Horny Husband Needs Help

Greetings from a new member.  I have been viewing the site for a while, but this is my first post.

I would appreciate some advice on rekindling the romance (heat) in our marriage.  My dear wife and I have been married for many years and over those years we have enjoyed a rewarding and satisfying love/sex life.  However, the past 3-4 years have seen my wife’s interest in anything sexual dwindle to very near zero.

We used to both enjoy oral (giving and getting) as a prelude to making love.  My wife would reach climax during oral and again once or twice while making love.  About four years ago she told me that I didn’t have to go down on her anymore as she didn’t enjoy it??  Little by little the frequency of our lovemaking has dropped off to about once/month.  That is not often enough for me.

Ladies, is that typical for a woman in her upper 50’s?  Are there any solutions?  Any advice is appreciated.

Thank you.

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13 replies
  1. Michael Walken says:

    Hi Dan S. Maybe there are other issues? Have you had a really sit down talk with her? Ask her what’s the matter. Maybe make time for yourselves for an old fashioned date / night out. Is there a special place ( restaurant, shop, mall ) that SHE really likes/liked that you haven’t been to in awhile. Do you think she has talks with her Mom? a close friend? Maybe you can talk to them and ask “has Mrs S confessed something to you thatI should know about”
    Aside from that you have to feel if she’ll go to a therapist/ counselor with you…

  2. Happy 45 says:

    Dan,

    We are 70 years young and have had a brilliant sex life with a few troughs.
    Just one month ago I planned a three day lovers retreat at a five star golf club apartment.Stipulation was that apartment was not to be serviced to allow us to be reclusive.

    One week prior I sent 3 texts a day to my wife/lover telling to her to be prepared according to the instructions to be issued each day. Instructions included necessary dress and lingerie requirements, shoes, perfume etc. Her excitement and heat rose each day.

    As we departed from home she said she had many thoughts as to possible locations but no doubts as to the activities to be undertaken, based on the texts. The seaside location was less than 50miles away as I didn’t want to waste time on travel,

    On arrival, she was already bubbling (and very wet) and after seeing the apartment and surrounds and I was left in no doubt that although the weather was bleak, the stay would be hot.
    Our sex toys are limited, and after reading the many positives of the rabbit vibrator on MH, I made the purchase of one a priority as a special gift to my lover but unsure of her response. After first use there was no doubt I had scored a home run.
    In summary we spent most of our time in sexual entanglement and multiple orgasmic pleasures each day, that exceeded some of our previous best performances. The rabbit now named Jessica has become her pride and joy and has enabled her to reach higher climaxes than she has for a long time.
    I had also gathered a number of questionnaires of the web which dealt with all things sexual and sensual that we filled out alone but the shared on completion. The responses were almost identical so there is no reservation as to what pleasures we can still try or discover.
    The retreat included a beautiful photo shoot of my lover in limited lingerie blowing in the wind as she posed on the balcony overlooking the golf course greens. It did put a few golfers of their game.
    Hope this helps to overcome your horny feelings and you can re-ignite. Our problem is that now we have to set aside more time to fulfil our unified horny retreat. Communication is key.

  3. Dan S says:

    Gentlemen,
    Thanks for your thoughtful comments.

    We have had some discussions and she seems to consider herself and “old lady” with aches and pains and a matronly figure that she didn’t have 40 years ago. I have tried to convince her that I love her as she is and miss the pleasure of orally exploring her lady-places, but to no avail.

    I have tried gifts of chocolates and lingere (sp) but although she enjoys the chocolates, the sexy nighties are worn once and then lost in the closet somewhere. I have to admit this is the dear wife I took to Paris for our 15th anniversary and she packed a flannel nightgown!!!

    Oh well we burned up the sheets in our early days.

    Any other thoughts or comments are appreciated.

  4. Silver says:

    Have you considered taking her to this site and showing her that for an “old lady” she’s quite hot to you?

    It’s sad to think that she’s given up in this area of her life as it can be such a bond between a couple through the years. There are so many couples here whose wives are into their fifties too! Yes, she’s a mature woman, but that doesn’t mean that sex is any less enjoyable, it’s just a different kind of enjoyable. Sex isn’t only about physical appearance or sexy lingerie, but about a love connection between two people. Sex is also very good for you, even into your older age, it is good exercise, good for your heart, good for your mind. Now is the time to start trying some toys together, or figuring out what kind of kinky things you both like but have never actually done. Laugh together about it. Keep things light. Always keep things light. Don’t perform. Just have fun playing :). Maybe she has trouble getting to orgasm now. That is fine. Sex can still be fun, she just may need to figure out her own body as it changes too! Don’t pressure her about it, but also be honest with her. Let her know you want to continue being intimate with her because you love her. Find your own intimacy together, it doesn’t have to be the conventional lingerie and chocolates (although those are nice too) it can be whatever brings the two of you together to burn with passion and love.

    As a fellow woman, I will tell you that doing some communication, dates, romancing her mind (not just her body), flirting. Those are all things that go into having an intimate experience and a woman wanting sex. She may need to do a make over on her mindset in this area, but help her along with that by complimenting her on more than just her appearance, but the little quirks, remind her of hot times you’ve had in the past. Remembering fond stories are a great way to spark passion. She may be feeling more mature than the lingerie models in victoria’s secret, but let her know that you’re mature with her and want her and find her attractive where she is now. Lady Smitten and Smitten are a more mature couple on here and they have some great stories together.

    • Dan S says:

      Silver,
      Thank you for your thoughts and suggestions. I have thought about introducing her to this site, but quite honestly I think that she would view it as porno.

      I am trying to romance her and will continue.

      Thanks again.

  5. Happy in AZ says:

    As a woman in her mid fifties, I too had the same problem. My husband did some research and took me to a hormone specialist. Since receiving hormone pellets every quarter, I have my libido back! We’ve been married 32 years and are having the best sex of our lives! Just a thought, see if she’ll go to the doctor and have her hormone levels checked. It was a Godsend for us. Good luck…

  6. Eva says:

    Dan, I’m only in my 30s, so I can’t speak specifically about issues that a woman faces in her 50s. But I did think that the way she worded her refusal of oral sex was interesting…” she told me that I didn’t have to go down on her anymore.” You don’t “have to”? Like is it a chore for you to do that?

    I used to think that giving me oral sex was a nasty chore that my husband felt like he “had to” do. I couldn’t imagine that anyone would actually want to go down there and stick his face and mouth in all that nasty. I’d let him do it once in awhile because it really did feel good…but I always felt like he was doing something so gross, that it was hard for me to enjoy it. Mind you, he never said it was gross, never gave any hint that it was…it was just something I had stuck in my mind that I believed….despite evidence to the contrary.

    I can’t remember when or how this changed in our relationship. But at some point I started to realize that he actually really loves going down there…just like I truly love returning the favor. And me realizing that really and truly improved our sex life and my sex drive dramatically.

    So, I just thought I’d mention that as a possibility. We women can get some strange notions stuck in our heads sometimes!

    • Dan S says:

      Eva,
      Thanks for your comments. Enjoying the pleasure of exploring her “lady bits” orally has always been very enjoyable for me and until a few years ago for her too. I never saw it as something that I had to do. It was something that I wanted to do (I still do) because it brought pleasure to her and it was just plain fun exploring her loveliness.

      Over the years I have communicated to her how much I enjoy it and her.

      I think her sexual desire is just gone. That I hard for this red-blooded American male to understand.

  7. Wanted Always says:

    Just simple suggestions: Hormone check absolutely necessary. Can’t get her to go the go to website boysunderattack.com click virginity and the click drop down beyond boinking and read the entire section out load to here especially about sacred sex. Tell her the joining of your souls is encouraged in Thessalonians in the Bible and it’s a built in chemical thing in guys that God put there and you want to continue to share. Stopping is only to be done for a period of prayer. We will pray for you both.. God still is in control.
    Blessings on your marriage and sex life.

  8. SMT T says:

    You didn’t mention it, but has your wife had a hysterectomy? I was crushed after my hysterectomy – it was like everything quit working. No feeling, no feedback, nothing! I was convinced I had made the worst mistake of my life, even though we had found pre-cancerous cells. I just could not feel anything when we had sex. No libido, no enjoyment, no physical feeling at all. I cried and cried. After about 9 months I was so upset that I truly thought about moving into an extra bedroom. I just couldn’t handle the disappointment anymore – his or mine!
    I finally got the nerve to talk to my Doctor and was prescribed 200 mg natural compounded progesterone in a little mint flavored “candy”. I melt it under my tongue an hour before bedtime. In a month the libido was back, I was beginning to feel him enter me again and finally the orgasms were back. It is a little over a year post surgery and things are getting better and better. I was shocked to discover that your orgasms will feel much different after a hysterectomy. I truly thought I was broken forever those first several months! BUT the progesterone is helping and now we are discovering “new” ways of pleasuring each other after 37 years of marriage. A hysterectomy is a big change – I have had to relearn my body and have had to learn not to be shy about asking my sweet hubby to do things differently. He was just as confused and upset as I was. I hope this helps.

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