Scoring in the “Red Zone”

Although the title of this post is about scoring, this post isn’t about sex. It may lead to sex, though.

In case some of you haven’t realized, men and women are different. Aside from the obvious, any man who has been married for more than 10 minutes knows, the creature you are married to is different. Some will say they are wrong. Every once in a while, they are, but don’t tell them that. Very dangerous.

Men like to score. We’re competitive. When it comes to relationships, in order to score with a man, his lady needs to “Touchdown”. On the flip side, in order to “Touchdown” your lady, men, you have to score. Completely opposite of what we are used to.

A woman’s score board is different from ours. Theirs measures brownie points. The more brownie points you have, the better chance you have at getting to “Touchdown”. A man’s scoreboard sometimes consists of a bed post with notches. We are so simple.

I’ve been married three times. My first marriage was for 10 years and I was pretty much an idiot. My second marriage was for 9 ½ years and I still wasn’t the brightest bulb in the chandelier. I was a learner though. I am now married to my high school sweetheart and she gets to take advantage of everything I’ve learned over the past 20 years. She seems to enjoy it. Especially after being married to her ex for 18 years. Best I can say about him, he ain’t learnt nuttin’. Still a box of rocks.

Anyway, something I’ve learned from my past is how to score brownie points. We guys read the words “score” and “red zone” in the same sentence and pictures of football fields come racing to our minds. Wrong scoring and wrong red zone. This scoring is about earning brownie points on your wife’s scoreboard. This red zone is that scary time of the month when we like to hide under furniture.

I know we like to run for the hills when all that icky stuff starts. We feel like we can’t do anything to help, and if we do, it’s likely going to be wrong. Well, that’s where we are wrong. And that is the time we need to be right there beside our women.

These ladies have an entire baby factory inside them. They are only missing one ingredient. Every month, their factory cranks up expecting our little deposit. When the delivery isn’t made by the time the factory has cranked up, the factory has to shut back down. The entire assembly line that was built to start the baby making process has to be torn down and disposed of. Nothing can be reused.

So everything that we don’t like about that time of month, is actually our fault because we didn’t do our part to stop it and allow the factory to complete its mission. So instead of running for the hills or hiding under the furniture, we should be right there helping in any way we can.

My wife says that during that time of month, there are a few days that the cramps are really bad and she likes putting something heavy and warm on her lower abdomen. This, for some reason, helps with the cramps. (Those cramps are the biggest reason they are so hard to get along with. Try stubbing your toe every 30 seconds for 3 days straight and see how happy you are.)

Enough biology. I failed that class anyway. There are a couple things I’ve learned and actually enjoy doing during my wife’s period. Very simple and I think most women would agree that these things would feel so nice and would put a few tick marks on the scoreboard for their men.

One thing I like to do is while laying in bed, cuddle up beside my wife while she is lying on her back. I sleep on my right side so I cuddle up to her left side and raise my left leg so that my knee and upper calf is laying right across where she needs the pressure, with my foot laying between her legs. Just the weight of my leg is usually enough to help. If she needs a little more pressure, I place my left hand under my knee to spread out the warmth and add more weight.

That is nice, but my absolute favorite thing, I sometimes do even when it’s not that time of the month. I love to lie on my side between her legs with my head resting gently on her lower abdomen. Since I sleep on my right side, I pretty much wrap around her right leg with my arms and legs. If she needs even more pressure than that, I place my left hand under my head, usually inside the left leg hole of her panties so that it can’t slip out in the middle of the night.

I know that this isn’t what you expected. I would say I’m sorry, but I’m not. The important thing is getting closer to each other no matter what’s going on or what time of month it is. If you doubt what I’ve learned, ask your wife. She may like other things also. If so, please share. I don’t mind furthering my education.