martin here. I used to be a gay man for more than half my life. Then I met Jesus, my life changed, and now I’m married to my wife faithfully. I still like anal, and she’s completely okay with it. I won’t be going back to my old sinful lifestyle. Enjoying anal doesn’t make me want to go back to the hell on earth I experienced as a gay man.
As someone who is a man and is very uncomfortable with the idea of something being put “back there,” I’m conflicted on this.
One commenter (starlight) claimed this was “homophobia,” but I think that’s incorrect. If a man is fellating a penis-shaped object or even using one to pleasure himself anally, then is he not going to find himself desiring that more, even if he is attracted to women? We as Christians should know that homosexuality in *all* its forms is abomination in the eyes of the Lord. A man should not be having urges to be used sexually as a woman, at least according to my understanding of the Scripture. The Word tells us not to defile our beds with immorality, and in my honest opinion, if we allow a man to be in the position of a woman, then what else are we going to allow into our unions of marriage? Bisexuality is condemned in the Bible, as man was created for woman, and woman created for man. Judgement is a harsh term to use; I think a better word is "admonishment." Admonishing a brother or sister for something that could lead them to future sin is not wrong to do.
I personally do not wish for my fiancée to ever use a strap-on or any other sort of device near my backside, as to me, that’s not comfortable in the slightest. I don’t see that as an area God ordained for sexual practices to be conducted, though I can see why some married couples can see it that way. God allows married couples to show their desire for one another in many ways, especially given the context of Solomon’s Song, but I think there are time when we allow Sin to creep in, leading us to things that (perhaps) God did not intend for us to engage in, such as “pegging.”
In conclusion, I don’t think this is “homophobia”; I think this was someone who went into the story thinking it was a different kind of story, and it left a bad taste in their mouth. Whilst I’m glad MH addressed this, I think this brings into question a lot of sexual practices in Christian marriages that Man has declared as right, when they are not deemed that way by God.
If God didn’t intend men to explore anal pleasure than why would he put the male g-spot in there and why are fingers just long enough to reach it 🤷🏼♂️
You're fully entitled to your own opinions on the matter, but frankly your argument against the practice is based entirely on your own subjective interpretation of what constitutes "sin" and "immorality".
You said that if a man "pleasures himself anally" then he "might desire it more". That's entirely speculative and not an argument at all. One could say the same thing about literally anything – if a man has sex with his wife then he MIGHT desire to have sex with OTHER women. Yeah, MAYBE. But that's not an argument for why a man shouldn't have sex with his wife. Nor is it an argument for why "pegging" is a sinful activity in the first place.
"A man should not be having urges to be used sexually as a woman, at least according to my understanding of the Scripture"
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What does that even mean? "a man… to be used sexually as a woman"? This is completely subjective based on your interpretation of what YOU think "pegging" means. Just because YOU think it means that a man wishes to be "used sexually as a woman" doesn't make it so.
"The Word tells us not to defile our beds with immorality, and in my honest opinion, if we allow a man to be in the position of a woman, then what else are we going to allow into our unions of marriage?"
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More pre-supposition and more "what-if's". You're presupposing that anal play for the husband is immoral BEFORE you apply the "do not defile the marriage bed" argument. If you're trying to demonstrate that "pegging" is immoral, you have to do that first. Then you presume again that "man in the position of a woman" is sinful, with no Biblical evidence. Then you presume that such an act MIGHT lead to OTHER sinful activities within the marriage. None of this is provides any argument for considering "pegging" to be immoral or sinful; it's all personal speculation.
"I don’t see that as an area God ordained for sexual practices to be conducted"
"I think there are time when we allow Sin to creep in, leading us to things that (perhaps) God did not intend for us to engage in, such as “pegging"
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Again, more personal speculation. You're using your own opinion on the matter to dictate what you define as "sinful". You can't say that something is sinful just because you "don't see how God could have ordained it that way". Again, you provide no Biblical evidence for your statement that "God did not intend for us to engage in… pegging".
"I think this brings into question a lot of sexual practices in Christian marriages that Man has declared as right, when they are not deemed that way by God."
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Once again, no Biblical evidence provided. You can't just say "these things are not deemed right by God" just because YOU don't think God has deemed them right.
I mean no disrespect, but I felt compelled to point out the numerous and consistent fallacies in your arguments. Every argument you made amounted to essentially you saying "I don't think God would condone this; therefore it's sinful", or "I think this sexual activity goes against what God intended", or "This kind of activity MIGHT lead to other sinful activity; therefore it's sinful". Additionally, every argument you tried to make is based upon your prior pre-supposition that "pegging" is sinful. If you're going to argue that it IS sinful, you FIRST have to prove that the Bible explicitly says so; and at no point in your comment did you provide Biblical evidence for this.
The fact is, there IS absolutely no Biblical evidence that God considers the act of "pegging" or any other anal activity sinful, so long as it takes place within the bounds of marriage between a consensual husband and wife. Obviously some people are not comfortable with it, but that doesn't make it a sinful act. You're foisting your own ill-conceived definitions of morality on people under the guise of "admonishment".
Again, no disrespect intended nor am I trying to convince you to do something you don't want to do. I just think your arguments need a little more thought.
A well-reasoned rebuttal. But to be fair, OceanicLover's choice of words make it clear he is offering only his opinion, not argument. His liberal use of "I think" and "my understanding of" make it unnecessary to critique his logic or to ask for Biblical references. This is just how he feels, what he believes, and he shared it appropriately.
God created Man with easy access to his prostate through his anus. Now the Bible says don't lay with a man as one lays with a woman, but beyond that there are very few examples of what is considered "sexual immorality," and those instances are covered in Leviticus 18. No act between a husband and his wife could be considered homosexual because it goes against the very definition. I find it hard to believe that an omniscient God could "intend" for a right way to have sex but not explicitly state it or forbid things that fall outside of it. As Ecclesiastes states, "there's nothing new under the sun," after all!
Lingre0nn, I thought your story was incredibly sexy. I don't personally find the idea of fellating or being penetrated by a realistic penis-like dildo to be arousing, but I can't judge you for enjoying such with (or focusing on) your wife. What I DO find incredibly sexy is the idea of you and your wife enjoying anal play and pegging. I'm a big proponent of prostate massage and hope that God sends me a wife who is as spirited, adventurous, and uninhibited as yours! May you two have many long years of kinky lovemaking ahead of you; I look forward to reading future stories.
Most modern translations interpret Hebrews 13:4 this way: "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral (NIV)."
This translation implies that the community of Believers should, together, hold marriage honorable and, in that honoring, the bed will be undefiled, but any Believer who engages in immoral sexuality or cheats on his spouse will be judged by God.
However, a look at the word usage and syntax of this verse in an interlinear reveals to my understanding that the above is a biased translation.
For one, it makes no sense that the community should have any impact on keeping the marriage bed undefiled because marital sex isn’t something the community can participate in as a community! Also, “pure” is an antonym of “defiled” and therefore it should not be used in translating this verse because the Greek word for “pure” (katharos G2513) was NOT chosen by the author. Therefore, the above translation is inaccurate and mis-leading.
Here is the Interlinear, leaving out all English suppositionals: “Honorable marriage in all and the marriage bed undefiled the sexually immoral for and adulterers will judge God.”
So, setting this verse up with an English syntax and using minimal suppositionals, we get: “Marriage [is] honorable in all and the marriage bed undefiled, for the sexually immoral and adulterers God will judge.”
Now, notice that the author carefully separated out “adulterers” (moichous, G3432) from “the sexual immoral” (pornous, G4205).
Get it?
ANY sexual activity between a husband and wife is moral exactly because they are married!
In other words, there is nothing sexual a married couple can do between themselves that will defile the marriage bed. However, sexual contact with any other human being who is not your spouse, whether it be through homosexuality or adultery, is a sin and God will judge those Believers who do such things.
I engage in anal play with my bride because we both love the intrinsic sensations of anal penetration and the naughty feelings of that come from using our mouth and tongue. In fact, one of my favorite things to do, after a good licking, is to insert my forefinger deep into my wife’s bud while using my thumb to penetrate her sex, all the while using my mouth on her clit. She will then finger-fuck my bud, hard, while fondling my cock and balls or will take my cock in her mouth and titillate it till I cum. All the while she’s squirting like crazy, soaking my face and beard and the bed! Ah! Such delights! Such emotions! Such connection!
Another way of looking at this scripture is to understand that your spouse is your outlet for your arousal, no matter what direction your sexuality takes you. However, that requires honesty and transparency and a willing attitude from both, born of guiltless love and appreciation, to please your spouse and be pleased by them.
So, if I may address the OP, I will say that I am glad your wife walked in on you because you previously felt ashamed of something in your sexuality that you masturbated to. That is false guilt.
Do you now understand that it is dangerous for you to think you should hide your so-called “homosexual” desires or activities from your wife, especially when your post revealed her to be open to you? Dangerous because it is in the thoughts that we hide from our spouse that we are led into temptations to sin.
By the way, I thoroughly enjoyed the descriptiveness in your post and will add that I have engaged similar play myself. But I always tell my wife about it, complete with a narrative of the thoughts that lead to the playtime.
For all, let me add this final thought: your spouse is your only legitimate sex life. So, free yourselves from false guilt and take full advantage of what God has sanctified and made holy through marriage, sex with your spouse.
And then, if you please, keep taking advantage of this 21st century technology and write about it so we can all be inspired!
Keep being good, MHers! It is after all what you were created to be!