Marriage Heat Question: Wanting More
I’d like to start by saying that I’ve enjoyed reading the many sexy stories and wonderful advice that all of you openly share here on MH. You are all truly an inspiration for what a loving marriage could be. I haven’t introduced my wife to the site yet, but in due time. So now I’m coming to you hoping to get some advice on how to build on my marriage and relationship with my beautiful wife.
My wife and I have been happily married for 13 years now, have 2 great, young kids and a loving home. It’s not that we’re unhappy, that’s not the case, it’s just that our sex life seems to be forgotten at times and seems to be forced at times. We try to make time at least twice a week, but that seems so restricting to me at times, like if it’s not “sex” night it’s hard for me to initiate.
Believe me, when we do make love, have sex, fool around, or just fuck, it’s incredible. My wife and I are great together in bed, it’s just getting to those moments that is a challenge. When it’s done, it’s done until the next scheduled night.
We made the “sex” nights so we make sure we have time for that every week, but I want more. I’ve brought this up before but it never seems to come out right and never ends up where I want us to be. My wife is sexy, I love her eyes, the way her hair falls over her face, her full lips (blowjob lips), her tits and perfect nipples, her smooth swollen pussy and last but not least her ass. After the years our bodies have changed, but I want her more now than ever before.
I’m afraid to initiate. I’m afraid of rejection. I want to feel wanted by my wife. I have no problem taking charge or the lead but I need a signal or a sign or to know she wants me like I want her. I want to have a healthier love life with her, and I think she does too. I just need to find a way or find the words to say to help her open up a bit more. I love her, she’s given me a great life, home and family, I want to improve our intimacy.
I appreciate any advice you can offer. I plan to introduce my wife to MH by showing her this post and the wonderful comments by all its great members. Thank you all, I look forward to getting to know you all better in time and hope to share with you my journey with my wife.
Stay happy and horny,
CJ
By: you me
Hi CJ,
First, I would want my wife to know all that I am already grateful for her – and because of just how good she already is – that I want more of her! That I am not wanting to ‘fix’ her – I want more of the blessing that she already is.
Second, I would want her to have a greater awareness of my need for more sex with her in a 1st Corinthians 7:2-5 kind of way.
2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
This Scripture is not a threat – it is a blessing. To have our minds renewed with its truth – frees us to know that God made us to have “conjugal needs” that can ONLY be met by our covenant spouse. Whichever spouse needs more – the other is there for him or her. The dial moves towards the one who needs more.
Third, I would want affirm again and again that in light of Proverbs 5:15-18 – I want to only be satisfied by her cistern, well (pussy),
15 Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. 16 Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets? 17 Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you. 18 Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth,
Fourth, I would want her to know that I wanted only her boobs to bring me sexual delight in light of Proverbs 5:19,
19 a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.
I would tell her that I desire to be intoxicated more from her boobs (not less). It is God’s word that tells us this is to be intoxicating – and it is!!
Are these verses just a means to manipulate your wife for more sex? No – they demonstrate that this is how God made us to be. We are sexual and desire this kind of intoxication by God’s design – in the covenant bounds of marriage. She is the one for you and you are the one for her.
CJ, I would hope that all of this flows from a relationship that is centered on God in Christ – where your wife already knows and experiences the reality that you love and cherish her. That you both love and forgive one another regularly in response to Christ’s love and mercy in your lives by faith.
Fifth, I would want my wife to know that I dwell on every inch of her sexy body in a Song of Solomon way – and that her fruits and ‘sexual wetness’ are my regular desire.
Finally, I would want her to know that God changes us over time – sanctifying us by His Spirit. One of the great byproducts of this in many couples is that we come to desire more sex (not less) over time. This is certainly the testimony of my wife and I (28 years of marriage).
Our hunger for each other has grown. We would not be satisfied by our sexual quotient of 15 years ago. We usually have sex every other night (sometimes masturbating together – but still enjoying each other’s sex). We are grateful to God for the heights he has brought us to sexually. Our natural minds (certainly the unbelieving world’s perspective) would have thought that our sex would get less intense over time. Not so!!
We love each other. We love serving the Lord each day – as He is our portion. We are dumbfounded with delight that He has blessed us with the “whipped cream and cherries topping” of an exhilarating sex life together. We are rejoicing!
So, here’s to you, Mr. and Mrs. CJ: Keep diving in deeper to the joys of your sexual lives together! God is up to the task of making it sweet and meaningful. God bless you both!
All the best to Mr. and Mrs. CJ!
Lovinghusband’s comment is based on Scripture and excellent!
If I may speak freely, you are voicing some insecurities in a secure relationship. Facing the possibility of limited, temporary rejection can be a good, confidence-building experience for you. You may be helped by a “scaffold” for communicating your desire until your confidence builds. You could temporarily use a non-verbal or inanimate object as an agreed signal. Setting this up would require voicing both your love and the gentle side of your feelings for Mrs. CJ to understand what this symbol might be, and why you need it.
One couple used a decorative object that could be moved or turned to signal desire, and moved or turned another way to answer. Either marriage partner could use the signal, and the other answer within an agreed time. After your emotional intimacy and trust deepened, you could communicate more directly without this kind of signal. Understand that life is complicated, and love life, even within marriage can be less than easy. Expect temporary delays (Rejection is a more harsh term.) for many unexpected (often good, or at least benign) reasons.
Remember that this is more than manifestations of the flesh; the Spirit of the Lord is at work in you both for His everlasting purpose. Your sexual and spiritual fellowship and joy reflect the love between Christ and His bride, the church.
God bless you both together!
Well cj tell her annd show her, lots of marriages fail because of lack of communication be honest and be gentle I’m sure she feels the same way too maybe she’s also afraid of rejection anyway always know that you two love eachother and with God nothing is impossible
Communication, Honesty, prayer and love! God bless and stay horny!
Thanks for taking the time to offer up your advice. I never really considered myself to be insecure, but maybe I am. I know the daily stresses of life wear on my wife so I guess I’m waiting for her to let me know it’s OK to make a move before I do. I’m going to try to be more open with her, show her what I want and what I’m thinking. I know with my wife actions speak louder than words, but I’m going to tell her more often how she makes me feel, how great she looks and most importantly, how much I love her. Thanks again, I look forward to more comments if you are willing.
CJ
Honest confession here. There are three main reasons I don’t feel like having sex. In reverse order of likelihood, they are:
3) We’re in a routine rut. Time to stop defaulting to the usual moves, times and places.
2) We waited too long in the day and I’m so tired that as much as I wanted sex earlier in the day, now I want sleep more.
and 1) It’s going to take me too long to reach orgasm, if I get there at all.
3 and 2 are easier to deal with. Change things up and have sex when we’re not exhausted. It’s number 1 that is hard. If your wife reaches orgasm easily and quickly, well, I’m envious and the rest of this doesn’t apply.
If she doesn’t make it a decent portion of the time, consider what it’s like in her shoes. How often would you want sex if you knew reaching orgasm was only a 50/50 shot? Or less? It’s great to still have sex to please your spouse, but it doesn’t make you a purring sex kitten chomping at the bit to hop in the sack. This isn’t a slam on a husband’s bedroom skills. It just takes some women longer for many reasons. Some of those reasons can be helped. Adding spice wherever it’s needed: new skills, new risks, new toys or toys period, and probably very likely your wife taking time to figure out what she likes and being brave enough to ask for it. Whatever it is, if this it, I hope you both get there and enjoy the journey to it.
I think you nailed it on the head with numbers 2 and 3. My wife orgasms almost every single time we have sex. I’m more than happy and willing to get her there by oral sex and if this fails using a vibrator while we fuck. Routine is a killer, I know we need to switch things up a bit. We also need the kids to go to bed on time. Like I mentioned in a previous post, I need to be more assertive, take chances and show her what she means to me when we aren’t having sex. It’s going to take work, but it’s definitely worth the effort. I love her and she’s the sexiest women alive too me. I’m always open to learning new skills too, if it’s something she loves I’m more than happy to oblige.
Thanks again for your help and honesty, happy Friday, weekends here, everyone gets laid.