Seeking to Meet Needs

I got to thinking about something recently and wanted to share my thought with everyone.

In 1 Corinthians 7:3 in the Message Bible it says this: “The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality–the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband.”

I thought about this and the word “seeking” stood out to me. And I wondered: Do we both (my wife and I) seek to satisfy each other’s sexual needs and feelings?

And that means actively seek a way to do it. And I remembered a few months ago when we were looking into getting new cell phones. My phone died, and hers was in the process of dying and we were determined to get new phones. We actively looked for reviews on the Internet and then we spent an entire Saturday at an AT&T store waiting for them to get it set up. Then we spent time seeking how to work the phone. We watched YouTube videos about it, read more reviews and spent most of a weekend playing around with them. We did that because we were seeking a way to learn how to work the new phones. We ignored everything else around us and focused on getting it figured out.

And we’ve both done that with other things such as: When the computer isn’t working, or the tv isn’t working or the camera or the internet. We get focused, and we seek a way to fix it. Even to the point of calling tech support if we have to or watching a YouTube video of it. We also get that focused if we lose something and we need to find it. Nothing else matters until we find it or get it to working right again.

The question is: Do we put that same intensity and focus into seeking ways to meet each others sexual needs?

Do we actively look for ways to meet each others needs and desires? Do we think about how to meet needs and read about and search for information on how to do it? Do we get determined and don’t give up until we are meeting that need? Whether that’s posting a how to question on the MH site or reading articles about it (I’m not saying to watch porn to discover how to do something sexual). But there are articles and books to read as well as the MH community to interact with.

So if I wanted my wife to give me a blowjob occasionally just for fun as well as when she is on her period, then she could seek ways to make that happen. She could get determined to get comfortable with it so that it is second nature. She could also learn to think about it when she is on her period, so I don’t have to ask for it every time. That might start with working through any concerns or fears she has about it, then researching whether it is healthy or not. And then it would mean she would get determined to perfect her technique with it, so that means a lot of practice. And she doesn’t  give up until she is comfortable with it.

And this could apply to anything. And I’m not just talking about wives. I’m talking to husbands here too. Both need to look actively for ways to meet each other’s needs and desires.

So if he wanted a blowjob more often and on her period, or if she wanted a massage, or if he wanted her to talk dirty more often, or if you both wanted the other to text sexual messages throughout the day, then you would each need to become determined to seek ways to meet each other’s needs.

That means look for ways to meet that need with the same intensity as you look for your keys when you can’t find them and you are running late for work.

It also occurs to me that it means we each also have to communicate what our needs are. If I never tell my wife that I want a blowjob, how is she going to know to seek to meet that need? So communication is necessary here.

It also occurs to me as I write this that Paul says in Ephesians 5 that marriage and sex within marriage is a picture of Christ and the church. So then the question is: Do we seek God with the same intensity as we seek to get the computer working or to find our lost keys? Then I’m reminded of Jeremiah 29:13: You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. (NIV)

Or again in the Message Bible: When you come looking for me you’ll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed.

And that’s the key: Wanting it more than anything else. That is what it means to seek God with all your heart. Or to seek anything for that matter. Like how to meet each other’s sexual needs. When my wife wants to meet my needs, and I want to meet her needs with all our heart, then we will. Just like when you seek God with all your heart you will find him.

And that’s why this is important. Because when we take a casual attitude about meeting each other’s needs (or about seeking God) and we don’t seek ways to meet that need with all our heart, then what that is saying is: “I don’t really want to. Other things are more important.” And that means our whole heart isn’t in the relationship (That realization hurts a little, I know. It did for me too).

So it isn’t just about wanting some sexual treat. It’s about putting our whole heart into the marriage and the marriage bed. When you both do that, then you will find both your needs met. Just like when we seek God with all our heart we will find him. But we have to seek God and try to meet each other’s needs with the same intensity as when we are looking for our lost keys.

That doesn’t mean check your Facebook and then play a few rounds of Words with Friends and then go watch a movie and at the end of the day say a short prayer before bed. That isn’t seeking God. Or, after all that, at the end of the day say, “Let’s just do a quickie then go to bed.” That isn’t seeking to meet each other’s sexual needs.

It means always thinking about it and not to make it another thing on a to-do list or a chore. But it should be fun to think of these things. It should be fun to think of God and ways to meet each other’s sexual needs throughout the day. If both aren’t fun, then find out why.

Because that indicates you have some misconception of what God and sex are all about. God and sex should be the highlights of every day. We need to have a passionate affair with God and our sex life.

When we both do both of those, then our needs will be met.